I've Always Been Here
by Caught.you.looking
Summary: AU Bella has always lived in Forks.  She and Jake are a blissfully happy couple.  Enter Edward...  Adults only please.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:Now and in future chapters I own nothing.

Rating:M for later chapters, give it time.

Hello to everyone who decides to give my first story a try. You are awesome. I don't have a beta so I will do my best and try not to bore you all to death, I'm basically re-writing Bella's history and flipping the story around.

Bella never left Forks. Charlie raised her and she's always known Jake. She might seem a little OOC but that's mostly based on her familiarity with Forks. Let's see how that goes...

XXX

Have you ever loved someone so much, wanted someone so much that you wished you didn't? Have you ever questioned how sane you can be when your thoughts refuse to stray from one person? Have you ever desired someone so much that you wished you could disappear into them. Be with them forever, no matter how or what it might mean for your life?

I have.

BPOV

XXX

May 2005

Ugh, Monday. It was raining softly but determinedly on my home of Forks in Washington. Again. The dim light made the purple of my walls look washed out and grey. It would do pretty much the same thing to my skin. So what else was new? I swung my legs out of bed stretching out the shoulder I had apparently spent the night on top of. Only two more weeks of school; two more weeks of 6:35am wake up calls. I hated them with a passion.

Then summer would start and it would mean a couple of months of 6:45am wake up calls. I shouldn't complain, even to myself. My dad, Charlie Swan had gone far out of his way to help me get a job this summer. I was grateful. Jobs were few and far between in our very small town. I was lucky to have one at all. Being the police chief's daughter did have the occaisional perk. Like first refusal on summer jobs at the station. I would only be filing and organizing but it would be a change of scene.

Telling myself to be positive I got to my feet and dragged the bedding into a reasonable state. I stumbled down the stairs once I had washed and dressed in my favourite jeans to find a note from my father.

**Bella-**

**Covering a night shift this evening. Deputy Karl's wife had her baby, a girl. So don't worry about dinner if you want to make plans with Jake or something.**

**See you later**

**Dad**

Classic dad. He was the chief and as such he didn't really have to work the night shift anymore. But Andrew Karl was a hard worker and I suspected my dad would be working late a lot this week. He would want the man to have some time with his new baby. He really was just that kind of guy. Plus if anyone could understand a father wanting time with his daughter it was Charlie.

I rushed my breakfast and started to grab everything I would need today. I wasn't normally in such a hurry to get to school but I had a paper due that I wanted to tweak before class. I should have finished it last night but my boyfriend had come round and effectively distracted me. Very effectively. My insides shivered at the thought and I grabbed the jacket he had left behind on one of his visits. It smelled comfortingly of him and I pulled it tightly round me.

As fond as my dad was of Jacob Black, I knew that Charlie would quite happily castrate him if he ever discovered that Jake sometimes visited in the middle of the night. He'd be even angrier if he knew where Jake's hands had been last night. That was to say, everywhere. The shiver ran through me again and I left the house with a smile on my face. Nothing like catering to your hormones to put you in a better mood.

My truck was waiting for me, aiding my escape from the rain and I clambered in. It had been a sixteeth birthday present from Jake and Billy, his father. Dad had tried to top them by giving me a ring that had belonged to his mother. It was a close contest. The truck was more practical but less pretty. Thanks to Jake's skills I had never had any trouble with it. It ran as well as it had the day Billy had bought it. Still stable, still safe, still running loud enough to be heard in Seattle. My man was good with his hands in every way.

I started the engine and backed out of the driveway. I knew I looked strange in the cab. My truck looked way too big for a small girl to be driving it, but everyone was used to seeing the Beast now. When I'd first started my dad had gotten calls 'warning' him that his daughter was on the road in a bizarre looking vehicle. Jake had found it very funny. Charlie, less so.

I took the roads carefully, the heavy rain making me more cautious than usual but I had never been in an accident. I knew the route like the back of my hand. Only one more year to go. I couldn't wait to get out of Forks. It wasn't that I didn't love home. I did. I loved my town, it was beautiful and I loved my dad and my few friends. But I knew that there was a whole world out there and I felt like it was waiting for me. I wasn't planning on going far...yet. I wanted to be able to commute at the weekends so I could see Jake and Charlie. I couldn't just leave them here to cook for themselves.

Though, in all fairness, today should actually be an interesting one at Forks High School. We had new students starting today. The last new kid at school had been Mike Newton and that had been years ago. Mike was part of the furniture now. But new people, not just 'person' but 'people'. Well, the Pussy Posse (as Angela and I called them) would be on cloud nine. Oh God, Jessica Stanley was going to be so hyper.

I wondered if they were nervous; this unknown family. Charlie had told me a little, news had filtered to him through the usual channels. Official information, gossip from the hospital where the father, Carlisle, would be working, gossip from the realtor, gossip from the high school and gossip generally.

There were seven of them and all five of their children would be attending the high school. They were all adopted by Doctor Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme. Two of them had different last names. Hale. And they had recently purchased a house on the outskirts of town. The house had been in need of major renovation according to Charlie. It had been almost derelict, but the family hadn't minded. Now they were starting at school, with two weeks to go until summer. It seemed odd but maybe their old school had let out early or something. Not that I had given the matter much thought.

I supposed it would be easier to start a new school with siblings. Still, it was never fun being the oddities that everyone stared at. I knew something about that. I had about as much grace as Bambi on ice and as such I attracted some attention. Mostly people were used to it now though and I usually just got a chuckle at my expense. If someone nice was near me I got a hand up off the floor.

Maybe I could talk Angela into spending lunch in the library. We could grab something to eat and leave everyone else to take part in the circus. Okay, so maybe I wanted to see them, just a little but I didn't want to stare at them. I'd leave that to Lauren and Jessica and the rest of the Posse.

I steered my truck slowly into the lot. Almost no one else was here at this time so it was clear. There were four cars in the staff area but only three including my truck in the student lot. One of them belonged to Eric Yorkie one of my good friends, he sometimes came into school early to work, and there was a silver volvo I didn't recognise. I jumped out of my truck carefully and ran for the front doors, trying to avoid getting soaked. It didn't want to have to squirm my way through my morning classes in wet jeans.

I was giving thanks to God that I hadn't gone sprawling on my face as I dragged the door open. I had made it...almost. I caught my foot on the edge of the door as I stuggled to get inside...and I tripped. I saw the floor coming up to meet my face. My arms were full of books and I couldn't even put my hands out to break my fall.

I just had time to gasp and mentally brace myself for impact. Instead, white hands reached out of nowhere and gripped my forearms to steady me. The hands had appeared so fast; they were more of a shock than the fall would have been. It took me a moment to adjust to the fact that I wasn't on the floor. Then I looked up into a pair of golden eyes and was momentarily distracted by how unusual the colour was.

But soon I registered the face and the person attached. I was surprised that such a small girl could have supported my weight so easily, "Th-Thank you. I'm such a klutz." My face burned with embarassment. I'd be willing to bet that she didn't fall over her own feet. Her jeans put mine to shame and she was wearing a red silk top with black boots. Wow, if I spent a year working on it I could never pull that off.

The girl's face split into a truly beautiful grin. For a moment she didn't respond, her expression seemed suspended. Her eyes didn't seem focused on my face although she was looking right at me. It was though she was seeing something I wasn't, then she seemed to realise where she was, "Oh, it's no problem. I'm Alice. It's nice to meet you." She must be one of the new people. No one like this had ever been here before, even I would have noticed this girl. Her dark spiky hair bounced around her face and I realised she was almost jumping on her toes in excitement.

It occurred to me distantly that she hadn't met me. I hadn't technically introduced myself yet, but her clear enthusiasm made me smile. Even the embarassed blush on my face was fading, "My name's Bella Swan and I'm very pleased to meet you too. Are you a Cullen or a Hale?"

She looked delighted, "A Cullen. I take it you've all been expecting us then."

I nodded, the blush returning a little, "Yeah, not much goes on around here I'm afriad. You're pretty big news."

"Awesome," she said and clapped her hands, "I'd hate to think no-one noticed us."

I didn't think that would have been possible. The small girl in front of me was probably the most beautiful person I had ever seen. No, she definitely was. Her skin was perfect, her features delicate and elfin. She looked as though she had been carved from alabaster by someone very skilled with a chisel. Everytime her expression changed she looked like a different, equally beautiful statue. Though I had never seen a statue that could have compared to her.

But while this might have been unsettling, it was impossible not to be comforted by the light dancing in her eyes, "Oh, I'm sure you'll all be noticed and everything you do will be analysed for at least a month."

"A month?" Her beautiful face fell, "Well, maybe I'll have to do something to keep people interested." This girl was clearly the opposite of me then. I couldn't abide any attention. She moved to my side and we set off down the hall.

"Umm, I was just going to the library." I said and even I could hear the apology in my own voice. I didn't know why I felt the need to defend myself. It just seemed like this girl was something glamorous and exotic and that she would do more interesting things than me.

She linked her arm through mine as though she did it regularly, "Sounds fun, I haven't been there yet." For some reason I felt as though she did do it regularly; like walking down the hallway with her was perfectly normal.

She winked at me and irrarionationally I wanted to laugh and share her joke, "Did you come in early to get your schedule?"

She nodded, "Yeah, just to get our bearings you know." It seemed a reasonable answer but I got the feeling that there was more she could have said, "So, Bella what do you do for fun around here?"

"Ummmm..." oh yeah, great answer Bells. I felt another blush starting around my cheekbones. What could I say? Well, Alice, how do you feel about books? With pages and everything? "Well, there isn't a lot to do to be honest. We have to make our own fun."

Little Alice Cullen raised an eyebrow at me and grinned, the blush on my face deepened, "That's okay. I'm really good at that."

I grinned back at her automatically and then I was surprised anew by how easy she was to talk to, "What about the rest of your family, there's a few of them right? How are they with boring small towns?"

"Yes, there's a few of them and I'm sure we'll manage," her voice sounded like bells chiming, very softly. I was about to ask her about her family when she continued as though I had actually spoken, "Well, there's me of course. Then there's my brothers, Emmett and Edward. You'll spot them both. Emmett's the size of a mac truck and Edward has bronze hair. The Hale twins are Rosalie and Jasper. Both beautiful and both very blonde."

I nodded, committing everything she said to memory. Emmett, Edward, Jasper and Rosalie. And of course Alice. I wondered if they were all as friendly as her. I hoped so. I didn't have many close friends. I got on with everyone, I had no real enemies. I just kinda faded into the background. It didn't make me sad, at least not much as it was primarily by choice. I had a hard time bonding with people and I didn't fit into any of the school cliques.

My only two close friends were Angela and Eric, but then, they were great friends. Maybe it was a trade off. I could have lots of friends or good friends. I believed I had the better of the two. And of course I had Jacob Black. I had never felt like I needed anyone else. Maybe I could have Alice too? I would like that.

She was still bouncing as we got to the doors of the library, "Well, I'm sure you'll all be big news. You'll have dates coming out of your ears."

Alice smiled, but it was closed lipped now and she rolled her eyes, "Well, I'm afraid we wont be very interesting in that respect."

Well, that made some sense. No one as beautiful as Alice would be single for very long, "Is there a guy waiting for you back in...well wherever?" I knew it was Alaska but I didn't say so. I didn't want her to think all the locals were hopelessly nosy.

"Alaska," she said helpfully, "And no, no-one back in Alaska. I've been dating Jasper for...well a long time. We've always sort of known we were meant for each other."

That I could understand. I knew all about that. Sometimes you just knew. I had been friends with Jake my whole life. We had grown up in each other's houses and around each other's families. I had never dated anyone else, he was the one. We had fallen into our relationship easily and it was no harder than breathing, "Yeah, well that's good isn't it? Some people search for that for a long time." I pushed open one of the heavy double doors and Alice trotted in behind me.

She looked a little surprised and then ridiculously happy, "That's so great of you. Some people think it's weird. Us having the same adopted parents and all. Living in the same house."

I nodded, especially in small towns I guessed, "Well, I don't think it's weird."

She looked a little nervous, but the smile was still there, "I guess it seems weirder because Emmett and Rosalie have the same kind of relationship." She had an anxious look on her face, as though I might be about to tell her off. I wondered if people had done so before and somehow I doubted it. She seemed too...almost too perky to bring down.

I got the impression she didn't really care about other people's opinions. That was fair enough and not a bad way to live, I supposed. But she was still looking anxiously at me waiting for a response. Apparently she cared what I thought and I was ridiculously flattered.

But I was supposed to be having a reaction. I guessed that while it could seem strange; wasn't it just amazing luck? By the law of averages some sets of adopted siblings, somewhere in the world would probably be in love, "Well, I think your family might be upsetting statistics everywhere."

She laughed delightedly and the tinkling sound rang through the quiet library. I wondered where Eric was. Probably buried in the shelves somewhere searching for a random book. I walked over to the table and put down my bag, "Well, I guess I should go and find my family."

I nodded in agreement but was momentarily disappointed that she was leaving. Alice had really cheered me up the morning for me, "Of course, " I started to blush again, "I shouldn't have dragged you..."

Alice waved her hand,"Don't be silly. I've never made a new friend so quickly. I wanted to come with you."

Was I her friend? Oh yay, I hoped so, "Well, maybe I'll see you later?"

She nodded, "Are you busy after school? I'm sure I'll have homework. I could meet you here?"

She was asking me, but she didn't look like she needed to wait for my answer. She was nodding and there was a huge smile on her face. I didn't need to be home early. Charlie was working. It would be fun, and I really wanted to talk to Alice some more. So I nodded, "That would be great."

Alice was already half way to the door, "Yay, I'll see you about three."

I nodded happily but she had already bounced out of the door. Oops, maybe I should have thought that through. When I had a free evening I normally spent it with Jake. But then, I hadn't got any homework done last night because of my horny boyfriend. I would just have to make the sacrifice and work. If Alice was going to join me I suspected it would be fun.

I heard a shuffling behind me and Eric's head appeared from round the book case, "Hey Bells, did you say something?"

XXX

EPOV

Alice came bouncing over to us, giving very little thought to how fast she was moving. She was delighted. There were only a few people in the school and all of them were in hearing range...my hearing range that is. No one had noticed her. No one was thinking of her face specifically. She stopped in front of Jasper, slipping her hand into his and leant against the lockers. I automatically searched her head but it wasn't very coherent. I gathered that she had made a friend. "Already?"

She nodded, "Oh yes, but it's more than that."

Rosalie clucked her tongue, "I hate it when you guys do that, we all do and you know it."

Jasper had an amused smirk on his face. It didn't bother him. Alice would fill him in later, "Sorry, Alice has been making friends," I said to the others.

Jasper's smirk faded, "I thought we'd agreed not to do that. It can cause problems."

Alice was shaking her head, still looking thrilled, "Nope I checked." I searched her visions and she obligingly went though them slowly, "No problems visible."

She was with a girl with long brown hair and big brown eyes. The girl was laughing with Alice, struggling to get away while Alice painted her toe nails. They were in an unfamiliar room, old furnishings but comfortable. It was pleasantly familial. Then I saw Alice and the girl were shopping. She was forcing the girl...Bella, Isabella Swan...into something with lots of floaty layers. But even with Alice's co-operation the visions were spotty. The future sometimes looked that way when other decisions might intervene.

"Why so blotchy?"

Alice shrugged, "Not sure yet. But it doesn't seem to matter. Either way she's going to be my friend. Like, a real one." A real one? Which meant more than a shopping buddy which Alice had sometimes, it could help to blend in. That might not be a good thing. The closer we got to humans the more the risk that one would realise what we were different. I would have to monitor this 'new friend' closely.

Jasper looked down at her smiling sadly, "Don't go getting too attached. We'll only be here a few years." That was a sad truth of of lives. We couldn't stay anywhere for too long. We never changed.

Alice's face dropped, "I know, but it's just...I love her. I will love her. I already do I think. I really want to be her friend." Alice's thoughts were clear and I was surprised how much feeling there was. She knew that she was going to love this girl dearly, and so she was already on the road to doing so. I sighed mentally, it was a frequent debate in our family. How much choice did we have when we knew outcomes in advance?

"I know sweetheart. That's why I'm saying anything." Jasper was still concerned. He didn't want Alice to get hurt. I didn't want that either.

Emmett punched her on the shoulder and grinned. The force of the punch would have knocked a hole in the wall but Alice barely felt it, "Come on people, it's our first day. Do we have to be worrying already?"

Rosalie shook out her hair, "Nope. I'm not worried. It'll be fine. Alice says so." She was thinking that if there turned out to be danger we would have to leave. Rosalie would do so in a second for Alice. She was very easy to love.

She smirked at Alice who grinned again, "Thanks. At least someone has some faith in me."

Jasper immediately began to defend himself, but the corridors were starting to fill with students. I looked around at my family, "Well, here we go. Think 'human' everyone."

XXX

Well, this was nothing new. Absolutely nothing new. I had expected as much but it still depressed me more than it should. There were the popular kids, the jock kids, the smart kids, the invisible kids. The usual. The cliques were the same, maybe a little smaller but that was just due to a lack of students.

Half the student popluation had decided they were in love with one or the other of us. It was just a reaction to our newness. They would get over it. After all, I was the only single one and I was skilled at discouraging unwanted attention.

Emmett and Rosalie were staring into space, their hands joined beneath the table. Jasper was gritting his teeth. He sometimes got to be very uncomfortable when surrounded by humans. His thirst was firmly under control though. I could tell. He was just concentrating.

Alice, however, was scanning the lunch room and I knew she was looking for Bella Swan. I had been checking in with my siblings thoughts randomly all day, (something I swore I never did no matter how bored I was), and hers had been constantly returning to the brown-haired, brown-eyed girl. Her new best friend apparently.

Somewhat oddly, I had not been able to locate this girl's thoughts. I had assumed that after meeting Alice, and making plans to meet up with her again later, the her mind would have drifted to my sister. We were difficult to forget once you had met us. That was why we worked so hard to make people ignore us. So I was on the lookout, but if Bella Swan was thinking about Alice I didn't notice. It didn't concern me too much. Her mind was, as yet, unfamiliar. I would be able to locate her more easily once I'd met her.

I was more concerned than I was letting on. Alice was more excited than I had seen her in some time and although I knew she was careful, there really were risks. If this girl got suspicious we would have to leave. Again.

My attention swivelled across the room when I saw a pair of brown eyes mirrored in someone else's mind. Someone had seen Bella Swan. She was here. My eyes scanned the room and stopped when I found her. She was nearly at the front of the queue; waiting to pay for her lunch. Her hair was a different shade of brown that I had expected. It was a chocolate colour I found oddly pleasant.

I was alerted to change when Alice tensed and then she moved across the room, at a barely acceptable speed. I saw her approach the girl, Bella, as she walked towards the doors out of the cafeteria. She was saying hi, being asked about her first day, confirming plans for this afternoon.

I stared, what was she thinking? Nothing?

Her mind was a total blank, I couldn't read anything from her. Alice was coming back towards us now and I could hear that she was leaving plenty of active minds in her wake.

_One of the new kids...she's hot...was she really talking to Bella? Maybe I should clue her in...wonder if she's single...wonder which way she swings?...the blonde's hotter...wonder if she could introduce me to her brothers, any of them...talking to Swan? Gotta fix that..._

Most of the thoughts were childish, some were nasty, one or two of the minds were kind. That was a nice surprise. I had lived in towns where almost every thought had a malicious edge. It made reading people's minds really tiring. Especially teenagers.

None of these thoughts could really hold my interest though. I focused on Bella Swan again. Still, there was nothing coming from her mind. It was...frustrating. I waited for her to sit down, I wanted more time to focus. But she didn't. Bella looked straight over at my table and I felt my breath hitch.

There was something strange about her huge brown eyes. They seemed open. They were without guile or malice. I suddenly didn't know whether to look away or not, but then I realised she was looking for Alice.

Bella raised her hand in a wave which my sister returned. Then she and two other students, a boy and girl, left the room. Alice was sat comfortably again, beaming at Jasper. He took her hand and raised it to kiss her knuckles. Her expression changed as she took in the tension around his eyes. Her thoughts were worried and she was instantly scanning the future, looking for any problems that might be arising soon for her love. Nothing so far, but Alice would keep looking to be sure. I grew to wish she had been looking for mine. A little warning might have been useful.

XXX

I was already sat at the desk when she came through the door. I stared hard at her face, trying to understand; trying to force her mind to open. It was no good. She was inscrutable and I was so distracted by her blank mind that I almost didn't realise she was walking towards me. I instantly assessed her. She seemed normal. There had been a worrying number of girls running around dressed in a way I considered inappropriate. They thought very highly of themselves, but no one else seemed to. If this girl was to be Alice's friend I was glad she didn't belong in that category. If anything this girl was over dressed; her shape hidden beneath a bulky blue jacket

I wondered if she was going to introduce herself to me and try to flirt. I was curious to see what her expression would show; what her big brown eyes would show when she flirted. A lot of human girls did try to catch my interest, whatever type they were.

My thoughts were cut short. She put her bag down on the table next to my arm and slid the jacket off her. As she did so her hair swung around her face and I almost snarled out loud. Something delicous, something with a scent so intoxicating it was almost blurring my vision...I wanted it. It was as strong as though I had been hit in the face with it.

The venom welled almost choking me and every muscle in my body tensed in anticipation. No one would have seen me move, as a predator my prey doesn't see me coming. Maybe I should just spirit her out of here. I could deal with the consequences later. That scent...I had to have it now. It was mine. MINE.

But...as I inhaled there was something else and my eyes snapped into focus. It was so unpleasant that the red that had been clouding my vision receded, not completely. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But recede it did and I was able to think, a little. Hazard. Maybe danger.

That was impossible, other than the danger she posed to herself, smelling the way she did and sitting next to a vampire. There could be no danger in her. But the scent I had noticed was familiar and it took me a second to place it; dazed as I was by the venom flooding my mouth. Quiluetes. Wolves. Suddenly I made the connection and continued to stare at the girl. Twice in as many minutes she had managed to shock the hell out of me. That made three times today.

She was getting her book out of her bag as she sat down, searching for something else. What? A pen, her phone? I had no idea. I still couldn't get a read on her.

How could this young girl smell so strongly of the Quiluete wolves? It made no sense. We had been sure the gene had died out since we had last been here. That couldn't be the case if this scent was so strong. And this girl was clearly not a member of the tribe. Why would the scent be on her? It was everywhere, all over her...and it hit me. The scent was all over her. It wasn't her scent. Her boyfriend? It would have to be. The awful smell was literally coating every inch of her skin. Every inch.

The tension was back. It seemed wrong, almost grotesque. The smell coming from this girl was the purest, most delicious thing I had ever experienced. Yet it was marred and obscured by this disgusting smell of wet dog. I shuddered and an over-riding sense of relief came through all the other feelings.

Why was I sorry? My brain was functioning more clearly now. I could still smell her and I could force my senses past the smell of the wolves if I wanted to. I didn't want to. Instead I concentrated on how little appeal the overlying scent had.

My thought process had only taken a few seconds, but I had been staring intently at the now perplexed Bella Swan the whole time. She was looking at me uncertainly. Apparently I was to be her lab partner. She was last in the alphabet in this class and as such she had not had a partner all year. This much I read from the teacher. I wondered how she felt about having one now? Was she worried I would be dead weight? Or was she not the academic type, maybe she was worried I would nag her to work?

I realised that my staring was making her intensely uncomfortable, she stumbled as she made to get onto her chair and I automatically reached out to steady her. I pulled my hand back as soon as I realised what I was doing, then momentarily panicked as I knew I had probably moved too fast. Bella Swan had a small frown on her face; but I couldn't tell if she had noticed anything strange. Colour was rising fast in her cheeks. She was blushing...but why?

I forced myself to blink and tried to re-arrange my face, God knows what emotions she had seen flash through my eyes. Was she afraid of me? She didn't look afraid. But I suposed that didn't mean she wasn't. The annoyance hit me afresh. Why couldn't I read her mind? I had never come across anything like this before. I was tempted to keep staring at her, but now she turned her face to me and met my eyes with defiance.

I wondered why she was feeling that emotion and was infuriated that I didn't know, "Hello," I said, "I'm Edward Cullen. I'm new here." I didn't want her to be afraid of me. Normally I wouldn't have minded. After all, if people were scared to be around you they kept their distance.

My voice didn't shake and I was proud of it. I was only breathing through my mouth at the moment. Wet dog smell or not, I wasn't sure I could handle the raw scent of her. My throat burned, more than it had in years, but I was pretty sure I could stand it. I hoped to God I could. I thought of my family, and of my father Carlisle. If I messed up in this classroom I would not be the only one to suffer. That mattered. Wet dog, wet dog, wet dog.

Clearly the sanity of my statement had surprised her. I realised she had felt intimidated by my staring and the defiant look was a form of defence. Maybe now she was wondering if she had been mistaken. Maybe she was wondering if I'd been thinking of something else. Maybe she was wondering what to have for dinner. I had no idea, "Yes, I know. I'm Bella, it's nice to meet you."

Clearly this girl's parents had believed in teaching manners. My crazy staring not with-standing she was being very polite. I found myself waiting to hear what she was going to say next. Her words were my only clue as to what might be going on in her head.

This was information I desperately wanted for some unkown reason, maybe it was simple. Maybe I wanted to hear her voice because I couldn't hear her mind. Then it dawned on me that she had replied to my greeting; it was my turn to speak, "Does it always rain here?" I asked her, trying for a bored teenage-type tone. I knew it always rained here. That was the reason we were back in Forks after so many years.

Bella nodded with a smile, a smile that changed her face. She looked suddenly both younger and older, "Oh yes. You get used to it though. I've forgotten how to function in sunlight."

I wanted to laugh. She was funny. A metaphorical vampire right next to a literal one; how ironic, "Well, it's nothing new. I'm already used to it."

She frowned sympathetically and nodded, "From one sunless town to another?"

I nodded, using the conversation as an excuse to look at her. All I needed was one glimpse of her mind, "Yes, the last place we lived was just like this. Small, quiet and damp."

"Well, it's not so bad here. We even have shoes for church and school."

I wondered if I had offended her, maybe she thought I was insulting her town. Then I saw the twinkle in her eye and I realised she was making a joke. The humour in her face made me want to laugh along with her. I accidentally took a deep breath as I registered this fact and her scent hit me again. I hadn't meant to do it. Her clothes had been dampened by the rain and now her body was warming them up. The scent was cloying, almost moist in my mouth and it staggered me again. The strongest source of wolf was the jacket she had slipped off.

I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on breathing through my mouth. The buring was getting worse, could I really handle this? Should I just make an excuse and get the hell out of here? It might be the safest option. Not just for me, or for the intrepid Bella Swan but my whole family.

"Ed...Edward, are you okay? I was only..."

I opened my eyes to see a pale hand approaching my arm and I jerked upright in my seat. This small human girl couldn't touch me. She would feel how unnaturally hard my skin was, she might become frightened. She might even become suspicious, it had happened once or twice. Someone had guessed the truth. It forced us to disappear instantly and completely. If this girl got suspicious, how would I know? It was better not to take any chances.

"Yes, I'm alright," I said through clenched teeth and she withdrew her hand, "Sorry, just a headache."

She nodded but the small frown was back on her face. It created a smal crease in the centre of her forehead and I wanted to smooth it away. I wondered whether or not she believed me about the headache. Fortunately the lesson began at that moment and I got a small reprieve. If I didn't have to speak, I didn't have to breath at all. I could still feel her warmth next to me and I was tempted to just catch that scent one more time. I didn't allow myself to do so. I stared fixedly at the teacher and pointedly ignored Bella Swan for the rest of the lesson.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Well, no one has reviewed my story yet, but someone has added me as a favourite story. Yay. Thank you so much italiansky. Even if you're the only one who's reading I have another chapter.

XXX

BPOV

I had seen Alice sharing a table with her family at lunch and I could name them all from her descriptions. They all had the same pale beauty as Alice. Their skin was white, almost ghostly. They all seemed to share my new friend's rigidity but it couldn't obscure their almost ethereal good looks.

Rosalie, the blonde Hale had taken my breath away. I had seen far less beautiful women gracing the covers of up-market fashion catalogues. How had she not been snapped up by a modelling agency? Even sitting in a high school lunch room she was striking. As was the great big hulk of a man, man not boy, sitting beside her. His dark curly hair looked almost out of place. As though something soft and playful had been placed on top of a boulder. An attractive boulder, but a boulder none the less. That couldn't be anyone but Emmett Cullen.

The other blonde, Jasper, had his back to me. He seemed to be hunched over the table as though he might be reading something, but I couldn't see a book. I wasn't sure but it looked like he might have a stomach ache.

Then I had seen him and I could have sworn he was staring at me. I was too far away to be sure, but his eyes seemed to be fixed on me. He was as beautiful as Rosalie Hale, and I wouldn't have thought that was possible. He was leaner than the other two, but not thin, the grey shirt on his arms outlined them clearly. Just as I was realizing that this must be Edward, Alice had come bounding over, "Hi, Bella. So nice to see a familiar face. Who's this?"

Angela, who was standing beside me, blushed and held out her hand, "I'm Angela Weber, you must be Alice Cullen."

Alice had looked delighted, "Bella mentioned me?" she asked, but didn't let me answer, "Yes I'm Alice, it's nice to meet you."

I smiled at the surprised but pleased look on Angela's face. Even the shyest girl in the world couldn't resist Alice. I wondered if anyone could. Well at the moment I was coming pretty close to ignoring her. My eyes kept wanting to slip away from her and back to her brother. Edward. "So, what do you think Alice? Small enough for you?" I forced myself to listen to the question Angela was asking.

Alice shrugged and smiled mysteriously, "So far, so good. Are we still meeting later? Would you like to join us Angela?"

I nodded but Angela was shaking her head, "I have to get home tonight. I'm baby sitting. Sorry," she said.

Alice waved it off, "Another time. I'll see you later Bella."

She wandered back to her table throwing us a cheerful smile over her shoulder. My eyes followed her and then drifted back to her brother. Edward. He was still staring at me. Now I was almost sure of it and my stomach did something strange. I told myself to stop being ridiculous. One of the new students was staring at someone talking to his sister, he could just be curious. But the feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away. I didn't like it, it wasn't unfamiliar. It was a feeling I knew well but I had never felt it so strongly before. Never so randomly either. It was a feeling usually reserved for Jake.

I needed to get out of there, "Ang, library?"

My friend looked surprised but she nodded, "Sure," she said just as Eric came over to us. She pointed to the door and he nodded, his mouth full of apple.

I had glanced over at the table one more time. Everyone else was doing the same thing and it made me feel stupid. But I could swear Edward Cullen was still staring at me. I had waved to Alice to cover my glance and left the cafeteria.

Things had gotten even weirder in class. It hadn't occurred to me, but of course the only vacant seat in Biology was the one next to me. Edward Cullen would be joining our class. This meant that he would be sat next to me, almost every day.

That feeling again, that tightening in the pit of my stomach. Edward had seemed nice at first, once he stopped staring at me as though I was irritating him beyond all measure. He had introduced himself and talked to me. I could understand why he would become the focus of all the girls for a while. His eyes glowed with the same golden colour as Alice's and it stuck me as odd that they would have the same eye colour but not have any other similarity. Maybe they were blood siblings, adopted as a set. But other than the pale skin they had nothing else in common.

Except their beauty. Edward was indescribable. His hair wasn't styled but it didn't need it. The colour was very unusual and the little light there was in the room played over it, bringing out copper highlights. They didn't look like they were done in a salon. His cheekbones were high and sharp and they made his eyes look even more piercing. His lips were full and when he gave me a small smile, it was crooked. It made me want to smile back at him. I guessed that was another thing he and Alice had in common. He was the most beautiful male I had ever seen.

Just as I was starting to think that he was as nice to talk to as Alice, he had clammed up. His lips had pressed together in a tight line and he had mumbled some excuse about a headache. I had snuck glances at him all the way through class.

For some reason I couldn't fathom I was having difficulty keeping my eyes off him. His face stayed the same all through the lesson so it wasn't as though I was watching his changing expressions. He just...drew my eyes. I wanted to look at him, as though I was memorizing him.

I kept hoping that he would look at me again, maybe even ask me a question about the lesson. I would even take a random question; something about the school or the town. He didn't ask me anything. Edward didn't look at me for the rest of the class. When the bell rang he nodded in my direction. I think the gesture was meant for me and then he almost ran from the room.

XXX

I was setting my books out on the table when Alice came and joined me. I had managed to finish the essay due this morning just in time. I had literally pressed print as the first bell rang. Now I had a few bits and pieces that I needed to finish before the end of school. Alice bounced into the room and headed straight for me, "Hi Bella, it's good to see you. Did you have a good day? Mine was kinda boring."

I laughed, muffling the sound with the sleeve of Jake's coat. The librarian looked over but she smiled indulgently. Everyone was happier with the end of school near, plus no one else was here tonight. It wasn't like we could be disturbing anyone, "Hi Alice, it's good to see you too. My day was fine, normal. Why was yours boring? I would have thought the jackals would have found you by now." Was I teasing her? I was. I was teasing a girl I barely knew and I felt confident of her friendly response. Most people in Forks would attest that athough I was always polite, I was very rarely playful.

She looked delighted and she sank elegantly into the chair next to me, "Well, once everyone found out about our romantic unavailability Edward became the popular one."

That 'something' in my stomach tightened, but I ignored it. "Yeah, I met him today. He's in my biology class."

"Really?" said Alice.

I nodded, "Yep." I tried to make my voice sound calm.

I couldn't think of anything else to say but Alice's eyes were scanning me, "Is something wrong? Did he say something to you?"

I shook my head fixing a smile on my face, "No, he just asked me about the rain."

"The weather? He asked you about the weather?" Alice was incredulous.

I nodded, "Yeah, that was about it."

Alice's eyes seemed to glaze over; as though she was looking as something far away. But it was only for a second, "Well, um...Edward's moods can be a bit strange. He's shy."

Shy? He hadn't seemed shy. He had seemed a little rude maybe, but not shy. He had seemed gorgeous and charming, but not shy. Still, sometimes shy people, when they didn't know what to say, said nothing. I had learned that much from Angela. I shrugged it off, "Well, I don't really care. Maybe he'll be different tomorrow."

I tried to make my voice sound off-hand and I was pretty sure I had been successful until I looked at Alice and saw her eyebrow raised again, "What?"

"Nothing Bella. Really nothing. I just know that look."

I was momentarily confused at her expression and then I realised. She was on to me, "Oh Alice, don't be silly. I have a boyfriend." The blush I had been fighting was creeping over my face. There, you see Bella. You have a boyfriend. Remember him? You shouldn't be thinking about your friend's brother.

"You do?" She seemed more surprised than she ought to be.

I nodded, "I do. We've been together for...well a long time. His name is Jacob Black. We grew up together. Like you and Jasper."

Alice looked confused again, her eyes were drifting over the table as though the grain of the wood was fascinating, "Oh, I guess...I just didn't picture you with a boyfriend."

I was hurt, "Thanks very much." I knew I wasn't as beautiful as the Cullens or the Hale's but I didn't think I was that unattractive. Well, I wasn't hideous and Jake loved me.

"Oh Bella, no. I'm sorry. I didnt mean that. it's just that I'm usually really good at reading people and you don't seem the boyfriend type. I didn't mean to offend you." Her eyes widened in concern reading my reaction, "Plus, I was mentally seeing you with Edward. I didn't mean to offend you," she said again.

I chuckled, the idea of being with someone like Edward Cullen was enough to make me laugh. He was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. Though I couldn't deny it boosted my ego that his sister would suggest it. I decided to ignore the strange sensation in my stomach at her words. I should have had something more substantial for lunch. That was all it was. "You didn't offend me Alice, I promise. It's just that everyone around here knows about me and Jake. It's weird meeting someone who doesn't know that we've been joined at the hip since infancy."

I took the seat next to her. She still looked concerned about having hurt my feelings but I just plunged into the books in front of me.

We sat and chatted, I told her about Charlie, about Renee, and about Jake and Billy. I was surprised by how quickly I was plowing through the homework. Alice was a good study partner. She kept the conversation going at the right times and kept me focused at others.

I found myself telling her things about myself. Just little things, but she seemed so interested and she was so easy to talk to. I decided not to over think my strange connection with this girl, I would just enjoy it. When I checked my watch for the first and only time it was almost six o'clock.

"Wow, I really have to be getting home. Jake normally calls around seven."

Alice nodded, still as cheerful as ever, "Sure, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait, don't you need a ride home or something?" Surely Alice didn't think I would let her walk home? Forks was a pretty safe place to live but even so, we'd had three people go missing last year. We stayed safe by being careful.

"No I'm fine, Jasper's coming to pick me up soon." Ah, the benefits of a large family. Always someone to be your taxi. Particularly if you were dating them I guessed. I understood. Both Jake and Charlie had a pretty serious aversion to letting me go anywhere alone at night.

I started to gather up my books and pens, all of which seemed to have scattered quite widely since we'd started. It suddenly occured to me that Alice had been helping me with my outline but we hadn't gotten around to hers, "Sorry Alice, I've been a bit selfish with the studying here. Do you want to meet in the morning or tomorrow night and we could work on your stuff?"

She shook her head, her hair skimming over her shoudlers, "I haven't really got anything to do. The teachers don't want to assign us anything major so close to summer."

My mouth dropped open in shock, "But...but you didn't have to be here then."

"Yes, I know that Bella. I just wanted to hang out. Get to know you better," she was being honest, I could tell. She had just wanted to spend some girl-time with me.

This was new, and surprisingly pleasant, "Well, we could have done something else. You didn't have to spend the whole afternoon cooped up in here with me studying." It was this girl's first day at Forks High School and she wanted to study in the library so she could talk to me. I felt so flattered and the blush crept over my face again. Other than Angela and Eric, no one had bothered to try to get to know me in years.

Alice shrugged and bounced to her feet elegantly. I wondered if she ever just walked anywhere, "It was nothing Bella, it was nice to have a quiet place to hang out. My house is always so busy. Someone's always doing something."

I supposed that would be true. Four siblings must make for cramped living quarters. God there must be momumental fights over the bathroom. Charlie had built a second one under the stairs when I'd hit puberty. As open as he tried to be, finding boxes of tampons by the sink was a little too much for my father. "Well, okay. But next time we do something fun okay?"

Alice was already heading for the door, "Whatever you say, but Bells?"

"Yeah?"

"I did have fun." Alice danced out of the door with a wave and it swung shut behind her.

I was halfway to my car before I realised she had called me 'Bells'...and that she hadn't made a phone call to Jasper to ask for a ride. There was no sign of her or any other car in the parking lot when I got there however. Huh. That was weird.

XXX

I got home and headed straight upstairs. I had spent the day getting rained on and then drying off again. My clothes felt stiff and I felt dirty. Only my surprising affection for Alice had stopped me from going straight home after school and washing the day off me.

It had been more interesting than I had anticipated. I had acquired a new friend and that part thrilled me. But...my encounter with Edward Cullen had unsettled me. As I pulled my shirt over my head I saw his eyes. Their strange gold colour seemed to be right there in front of me. I unbuttoned by jeans and stepped out of them. I saw the way his lips quirked up into that smile. I had only seen it briefly, but I was finding it hard to deny that I would like to see it again.

I grabbed a towel from the cupboard and shivered. What was I doing? Oh yes, I knew what I was doing. I was standing in my bedroom naked thinking about Edward Cullen. That could not lead anywhere good.

I dragged myself into the bathroom, deciding that I wouldn't spend anymore time thinking about the new guy. It was too 'after-school-special' for words.

I stepped into the shower under the hot water and let it wash away any remnants of the day. I reached for my shower gel, definitely not thinking about Edward Cullen. But what was it about him that fascinated me? Why did he make my stomach do...whatever it was that it did?

Well, he was beautiful. It could be as simple as that. Maybe it was my turn. Maybe after years of escape I was finally going to be a victim to a mindless crush. I could live with that. I knew people who had a different one each week. I would get over it.

That didn't seem like enough. It wasn't just his looks. When he smiled the beauty of it had caught me off guard, that much was true. But it was the way he smiled. Like it wasn't something he did often. When he'd smiled at me, so warmly, I felt special. But then he'd frozen; it was like he hadn't realised who he was talking to, and I wasn't who he had expected.

I just felt drawn to him. In a similar way I felt drawn to Alice. Though not quite the same way obviously. I might as well admit it. My head knew he was odd, a little bit rude, and possibly had some sort of split personality.

But my body, well my body was saying something else. I was attracted to Edward Cullen. I groaned and leaned forward so my face was under the water.

XXX

EPOV

When Alice got home, I heard her slam the car door hard.

_Edward, we need to talk._

I guessed that Bella Swan had mentioned my strange reaction to her in class. Alice would not be pleased if she thought I was being rude to her new friend. I headed through the house to meet Alice in the foyer, "Look I'm sorry but you don't understand."

"Oh don't I? You want Bella, you want her blood," my sister's face was livid but I barely saw her.

I felt as though I had been hit in the stomach. Alice knew, and if she knew it meant that she had looked into the future. "Do I...do I take it? Is that what you've seen?"

Alice shook her head, "I don't know. You don't know yet. But I saw you..." Alice's voice trailed off and I saw me too. I was with Bella, it was dark. The air was dusty and I was behind a book shelf. Bella couldn't see me. I was bent double, one hand on my chest. I seemed to be in a lot of pain. I was trying to resist her, "Oh Edward, please don't hurt her. I care about her."

My voice was a whisper. I knew everyone else was listening and I didn't care, "Do I? Alice is that what happens?" I was suddenly desperate for her to use her gift. As a family we tried to minimize our intrusions on each other's lives. This time I didn't care.

The anger on her face had faded, she just looked sad, "I just don't know."

Rosalie stamped her foot, "Oh for God's sake what is going on?"

Alice sighed and looked up to the top of the stairs where Rosalie and Emmett stood, "Apparently Edward has an...unhealthy appreciation for my new friend." What a delicate way to put it.

Carlisle instantly looked concerned, "When you say 'appreciation'?" He sounded reluctant to believe the worst, but he knew what Alice meant. They all did. Esme was staring at me intently.

I groaned and turned to meet my father's eyes, "I have never smelled anything like her Carlisle. Her scent was...almost irresistible. It took everything in me not to attack her then and there."

Carlisle's concern blossomed instantly into worry, "But you didn't do anything to her, correct?" There he went again; always hoping for the best. Despite my current personal torment I was immensely grateful I wasn't about to let him down. I hadn't actually done anything after all. Not yet anyways. If I had actually harmed her I didn't know how I would have been able to face him; or any of them.

"No, I didn't do anything. But I wanted to. The smell of the wolves helped," it had helped more than I cared to admit. If it hadn't been for the sheer hideousness of it I wasn't sure what would have happened. What if there had been no wolves and I had been thirsty? I shuddered.

"The wolves?" I had finally said something shocking enough to get Emmett to join in, "You mean the Quiluetes? They're still around?"

"The shapeshifters you met last time? I thought they had died out. You mean they're still here?" Jasper asked. If we were discussing potential adversaries he would want to be in on the conversation.

Carlisle shrugged, "We didn't think that they did exist anymore. Apparently we were wrong?"

He looked at me with his eyebrows raised and I nodded, "It's the only thing that makes sense. The scent was strong and very fresh." And very all-encompassing.

I was getting frustrated now, I wanted to discuss what I needed to do to keep Bella alive. Alice looked like someone had switched on a light over her head, "That was the scent on Bella? The one that wasn't her but was just...well everywhere."

"Yes I think so," I said, "I'm guessing she has a boyfriend who's a member of the tribe."

If we hadn't been vampires we wouldn't have heard it, but Alice said, "Jake. Jacob Black." For some reason the words sent a frission of annoyance through me. I had accepted that she had a boyfriend but I didn't like the idea that he had a name. Until that point he wasn't a person, he was an unknown. A foul smelling unknown. A foul smelling unknown who corrupted her scent with his. I didn't like it. I just wasn't sure why.

Carlisle was shaking his head in confusion, "If the wolves are still in existence why were there no trails? There was no scent of them in the woods. If they still existed they would be patrolling, it's their way."

"I don't know, I just know that the scent was distinctive," I made a face, "It's not the kind of thing you forget or mistake is it?"

Emmett laughed, "Hell, no." Even Rosalie in her state of irritation looked amused.

Alice's eyes were doing the usual thousand-yard-stare that accompanied her visions and I looked too. She was looking for Bella's future. It had dark patches that worried the hell out of me. What would I have to do to get her from one bright spot to the other?

Alice was shaking her head, "None of the things I can see include Jake. It's weird but maybe it's just cause of..." her voice drifted off and she looked at me apologetically. I knew what she was thinking, maybe until I made my decision her future was too volatile. It could be that Bella wouldn't see him until an occasion after that choice was made.

Jasper however was concerned, I could tell, "Maybe the one Edward smelled is alone, or perhaps he is too young to have shifted yet." He was still concentrating on the military implications. Of course, it was his way.

Alice was beside him, a hand on his shoudler, "Jazz, if we were going to have any trouble with them, any time soon I would know. RIght? So stop worrying about it. We have more immediate problems anyway." Her eyes swivelled back to me.

Suddenly they were all looking at me, but no one seemed to know what to say. The wolf distraction had been almost pleasant. But now we were back to dealing with the first problem. My desire to kill and drink an seventeen year old girl. I stared around at the pairs of eyes watching me.

Rosalie was hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Emmet was relaxed, it figured. He was a simple creature; the epitome of Alice's advice to Jasper, he didn't worry until he had to. I envied him right now.

Jasper was still thinking about the wolves. He was wondering what the maximum size of a shape shifter's pack was. Alice was still trying to scan the future but it was murky. Too murky; worryingly murky.

Carlisle was just concerned, for me, for the family and for Bella Swan. He wanted an outcome that was good for everyone. I would like that too. Esme's thoughts were calmer. She would do whatever she had to do in order to keep her family together. If that meant moving on, so be it. She would do everything in her power to prevent us from being separated.

I couldn't be here right now, their thoughts were crowding in on me and I needed to get out. "I'll be back later." I needed to try and forget the scent. I could run as far as I needed to.

I hadn't walked two steps before I heard Alice's voice behind me, quiet but firm, "I don't think that's a good idea Edward."

She was seeing another future; one where I went out and went hunting. I drank until I couldn't drink anymore...and then I set off towards the Swan residence. Then Alice's vision went blank. There was nothing more to see. There was only one explanation either of us could think of. Alice couldn't know if I would kill her until I decided.

I wouldn't hurt her. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I was stronger than this and I refused to be weakened this way. This was my choice damn it. My choice not to murder an innocent. I looked at Alice again. She shook her head and showed me the same vision again.

God it was infuriating, but I knew it was true. If I was alone I wouldn't be able to help myself. I would want to go to the Swan residence. I would want to smell that girl again. Could she possibly smell as good as I remembered? Maybe I had just been caught off guard. Surely testing my own strength when I wasn't trapped in a room for an hour with her was better?

"Edward," Alice's voice broke into my rationalizing, "Stop this now. I can't see what will happen, but you going there is getting clearer. Why take the risk?"

Esme put her hand gently on my shoudler, I had been so caught up my thoughts I hadn't heard her approach, "Maybe she's right Edward. Why put yourself through this?"

"Because I can't escape her," I said through gritted teeth, "She goes to the school and sits next to me in a class. Plus Alice wants her to be her friend." For a moment I hated Bella Swan. I knew it was not rational but that didn't matter in my rage. This young woman was on course to ruin my life and...well it just wasn't fair. I had thought I was beyond expecting fairness from life but this seemed like too much.

"I would rather avoid her too than have her die," Alice said in a small voice, "She's...she's a good person. She is sweet and kind and there are too few people like that."

I felt the guilt again, strong and fresh. Why was I so drawn to her blood? Alice was a good judge of character so I trusted her opinion of Bella Swan. She clearly didn't deserve to be prey to a vampire with no self-control. I had to control this. I had never taken the life of an innocent before.

That was not who I wanted to be. That was not who I was. Rosalie let out a frustrated sigh, "Are we going to have to move? Just tell me now and I wont finish unpacking everthing else."

The rest of us had already unpacked, she just procrastinated every task. Carlisle was looking at me questioningly, "Well, Edward? Only you can really answer that one for us?"

He was asking me if I could handle this. If I could not kill Bella Swan. I didn't know the answer to that question. I wanted to answer that I could. That I would never do something like that to an innocent girl. Part of me believed it. It was simple, I would just...not. But what if I lost control?

"Edward, you don't need to put yourself through this. We can just go. We'll say it wasn't a good fit and we'll disappear. We've all needed it for one reason of another," Esme's voice was soothing but her eyes rested on Rosalie's pout for a second and she looked disapproving. She looked very maternal actually. She was subtly reminding Rosalie that she had once done things which has necessitated quick moves on our part; things she had enjoyed.

Rosalie's face cleared a little and Emmett clasped her hand with a grin, "Of course. Needs must right?" I looked at the faces of my family. They all looked disappointed, to one degree or another, but they all looked resigned. They would leave without a complaint if I needed them to. Well, Rosalie might complain a little but I would buy her a new toy for her workshop and she would forgive me.

But did I want to do that? Should I allow myself and all our lives to be ruled by my base impulses? We had all chosen to spend our lives trying to be better. If I ran now wasn't I just catering to a side of myself I should be fighting? I had fought. I had distracted myself and I had sat in that hot, moist classroom for an hour.

I shook my head, "No, I will do this. I won't hurt her. I won't."

"She isn't suspicious or anything is she? I mean, you didn't growl at her did you?" Rosalie wouldn't put any act of stupidity past me. She should have been the older sibling.

"No, I didn't growl at her," I said sharply, "But I wouldn't know even if she was supicious."

"How's that?" Emmett looked puzzled.

"I can't hear her thoughts. I don't know why. She's a complete blank."

"Oh wonderful. Just perfect," Rosalie threw up her hands and sat down on the stairs.

Carlisle was intrigued though he was trying to hide it,"Well, that's unfortunate but it doesn't change anything at the moment.

Esme looked concerned, as did Jasper, but they were eclipsed by Alice, "Edward, is it really worth..."

"Alice, if it was hopeless you would know. Please have a little faith in me." If she did, maybe I would too.

She was instantly contrite, "Oh Edward, you know it's not that. I'm just worried; and a little biased."

"I know, you care for her." Alice nodded and I saw Bella Swan's eyes clearly in front of me. The looked at me defiantly, just as they had in class. I knew it was impossible, but I felt almost as though she was daring me to see her again. I could handle it. If Alice couldn't see, it meant the decision hadn't yet been made. All that mattered was that I made the right one when it came down to it.

I decided to do it then and there. I would not hurt Isabella Swan. I made the decision and I vowed to stick to it. I would believe in myself and I would not hurt her. A few hours later I asked Alice to look into the future again.

If I left the house that night I would go to the Swan house. When I did that the future went black. I couldn't help but feel that was a bad omen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, I keep getting alerts that tell me that people are adding this story to their 'favourite' list which is great. But will someone please review, even if you want to tell me I suck. Come on, I dare you. Someone has to be first. I promise to reply.**

BPOV

After I got out of the shower I spent some more time berating myself. I was technically an adult now after all and it was pathetic to let someone effect me this much. Particularly someone who had spoken no more than a hundred words to me. If that. I wriggled, still damp into a pair of sweats and a spaghetti strap top.

I needed to do something to take my mind off Edward Cullen. There was some school work I could be doing. I could put a load through the washer. I could do something other than flop onto my bed and try to understand what I had done to offend Edward. I must have done something. Maybe he'd found my joking with him offensive? If so he really must have no sense of humour, I hadn't been rude or anything. It would be an explanation though.

I was still obsessing ten minutes later when the doorbell rang. I glanced at the clock. It was a quarter after seven. I had told Alice I had to get home because my boyfriend usually called. It was true, but sometimes he just stopped by. It was a rare occasion that I wasn't at home in the evenings. When I wasn't it was usually because I was out with him.

Despite knowing all this, once I had gotten home, it had completely slipped my mind. I had been too busy obsessing over the new and according to the other girls 'oh-so-gorgeous' guy at school. Who was I kidding? He really was gorgeous. Still, that was no excuse to forget about the guy who was actually in my life.

Feeling horribly guilty I clambered off my bed and hurried downstairs to let Jake in. As I pulled open the door I couldn't help but smile at the familiar face waiting for me. It was dripping wet, "Let me in quick Bells, I'm soaked."

I stepped to the side and Jake hurried through the door shaking the rain from his clothes as he moved. His long hair was dripping wet and I couldn't help but laugh a little, "You look like a drowned rat." I knew I should try to sound more sympathetic, but with his clothes stuck to him and water running down his face it was too hard.

"Awww, thanks so much," he was grinning too and he darted forwards and grabbed me, pulling me into a hug.

"Jake! Jake let me go. I've only just got OUT of the shower."

He was rubbing his face on my hair, "Well, my girlfriend wasn't kind enough to bring me a towel. I'll have to make use of whatever's lying around I guess."

I was trying to sound stern but I was giggling too hard, "Jake, knock it off. I'll get you a damn towel." His eyes twinkled mischieviously for a second and then he dropped down to his knees. He was so tall now he was on a level with my shoulder even down there. He pushed his face between my breasts and sighed contentedly, "Oh, Jake for god's sake," I laughed, "I'm gonna have to change my clothes."

His voice was muffled but he didn't move, "Aha, you without clothes, phase one of my plan is complete." I felt him smile against my skin.

I lifted his chin from my chest and kissed him gently on the lips, "Hello and good evening to you too." He tried to grab me but I squirmed free, "I'll be back in a minute, and I'll bring a towel. You, wait here."

He sigh in a long-suffering kind of way and then he headed into the living room, "Yes, dear." I laughed again at his retreating back and headed back up the stairs to my room. I really was going to have to change.

It wouldn't have been a good idea to let Jake come up here with me. He wasn't too pushy but I knew he didn't understand my reticence. It wasn't as though he was going to sleep with me and never call me again. He adored me and I knew it. In his mind, if two people loved each other and planned to be together forever, there was no need to wait. Men.

Jake had always been crazy about me. Billy used to joke that when Jake had started talking it only sounded like 'Da-da'. He firmly believed 'Be-ba' had been his son's first word and that he had meant to say 'Bella'. It was likely this was true.

We had not spent more than two days out of each other's company by choice ever. The only exceptions had been when I had gone to visit my mother Renee in whichever state she was residing at the time. Jake was my other half, and my best friend in the world. But I knew that I wasn't ready to take that final step yet. It wasn't a question of confidence in our relationship. There were things on my side though; I had some time.

I had always made it a point to take things slowly with us. I had never dated anyone else and neither had he, but I had not started dating him properly until very recently. I hadn't thought it appropriate. Things had started to get a little weird between us in our early teens. The boundaries in our relationship had begun to blur and things had been confusing for us both.

In the end I had reluctantly turned to Charlie. I knew that I could ask my dad's opinion on anything. Even with things that made him uncomfortable, Charlie would fight through the hereditary blushes. He always managed to survive our talks one way or the other, we both did.

He had advised me to be patient if I could, that good things were worth waiting for. He had said that our ages made a differnce now, but eventually they wouldn't. In the future we would be able to be on a more even footing. He said that if I couldn't be patient he would appreciate it if I could limit myself to things that couldn't get me pregnant.

I had babbled about how I wasn't thinking that far ahead. He was jumping the gun etc. I knew I was too young. Jake was defintiely too young. He had mumbled something about not wanting to be naive, but he was glad to hear I was currently abstaining. Still, I had never been sure who had been more embarassed on that occasion. Or who had blushed the darkest shade of red. It had been a close one.

So I had been patient, Jake and I had shared our first kiss on his fouteenth birthday. I had been almost seventeen at the time so I had tried to make sure I hadn't crossed any lines. I didn't think I had. Things had only started to become more physical between us in the last six months or so and we had still been taking it slowly.

I had told Jake, flat out that I would not have sex with him until he was eighteen. It would mean breaking the law and I had been raised to abide by it. It was my decision as it would be me committing a felony once I was eighteen.

Jake had accepted it, grudingly but he had. The truth was though, I was glad of the excuse. It wasn't that I didn't love Jake or that I didn't want to be with him...and only him. It was just that it felt not quite right to me yet. I figured I had the right to make that kind of decision for myself. I would employ my excuse as long as I needed to and not feel at all guilty for the white lie.

Once I had dried off again, I went downstairs with a towel for Jake. He wasn't in the sitting room and I found him in the kitchen. He was bent over with his head in the fridge. He had the biggest appetite of anyone I had met. Charlie didn't mind though. We'd been eating out of each other's fridges for years, "Here you go, drippy."

He looked up and I tossed him the towel, he shifted on his feet and caught it on his head. "Thanks Bells," he said with a grin.

I marvelled, up until recently Jake had been almost as unsteady on his feet as I was. Maybe his ridiculous growth spurt, which had begun last year was over now. How unfair! I didn't think I would ever grow out of being a supreme klutz. And now he was just showing off. I waited until he was distracted by the fridge and crept up behind him. I tickled his ribs and he instantly straightened with a yelp,"Not fair. Not fair! Cruel and unusual punishment I shall report you to child services!"

We were both giggling and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He pulled me against him, "It's good to see you Jake."

"It's good to see you too Bella. It always is," he sounded pleased but surprised and I buried my face in his chest. I needed to remember to appreciate him more. I was always hearing the gossip at school; about how the girls were messed around by the boys they dated. I had been spared all that hurtful crap. How could I be anything but grateful? Jake kissed the top of my head, "Is everything okay? You seem weird." Jake has a way of cutting through the small talk.

I looked up and smiled, "Yes, I was just thinking about how lucky I am. But I actually had a good day." For the most part...

"You did? So, did I. Embry asked out one of the girls at school. She's a senior. Of course hilarity ensued. You?" I liked Embry Call, maybe even a little bit more than Quil. Not that I didn't like Quil Ateara, he was just getting over his dorky phase. Watching a young guy trying desperately to be cool and suave was tiring.

"I made a new friend," and I was pleased about it all over again. I thought of Alice, she was going to be fun. I just had a feeling.

"Really, you?" Jake's surprise was a less than flattering comment on my social skills. I was about to snap something sarcastic but I realised he was kidding. At least mostly.

"Yes, I did as a matter of fact. Her name's Alice Cullen, she's one of the new people."

Jake and I had discussed them before but I hadn't mentioned their name's before. A puzzled look crossed his face, "I know that name from somewhere."

"Really, any idea where?" Was there a famous Cullen among the family maybe? It was probably Rosalie, maybe she was a model after all.

Jake was still thinking but after a second he shook his head, "Nope, can't place it. I'm sure it'll come to me at some point."

I shrugged, "Kay, you eaten?"

He smiled, my favourite boyish smile, "I knew I was coming here."

I didn't say anything else, I just started assembling the ingredients for dinner with an exaggerated long-suffering sigh. I would make enough for Charlie's supper...and some for Jake to take home to Billy.

After we'd eaten, Jake and I lay curled on the couch together watching something boring on tv. His fingers were stroking my hair gently and I relaxed into the couch. This was how things were supposed to be. I was content here. There were no strange golden-eyed men to make me wonder what I had done to offend them.

I mentally shook myself. It was tacky to lie here in Jake's arms thinking about Edward Cullen. Why was a so obsessed with one hour spent in a class room anyway? It made no difference in the grand scheme of things. I just couldn't shake the way his face had closed. He had looked so...different. It was odd, I had almost felt nervous but I hadn't known why. It wasn't like this weird, staring person could do anything to me.

So why did I have the feeling he could; against all rational reason? I mentally slapped myself. Stop it. I needed to stop, let it go, move on. I snuggled back into Jake's arms and he planted a gentle kiss on the side of my neck, "Shall we go up to your room for a while?"

He knew Charlie wasn't due home until later. It was a rare opportunity. Emboldened by...well something. Guilt maybe, I just nodded. Jake looked very surprised but he didn't quesiton it. He might be an unusually kind guy but he was still a guy. Maybe distraction was a good way to go anyway.

XXX

I couldn't believe it. I had been so good. After I had gone upstairs with Jake last night I had managed to keep my mind off Edward for the rest of the evening.

Okay, so after Jake had left my mind might have drifted back to the colour of his eyes, but it only been for a second and I had stopped. I may have taken more time this morning picking out my white v-neck shirt to wear, but that was purely coincidence. It was nothing to do with anything. Apparently the gods of fate were punishing me anyway. Edward Cullen wasn't in school today.

I knew it shouldn't matter, that it should make no difference whatsoever. But the fact was, it did. I had wanted to see him again; to see if I had really been right about his eyes. Maybe the lights had caught them at an odd angle and I'd imagined it. Or at least exaggerated it.

Alice had come over to speak to me for a few minutes. She had introduced herself to Eric. He had been busy making one big sandwich from three but she got his attention of course. She looked like one of the nymphs you saw strutting down a catwalk. His mouth dropped open and I could almost read his mind. He was wondering if she was real. I smiled and clicked my teeth together. He got the message and then he snapped his mouth shut.

Alice wanted to throw a party. A kind of end-of school-come-meet-the-new-family thing. I wasn't a huge fan of large gatherings. It just meant more people to watch you fall on your face, but she looked so excited. I couldn't say anything to dampen her enthusiasm. I had nodded and smiled and tried to keep my eyes from drifting to the table. The table where all the others sat. Except for Edward.

I wondered why he wasn't in school. Alice didn't mention anything if she noticed. Was he sick? Had his headache got worse? Maybe he hadn't been faking. Alice had bid me goodbye, promising to call me that night so we could go over the party details. I had tried to nod eagerly but my mind was elsewhere. I hoped she got the idea.

She waved over her shoudler again and I saw eyes following her back across the room. Jasper Hale stretched an arm around the back of her chair as she sat and she gave him a glowing smile. Oh yes, she had been off the market for a long time. You could tell.

I didn't eat much for lunch. I was trying to pretend I wasn't upset about anything and keeping my disquiet from my two best friends wasn't easy. They'd known me for too long. I got up from the table and went to bus my tray. I couldn't be bothered to eat right now. I'd make something nice for Charlie for dinner.

Maybe a fresh fish pie? He'd like that. I bid Angela and Eric farewell as the bell rang and I headed to class berrating myself. I had to stop this. I pushed open the door and froze. Edward Cullen was sat there already. The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing a white shirt today as well. Then other concerns took over. Where had he been all day? Why was he here now? I didn't care. I was ridiculously pleased to see him. I didn't even care if he had another fake illness today.

His head turned slowly as the door swung shut behind me and I saw his lips part as though he was breathing out. He probably was; stupid Bella. I realised I wasn't moving and I tried to remember how to walk.

Oh, yes. One foot in front of the other. That was it. I approached the desk slowly trying to read his expression. It was calm, not exactly relaxed though. He looked as though he was trying to think through a maths problem in his head. When I put my bag down he smiled, "Bella," he said in greeting.

There was tightness in his voice but his tone was perfectly pleasant, "Edward," I replied. Where have you been? I wanted to demand but I restrained myself.

"How are you?" His voice was formal and I looked at him in surprise. The next second I gasped though I tried to hide it, "Is something wrong?" There was genuine concern in his eyes.

Yes there was. His eyes, which I had not exaggerated. They seemed to be almost glowing today. They weren't even golden anymore. They were gold, "Yes, no...Sorry, I'm fine."

He nodded slowly, looking at me with caution. He probably thought I was nuts, "Okay."

Well, two could play at that game. I had doubts about his stability too. Mood swings was an understatement and it had been torturing me since yesterday, "How's your headache?"

I could have sworn his lips twitched. It was like he had been going to smile and then he'd changed his mind, "Better thank you. I hear you're being drafted into the world of party planning."

How did he know that? Had he spoken to Alice since lunch? And if he had been here why hadn't he been in the cafeteria, "I guess so," was what I came up with. No need to scare him off with questions, "I don't know how much good I'll be at it. Parties aren't really my thing."

"Oh?" There was a question in his tone, "Not really mine either, but with Alice as a sister you get used to it."

When I laughed softly it was genuine, "I can believe it. I've only ever met small children with her level of enthusiasm."

He was smiling now too. It was the same smile I had seen yesterday, the crooked one that changed his face. I felt my heart beat speed up. His effect on me hadn't gotten any less since yesterday. "I know, isn't she great? Well, when she's not bugging you to death," he qualified.

We could agree on that much as least, I noticed the other students were starting to file into the classroom. I was irritated, I liked talking to this nice version of Edward, "Did you throw a lot of parties back in Alaska?"

He shrugged, "Not many. We lived a little out of the way."

I was surprised. If his father was a doctor wouldn't he need to be in commuting distance of a hospital? "Well, it'll be the biggest thing to hit Forks in a while." I wondered if Jake would want to accompany me. Of course he would. My stomach sank but I tried to ignore it. It was just the idea of these two men in as room together. It was alien; wrong.

Plus, a part of my mind I didn't want to analyse too closely didn't want Edward to know about Jake. Before I could think about how wrong that was, I realised the obvious truth. Edward was Alice's brother. He probably knew all about me. Or way more than I knew about him anyway. That was a disconcerting thought.

I looked up again and saw that Edward was watching me intently, a very slight frown on his face, "Is-is something wrong?" I asked.

"I was just wondering the same thing," he said softly.

I was confused by his answer, I hadn't said anything strange had I? Nope, didn't think so, "No, I'm fine. Just thinking about the party. Is it going to be a big thing?"

"If Alice is involved it'll be enormous I guarantee. She'll probably hire valet's for the night." His smile was indulgent and I realised how fond he was of Alice. For some reason it made my breath hitch. However oddly he'd behaved yesterday he'd gotten over it and how bad could someone who loved Alice Cullen be anyway?

Just what I needed, another reason to like him, just like the rest of the female student body, "You going to get yourself a date for the big event?"

As soon as I'd said it I wished I could call it back. Asking not-so-subtly about a guy's date plans was never good. It pretty much screamed 'unspoken attraction'. Maybe I should mention Jake just as subtly. Just so he knew I wasn't interested in him. I could do that, but I really didn't want to. Edward didn't seem phased by my question anyway, "I doubt it. I don't really...do that."

"Do what?" I asked, confused.

The crooked smile was back and he raised an eyebrow as he said, "The dating girls thing."

I was sure the shock registered clearly on my face that time. I couldn't believe that. How could someone like him not date? He must literally have to beat girls back with a stick. Unless...

It was like a light had been switched on over my head. It all made sense. A sickening, and too upsetting kind of sense. He didn't date 'girls'. No one this beautiful was ever on the right side, "Oh, I see," I said my voice quieter than I'd hoped. Mr Banner was coming into the class. I didn't have much longer to speak to Edward but I had a fatalistic urge to finish this now. I should be relieved, if he was gay he was no threat to my relationship with Jake. Why wasn't I relieved? "So, you're..." I didn't know how to phrase it. Edward was waiting, his gaze perfectly calm. He was clearly okay with it, I should be able to hide my disappointment, "You've into guys then?"

His eyes widened, but the rest of his face stayed the same, "Okay people, today we're going to be discussing..." Mr Banner started speaking before Edward could answer.

I dragged my eyes to the front of the class and tried to focus on the teacher. I couldn't sit here absorbed in Edward's gaze any longer. I wondered at his reaction, was he expecting me to be shocked? I wondered why Alice hadn't said anything, well maybe she didn't go around broadcasting her brother's sexuality. But then, she had said that she could see me with Edward. Something was amiss here.

I felt something nudge my elbow and I looked down to see a piece of paper. I grabbed it and read it under the desk.

_I am NOT gay. I don' t know what I said to give you the impression I was, but I'd like to correct it immediately._

Oh thank you God. I knew you couldn't have put him on this earth as an art form only. I was so pleased, and trying not to be obvious. But I couldn't help the smile that blossomed over my face.

But then again...Oops, the usual blush crept up my neck to my cheeks. Men were touchy about that sort of thing. Jake had once asked me about the girl's locker room and if we ever checked each other out. I knew he was only kidding but I'd turned it round and asked him the same thing. He'd sulked for half an hour.

I looked down at the note wondering what I should reply. I thought you were too gorgeous to be single and straight? Bad idea. Rephrase maybe?

_Sorry, most teenage guys I know do nothing but date. I didn't mean to offend you._

I pushed the note back across the desk and he quickly swept it under the table. He seemed to be taking care to avoid my skin. I wondered if he was going to close down again and stop speaking to me. The thought made my heart ache. I wished that it didn't. The note was back under my elbow.

_You didn't offend me. I just wanted to clarify._

There was nothing else written. He sure sounded like I'd offended him. Crap, how did that keep happening? I bit my lip. This was clearly a sign. Despite my increasing attraction to Edward Cullen, it was not meant to be. Well, obviously.

_Well, I'm sorry anyway._

I pushed the note back towards him and then stared pointedly ahead. I tried to look as though I wasn't hoping for a reply. I didn't get one.

XXX

EPOV

"It's fine Edward, I swear."

"Okay, thanks Alice. I appreciate it."

"Are you sure this is a good idea anyway? We could just..."

"Alice look, tell me what you see."

"But what if I'm wrong?"

I breathed a little easier. I was glad that Alice was only speaking to me on the phone and couldn't see my face. I had taken a gamble. Granted that I had absolutely decided not to hurt Bella. But I had decided that the other night and my future had still disappeared when I got to her house. How could I be so weak?

At least I wasn't being weak today according to Alice's visions. Plus, Bella apparently reeked of wet dog. That was a good thing...I guessed. I tried not to visualize the activities that had led up to the stench. It made me feel odd. It was not a pleasant feeling.

Alice had been subtly trying to run Bella to ground all day but had only managed to see her at lunch, it meant I had been out all day. I just had to be sure that she wasn't without the...protection she had had yesterday. It sounded terrible and I hated it but the stench of her boyfriend, Jacob Black was enormously helpful. It didn't make me feel any better about it being there in the first place. I was still trying to fight a sense of ownership I had no right to. How could a scent that called to me so strongly not be mine?

I pushed open the door of the classroom and went to sit in my allotted seat. I would wait here for the hurricane that was Bella Swan. I would have a few minutes. At least I had assumed that I would. I had just sat down after pushing the window next to my seat ajar. The breeze might help...a little.

But Bella apparently decided to come to class a little early today too. Her scent hit me and I wasn't prepared. But I still fought it. She caught me off guard with that delicious aroma and I didn't even flinch. I refused to do so.

I could smell the dog allright. It was fresh and pungent. Did she shower in his sweat or something? My musings stopped; she froze when she saw me. Had I really come across as so rude? Her face coloured and for a second I could have sworn she was actually pleased to see me. I was surprised. For as much time as I had spent thinking of her it hadn't occurred to me she might have been thinking of me.

Why would she? I had been rude and abrupt and combined with the natural shyness humans have of us...well I was surprised she decided to come to class at all. Yes, her eyes were hesitant and the richest shade of brown I had ever seen. The first time I had seen her, in the cafeteria I had noticed that.

Then any other observations I was making were blown out of the water by her scent. Now I concentrated on not breathing through my nose. Not for any reason. I tried to make my face as normal as possible when I greeted her. I wanted to erase any anxiety she might have about me. We had to blend in here. The burn in my throat was...well I was better not thinking about it too much. I had fed and fed last night. Alice and Jasper had come with me in the end. I should not be thirsty right now.

I concentrated on her face; looking at the paleness of her skin against her shirt. There was not a mark on it. I concentrated on sight and tried to ignore scent. We had joked about Alice, it was an easy topic for us both. I was pleased to see she was so attached to my sister on so short an aquiantance. It wasn't surprising. I did try to concentrate on the conversation, but every now and then her expression would change. Sometimes it was only for a second but every time it did I became distracted wondering what the hell she was thinking.

I did try again but whatever bubble she was inside, I couldn't join her. Her mind was closed to me. She was inscrutable. I had to fight a smile when she asked if I would be inviting a date to my sister's party. I saw myself standing beside one of the various 'popular' girls I had seen. They were very typical, one could find similar specimens in high schools all across America.

I didn't think this would be a polite way to put it, so I just tried to say that I didn't date. Somehow it must have come out wrong. She must have misunderstood me, because the next thing I knew she was asking me if I was gay!

She asked me at the worst possible moment too. The bombshell was dropped just as the teacher began speaking. Did she do that on purpose? I took a quick look at her face. There was no hint of amusement. She had been serious then.

Well, I could just explain the truth at the end of class. There was no harm in Bella thinking I was gay for an hour. I didn't mind. Except that I found that I did mind. I wasn't insulted. But I just didn't want Bella Swan thinking I was gay. It made me somehow anxious. I silently tore a piece of paper from inside my book and scribbled a note on it that read:-

_I am NOT gay. I don' t know what I said to give you the impression I was, but I'd like to correct it immediately._

I stuffed it under her elbow feeling about ten years old. I knew it was ridiculous but I couldn't let her think I was gay. I watched her as she read my note and saw her face break out in the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. On a human or a vampire.

Her eyes actually twinkled and she bit her lip to keep from laughing. She seemed...pleased. Again. Just like she had been pleased to see me earlier. Bella was pleased I wasn't gay. I was grinning in response without having consciously to do so. Bella hadn't noticed, she was writing something. A reply?

_Sorry, most teenage guys I know do nothing but date. I didn't mean to offend you._

Her face had turned more serious. How did that happen? Why wasn't she smiling anymore and why would she have offended me? What in God's name was going on in her head? This was so frustrating, I would have to take her words at face value.

_You didn't offend me. I just wanted to clarify._

There, that was polite and it told her she had nothing to worry about. I watched her slyly. I was horrified to see her face fall even further. Now what? I didn't want her looking this upset. I wanted to see her smiling. I wanted her to be happy.

_Well, I'm sorry anyway._

Apparently she was still sorry for something. I didn't understand that. I had just told her she didn't need to apologise. I sat, glancing at her occasionally, I half hoped she might look round at me, but she didn't. I had somehow managed to offend her and this time I didn't even know how I had done it.

I considering writing her another note; because it had worked out so well a minute ago. But I waited instead. I waited and took my chances to look at Bella. She didn't smile again for the rest of the lesson.

She started to scoop up her books the minute the bell rang. She seemed in such a hurry to get away from me and I knew I should let her. I should help her do just that. In fact I should seize all her books, throw them into the corridor and then laugh. If I did she might stop looking pleased that I'm not gay; and then sad two seconds later.

"Bella?" I said quietly. Then I was mortified. I had no idea what I was going to ask her.

She looked over at me in surprise, but her eyes widened when they met mine, "Yeah?"

My brain worked a lot harder than I've made it work in years to come up with something plausible quickly. "I was wondering if you might be free after school?" What? What in the hell was I doing? I needed to stop now. "I might need some help catching up." Yes Cullen that's what you need. You have several degrees in various fields. Yet you're asking this beautiful, delicious smelling, human girl to help you with high school homework. Impressive.

I was distracted from thoughts of my own stupidity as I watched the blush creep over her neck. She was getting to her feet about to answer, when she tripped, seemingly over air. This time there was nothing I could do. I either had to steady her or she would fall.

My hand flew out and gripped her elbow. As I touched her skin I felt something shoot up my arm. It was as though I had touched a live cable. The heat from her arm burned into my hand and my throat. I swallowed and continued to breath steadily through my mouth. I was going to conquer this.

I stared at her eyes, they were startled but the smile was back. The one I had been missing since I had passed her the offending note, "Thank you. You're the second Cullen to save me from a nasty fall in as many days."

"Alice," I said immediately and Bella nodded.

"It's how we met. I was about to go sprawling and she caught me in the nick of time." Bella looked as though she wanted me to share in the wonderful coincidences in life.

Yeah, right, "She does that sometimes."

"So, thanks for the saving," the blush was back. It looked adorable creeping up her cheeks. I wanted to put my hand against her cheek and see how hot her skin really was, "And yes, I can meet you in the library for a couple of hours this afternoon if you want."

I shook myself internally. I had to stop this, and now. If I didn't, something was going to happen. I wasn't sure what it would be, but I suspected it would not be good. I stared at Bella's eyes and I came to a conclusion. Bella Swan was attracted to me. I could have dealt with that. I had had to deal with similar situations in the past. But the truth hit me and I couldn't ignore it. Almost immediately I heard Alice's voice in my head.

_Edward? What are you doing? What's happening? Everything's shifting arou...Oh, I see. Oh. Oh crap. Oh for Christ's sake!_

I mentally thanked Alice for the thought. I knew where she was coming from. There was no way for this to work out well for everybody.

I wanted Bella Swan and not just for her blood. There was something about her that transfixed me. I didn't think it was even her closed mind, though that could be part of it. It was the pleasure she had caused in me. Seeing her happy had made me happy.

I should walk away now. I knew it.

"Is three o'clock okay?"

Bella nodded and smiled. Oh yeah, I was going to hell. The bad hell, the one reserved for Judas and people who talk on their cell phones at the movies.


	4. Chapter 4

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**Don't know why but the chapters are just flowing at the moment. Next one is already half written. Go me.**

BPOV

After gym I walked towards the library, my hair hanging wet down my back, my bag swung over my shoulder. I shouldn't be doing this, I should go and get in my truck and go home. Maybe once I got there I should call Jake. That would be the sensible thing to do.

I reached the door of the library and touched the door handle. Well, I had left 'sensible' about three exits back. Besides I wasn't crossing any lines. I was just helping one of the new people catch up. That was my story and I was sticking to it. I pulled open the door and stepped inside. The library was deserted. Even the librarian was nowhere to be seen.

I had a sudden sickening feeling in my stomach. Edward had probably forgotten that he was supposed to come and meet me. It would be arrogant to assume he didn't have better things to do than meet me here.

Yet this didn't quite ring true. Edward had asked me to meet him and help him with some schoolwork. But Alice had mentioned that the teachers weren't giving them anything major to work on. They had already completed their high school year and so they were just coasting. Getting used to the place etc.

The knot of tension in my belly grew to the point where it's ache was almost pleasureable. I was determined I wouldn't get my hopes up. There were a million reasons why Edward Cullen might want me to meet him in the library...probably. I just knew that it was unlikely to be school work.

I was considering other possible motivations when the door swung open. I almost felt my heart stop, he didn't really walk. His step was too smooth for that. His hair swung forward and he pushed it back with one hand. My mouth went dry. While I knew it was ridiculous I couldn't deny Edward's effect on me. At least, not right now. The ache in my belly grew more pronounced and even seemed to spread south. A warmth was building at the apex of my thighs, a warmth I normally had to cultivate.

Now I was sat looking at Edward Cullen as he walked towards me and I wanted to squirm in my seat. How embarassing, did I have no control over myself? "Hey," I said and I was pleased with how normal my voice sounded.

Edward's face broke into a smile, the crooked one that I was getting to like far too much. Then he suddenly stopped, his mouth dropped open and the smile froze, "You've changed. You...look different."

For one odd second I thought he was going to say something else. I glanced down. I was back in the clothes I had on before. My hair was drying slowly in the heat of the library, "I took a shower. That's all." Well, gym had been hard today, I noramlly waited till I got home. Tonight I had impulsively decided to shower as I hadn't wanted to look terrible when I saw Edward. Drowned rat beat out sweaty in my opinion.

I wasn't sure if Edward agreed. He managed to say, "Oh." His voice was very soft and his eyes were appraising me. He must have stood there for a full ten seconds. It actually seems like a long time when you're stood...or sat...in silence. Then Edward visibily shook himself, "Sorry, just...caught me off guard." He tore his eyes away from me as though it required genuine effort.

Edward had been heading towards me, but now he moved to sit opposite. His lips were pressed together in a thin line. He looked so mad. I wondered if maybe I would have been better going home. I had just really wanted to see him again; somewhere we could talk.

But now he looked so forbidding, "Edward, we don't have to do this now. I mean-if you have somehwere to be."

Edward looked surprised and then he took a slow breath in through his now open lips, "No, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something else." A smile appeared on his face but it wasn't the genuine one he had been wearing a minute ago. "Did you enjoy gym?"

Wow, small talk. "Erm...not really," I said honestly. Maybe I should lie about that. Didn't men prefer women who didn't need help walking down the street? Wait, wasn't I supposed to be uncaring about what Edward preferred?

Edward's expression switched to confusion and then light dawned, "I take it you have trouble with sports?" He looked sympathetic but I didn't think he was mocking me. I hoped not.

I nodded, "Yeah. That thing in class, with the falling? That's about as co-ordinated as I get." Sometimes I got a lot worse than that. I remembered the one time Jake had persuaded me to try roller-skating. I had fallen and broken my arm, but I had landed on Jake who had hit the ground hard. Face-first. Okay, okay, I'd knocked out two of his teeth. Fortunately they were only baby teeth.

Edward's crooked smile was back and I was pretty sure it was real, he was watching my face closely. I wondered what he was seeing there, "Well, hopefully next time there will be a Cullen nearby."

My stomach fluttered, I really hoped it was him. The hope was there before I could stop it. Oh well, I would feel guilty about it later. I remembered the moment he had steadied me in class. His hand had only touched me for a second but I could almost still feel it, "I'm used to it, someone's always hauling me to my feet."

"Your friends? Angela and Eric according to Alice?" He and Alice had discussed me then? What else had she said?

But I kept my face neutral and I nodded; automatically grinning at the thought of them. I had fibbed a little and told them I was heading home. I wanted to pretend I didn't know why I had lied but I did. I felt like I had something to hide, "And my dad, he's spent a lot of time picking me up off the floor."

"Your dad's the chief of police isn't he?" Edward seemed to be concentrating very hard on my face. As though he was looking for answers written there.

Then I realised, he knew about Charlie, well everyone did, "Yeah, that's right. He's awesome."

"He is?" Even though it was a question there was no trace of it in his tone.

I nodded fervently, "Yeah, he pretty much raised me by himself, and it can't have been easy." I looked down at the table and smiled fondly at the thought of my dad.

I looked up to see an answering smile on his face, like he was...joining in? Then his expression grew serious; sympathetic, "Your mom? She's not around anymore?"

I shook my head, "It's not like that. They split up when I was young, my mom left and took me with her. She's not a bad mom, but she's...well a free spitit. There was some argument but I came back here after a couple of months." There had been an argument alright. A very unpleasant legal one. I had only discovered that a few years ago.

I wondered if I was talking too much, and if he really wanted to know all this about me. Surely his life was a lot more interesting than mine. He seemed so self-contained for a young man of seventeen. He was so different from everyone else I knew here in Forks. He must have had some different experiences in Alaska. Edward was still looking thoughtful, "Do you see your mom often?"

I shrugged, "We stay in touch a lot, I see her whenever I can." I was eager to shift the focus onto him, "But tell me about you."

Edward looked surprised, "What would you like to know?" Everything, please.

"What was it like living in Alaska? Was it very different?" I was curious to know. It sounded foreign enough to be a little exotic.

It was Edward's turn to shrug, "Colder, very beautiful though. I prefer it here."

His gaze suddenly seemed warmer as though he wasn't talking about the landscape anymore. I felt my face heat up and cursed my blushes, "There's not actually a lot to do. Unless y-you like to hike." I cursed the tremor in my voice. It was so hard to concentrate on speaking when he was looking at me like that.

"Actually I do like to hike. We've already been out into the woods. There are some beautiful spots around here," his eyes didn't drop from mine as he spoke. I could almost feel his gaze on my skin.

The breathy tone to my voice was getting worse, "I don't really hike."

"Maybe you should take it up. I could show you some of the places we've found." What? Was he asking me on a date? It sounded like he definitely might be asking me on a date. But maybe not. I couldn't stop myself from drawing in a quick breath.

I should say no of course. I would say no, obviously. However easy going Jake was, dates with other guys crossed the line. I was pretty sure about that. So why couldn't I just say no; and then maybe tell him I had a boyfriend? That would do it. I just couldn't speak though.

I froze for a second and the expression on Edward's face closed. It brought to mind the first time that had happened in class, "Of course you don't have to come with us if you don't want to. I just thought if you came Alice wouldn't complain so much. She's quite taken with you." He smiled a little, "Plus if you fell we'd have a doctor with us."

Oh, he meant with his family. I determinedly kept the disappointment off my face. As great as I was sure the rest of them were, I would rather be alone in the woods with Edward. No, stop it Bella. You can't be alone in the woods with him. You can only go into the woods with Jake, that's the deal. "I'd probably just slow you all down trust me." If I didn't end up falling head first down a ravine in the process. That was more likely.

Edward finally blinked and looked down at the table, "So, what do you like to do Bella?"

I liked the way my name sounded on his lips. Like the word was an object he was caressing. I cleared my throat, "I'm not very interesting," my voice sounded a little sad even to me, "I like to read, I like music, and I like to hang out with my friends. I like to go driving in my truck. And...well that's it really." My voice trailed off and I realised he was staring intently at my face again. I had been about to mention my secret hobby. Only Jake knew about that one.

Edward frowned, "You don't sound boring to me, you enjoy literature and spending time with people you care about. But you were going to say something else."

"No," I said quickly. I was trying to ignore my new blush. Edward Cullen didn't think I was boring. "Nothing important." I didn't tell anyone about it, there was too much chance of it getting back to Charlie.

Edward's eyes suddenly became softer and I was caught. His gaze made my breath hitch in my throat, "Please Bella, I'd really like to know."

I didn't know why, but I wanted to confide in him. I felt like he was pulling me into his eyes; like I could deny him nothing. If he wanted to know, I would tell him. "Well, Charlie doesn't know and it's really important he doesn't find out. But I have a motorcycle."

I didn't need to say anymore, Edward's eyes darkened, "That's a dangerous hobby Bella." His tone was disapproving.

It piqued a little. This gorgeous creature was haunting my thoughts and tormenting my libido, and now he was telling me what to do, "I've been riding my bike for some time Edward. I'm not a speed freak or anything. I'm careful."

Edward still looked dissatisfied but he changed the subject. He asked about my mother. I told him about her various business ventures and her recent marriage to a bit-younger-than-her ball player. I asked him about his parents and he told me about his mother who was an interior designer. His affection for her shone through in his tone. I had noticed the same reaction when we'd talked about Alice. I wondered if he was as close to the rest of his family.

I had always wanted a sibling, but Charlie had remained steadfastly single so there was no hope there. Renee had, in her turn stayed-mostly-single, until Phil anyway.

We were discussing the party that Alice was planning when Edward suddenly swung his head to the door, "I..." his voice stopped and he looked at me, "I thought I heard someone coming."

"I didn't hear anything," I said confused. "Maybe it's the wind."

"Yeah," said Edward though he looked distracted, "Maybe. So, shall we have a look at the biology work?" The suddenness of the topic change startled me, "I mean, if you don't mind."

"Uh, no. Of course not," I reached for my bag and pulled out my text book and notes. Edward did the same then he handed me a pen. I took it, but I was still surprised. He had a pen in his hand too, he was looking down at the papers in front of him.

I was still startled by his sudden change in demeanour. He was staring so fixedly at his notes that I was going to have to ask him if something was wrong. I was about to do just that when I heard the door to the library swing open.

Jake walked in, he eyes scanned the room and he spotted me sat with Edward at the table. He smiled, though I thought maybe his expression was a little tight. I smiled back, but I was sure it was obviously false.

I was struck numb with horror at the thought of having to introduce Jake to Edward. It felt so...maybe not seedy, but close to it. I knew I was going to have no choice. Jake was walking towards us. I swallowed hard, "Hey, what are you doing here?"

Oh crap,way to sound welcoming Bella. But still, fair question, "Well, I stopped by your house and obviously you weren't there. I assumed you were at Angela's or Eric's but then I saw your truck in the lot. I'm on my bike." I gathered he meant his legal bike. The one without an engine.

That sounded perfectly reasonable. Why was I so irritated to see him? Oh yes, because I was trying to have an almost innocent converstion with Edward. As though he had read my mind Jake's eyes drifted over to the only other person in the room, "Oh, I'm sorry. Jake, this is Edward Cullen he's new here." Jake knew that of course, but I didn't need to make it obvious that we had been talking about them, "Edward, this is Jacob Black."

Edward stood up to shake Jake's hand, they both seemed to flinch at each other's touch. Jake's smile didn't drop though, "Hey Edward, I'm the boyfriend. I'm here to pick Bella up."

I was mortified. I was sure Jake was trying to stake out his territory. Why didn't he just drop his trousers and pee all over my ankles? Edward didn't seem phased though, "I'm the new biology partner. Bella's been helping me catch up. Don't want to be behind next year."

Edward indicated the books and notes on the table. Jake noticed and seemed somehow satisfied, "Well," he said putting his hand on my shoulder. Then he leant over and planted a kiss on my head, "Bella's great at that stuff." I fought an irrational urge to shake off Jake's hand. It wasn't an urge I was familiar with but I was very irritated right now. I knew I was more annoyed than I should be, but I had the right to be a little miffed. This was humiliating.

Edward nodded and started to gather his books together, "Yes, so I've gathered. I don't want to keep you both. We can do this some other time."

His side of the desk was clear, he swung his bag onto his shoulder, "Edward," I said, but I wasn't sure what was supposed to come next, "I...I know we didn't finish..."

"It's okay. Another time. Thanks though," Edward nodded to Jake, "It was nice to meet you."

"You too," Jake called to Edward's retreating back. Then he turned to me, "Hey Bells," he said and he wrapped his arms around me.

I was not in the mood to be snuggled, "Jake, that was really rude. We were working."

Jake was laughing, I was mad and he was laughing at me, "Relax Bells, guys have their own way of communicating. I wasn't really rude. I was just letting the new kid know what's what."

The new 'kid'? Edward was more than a year older than Jake. I refused to be sidetracked from my temper though, "Well, other guys can do what they want, but you can't, not when it concerns me. It's humiliating Jake."

He seemed to realised that I was serious and he became contrite. "I'm sorry Bells, I didn't really think about it that way. Forgive me?"

He grinned at me and held out his arms. I didn't want to let my temper go, I was still furious at him, but I knew it was irrational. Although I would have been irritated anyway I wouldn't have been this mad; if Jake had spoken to anyone else. And normally I couldn't resist the expression that was currently on Jake's face. I moved into his embrace. For the first time I was not comfortable there.

XXX

Jake followed me back to my house. I could have given him a ride and put the bike in the back but Jake never wanted to. He had saved up to get both his bikes perfect and they were his pride and joy. He wouldn't risk a scuff on the paintwork.

Tonight I was glad of his obsession with vehicular perfection. It gave me some alone time to silently fume in my front seat. I decided to let myself have a little sulk while I was alone. I knew I was being irrational, but I hated he had done what he had in front of Edward. I didn't want it to colour his opinion of me. I wanted to seem strong and independent, not weak and helpless. I wanted Edward to think well of me.

I sighed heavily, this was pathetic. It was also wrong on so many levels. I had Jake, a young man who loved me, who had always loved me. What was I doing? I couldn't encourage Edward. Why would I risk something so great?

But the thought of seeing Edward tomorrow made my heart leap in my chest. Whatever happened I would be able to sit next to him for one innocent hour tomorrow. I tried desperately to slow the pounding of my pulse. I was the worst person in the world. But I didn't know how to stop this feeling; how to make it go away.

I had always loved Jake, it was comfortable. We fit together so perfectly it seemed pre-ordained. He had always known how to make me smile. But now, I felt as though the rug had been pulled from under my feet. Nothing seemed to be in exactly the same place anymore. Everything in me was pulling towards this something new, something unbelievably exciting. Something I knew I couldn't have. It was agonizing to be pulled in two different directions by different parts of me.

I turned into the driveway carefully avoiding the post, trying to get my mood in hand. I could not take this confusion I was feeling out on Jake. He had been high-handed yes, but he had apologised sincerely. He had not been malicious just...Jake.

He bounded up to my truck door after he'd parked at the sidewalk and opened my door for me. "So what's for dinner Bells?"

I hopped down smiling indulgently, he always just took it for granted that I would cook. It was inevitable. My boyfriend, the guy who could strip and rebuild an engine, could burn water. On a good day. He had been known to cook by the glow of a small kitchen fire.

"I was thinking fish pie. Charlie's working late again tonight so I want something he can reheat."

Jake was grinning as he took my bag from my hand and we walked to the door. "Well, regular fish dishes are a must Bells. Where would our fathers be if they could not sample the fruits of their labour?"

I shrugged out from under his arm subtly as I opened the door and headed for the kitchen. Jake put our bags on the sofa and followed me dropping down into the kitchen chair. He was going to want to talk about our day, the prospect seemed exhausting. My day had been taken up thinking of Edward. I took a deep breath and buried my head in the fridge.

"So, Bells..." Jake began, but before he could get any further the phone began to ring.

I smiled as broadly as I could and held up a finger, "Hold that thought," Jake nodded and I picked up the handset, "Hello?"

"Bella? Hi it's Alice."

Of course it was Alice, I would recognise that voice anywhere. My smile softened on my face, was she never anything but cheerful? "Hey Alice, how's things?"

"Oh things are fine here. I was just calling to ask you the same thing really." There was a pause, "Just because I didn't get a chance to talk to you much today."

"I know, it's a shame we don't share any classes," at least I shared one with Edward, "But I was going to call you anyway. Party planners are us right."

She giggled, "Oh yes, I'm still trying decide on a colour scheme."

"You are aware you haven't actually set a date yet right?" A colour scheme? There were colour schemes at Alice's parties? Oh god, I was never going to fit in at one of these things. I glanced over at Jake about to give him a what-are-you-going-to-do grin. I was startled to see him frowning at me. He didn't look mad exactly, but I was instantly curious. What was his problem?

"Oh, I'm having it a week from Saturday, and everyone's invited." Wow, I had never seen the house the Cullen's had bought, but I hoped there was room for everyone. Not that in order to accomodate the high schools students you would need a stadium or anything. There weren't that many of us.

"Are you sending invitations?"

"Nope, I just spoke Lauren Mallory in Spanish and told her to spread the word. I asked Emmett to tell Tyler Crowley. If my intuition is correct, problem solved."

Well, Alice was certainly getting to grips with Forks High School quickly, "You're right, everyone will hear about it."

"So themes. Do you think blue and silver are festive Bella? Or maybe gold and cream? Maybe I could drop by and we could talk about it?" She sounded so enthusiastic that I almost said yes without thinking. Then my eyes slipped to Jake. His frown had deepened, but he was looking almost apologetic. What an odd combination.

"Ummm, I'm actually just making dinner. Jake's round tonight and I'm cooking for us all. How about tomorrow night after school? Maybe I could make dinner for you?" I would like to have Alice as a guest for the evening.

"Well...I'm on a special diet Bella so I wont be eating, but I'd still like to come over. I can talk food instead of eating it. What to serve for the party, what to serve it on, and how many people we need to serve it. You know, the basics. For everything."

I was getting the feeling that this may take a while but I laughed along with her. I deliberately ignored the eyes I felt burning into the back of my head, "Well, I'll do my best to be helpful. Bout five o'clock okay?"

"Ummm, better make it seven I have some stuff to do tomorrow. Is seven good?"

"Yeah, seven's fine. I'll see you tomorrow," maybe I would even invite them to sit with us at lunch tomorrow.

"Seeya Bells." She said merrily and hung up.

I put the phone back in its cradle and turned to face Jake, "Was that Alice Cullen?"

I nodded, "Yeah," he said nothing but continued to look at me seriously. I was really not in the mood for his dramatic side today. "What's wrong with you? You were glaring at me all the way through that call."

Jake sighed, "Bells, I'm not really supposed to talk about it. Council stuff. Let's just say that from what I hear the Cullen family is bad news. I knew I remembered the name when you mentioned it yesterdy. I asked my dad and he reminded me of some things."

I knew the significance of the council. I probably knew more about it than I should. Jake was very open with me considering I was a 'pale face'. It was made up of the elders of the tribe. Billy Black was the leader. Jake was next in line. What I didn't know was how it could possibly lead to Jake making faces when I was on the phone. What kind of problem could the tribe have with the Cullens? They only just arrived, "Jake, you're going to have to give me something more than that."

He shook his head and then he blushed, "Bella, it's really embarassing and I'm sure it's total crap."

"Well, then there's no harm in you telling me is there?" I reasoned.

Jake looked amused and quirked an eyebrow at me, "Logical Bells. But it's just...this isn't logical. It supersitious and illogical. You're gonna think I'm nuts."

"Jake, I've thought you were nuts for years." I softened the comment with a smile.

He blushed again and said reluctantly "Well, do you remember when we were kids, the times we camped over night with our dad's? The fishing trip, the last big one?" I knew when he meant. At the last one Jake had been nine and I was eleven. I was still just about young enough to be persuaded to live without a real bathroom for three days. Jake's sisters were older and wiser and stayed behind with Sue Clearwater. I nodded, "Well, we sat up late on the second night. Charlie and my dad were dozing in front of the fire and I was trying to scare you."

That was...vaguely familiar yes. We had been flat on our bellies roasting marshmallows on the open fire. Jake had whispered scary stories to me. "I think so. Origin stories about the Quiluetes yes?"

Jake nodded, "Do you remember the stories Bella? The ones about..." Jake broke off looking embarassed all over again, "The ones about the cold ones?"

The cold ones? I didn't remember the term. Had he really told me that story? It was possible, I didn't remember any particular legend. "I...I'm sorry Jake I don't rememebr the stories specifically, it was a long time ago. I just remember the night."

Jake's shoulder's slumped, "Great, I'm going to have to say it." Jake squirmed in his seat, "Cold ones are blood-drinkers and they are...enemies of our tribe."

Blood-drinkers? As in...creatures of the night? Nosferatu? The vampire? I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled from my chest. I actually remembered this story now. I didn't know why I hadn't recalled it immediately. It had scared the crap out of me when I'd first heard it. But I had been eleven at the time. I was a little older now. Something else occurred to me and I laughed a little harder, "Jake, wasn't that the same legend which involved the men in your tribe turning into big wolves? So they could fight the 'cold ones'?"

"Yes," he muttered sullenly. "Bella, come on you're killing me here." He had gotten to his feet and was pacing the kitchen, "I really wish you'd stop laughing, I know it sounds dumb, it just...well it matters to me I guess. Plus I got a really bad vibe from that Edward Cullen."

I was instantly internally furious, but outside I was laughing harder than ever, "Are you trying to make a link between the Cullen family and this legend of 'the cold ones'?" I made the air quotes with my fingers. How dare he judge Edward. Jake had met him once for all of a minute and then been rude. This wasn't in the normal realms of boyfriend's getting jealous, he was suggesting what? That Edward and his family weren't human? For God's sake. Then I wondered if maybe he wasn't jealous. Maybe I just knew he really did have something to be jealous about.

Jake suddenly looked less embarrassed and more pissed, "Bella, please stop laughing now. I know it's gonna sound weird but Cullen freaked me out. I'm serious, he just...the guy really stank."

"What?" I had never noticed anything of the kind. I hadn't really been close enough to him to smell anything distinct.

"It's in one of the stories Bella. How they smell to us; the tribe. They smell sickly sweet, absolutely foul. Edward Cullen smells like that." His face was stubborn, but he was staring at the floor.

Okay, enough. I wasn't going to stand here with my boyfriend and continue this insane conversation, "Jake, look I appreciate you concern. I really do. But I just...well come on, you've admitted that you don't really believe this stuff. So what's the problem? Anyway, think about what you're saying." Or rather what he wasn't saying. That he thought the Cullens were-I mentally stumbled over the word-vampires? It was ludicrous.

"I'm not saying I do believe exactly. I'm just saying that it's weird. My dad was really adamant about it. He told me I'm not even allowed to visit the hospital now." Wow, that was news. I had always known that Billy was a Quiluete through and through and very proud of his heritage. I had just not realised he was so very suspersitious. This was _scarily _superstitious.

"What makes your dad think that they're cold ones? Just because you say they smell bad. Which by the way is as you said, really weird. That's not a lot of evidence. A new family moves here and they're vampires? The mythical cold ones have arrived?" I was trying not to sound derisive but it was hard. Surely people didn't really have these kinds of conversations? Jake had to be kidding surely.

"Bella, according to my dad other blood drinkers have crossed our land before. According to the stories it's happened many times. That's what causes our men to change into wolves. But the Cullens' well they're different. They've been here before. They've lived here before. They had a treaty with the tribe when my great-grandfather was the chief."

I slumped down into the chair Jake had earlier vacated, "Okay, so now there are vampires, shape-shifting wolves and treaties. Enough Jake. Enough." This was getting beyond the ridiculous now.

"Bella, they're different, they feed off animals. They're not supposed to be dangerous. When they were here last time they agreed to stay off Quiluete lands and only feed from animals. In exchange we agreed to leave them alone and not reveal what they were."

"Well then, aren't you the little violater." My voice sounded snide and I hated it but this whole conversation was starting to make me strangely uncomfortable. It was probably just the sincerity in Jake's voice.

"Bella, you don't have to believe me. I've just said that I don't really believe myself. But I can't help but get a bad feeling. I just think there's no point in taking the risk."

"Jake, there is no risk. From what I've seen of the family they're really nice. You are not going to be able to convince me that Alice and Edward Cullen are related to Dracula or something. You were right. It's crazy." It was, surely he could see that.

"Bella, will you please stay away from them. Please for me?"

My heart tightened painfully. That was the question, or at least mostly. Leaving aside all this vampire crap, which was what it was. He was asking if I could stay away from the Cullens for the sake of my relationship? Stay away from them just because he loved me and it mattered to him and he was asking me to.

But in my head I knew it was staying away from Edward would be a real sacrifice. My heart was now pounding with a different and more intense pain. I couldn't promise to stay away from Edward...and Alice of course. I literally couldn't do it; couldn't force the words out of my mouth.

I didn't know what to say. I opted for passive aggressive attack. A kind of subtle righteousness that had served me well in the past, "Jake," I said quietly and oh so calmly, "Are you really going to try and tell me who I can and can't see? Doesn't that seem a little...obsessive to you? How long has it been since I made a new friend? I really like Alice."

"And Edward?" he asked and I knew I could win this. He might be telling the truth as far as he knew it. Maybe Billy had even been able to scare him a little. Jake had been raised on these myths after all. But there was a small part of him that was simply jealous as well.

"Jake, you sound like a typical jealous boyfriend."

"No, Bells, no. I'm serious about the smell, and I'm serious about my dad." I met his eyes stonily. He broke, "Okay, okay. When I saw you sat with him I kinda got jealous. Fine I admit it. I don't even know why. Eric's never bothered me despite his crush on you during freshman year."

"Awww Jake, that's crap and you know it." It was long standing joke between us. I didn't believe it. Eric had always liked Angela. I was sure of it. I always expected them to get together one day.

"Oh I'm serious Bells. If you'd checked his books I bet there would have been 'Mrs Bella Yorkie' written all over them."

And just like that the bad mood was broken. I managed to keep the conversation on more general lines as I cooked. Jake didn't bring up the subject again for which I was grateful. The whole 'cold ones' debate seemed surreal as I chopped mushrooms. I was finding it hard to believe Jake had actually brought it up. No wonder he had looked so embarrassed.

So the tribe's theory was that the Cullens were vampires huh? Well, that was...random. I could think of no better word.

XXX

EPOV

It took every ounce of strength I had to walk out of the library. There were so many other things I would rather do. I would like to grab the hand Jacob Black had put on Bella Swan and wrench it from his body. That would help with the black cloud of a mood I was currently under. I would have taken a lot of pleasure in stopping his ridiculous display.

At least I had heard him coming. If he had found us sat talking he would have been worse. I knew that much from his thoughts. He had been pretty angry to find Bella sat in the library with someone he didn't know. The only men he trusted anywhere near 'his Bella' were their father's and Eric Yorkie. I would have been quite pleased to tell him to get lost; that Bella could sit and talk with whomever she wanted. If he hadn't listened to my explanation I would have been happy to force him to get lost. It would have been easy.

Only the anxiety and embarassment on Bella's face stopped me. She didn't want this to happen. At least, I didn't think she did. She found Jacob's behaviour humiliating and I could understand why. He was behaving as though she was his property. So I forced my instincts to the back of my mind and I left. I heard them arguing. Bella was putting him in his place, she sounded angry.

I was glad. I didn't want to think of her as the kind of woman who would put up with that crap from her boyfriend. I had no reason to be concerned, she was angry alright. I wished I could see the colour rise into her cheeks as I knew it would. She would look beautiful when she was angry. I knew it. I could have looked through the boy's eyes but I didn't want to see her that way. Not through her boyfriend.

I wondered if her eyes would flash, or if they would darken further when she was angry. Then, suddenly the storm passed and she was forgiving him.

Ugh, why would she do that? Oh, yeah. I knew why. Because although she was attracted to me, and I knew she was, she had a boyfriend she loved. I didn't bother to deny anymore how it made me feel. I was probably overreacting but I was new to this. I had never experienced this kind of attraction in a personal way. I had been able to appreciate beauty, of course, but it had never really interested me. I admired the beauty of a landscape in much the same way. Now I was completely overwhelmed by the simple truth that I wanted this girl; this frail human girl I could kill with my little finger.

I had sat in the library with her for over an hour, her scent causing an agonising burning in my throat. The pain of that seemed much less compared with the pain in my chest now. My fascination with Bella was getting out of control. I should never have asked her to meet me, I should never have gone. And when I realised she had showered, I should have run. I had almost run, but then I hadn't run.

She had looked so pleased to see me. She was trying to hide a smile that was obvious anyway. She was glad to see me. How could I hurt her? I couldn't. I wouldn't. Alice would have seen if it was any different. I comforted myself with that thought. She wouldn't be able to resist checking on us this evening. She had been less than pleased to hear that I had made plans to meet Bella; she would be checking. The thought gave me confidence. I wouldn't hurt her. Alice loved her, she would stop me if there was any chance.

Bella asked me if I had somewhere else to be. I didn't know if anything could drag me from this room now. I wanted this opportunity. I had asked her to meet me here out of desperation. I wanted the chance to talk to her. It probably would have been wiser not to, I should leave her alone.

I just...couldn't. I still didn't sit next to her though. A little space between us couldn't hurt. There was no sense in taking risks for the sake of it.

I was initially concerned but it vanished as she started speaking. Her words were as interesting as the delicious smell coming her. I was transfixed by her expressions. They were more absorbing than any thing I had ever seen on a screen or stage. The way her face lit up as she talked about her friends and family took my uneeded breath away.

I didn't need to read her mind to realise that she was a good person, a sweet person. She cared about people and wanted to present everyone in a good light. I couldn't help but smile back at her when she grinned. Her face was truly beautiful to behold. It was infectious.

I was so caught up in watching her that I was momentarily surprised when she asked about me. I should have realised it was inevitable. We were the novelties here after all. Everyone wanted to know about us. In that moment I would have told her anything, but I knew that I couldn't. My secrets weren't just mine to tell. The fact saddened me. I would like to tell Bella Swan things about myself, if she wanted to know.

She asked me about Alaska, and I was appropriately vague. Since I couldn't tell her the truth I was more interested in talking about her. But I was again distracted when a blush crept up her cheeks. It heated her skin and the burning in my throat intensified. The rush of blood to the surface of her skin was hypnotising. But then, there was something else.

As I watched her face I felt as though my skin was warming with it. I knew it couldn't really be so, but I felt it anyway. I knew this feeling. I had experienced this many times but only second hand. This was lust.

I shook my head as I reached my car, I couldn't think about that now. If I thought about her I would turn around and go back to the library and that would help nothing. The feelings coursing through me were so strong I was amazed I had been able to leave in the first place. I wondered if this was how teenagers felt all the time. If they did I wondered how they ever got anything done. I was finding it hard to concentrate on starting my car and pulling out of the lot.

At least I had learned a few interesting things. Some of them weren't even about Bella; though most of them were. However Carlisle would probably be interested to know that while Jacob Black stank of wolf, his temperature was also running a little high comapred to a human. Even so, there was nothing in his thoughts to suggest that he had ever phased. Yet. He was on the way though. There were no collective thoughts in his head, no other signs. He definitely wasn't there yet. He didn't even know that he was going to do so.

He did know all the legends of his people however, and he knew something of us. When Bella had said my name he had tensed internally. He wasn't a believer, not quite. But his father was. His father was Billy Black. I had seen an image of him in the boy's head. A man who looked regal despite the fact that he was in a wheelchair. The fact that he could smell me slightly didn't help, though the dog wasn't entirely sure he wasn't imagining it. It was adding weight to his concern about us.

Billy Black was the one who had told his son all the stories, and he had tried to impress upon Jacob the importance of staying away from us. He knew. Jake had promised to keep his distance but only to appease his father. They weren't planning on using the hospital now that Carlisle was working there. Did Billy know his son was close to phasing?

I wondered if Jake had told the stories to Bella. It would violate the treaty technically, but then why wouldn't a boy tell scary stories to a girl he liked? It was especially likely if he didn't believe them. I had no way of knowing if Bella might have heard anything about us. I hoped not. If humans got wind of us we really would have to leave, and if it was Bella who got suspicious we would have no way of knowing.

As I drove through the night I knew that I wasn't going home. I didn't want to hear what Alice might have to say. There would be time for that later. Right now my mind and the rest of my body were not going to focus on anything logical. I needed to go hunting. Again.

XXX

Hours later I literally couldn't stand the thought of more blood. I had worked my way through an entire heard of mule deer. They had taken some running down but I had been persistent. I wasn't in a hurry and I thought it was better to take no chances. I was actually quite proud of how easy it had been to ignore her scent this afternoon.

Well, it hadn't been easy, but once I had gotten to talk to her again it had been just less than torturous. That was good considering I had been surprised by the lack of wet dog. I frowned as I ran through the trees. That foul scent that had joined us soon enough. It would be all over her again by now. Ugh.

I ran faster, covering the ground quicker. I tried to convince myself that I didn't know where I was heading as I ran. But I knew my feet were leading me inexorably towards Bella. I had an irresistable urge to see her. She had told me that she sometimes rode a motorbike.

Christ that was...frightening. Fear was another emotion I was very unfamiliar with. I was feeling it now; fear for Bella Swan. What if she had decided to ride it tonight by herself? No, that didn't seem likely. Her...boyfriend would have gone with her. At least she wouldn't be alone. Even so, if the accident was bad enough...

I pushed myself to my limit. I was trying to convince myself that I was paranoid, but it didn't slow me down. I had to know that she was safe. What if something had happened to her? That dog might be useful once he knew of his abilities but he didn't know anything yet. That meant that Bella was unprotected. If she was as accident prone as she claimed, the last thing she should be doing was taking to the street on a two wheeled death machine.

I was near to her house now, it was after midnight and she would probably be asleep. I hoped that she was safe at home...and hopefully alone. I focused, I should be able to pick up her heartbeat, her scent very soon.

I was almost giddy at the thought, but I hadn't expected to hear her voice. But the now familiar sound was clear. I would have heard it sooner but her voice was low. She was whispering and I hadn't been listening for it. She sounded irritated again. I knew I should stop, but I had to see her. Now that I had heard her voice and knew she was awake I just had to see her with my own eyes. I wondered who she was arguing with but I had a feeling I knew.

I chose a tree that would give me a view of her house and climbed quickly. Once I was in the clearer air I could smell it. Wet dog. Jacob Black had also climbed a tree. Except that his tree was very close to Bella's window. He was used to climbing the tree. He used it regularly to get into her room once her father was asleep. I could read it all in his thoughts.

It was a momumentally depressing realisation. I couldn't compete with this. Alice had told me about the history these two shared so I wasn't completely unaware. But to see him in what was clearly a familiar role and position was very sobering. I made an effort to listen to the words only. Then I realised what their conversation was about.

"Jake, I'm serious. I'm just not in the mood tonight. I'm tired and I just want to sleep."

"Bells, you can't still be mad about today, you were weird all night and now this." She had never kept him out before, he was unused to any kind of rejection from Bella. It was hurting him.

I tried not to be glad. I didn't want to take pleasure in someone else's pain, but I couldn't help but be happy that she was refusing him entry tonight. If she had let him straight in I might have arrived to a very different scene. I shuddered and leant against the trunk of the tree I was perched in. I didn't want to think about it.

"I'm not mad Jake. Really I'm not. I am just tried," Bella was speaking slowly, as though to a child, "I didn't know I had to make myself available every time the mood struck you." I resisted the urge to cheer. She didn't have to be available, not to him anyway.

"See? That's it Bella, right there. Don't tell me you're not mad when you say something like that to me." He was thinking of all the other times he had been here, the times she had let him in. He wanted more of the same. I quickly pulled my thoughts away from his again. I needed to stay where I was and the images coming from the boy were not condusive to doing so.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I'm only mad because you're...well you're nagging me. I wasn't mad before honest." I wondered if she had been mad. I could only think about one thing she might be mad about; the boy's display of testoserone poisoning earlier. I supposed that something else could have happened between them since but I hoped not. I liked to think that she was mad because we had been interrupted. Quite rudely I might add.

"Bells..." the boy's voice was wheedling, now he actually sounded like a child.

"Jake, seriously. Let it go. You know I have plans tomorrow but we'll do something on Thursday if you're free. Right now I want to go to bed." Bella did not sound like a child. She sounded like an irritated teacher dealing with an errant student.

"Bells..."

"Goodnight Jake," that voice brooked no argument, but she softened it as she pulled her window closed, "Love you."

Bella disappeared back into her room, I could hear her walking to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Jacob Black stayed still for a moment but he knew 'he wasn't getting any tonight'. He had been stupid to come back he should have just called tomorrow. I quailed at his thoughts. He had gotten plenty in the past. I_ really _didn't want to hear any of it. I shut out his thoughts firmly.

After the boy left I sat in the tree, I felt frozen. I listened to Bella climb into bed and wriggle under the covers until she was comfortable. I heard her tossing and turning for a few minutes as her breathing evened out into the regular pattern of sleep. Her heart slowed slightly.

The jealousy I felt almost choked me, I couldn't bear it. I shouldn't have come here. I didn't want to hear Bella declaring her love for Jacob Balck. It hurt; way more than her scent hurt my throat. I needed to go home; back to my safe, sane life. What was I doing? I had nothing to offer a human woman. There was nothing I could give her that she couldn't get from someone else. And there was plenty I could never give her.

I eventually climbed down from my arial seat. I was moving slowly, I wasn't in any hurry to be away from here no matter the pain it caused. I had taken two steps when I heard Bella sigh heavily in her sleep. I wondered if she was having a dream; and if it was a good one or a bad one. She was moving around in bed again.

I couldn't read her mind to be sure, but I wanted to see her face. Maybe then I could at least answer the dream question. Good or bad? Surely her face would give it away. I quickly climbed the tree outside her window trying to ignore the stink that covered every branch the boy had touched.

I peered through her window feeling like the worst type of sneak in the world. I comforted myself that I knew she was wearing pyjamas. I would have heard the movement of fabric if she had taken them off. She was decently dressed.

Bella had apparently managed to tangle herself up in her sheets. She was moving as though she was trying to free herself but she was too deeply asleep. She was frowning but she didn't look upset. She looked too warm, her hair was stuck to her forehead as she wriggled.

I looked at her face closely, trying to discern what had me so fascinated. She was beautiful, yes. Her face was pure and unblemished. Her skin was so pale it could almost compare to mine...but it didn't answer the quesiton really. Why did she hold me so in thrall?

I watched as she kicked her legs and sighed again. She was wearing a vest and there was light sheen on her skin above it. I tried to force my eyes away from the gentle swell of her breasts as she sighed. This was wrong; perverted. I couldn't sit here, staring at her and thinking this way. It was obscene. I moved to climb down, hating to leave. Then I felt something strange in my chest as she spoke and my head snapped up, "Don't go..." her voice was breathy, "Stay...please Edward."

My entire body reacted to her words. It was instantaneous, as though she was awake and commanding me. I leant forward as though I was going to launch myself through her window. My hands gripped the branch I was holding and I warred with myself. Bella reached out sleepily but her hand fell back against her chest. Then with a sigh, her hand stroked over her breasts.

I gasped and looked away quickly, but not quickly enough. My jeans suddenly felt uncomfortably tight. Oh god, I was in so much trouble.

XXX

I left quickly. If I heard Bella ask me to stay again I would have been unable to leave. I arrived home expecting a welcoming party. Instead I was greeted only by Alice, sat on the top step outside. She had obviously known I was coming. She smiled at me, "I sent everyone else to hunt. I have a theory Edward."

She carefully kept her mind as blank as possible. She wanted to just talk this one out, "Well, go on. I'm all ears."

"I've had a really strange evening's viewing," she said quietly. Her mind opened and I saw myself walk into the library. I saw the horror struck expression on my own face. That was when I realised she'd showered after gym. Then I was sat in the library with Bella. We were talking and I looked...happy. I didn't think I'd ever seen that expression on my face before. Not in any mind's eye I'd ever shared.

Then I saw myself look up, then Alice's vision went abruptly blank. I looked at her in surprise. She was smiling and looking very amused, "Do you see it?"

"See what? I don't follow." I literally didn't see anything.

"When I was looking into the future last night I was looking for your future not hers. And every time you got to Bella's house it went blank. I assumed the future was going blank because your decision wasn't definite. Because there was a chance you might hurt her."

My sister had my undivided attention, "And what do you think now Alice?"

She smiled again, "Well, tonight I was looking for her future, not yours, and as you saw it went black again. I was terrified. I went to the library but by the time I got there you'd both left. I was half way to her house when Bella answered the phone. She was at home and she was with her boyfriend. The soon-to-be-shape-shifting-wolf Jacob Black. I think it's him I can't see."

The implications of this were whizzing through my mind. If Alice couldn't see futures involving Bella's boyfriend...A surge of panic almost overwhelmed me. Werewolves could be volatile and dangerous. She could get hurt.

Suddenly I wasn't the scariest thing in her life. It was almost sick in its irony. Something terrible could happen and we would have no warning; I would have no warning. I had a sickening mental image of Bella's skin, cut by the sharp teeth I knew the Quiluete wolves had. He could kill her in a second, and completely accidentally.

There was no way of knowing when his first shift would happen. What if they were together intimately? The results would be terrible. My stomach clenched as my world altered, ironically where before I had been the thing she might need protecting from, now I felt the urge to protect her, "Edward, calm down." Her small hand gripped my arm.

"I can't Alice." I said and I realised my own hands were shaking.

"Edward, stop. Please," her voice was small. She was really begging me to stop, "I keep getting flashes of the future but her life is so entangled with Jake's that it's really hard to get a reading. We can't do anything."

"Her life is so entangled up with his that it might kill her." How could I calm down? Somewhere in my brain the sanity of Alice's words registered. I couldn't keep her away from the dog, short of kidnapping her. Her father, police chief Swan might take issue with that.

"Edward, can't you see that you're maybe not the best judge right now? I mean...with your feelings for Bella and all."

I stopped in my tracks and met Alice's eyes, "You saw everything huh?"

She nodded, "I wasn't looking to spy honest. I just wanted to know. So I could be there if there was a problem. When everything disappeared it scared the crap out of me. I was going crazy until Bella answered her phone."

"After she did I stopped looking for her future and looked for yours. It was clear. Other than one black spot when you got to Bella's house. I wasn't worried then. I was pretty sure I had figured it out. It wasn't you being there. It was Jake being there."

"Can you see her now?" Just tell me something good. Tell me something comforting Alice , anything.

Alice nodded, "She'll be at school tomorrow. I'll see her at seven o'clock tomorrow night." I frowned, she'd just said Bella would be at school tomorrow, "Sorry Edward. Bella's going to school but we're not. Sunny spells all day. Thursday too."

She jumped up from the step and went back into the house. She was looking for Jasper's future. He would be home in...seven minutes.

I considered following her inside. I didn't want to do that. Alice could fill everyone in on her new hypothesis. I didn't need to be here. I wouldn't look through the window. I would climb the first tree again.

A knot of tension had been growing inside me since I had left Bella's house. I knew Alice could see her now and my worry was irrational but I didn't care. I would feel better if I could just hear her heartbeat. I would know she was safe.

XXX

**Hit the button, it's winking at you.**


	5. Chapter 5

**To the wonderful Cherry Blushe and the fabulous Violet OD. Let's get things happening hee hee.**

XXX

BPOV

_I knew I wasn't ready to wake up yet but something had roused me. I opened my eyes in the dark and automatically looked at the window. I was semi-used to being woken up by Jake and it was habitual now. However the eyes I saw in the dark outside were not the ones I was expecting. They were gold. Edward._

_He was perched in the tree outside my bedroom window, exactly where Jake had been sitting recently. I registered how pleased I was to see Edward there. This was even more obvious given my reaction to Jake earlier. Great, more guilt._

_I knew that for now I was going to ignore it. Edward looked surprised at having been spotted during his act of spying. He almost looked sheepish but I found I couldn't even be angry at him. I was just so pleased to see him here. His eyes darted away towards the ground and I stretched out my hand to stop him leaving. Though I knew there was nothing I could do to stop him. "Don't go...Stay...Please Edward." For some reason I was sure he could hear me through the glass._

_I couldn't tear my eyes away from his gaze, so I didn't try. I just kept looking at him as I got out of bed and walked to the window. Whatever had made him come here, I wasn't going to find out unless I spoke to him. I slid my fingers under the edge of the window and pushed it up._

_The cool air came rushing in, caressing my skin and making me shiver despite how warm I was. I closed my eyes to savour the feeling. When I opened them, Edward had moved closer; he was only inches from my face. He was staring fixedly at me. He looked...hungry somehow. His eyes raked over my face and neck as though he was sizing me up._

_Yet I felt no desire to run. Edward was here. I knew that it shouldn't, but it made me so happy. He smiled at me, my favourite crooked one and reached out a hand to touch my face. Oh god, if his skin touched mine I knew I would be lost. I wondered if I should run now. Maybe close the window and hide under the duvet. That sounded like a good plan._

_But I didn't, I leaned my face into his touch and sighed at the cool feeling of his skin. It soothed the burning in my face deliciously. As hot as I was I wished he would put his hands on me; all over my skin._

XXX

I woke up drenched in sweat but aware that something was out of place. My eyes searched outside my window for any sign of life; any sign of the man of my dreams. Literally. There was none. I wasn't sure what I had been expecting but the disappointment was strong.

I thought I knew what had woken me, I had left the window open slightly. It was ajar and the cool night air was a strong contrast to my own temperature. It was refreshing and for a second I just enjoyed the cooling feeling.

Then I started and snapped bolt upright in my bed. I had shut the window completely. After Jake had shown up and I had refused to let him in I had shut the window. It had been my way of ending the conversation. I was sure I hadn't re-opened it. Why would I? Charlie had always insisted that it was unsafe to sleep with it open. I tended to agree with that part of his paranoia. But who else could it have been? And I was almost sure that it was the draft itself that had woken me.

Maybe that as why Edward had felt so cool in my dream. Well, that and my earlier conversation with Jake obviously. The 'cold ones' indeed. My hand reached up to touch my face. I could remember the feeling of Edward's hand on my skin vividly; the dream had felt so real. I could remember the expression in his eyes, the wanting that was evident there.

I shivered, but not from the cold. I pushed the window back down and returned to bed. To sleep perchance not to dream. With any luck.

XXX

When I woke I was convinced today was going to be a good one. The sun was shining for the first time in ages and it immediately made me smile. I dressed and breakfasted quickly, eager to be outside. Maybe we could have lunch outside today. Maybe with Alice and Edward. The smile on my face didn't fade all morning, I grinned my way through Spanish ignoring Jessica Stanley's puzzled looks in my direction.

She was one of the better people in the popular crowd. Still, she had been a terrible gossip since first grade and I was not interested in talking to her now. I gave her a polite smile as I headed to the cafeteria. Any second now...

But the table that had been occupied by the Cullen's and Hale's for the last two days was empty now. I felt a burgeoning shoot of panic in my chest. Why weren't they in school? Edward hadn't been in yesterday morning and now they were all gone. Did that mean something?

But no, although Edward hadn't shown up for lunch yesterday he had still been in class. I took a calming breath. He would be there, surely he would be. Unless something had happened. What if their father had gotten a call to be a doctor somewhere else? They had only just got here after all, what if they didn't like it?

I shook my head to clear that very bleak thought. Alice would have told me last night on the phone. We had plans to meet up tonight. She would have mentioned something surely.

The smile on my face didn't reappear when I got to class and found my table empty. At that moment I accepted the fact that Edward clearly wasn't in school today. And if the lunch table was any judge, neither were the rest of them.

I swallowed hard feeling ridiculous as tears welled in my eyes. I started waiting for time to pass. There was nothing I could do while I was stuck at school, I would have to be patient until I got home at least. If Alice didn't show up tonight then I would panic.

I hung around in the library for a while. Once I got home I would have nothing to do but wait for Alice, I was concerned I might go crazy with nerves. Charlie was working late again tonight so I didn't have any major cooking to do. Just a sandwich would suffice.

Finally at six o'clock the librarian started to make moves to close so I got up and packed my bag. Only an hour to go. The sun was fading fast into darkness as I crossed the parking lot.

I drove through the night trying to concentrate on keeping my truck on it's normal route. My head seemed too full to focus on anything else. What if they really had gone? The thought made my breath hitch in my chest. I didn't want that to happen. However wrong or right it was for me to hope, I didn't care.

I eased my car into the drive as I had a thousand times. I would know soon. I got out of the car slowly, I would drag out each task until seven. I needed to be doing something, anything.

"Hi Bella!" said an excited and familiar voice.

I was so startled I dropped my bag, but a pale hand darted out and caught it, "Alice? What are you..."

"Oh yeah, well we got back earlier than expected so I figured I'd see if you were home." Her expression changed to one of concern, "I hope that's allright."

I let out a giggle; nerves combined with delight I think, "Yes, it's fine. In fact it's really good to see you. Come in."

Her smile was back as we headed into the house. I remembered her saying she couldn't come round at five because she had things to do. It hadn't occurred to me the 'things' would take all day and involve her whole family, but maybe they had, "I missed you at school today."

I let us both in the door and Alice was bouncing on her toes again, "I know, I'm sorry Bella I should have mentioned. When the weather's nice we tend to go hiking. We're going again tomorrow."

I was both relieved and crushed by this revelation. At least this meant there was a reason for their absence. They hadn't decided to leave after all. On the other hand I guessed this meant they wouldn't be in school again. "Your parents just take you out of school for the day?" This was the least of my concerns but it seemed like an appropriate response.

Alice nodded cheerfully, "We're all into outdoor activities and the weather here limits us a lot. If our grades were to drop as a result I guarantee it would stop. We all work hard for the priviledge. Fortunately for our educations sunny days are few and far between here."

That was true, at least it wouldn't be a common occurrence, "Well, sounds like fun." My smile was more genuine, but I was thinking of my conversation with Edward in the library. If I had agreed to go hiking with his family maybe I could have spent today with them. Though I was sure Charlie would have had something to say about that.

"No," said Alice and it took me a moment to realise she was replying to my statement, "What I have in here is fun," she pointed to a bag she had slung over her shoudler, "Party plans."

Although it wouldn't have usually been my thing I couldn't resist her enthusiasm. Soon we were buried in invitation designs and food choices.

XXX

Thursday was even less eventful than Wednesday. I didn't have Alice's visit to look forward to. Then again, at least I wasn't terrified that Edward Cullen had left Forks and my life forever. Alice hadn't actually mentioned anything about being in school on Friday, but then she hadn't said they wouldn't be.

I knew Edward wasn't here but I still felt my heart sink when I saw the empty desk. I felt utterly ridiculous. I had known Edward for less than a week and I was behaving like a child with a schoolyard crush. I tried to clear my mind and concentrate on what the teacher was saying but it was hard. My eyes kept drifting to the chair that Edward had occupied for two days.

I kept praying for the end of school, but once it came I wished it hadn't. Charlie was going to be working late now until Monday, almost a full week of late night shifts. I hoped my boss was as nice as him. With my dad gone I knew it as going to be hard to distract myself for the evening.

I tried everything, I cleaned the kitchen, I put some laundry on, I made something for Charlie's dinner and finished the small amount of homework I had been set. Unfortunately, as I tended to do, I had chosen tasks that kept my hands busy but left my mind free to roam. I normally enjoyed the time to myself. Tonight my own company was not enough. I couldn't settle to anything.

By five o'clock I knew I couldn't see Jake tonight. I wouldn't be able to focus. I was still irritated with him even though I knew I should be over it by now. He hadn't turned up so he was obviously waiting for me to call him. It was probably because of the frosty reception he had received the other night. I picked up the phone and dialled his number.

"Black residence," the voice was gruff but avunuclar.

"Hey Billy, it's Bella. Is he in?" Half of me hoped Jake would be out. Maybe Embry and Quil had dragged him out for the night. It had happened before. Twice.

"Hey Bella, sure. Hold on." I heard him call for his son and I pushed away the guilt. It wasn't as though I was cancelling on him to be with another guy or anything. I just wanted some time to myself. That was okay right?

"Bells?" His voice was so pleased, he was relieved that I had called.

"Hey Jake, how was your day?" I didn't know why I was engaging him in small talk. It wasn't as though I could put this off. I didn't think I had ever cancelled on him before without a good reason.

"It was okay. More drama at school as usual. Is it as bad with the pale faces?"

"No, really dull actually." I didn't have any news for him. I hadn't been concentrating on what had been going on around me. I took a deep breath and bit the bullet trying desperately to keep my voice casual. "I was calling to see if you mind taking a rain check on tonight? We could do something tomorrow. I could really use the time to work."

"Ummm...I guess so," he didn't sound pleased, but he wasn't angry. He was hurt. I felt terrible, "But Bells, I want to talk to you. Especially if you really are mad at me. Which I think you are. You've never just stayed mad before. It's making me anxious."

"Jake, I'm sorry. I'm really not mad at you." Suddenly it was true. I wasn't mad at Jake. I was mad at myself. This wasn't his fault and I was hurting him. But it didn't change anything. I just couldn't see him tonight. I couldn't do it. I would have to convince him, however bad I felt doing it. Just for tonight, "I just have some stuff I have to get through. I don't want to make you anxious. Everything's okay."

"You've just been so different this week."

I had been, and he had noticed of course, "I guess it's just school. I want to get everything done and done right. It's my last year next year and I want to be ahead. Plus I'm nervous about my new job."

"You don't have to be nervous Bells. You'll be great." Jake's concern was instantly for me instead of himself. It always was. How could I be doing this? How could I be feeling something so wrong? Why couldn't I stop?

"Thanks Jake, and I am really sorry if I've been acting weird. And we'll do something fun tomorrow. I promise." I would keep my word.

"Okay Bells, don't worry about anything. I'm all good really. I'll see you tomorrow. Call me whenever." He was still leaving the decision to me. He was unsure.

"I will. Love you," I said quickly.

"I love you too Bella. Bye," Jake's voice was sincere and heavy. Suddenly his words felt like manacles around my wrists and ankles. I hung up the phone and sank to my knees. I had done the right thing. But I was hurting him. I had to pull myself out of this somehow.

I sat on the kitchen floor for a while trying to clear my head. I couldn't focus on anything. I kept seeing Edward's eyes; the way his gaze had held mine. Then I was hearing Jake's voice again. Jake telling me he loved me. I wasn't doing myself any good. I climbed to my feet and shook my legs. They had gone numb so I must have sat still for some time. I grabbed my keys and headed for my truck.

I needed to try and get Edward Cullen out of my mind. The dream last night had been worse than the other...or a lot better depending on how you looked at it. No, worse. Definitely worse. Edward's hands on my skin, his lips on mine. He whispered things to me that I couldn't hear and I woke up drenched in sweat; tangled up in my sheets. Tonight I definitely needed to be alone, preferably in my dreams too.

I drove up the road to its end and there was still enough light for me to see the trail spiralling off into the woods. I went and retrieved my bike from it's hiding place studiously not looking at Jake's bike stood next to it. The very sight of it made me feel my guilt afresh.

I pushed my bike along the well worn path to the road and put my key in the ignition. I knew I probably shouldn't be doing this alone. Jake and I had an unwritten rule that we wouldn't ride alone at night. I knew that he thought he'd be fine and only agreed to keep me from riding by myself. Tonight I didn't care. I was already breaking enough trust bonds this evening to make this one seem minor. There was a light rain falling but it didn't look like it was going to get worse. I was probably going to get wet through; I didn't care. I had bigger concerns tonight.

I set myself up and kicked the bike to life. It had taken me a while to get used to doing that. I wasn't that heavy and you had to put some force behind it. I was practiced now and the bike roared to life on my second try.

I was flying through the night in seconds. My helmet serving the dual purposes of protection and disguise. It would not be good for Charlie to discover this hobby. He would probably have a stroke at the thought of me on a motorbike. Everyone in Forks knew everyone and everyone knew the chief of police.

With this in mind I stuck to the side roads revelling in feeling of the wind on my skin. It was cold and whipped over me. The temperature made me think of Edward...in my dreams.

The light rain was still falling, I shivered and focused on riding my bike, I had taken this ride to try and clear my head. I wished I could say that it was working. But I was starting to get cold and now I wanted to be home again if only for dry clothes.

Despite my promise to myself that I would concentrate I didn't see it coming. I rounded a corner and as the road came into view something darted in front of me. I saw a flash of fur and instinctively slammed on my brakes. All of my brakes. I knew that I shouldn't but I did anyway. Everything I had learned left my head in my panic.

My hands were ripped from the bike and I was catapulted into the air. Everything was happening so quickly and all I could really see was the ground flying up to meet me. It reminded me of the first day I had met Alice and I had nearly fallen through the door. I knew that when I hit the ground this time I was either going to die or be horribly injured. I was falling much too fast for it to be otherwise. I vaguely wished that there was something I could do to stop it. I was concerned that Charlie might be the one called to the scene. Oh God, poor Charlie, it would destroy him.

I was thinking of how he would feel when something else appeared in front of me. Something which hit me hard enough to push the air out of my lungs but not as hard as I had expected the road to hit me. I was still moving. But the motion was not the smooth one of falling. It was as though I had never come off the bike and had skidded instead. I was sliding across the ground, but I couldn't feel the ground under me.

In fact I felt...safe. My body relaxed, against every sane impulse and I pressed closer to whatever was near me. It was something solid. It smelled good. Marble came to mind but that made no sense. Why would I find myself encased in marble? My mind couldn't comprehend it. Why would marble shrink? Holding me closer when I pressed my face towards it?

The movement slowed and then stopped abruptly, my eyes were blurry. I hadn't blinked since I had realised I was coming off the bike. I could still see the road and I knew I couldn't have really travelled as far as I had thought. A panicked voice cut into my thoughts, "Bella? Bella! Oh God Bella please say something? Are you okay?"

I would have recognised that velvet voice anywhere. it was familiar; engrained on my memory. It was a voice I should answer, one I wanted to answer. The voice was frantic and I wanted to reassure it and tell it that I was okay. I squeezed my eyes shut and I opened my mouth but a strange sound came out of my throat. Something between a groan and a gurgle. My lungs were dragging air back into themselves and it made my chest throb.

"Oh Christ, oh Bella where does it hurt? Please...tell me what to do."

Edward. My heart squeezed and the pain from my lungs vanished, "I'm okay. I really am. Just..." I pulled my helmet off; I stuttered and coughed, "Just took my breath away."

I heard a low chuckle, "I wish that I could take that as a compliment." His fingers stroked gently over my scalp, as though he was checking me over, "We should get you to the hospital."

How was I here? Why were Edward's arms around me, holding me to him as though he never wanted to let me go? I had come off my bike at considerable speed and I should be roadkill right now. Wait. Edward wanted me to go to the hospital. I shook my head adamantly, "No, no way."

"Bella, you could be hurt. You have to get checked out." The concern in his voice made my heart flutter again. I was still next to him, he was holding me against him with one arm. The other hand was checking my own arms. It felt as though he was looking for breaks. I didn't care what he was doing. His fingers were on my skin and the sensation was rendering me insensible. They were cool, like they had been in my dream.

But I couldn't go to the hospital and there was good reason, "If I go to the hospital Charlie will find out for sure. He would be so angry and hurt if he heard that I was on a bike." It was true, it had been stupid of me to come out alone tonight. This activity was only okay if Charlie never, ever found out about it. Edward was frowning at me and his hands paused. His eyes met mine and they almost shone in the dark, they were the colour of liquid caramel and they distracted me. I would go to the hospital with him. I would go and trek the Hindu Kush with him if he asked me to.

No, I couldn't. I couldn't do either of those things. I had a loving boyfriend. One who would be equally furious with me if he found out I was on a bike, alone, at night. "Well, I wouldn't want to get you in trouble." I was again distracted by the intensity of his gaze, "How about if I asked Carlisle to check you over?"

Carlisle, his father the doctor. Edward seemed to take my silence as relutance and the hand that had been examining me took mine. "Bella, please?" It hadn't escaped my notice that his other arm was still holding me to his body. His very hard body. He was what I had hit.

Well, obviously. My human mind, so keen to find a rational explanation had been hard at work. But now, the feel of Edward's body against mine defied that kind of rationalisation. His body was the thing that had come between me and the ground. I knew it suddenly and completely. Edward had saved me. He had wrapped his body around mine...his cold body...and I was alive.

I wondered if I hadn't felt his body pressed along mine, if I would have found an explanation. Maybe I would have convinced myself that I was really, really lucky and that I had landed on a soft patch of ground. Then maybe that Edward had just happened to find me as I was waking?

I didn't think so, but maybe. Now that couldn't happen. Edward had saved me. How was that possible? There was one way it could be possible...but it couldn't be. I refused to entertain the thought. "Bella?"

Edward's voice was soft but the concern was obvious, "If you're sure he wont say anything."

Edward nodded reassuringly, "I'm positive."

XXX

Edward hid the bike in the woods and promised we could come back for it later. I wanted to make sure that I had it back where it belonged before Jake could notice it was missing. I wondered if I would need any repair work doing. Annoying that my mechanic was one of the people I couldn't tell about my accident.

I lay down in Edward's back seat as he drove so that no one would spot me going to the hospital. I felt oddly tired. I was still cold and wet. Edward seemed to guess as much and turned on the heat. My teeth were chattering but he seemed perfectly comfortable.

I couldn't think of anything to say to him. I was busy entertaining ludicrous thoughts about my saviour. How close to me must he have been to be able to catch me like that? Or how fast? His skin was so cold. His skin was so hard. Maybe Jake was...no. No it was impossible. It couldn't be. But then, my being here without a scratch was equally impossible. I searched for another explanation; any explanation whch would contradict Jake's. I couldn't find one.

He had us to the hospital in record time, except that he didn't stop at the ER. He swung around into the staff carpark and pulled out a small silver cell phone. "Carlise...Yes, Bella Swan had an accident. Can you meet me next to your car. I want her checked over...Thank you."

Edward turned in his seat to look at me again, "He'll be right here. How are you feeling?" His eyes were wide and they started to scan my body as he had with his hands.

I shivered but I wasn't cold anymore "I'm okay. I don't think I'm hurt. I'm confused though."

Edward's eyes narrowed and they raked my forehead, "Did you hit your head? I didn't feel..."

"No, I didn't hit my head," I took a breath and even that shook, "Why didn't I hit my head Edward?"

I was glad I was staring fixedly at his face, otherwise I might have missed the expressions that flooded across it. Panic, anger, guilt, and finally...amusement? "Well, I guess because you were smart enough to be wearing a helmet. Though why your intelligence didn't extend to not being on the bike in the first place I don't know."

He was teasing me, he was trying to make a joke. Any other time I would have been thrilled and even now my stomach was turning cartwheels. But I couldn't let him fob me off, "Don't Edward," I said, "Please just...don't." My voice broke a little on the last word. I wondered if I was going into shock or something. I was still trembling. But I thought I would feel differently if this was shock. My body just seemed to want to shiver.

His expression shifted back to anger but when he heard that crack in my voice his eyes softened and he simply looked torn, "Bella...I...I'm sorry I just..."

I wasn't breathing as he spoke, I was holding my breath wondering what kind of explanation he could give. What would explain his saving me? I knew one thing that could explain it. My rational mind rejected it as insanity. But if that wasn't the case then what other options where there? One of my favourite quotes from Sherlock Holmes came to mind about elimating the impossible to find the inevitable, if improbable truth. I didn't speak, I waited for Edward to find the words, whatever words they might be.

Instead he turned away from me and a second later there was a knock on the window. He had been expecting the knock. Edward looked at me with a pained expression for a second and then leaned over to unlock the door.

Doctor Cullen didn't get in next to his son. Instead he got in next to me, I glanced irritably at Edward. I felt as though I had been denied something I had been craving. I had. I wanted the truth. Whatever that meant. However, I obviously wasn't going to get it right now, so I just held still, followed the light and was a good patient. This was an area I had a lot of experience in.

"Well Miss Swan," said Doctor Cullen a few minutes later, "You seem fine. But if you experience any dizziness or nausea, or if you have any trouble with your eyesight, come straight back to the hospital. You promise."

I nodded fervently, I was staring at his eyes. The exact colour of his adopted son's...and his adopted daughter's. His skin was as pale as their's and when he'd taken my pulse I'd felt his skin. Cold and hard. "And you wont mention this to my dad?" I asked. I could feel the familiar blush staining my cheeks, "Or anyone else?"

The good doctor actually looked amused, "You have my word, Miss Swan."

"Bella, please. And thank you. Sorry to have taken up your time." I meant it too. I couldn't help thinking that there must be other, worse off people in the hospital.

"No trouble, none at all." He nodded at me and gave me a smile models would have sold their mothers for, "It was a genuine pleasure to meet you Bella." With a final hard look at Edward he got out of the car and we were alone.

Edward turned again to look at me placing his arm across the back of the seat casually. I could tell he had no plans to tell me anything now. The moment had passed, "I guess I should take you home now."

Wait a second. Screw the moment. I was incredibly grateful to Edward, how could I not be? But I knew that I would never sleep, not just tonight but ever, if I let this go now. He was watching with me with a calm smile on his face. But his eyes were tense. He looked as though he was begging me for something. He wanted me to let this go. I couldn't.

I reached out my hand slowly. If he wanted to stop me, he could pull away. Edward's eyes widened in alarm and he tensed, but he didn't move away. I didn't speed up, I reached slowly across the gap between us until my fingers touched his arm.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Edward but I didn't meet his eyes. I watched my fingers move over his skin. I was touching him. My dreams had always been of him touching me, but I would take this.

I liked the feeling so much I almost forgot why I was doing this. His skin was cold, ice cold. It felt quite literally like touching marble. I looked up to find Edward staring at me, "Bella, I don't..."

"Edward, shhh. You don't have to say anything." I didn't need to hear it. I could tell that Edward wanted to tell me; he really did. But for some reason he couldn't. I didn't want to see him like this, "It's okay."

I took my hand from his arm. Edward watched my retreat and stared at me again, "I don't?"

"No, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I didn't want to back him into a corner. I couldn't force answers from him like this. He hadn't done anything wrong; he had just saved my life. I couldn't use that as ammunition to lay claim his secrets.

"What if I want to?" His voice was almost a whisper but his eyes held mine steadily.

My heart was thumping in my chest, Edward's gaze was making my breath come unevenly, "Ummm...I..." I couldn't think of anything to say. I wanted to take the pressure off him and tell him that I already knew. Or at least I thought I did. Or I was crazy. But little things were fitting together in my head; things I had never really noticed before. Alice saying she wouldn't eat with me; that she was on a special diet. Saying that they always went hiking on sunny days. That might be part of it.

"Bella, I just...I don't know if you'll believe me and..." I hadn't heard Edward sound so unsure before. He was struggling for every word.

"Edward, I don't think you could shock me right now. Not with the things I've hear...things I've been thinking." I said this slowly and deliberately.

Edward's gaze hardened, I thought for a second he was angry, but then I realised he was afraid. His eyes widened as he stared at me. I hoped he was reading my vague hints correctly. After all, if he really was a 'cold one' he knew who Jake was surely. Maybe he would guess how much I might know. Assuming I wasn't going completely insane obviously.

XXX

EPOV

Thank God I had been stalking Bella for the last two days and nights. She hadn't seen me of course, but she hadn't been further than fifty yards from me since that first night I had heard her talk in her sleep. I had been foolish that night. I had opened the window just an inch. She had looked so hot and uncomfortable I thought it might help. But the draft had woken her up. It had been a stupid thing to do.

I had been more careful since then. I had kept out of her sight and not done anything to interfere in her activities. She had seemed very happy on Wednesday. She had smiled all the way to school and seemed to enjoy her lessons. I watched her face in the minds of everyone she passed, she looked happy.

I sat smiling at nothing. I was happy if she was. Angela was the most reliable source for Bella. They walked to lunch together and I knew it was a regular thing. Angela's thoughts were quite a pleasure to be in. I wasn't surprised she was friends with Bella, they seemed to be quite similar people. I was enjoying watching Bella at school more than I ever enjoyed being there. I wondered if maybe I would come to look forward to sunny days if I could spend them like this when Bella's mood changed.

Her expression darkened. Angela had noticed it, but she didn't understand it. She was concerned for her friend wondering what could have caused the drastic change. Her and me both. Had she found something unpleasant in the lunch she was staring at? Had she realised she had forgotten her homework? Or maybe...maybe she had realised we were not in school today.

Could that be it? Was it possible that was the reason for Bella's sudden depression was our absence? My absence? The pleasure swelled in my chest, I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe it badly. I watched her for the rest of the day.

I watched her meet Alice, my sister had called me to tell me Bella was concerned about something. She would pace round her house until Alice arrived, so Alice was going to beat her there. Bella did look very pleased to see her. Maybe it was Alice she had been missing. The thought depressed me. Still, it wasn't Alice's name she was saying in her sleep.

Bella seemed to cheer up after she got into planning the party. We didn't usually have them so early into our residence in a town, but Alice wanted to try this time. She foresaw no problems with it. She said it would be fun. If Bella was going to be there I was sure it would be. Staring at her was starting to be my favourite thing to do.

I only left to do some hunting once she was safely asleep in bed. The wolf had not come to see her today. I was deliriously happy about it. I didn't like being in his thoughts, I liked seeing him even less.

I saw Charlie Swan arrive home a few hours before dawn. The poor man looked exhausted. He had been working double shifts to cover a colleague. He had the morning to sleep in but then he had to be back at work.

For a second chief Swan surprised me. When I was hearing his thoughts I felt as though I was doing so with cotton wool in my ears. I wondered if the man was perhaps a little slow but that didn't seem to make sense. No, his thoughts weren't slow; they were murky. They were not the void I had been getting used to with Bella but they were shadowy. I could get a general impression of his thoughts and mood but nothing very specific. Suddenly Bella's father had become very interesting. Maybe his daughter was more like him than she realised. I vaguely wondered what her mother might be like.

Thursday had begun very ordinairily. I was starting to get restless though. Bella didn't look much happier than yesterday afternoon and I was getting the urge to go and talk to her. To see if I could read the cause of her distress in her eyes. It was frustrating only being able to see her through other people's thoughts when something was bothering her.

She hadn't gone to the library after school, she had headed straight home. She did some chores but the crease between her eyes didn't go. I wondered if maybe I could stop by her house for some reason. Maybe I could say Alice had left something behind? No, that was stupid. I just really wanted to speak to her again.

Then I saw her call the dog. She was cancelling her plans to see him tonight. I almost leapt into the air in my delight. She wasn't in the mood to see Jacob Black. Maybe that's what she had been concerned about today; dreading making this phone call. Why should she feel guilty? Bella could do whatever she wanted and if that didn't happen to include seeing her boyfriend tonight that was her choice.

I was on my high horse and riding smoothly, until I saw her hang up the phone. She looked like she was in pain. I simply did not understand this human. The girl who had turned my life upside down made no sense to me. She had clearly not wanted to see the dog and so she had cancelled. Why was she now upset? How long was I going to sit there and pretend I could stand it?

I had actually taken three steps towards her front door. I wouldn't stay long of course. I would use any of the excuses I had thought up tonight and just happen to stop by. I couldn't watch her sat on the floor of the kitchen and not try to do something. It was heart rending.

She was still in my line of sight through the window when I saw her get to her feet and shake herself. She must be stiff from sitting on the cold floor for so long. I frowned, it was no good. She would get ill if she didn't take better care of herself.

She looked purposeful though. She picked up her keys and headed for her truck. For an awful second I was worried she was going to see the dog after all. Instead she swung out of her drive and headed in a different direction. Then the evening had started to go horribly wrong.

I had almost stopped her when she got on her bike. I could have just wandered out of the trees and made some excuse about hiking. It would have been a weak excuse but I was a good liar when necessary. I couldn't do it though, I had promised myself I wouldn't interfere in her life. I would keep that promise. She did this all the time, I kept reminding myself.

I had been almost sure I would be able to stay hidden, at least until I had watched Bella round the corner. At the same time I could hear an animal moving in the brush. I wondered if it had sensed my approach. Animals naturally shied away from us and this one was running. It was going to cross the road. It was going to cross in front of Bella.

I had started to run as the phone in my pocket started to ring. Thanks a lot Alice. A litle more warning would have been nice. But I knew it wasn't her fault. Predicting an accident involving an animal was tricky. They didn't make plans, at least not very far ahead.

It didn't matter, I was going to make it. I was only twenty feet away when Bella hit the brakes as the deer darted out in front of her. I heard her gasp in surprise and fear. She was only airborn for two seconds. I intercepted her fall trying to limit the impact as much as possible.

I made sure we landed with me between her and the road. I shuddered to think what it would do to her skin. I barely felt it. I was too conscious of Bella, alive and in my arms. Then I felt something I never expected. She pressed herself closer to me; I tightened my arms very slightly. Bella was trying to be close to me.

We skidded for a few more yards and I realised I had not thought this all the way through. How the hell was I going to explain this to her? She would have questions. But my concerns melted away. She wasn't breathing. Why wasn't she breathing? Her heart was beating. A panic stronger than any I had ever felt seized me. What had I done? Had I held her too tight? Humans needed to breath, I had to get her breathing.

I pulled my face back and saw to my surprise that her eyes were open. Her gaze distant. What had I done to her? "Bella? Bella! Oh God Bella please say something? Are you okay?" She blinked and then gasped in a shuddery way that set my teeth on edge. Had I broken a rib? Maybe one of her lungs was damaged, "Oh Christ, oh Bella where does it hurt? Please...tell me what to do." I was listening as hard as I could. If there was damage somewhere I would hear blood rushing to the spot. I couldn't hear anything.

Bella took another, steadier breath, "I'm okay. I really am. Just..." she struggled with her helmet and I helped her get it off, "Just took my breath away."

I couldn't stop the delirious laugh that escaped me, she was alive. She was okay and she'd just said something funny, "I wish that I could take that as a compliment." Still holding her against me I checked over her scalp. I knew she hadn't been cut but she could still have a concussion.

As my fingers slid through her hair I remembered her scent for the first time. It was strangely easy to ignore at this moment even though it was all around me. She hadn't seen the dog in days and her scent was pure and strong. I should have been choking on the venom in my mouth, but there were other concerns right now. "We should get you to the hospital." I wouldn't be happy until I had a second opinion and Carlisle's was the only one I cared about.

"No, no way." her voice was hard. She looked determined but so was I; and I could carry her if I had to. My secrets be damned, I would run her there if necessary.

"Bella, you could be hurt. You have to get checked out." My other hand was still checking her arms over. My body was trying to ignore the feeling of her pressed against me. She was so warm. Her skin was softer than anything I had ever felt and even when I knew the bones were sound I couldn't stop touching her. She was staring straight into my eyes and I knew I wouldn't be able to break the silence. I would just lie here with her in the dark until she spoke

"If I go to the hospital Charlie will find out for sure. He would be so angry and hurt if he heard that I was on a bike." Of course, she had mentioned something about her father not being aware of her bike.

I momentarily considered letting chief Swan find out. At least then I wouldn't have to be terrified of her dying on it. No, I couldn't do that, "Well, I wouldn't want to get you in trouble. How about if I asked Carlisle to check you over?" That was even better, a perfect excuse to have her seen by my father. "Bella, please?" She wasn't answering me. She was staring at me hard and I was suddenly afraid of whatever she was thinking.

She looked perplexed, cautious and then perplexed again. One of her hands pressed down lightly on my shoudler though she didn't seem to realise it, "Bella?" Her name came out as a quesiton. She blinked a few times and eventually agreed if I could promise Carlisle's silence. I could. We hid the bike in the woods. Her eyes raked over it; probably looking for damage. It wasn't badly damaged and I knew I could fix it myself. Once it was hidden under some leaves I almost misgave. How was I going to get her to the hospital? I had run here after all. As soon as the thought occurred to me I heard the familiar thought pattern.

_Edward meet me eight hundred yards down the road. Tell Bella you're going to get the car. I'll be here._

God bless my sister.

XXX

As I drove to the hospital I knew I had made a spectacular mess here. I had risked blowing my secret. She would ask me about it, she couldn't not be curious. I could try to tell myself I didn't know why I had saved her, but I did. I was falling in love with this girl. I had thought that I just wanted her but it was more than that.

When I had realised tonight that she was about to die it had dawned on me. If the sun rose tomorrow on a world that did not include Isabella Swan I would want no part of it. I had to save her, I had no choice. Obviously Alice agreed with me. She had called to warn me. Too late, but she had tried. What could I tell Bella now? What would she believe?

A smaller voice asked in the back of my head whether I thought I could lie to her like I would need to? To protect her I could and I would. I heard an odd sound in the back seat and realised Bella's teeth were chattering. I was so bad at this, it hadn't even ocurred to me that she might be cold. Humans were affected by their environments remember Cullen?

By the time we had gotten to the hospital the chattering had stopped. But that meant she was able to start questioning me. She was quicker at it than I thought she would be. Most humans spent a lot of time rationalizing things they couldn't explain. Anything that didn't fit in with what they knew and believed tended to fade into the background.

Not so with Bella, and I was grateful for Carlisle's interruption. I had been about to tell her something I shouldn't. He checked her over efficiently and then nodded to me as he got out.

_She's fine but I'd get her home quickly. She has a slight temperature and there's a bug going round._

Oh great, and she had spent the evening soaked to the skin. Wonderful, I turned around in my chair and smiled at her, "I guess I should take you home now." Then possibly tuck you into bed and then stay and watch you sleep? She might think that request a little odd.

But she wasn't answering me, she was just looking at me. Her eyes were expressionless and I knew she was still thinking of our adventure this evening. Was she going to ask me again? But she didn't ask me anything outloud. She just reached out a hand towards my arm.

I was going to move, but I couldn't. I shouldn't let her touch my skin. It simply didn't feel normal. It was too cold and too hard. She would be even more suspicious. But then her flesh burnt mine and I gasped. I stared at her face but she was looking down; watching the progress her fingers made.

I had not let a human touch me in a long time and I didn't think I had ever had anyone touch me like this. Not even when I was alive. It made me want to touch her back. I couldn't do that though. That would be insanity itself, "Bella, I don't..."

"Edward, shhh. You don't have to say anything. It's okay."

She took her hand off me and I was sorry for it. I hadn't told her to stop and now she was saying she didn't need an explantion, "I don't?"

"No, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She blushed a little. She didn't want to make me tell her.

"What if I want to?" I hadn't meant to say it but the words were out before I could stop them. I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers. I could just tell her the truth and see what happened. Could it be worse than this? If she was terrified of me and ran then at least this awful purgatory would be over. We would leave Forks and she would go on with her life. We would be a scary, but brief memory that would fade with time. Maybe that would be better.

"Ummm...I..." Bella looked confused and I didn't blame her. I had been dodging her questions and now I was saying that I wanted to tell her the truth.

"Bella, I just...I don't know if you'll believe me and..." That was the truth, she might be convinced I was insane.

"Edward, I don't think you could shock me right now. Not with the things I've hear...things I've been thinking." Bella's chocolate eyes stared into mine.

Her voice was slow and clear. She was trying to tell me something; that she had heard something of the Cullens? I knew there was only one place she could have gotten information that would require code. I tried to keep my tone casual when I asked, "Do you talk to Jacob Black about things a lot? Do you talk about newcomers to the town?" That was pretty innocuous. If she knew what I was talking about it would be clear otherwise the change would just convince her I was crazy.

She drew in a slow breath and there was a very slight smile on her face. I was obviously on the right track. "Yes, we talk about a lot of things. You and your family came up the other night."

"Ah, and does he think we're assests to the area?" If I had a heartbeat it would have pounding in my ears. Bella knew. I hadn't had to say anything and she knew. Jacob Black had beaten me to the punch. In more ways than one. But how much had he told her? "Is he pleased we've decided to move here?"

Bella's smile turned into a smirk, "No, not really, but he says you're not exactly newcomers. He says you're family's lived here before. A long time ago. A very long time ago."

Oh god, the dog had told her everything. As annoyed as I was I was also pleased. She knew and she was still sitting here. She hadn't run screaming from the car. There was no point in lying to her, "That's true. It's still a beautiful town."

"He said you haven't changed much since your last visit," there was a slight tremor to her voice. She was more nervous than she was letting on. This was her way of asking me to confirm her suspicions. I could still leave, I could get out now.

Except that I couldn't, "I haven't changed much in a long time." My voice came out as a whisper.

"When did you last change Edward?" She closed her eyes and stopped breathing again.

There was no turning back now. It was too late. All or nothing time, "In 1918 Bella."

Bella took a breath but kept her eyes closed. I sat watching her. Her heart was pounding in her chest but she didn't look afraid. She should look afraid, why wasn't she? She sat like that for a full minute and then she shivered. She finally opened her eyes and she nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" Was that all she had to say? How about 'wow'? That was where most people would start.

There was a slight smile on her face, "Okay. Would you mind taking me home now Edward?"

"Not at all." I continued to look at her but she didn't say anything else. She just lay down on the back seat again to hide. I turned around and started the car; smoothly backing out of the space. What had I expected from her? She had taken it better than I could have hoped, but it still disturbed me. I had just given her information that questioned everything she knew and 'okay' had been her response.

I reached up quickly and tilted my mirror down. She didn't look as though she was in shock. She looked...well beautiful as always. I dragged my eyes back to the road, my own realisation still fresh in my head. I was, partly on purpose and partly accidentally weaving our lives together and I should stop. I just didn't think I could.

XXX

I was truly terrified as we neared Bella's house. I couldn't imagine what was going through her head. I wished desperately that I knew. But her closed mind was just another part of her now. I pulled up in front of the house. Despite all the things that had happened tonight it was still only just after nine.

Bella sat up in the back seat and looked confused, "Sorry, I thought we were going to get my truck."

"You asked me to take you home," I said. Though I knew I would not have let her drive tonight. She had been shocked one too many times this evening and had already had a near fatal accident.

She looked out of the back window and I noticed she was shivering again, "It's just...I'll need it to get to school tomorrow." I almost offered her a ride and then thought the better of it. I should probably stay away for a while.

Still, I couldn't have her stranded in the morning. I nodded and held out my hand, "If you give me your keys I'll go and pick it up."

"But it's a long walk and you'll..." Bella was blushing again and it was distracting me. I wanted to touch her face and feel the warmth under her skin.

"Bella," I said interrupting her, "It's not a long walk for me I promise."

Her eyes widened, "Oh, okay. I'll see you tomorrow right?"

I was speechless for a second. She wasn't getting out of the car and running for her door. She didn't seem scared at all. Was she quite sane? "Ummm...do you want to?"

"Of course, after everything tonight..." her voice trailed off, "Well, let's just say I have questions."

Oh well, that made sense I supposed, though blind terror seemed more appropriate, "Yes, I'll be there."

"Were you really hiking today and yesterday?" She looked a little irritated and I remembered her bad mood. Maybe she really had noticed my-our absense.

"No."

She nodded, "Thank you again Edward. I can't say it enough."

I held up a hand, "You already have Bella. My pleasure." She smiled at me but I saw how pale she looked, she was still shivering. I got out of my door and opened hers.

She looked surprised but got out, offering me a beautiful smile. Somehow she stumbled and I reached out to grip her elbow. She found her balance again and blushed.

She looked up at me embarassed, and I wanted to do something crazy. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to touch her lips to mine. I could feel the heat coming from her skin. I wanted to feel it against me again. She had felt so warm and alive in my arms. I had to move away. She wasn't mine. Saving her life would have to be enough. I found that it was...just.

I stepped back and could have sworn Bella looked disappointed. That was too much. I would give in if I didn't get her into her house soon. I kept a gentle grip on her arm and led her to the front door. She fished in her pocket for her key.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked again as she opened the door.

I nodded, "I'll be in school. I promise."

She smiled, "Good. Thank you again."

She slipped inside and I turned back to the car.

XXX

I knew I should be worried. Bella Swan knew what I was, that meant she must know about the others. If she didn't she would figure it out quickly. It would only take the idea occurring to her. Alice was not going to be pleased.

I arrived home to find Emmett and Jasper sat playing poker. Emmett had a full house, but Jasper was packing a royal flush. He was lucky at cards.

"Where is everyone?"

Jasper looked up, "Alice Rosalie and Esme went shopping out of state. They set off a couple of hours ago. Just after Alice confirmed Bella would survive her accident."

Great, I knew Alice would have seen it and she had obviously seen I would save her friend. If she hadn't she wouldn't have known to show up with the car. It just made me wonder what else she had seen, "How much shit am I in here?" My language only got colourful when I knew the women were out of the house. Old chivalrous habits died hard.

"You missed the worst of it."

Jasper's thoughts were louder than his words. I hissed and took a step forward. Jasper was instantly on his feet, "Easy Edward. Calm down." Emmett was also on his feet. I got the feeling he was ready to play referee.

_I don't think that anymore Edward. I was worried. A human knowing endangers us all. The Volturi forbid it. But it's okay. Alice says it's fine. Bella's not going to tell anyone._

He was telling me the truth. But he and Rosalie had both been for the quickest solution to the problem. Jasper had been concerned for Alice's safety. Rosalie...well she was always quick to save her own beautiful hide. They had called Carlisle. He had talked them down.

Alice had backed Carlisle up. Bella was not a danger to us. She had also told Jasper she would be beyond pissed if he hurt Bella. Alice loved her after all. Probably not as much as I was starting to though.

The information was rushing in from a calm source. Emmett. He was replaying the evening for me. He and Jasper were worried, I looked livid. They both wondered if I was going to attack Jasper anyway. Jasper was thinking about Alice.

_She went out so I would have to deal with this. She saw this reaction coming. It's a really good job I love that woman. Wow, Edward must be getting attached to Bella. To more than the scent of her blood anyway..._

I started to calm down, "Jasper, I want to make something clear." My voice didn't shake with anger and I was proud of it. Jasper nodded for me to continue, "It would be ill advised. Don't try to hurt her, I won't have it."

Jasper's eyes widened. I had never made a declaration like that before. None of us had. We had all disagreed with each other at one time or another but we had never truly fought. But oddly Jasper wasn't angry with me for it. He understood, probably better than I did. If, for some crazy reason, I tried to hurt Alice he would stop me too.

He nodded and Emmett stood silently watching us both. "So, poker then?" I said sitting down. Guy code for 'I don't want to talk about it right now'.

Emmett laughed and flopped down next to me, "Oh no. Not a chance in hell."


	6. Chapter 6

**And we're back...Bella knows but she needs details. Edward's coming clean but he's still nervous. And Jake...well he's kinda out of the loop at the moment. Here we go...**

BPOV

I had thought for a second he was going to kiss me. I staggered up the stairs pulling my coat off my shoudlers. I remembered my helmet, which was still in the trunk of Edward's car. The idea was odd though I wasn't sure why. After all, if Jake's cold ones-vampires-existed, then why shouldn't I leave my helmet in the back of their car. Why not indeed? I would need a new one now anyway. I felt a semi-hysterical giggle building up in my chest. What the hell had happened to me tonight?

Part of my brain was trying to find a way to explain everything but it was beyond me. And there was nothing else which could account for what Edward had told me himself, never mind his heroic saving of my life. I paused at the top of the stairs gripping the rail to steady myself. I wasn't sure how to make my brain accept this news, but I didn't know how to fight it either. From everything I had seen and heard tonight it just...was. Edward was a vampire.

The giggle tried to work it's way out again but I felt almost too exhaused to laugh. I was bone tired. My body ached and I wished I had the energy to take a long bath. The hot water would help my throbbing muscles, maybe even help me clear my head, but I just couldn't face it, I was still shivering. I stripped off my damp clothes and reached for a pair of sweatpants. I normally made do with a vest but tonight I grabbed one of Charlie's old sweaters. I had claimed quite a number over the years.

I checked my watch. It wasn't even ten o'clock but who cared? I could sleep if I was tired. I would think about all this tomorrow, maybe things would seem clearer after a good night's sleep. I scrambled under the duvet and wrappped it around me. I was asleep within minutes.

XXX

_I was running through the woods. The trees flew past me and my feet seemed to know exactly what they were doing. I wasn't afraid of falling. This was easy. I didn't know where this confidence had come from but I loved it. I was free. I was unstoppable._

_Then I heard a rustling noise to my left. There was an animal there. It was coming closer. It was going to hit me. I couldn't stop. My legs were working too hard. I felt like they were out of my control. I couldn't stop running now._

_There was a flash of fur ahead, it was still coming. We were about to converge and I did the only thing I could think of. I leapt into the air. If it was a small animal maybe I could jump over it. But it wasn't a small animal. It was a large animal. It was huge. It had sharp teeth and thick fur. It was a wolf and it's teeth were coming closer._

_I screamed out and felt arms come around me. Gold eyes gleamed and a familiar crooked smile appeared. Edward. I reached out to grip him. He had saved me again, "Edward...Edward...thank you...Edward."_

"Bella? Bella wake up. You're having a nightmare. Bella! Are you okay?"

"Edward?" Why had everything gone dark? The hands shaking me were warm.

"Bella, it's dad. Are you okay?" The room snapped into focus. My dad was leaning over me and he turned on the bedside lamp. Concern instantly appeared on Charlie's face, "Bella you look terrible. Are you ill?"

I still felt a little at sea, and I struggled to sit up. It seemd to take a lot of energy, "What time is it?"

"It's almost four o'clock. How do you feel?"

Wow, it was early. I shivered. How did I feel? Well, I was shivering despite the fact I was drenched in sweat again. That couldn't be good. My head was fuzzy, it hurt as did my nose and forehead. In fact everything still ached, "I think I'm sick." I said flopping back onto the bed.

I heard Charlie chuckle under his breath as I dozed off again.

XXX

When I next woke it was light outside. I fumbled for the watch on the table and saw it was just after four in the afternoon. What the hell? I sat bolt upright and then slumped back into bed. Moving quickly was not an option. My head was somehow still swimming and throbbing at the same time.

I looked at my alarm clock to confirm the time. There was a note in front of it. A glass of water and a packet of aspirin were next to the note.

**Bella,**

**You looked really sick this morning so you should take the day off. I turned off your alarm so you could sleep. Your temperature this morning was about 101 degrees. Check it again when you wake up. If it goes any higher call me or a doctor. **

**Drink plenty of fluids and call me if you need anything. I'll let the school know today.**

**Dad**

I sank back into my bed relieved. Thank god for my father. I was tempted to go back to sleep but I couldn't ignore my need for a bathroom and maybe a cup of tea. I took two aspirin first and then got to my feet. My head throbbed and my sweater was stuck to my back. I peeled it off and changed it for a long sleeved t-shirt.

I tried to make myself feel more human with the aid of toothpaste and a hairbrush but it was exhausting work. I washed my face and decided to leave taking a shower until I felt more steady. I gripped the bannister firmly and started downstairs just as there was a gentle knock on it.

Well, at least I was already half way there. I pulled open the door expecting to see Jake, hadn't we made plans tonight? Instead saw Edward standing in my doorway. Rain was dripping from his hair and down his jacket.

His crooked smile was on his face but his eyes were appraising me, "Edward," I gasped, then I was afraid I had sounded like a gushing school girl, "I didn't expect to see you." Why hadn't I spent longer with the brush or at least tied my hair up? Thank god I had brushed my teeth. Thank you God.

The smile faded, "Is it okay? I heard you were out sick today." For some reason he held up a paper bag.

I was puzzled but I nodded quickly, "Sure, it's good to see you. I just..." My hands started to fidget with the frayed edges of the old shirt I was wearing. Why did I always end up looking ridiculous when I saw him? I fell over or crashed my bike or just lost the power of speech, "I wasn't expecting company, so I..."

I held out my hands to indicate my unkempt state, "Bella, please. You look lovely. Though very pale. Are you hungry?"

My heart had gone into overdrive again and now I had the terrifying thought that in some stories vampires could hear really well. Could Edward hear it every time my heart reacted like that? Who cared? He thought I looked lovely. He was wrong but still.

I realised he had asked me a question, "I am a little hungry actually." It seemed an odd question to ask when you showed up on someone's doorstep, "Would you like to come in?"

Edward's mouth twitched into a smile again, "Did you just _invite_ me into your home Bella Swan?"

"Yes," I said wondering what the joke was. Then it dawned on me, "Is that something you...need?" I asked. I didn't know how honest we were being.

"No, it isn't. But it's nice anyway. I would love to come in." I stepped back and Edward moved quickly out of the rain. He stood smiling while I shut the door on the weather, "I thought you might like some chicken soup." He held up the back again, "Alice said that when you visit sick people you bring something to make them feel better. Apparently chicken soup is a good option."

"Alice just thinks of everything doesn't she?" I said with a small chuckle. The shock of seeing Edward and my heart's reaction was not helping me stay on my feet. The aspirin hadn't kicked in yet and my head still throbbed mercilessly.

Edward was looking at me steadily, "I think you should go back to bed Bella. I'll bring the soup up if you're hungry."

"Edward you don't have to wait on me. I can heat it. I was going to make tea as well. Would you...well I guess you wouldn't." I could feel the smile splitting my face and I giggled. Where had that come from? My head was getting fuzzier.

Edward put the bag down and came to stand in front of me. He hesitated and then reached out and put his hand gently on my forehead. I sighed into his touch. I knew I should be embarassed by that but my face was already so hot I couldn't blush, "I think you have a fever."

"I think I do too," I said with another giggle.

Edward grinned reluctantly, "As funny as you are, I really think you should go back to bed."

"Okay," I turned to go but I swayed again. I wasn't going to fall, I was okay. Edward apparently disagreed though.

His hand snared my wrist, "Too much effort." Suddenly he swung me up in his arms as though I weighed nothing. I giggled again. I was being carried away by a vampire. Help! Wait, on second thought don't help. Just let him take me. No, that was bad...oh hell. My brain was making no sense tonight.

Edward was climbing the stairs as though he wasn't burdened by my weight. I reminded myself that he might not be. I stretched my arms up around his neck and his skin felt deliciously cool under my hands, "How strong are vampires?"

Edward gasped, whether at my touch or my words I didn't know. "Ummm...well. Pretty strong."

"Thought so," I said. That made sense. Though did it? Nothing made sense. Everything was too obscured with the fever racing through my body. All I was really conscious of was the cool of his skin under my hands. I could feel his hands through my clothes. It felt so good. I was so hot. Why couldn't I stop being so hot?

Edward bent and I felt my bed under me. But I didn't let go of Edward's neck. He was so cool, "Bella...umm..."

"Don't go..." my voice was rough and sleepy. I couldn't hold onto him I was too tired, but I didn't want him to go, "Stay...please Edward."

I felt the bed dip under his weight. He pulled my back against him and curled around me. Slowly I felt the cold of his skin seep through my clothes. I sighed and smiled. "Sleep Bella."

He rested his cheek on top of my burning one, it felt like heaven. I drifted to sleep. I dreamt of golden eyes, cool hands and strong arms.

XXX

I woke to the sound of voices. Charlie was downstairs and one of the voices was his. I recognised his laugh. Otherwise the voices were low. Jake had probably come round to check on me. I glanced at the clock wondering how much time I had slept away now. It was after nine. Another five hours.

I sat up in bed, I felt a little steadier. My head didn't swirl quite so alarmingly and although I was still hot I didn't feel as terrible as before. I was getting to my feet when I remembered. It was all so blurry. Had Edward really come here to see me? If he had, did I really let him put me in bed and then ask him to stay with me?

I really wasn't sure. I had been dreaming of him a lot lately. I could just be another delerium induced dream. I pulled off my sweats and grabbed my robe. I would say hi to my dad and Jake and then I would take a shower. After that I might try something exciting like drinking water.

I went slowly down the stairs. I was almost sure Edward had come here. I remembered answering the door to him. Had it all been real then? Where was he now?

Edward was sitting on my sofa next to my dad. They both looked up when I came in. I hadn't used a hairbrush this time. I had before. It had been real. Oh god. What was going on?

"Hey, how are you feeling?" My dad asked when I came in. I just made a face and he nodded sympathetically.

Edward was looking at me calmly, "Are you feeling better, Bella? I thought I better stay."

His gaze steadied me. He wanted me to go along with him, "Yes thank you. I didn't know you were still here." I hoped that was the right thing to say.

"Well, when I spoke to Carlisle he said someone should keep an eye on you." Edward's eyes were approving. I must be doing okay so far at covert vampire-ops 101. "Alice would have come over too but Esme's car broke down and she had to go and pick her up."

"Oh, that's okay." I said brilliantly, "Did you say something about soup before?"

Edward chuckled he looked perfectly at ease,"Sure, you sit down I'll heat it." His eyes brooked no argument, "Your dad's been telling me stories about you. Did you really swallow four marbles on a dare?" He smiled as he disappeared into the kitchen

I glared at my father, "Why are we picking on Bella today? I'm already sick."

"Oh come on Bells, that's a funny story. I thought it was hilarious." His frowned through the smile, "Well later anyway."

If he thought Edward heating soup for me in our house was strange Charlie gave no sign of it. Edward came back in with the bowl and some crackers, "There you go, courtesy of my pixie sister."

I smiled, "Thanks and thank her too. But you didn't have to."

Edward shrugged and turned to face Charlie. He held out his hand, "It was a pleasure to meet you sir."

"Oh you're leaving? And Charlie's fine, Edward."

Edward smiled politely, "Charlie then, and yes I should get going." I realised he was leaving and almost tried to stop him. I hadn't had the chance to talk to him yet, "Alice will call you in the morning Bella. If you're feeling better she'll probably stop by."

I nodded and tried to smile back. I didn't want him to go but there was nothing I could do about it with Charlie here. "Sure, it would be good to see her." I was pleased that my voice didn't shake.

"I'll show myself out."

I heard the door close but I didn't look round. I could feel Charlie's eyes on me. I didn't want to speak first, but then wondered if that might seem strange. To give myself something to do I began to eat. The soup was amazing, I wondered if Alice cooked. It seemed odd if she didn't need to.

Charlie cleared his throat, "So that's Edward Cullen?"

I tried to making my teasing smile convincing, "I guess so dad. His sister Alice is awesome. You'll like her a lot."

Charlie nodded slowly, "And do you like them?"

"Sure dad. I've only really talked to Edward and Alice, but they're both nice. Not what I was expecting." That was putting it mildly.

"And how's Jake?" My dad was staring at me shrewdly. I was afraid I knew where he was going with this. He was too damned observant. With a daughter who could endanger her own life walking down a flight of stairs he'd had to be.

"He's fine I think. I spoke to him yesterday, we made plans for tonight though. I'm kinda surprised he hasn't called." It was odd now that I thought about it. I had basically stood him up, although it was unintentional.

"I spoke to Billy earlier; asked him to pass on the message. I said I would have you call him when you got up." I nodded. I would have to do that. Jake would be concerned about me of course. Maybe I could put it off till tomorrow. I was sick after all. I hadn't realised Charlie was still watching me, "You don't have to be 'up' yet if you don't want."

I blushed furiously, sometimes I hated how well Charlie could read me, "What are you talking about dad?"

Charlie shrugged, "I came in this morning to wake you and you were talking in your sleep." He got to his feet and came over to pick up my empty bowl. I knew I talked in my sleep sometimes. Jake had teased me about it, "You weren't calling Jake's name."

Charlie raised both eyebrows and then looked towards the front door. Then he took the dishes into the kitchen. He didn't need to say anything else. I went upstairs for a shower. Maybe I would drown myself.

XXX

EPOV

When Alice got back and told me Bella wouldn't be in school tomorow I didn't wait for an explanation. I could hear her in my head as I ran. She was telling me that Bella was just sick. She would be fine and back in school by Tuesday. I didn't care. I had to see her with my own eyes and right now. I skittered up the tree and peered in through the window. Bella did not look comfortable.

If Charlie hadn't gone in and woken her when he did, I think I might have. She seemed so afraid. She was tossing and turning, all tangled up in her sheets again. Her skin had a much deeper flush than normal. I realised that she must have a fever and I felt horribly guilty. Carlisle had pronounced her fit after her accident. She had said as much. Maybe if I had taken her home when she asked me to she wouldn't have gotten sick. I had just been afraid that she might have injuries she wasn't aware of.

Fortunately her father had arrived home and woken her just after four. She had called out my name when her shook her awake and I saw the look of surprise on Charlie's face. He wondered who 'Edward' was. Bella had always been with Jake.

Charlie and Billy had leaned on each other as single parents. Their children had grown up together. Charlie liked Jake a lot. Had Bella met someone else? It would have to be one of the new kids. Yes, two of the boys had names that began with E. If she had it was going to be complicated. Very complicated.

Charlie hadn't brought it up. His baby girl did not look well. She had a fever and the way she screwed up her eyes against the light suggested a headache. It must be that bug. One of the receptionists at work had been out of work with it. Flu symptoms. He was worried, she didn't get sick often.

Charlie had settled Bella and gone to get water and aspirin. As I watched him turn off the light I realised Bella had been right about her father. He loved her unconditionally. I didn't really have a reason to watch her while she was here with him. He would keep her safe.

Charlie turned off her alarm. He decided that she would be better off sleeping through as much of the bug as she could. He wrote her a note and headed for his own bed. He was exhausted but he was still supposed to be working late tonight. He would try and organise cover so he could get home at a reasonable time.

I knew Bella was safe until morning but I stayed in my tree anyway. She looked so uncomfortable. I wanted to make sure she was okay. I sat and watched her toss and turn until I felt someone approaching.

_It's me Edward._

Alice. I climbed down my tree and moved into the woods to intercept my sister. She came into view smiling, "See I told you she was fine."

"Hmmm," I said non-commitally. She didn't look particularly fine to me. She looked like she felt terrible even in her sleep.

"You have to come to school with us today." Alice sounded almost apologetic but firm.

I shook my head, "No way, I'm staying here. She shouldn't be alone. Her dad has to work."

"Edward, look."

I didn't want to. The simple fact was that I didn't want to leave Bella's side whether she would be okay or not. I wanted to stay where I could see her. Alice opened her mind. She was mentally yelling again.

People would think it was weird if the others were all back and I wasn't. I was the hottest topic. The single one. We couldn't afford to arouse any suspicions, however slight. Especially considering the fact that Bella knew pretty much everything now. I didn't want to have to leave did I?

"Edward, she'll wake up this evening at seven minutes past four. Come and see her then. Be here about eighteen minutes passed." Alice's voice was wheedling. I knew she had come because she was the best one at talking me into things. If Rosalie was the bitchy older sister who seemed to spend half her life yelling at me, Alice was the baby who could coerce anyone into anything. It was yet another of her gifts.

I struggled for a minute, but I was already beaten, "Okay. I'll meet you at home in time."

Alice paused for a second. I would be there, she could see it. She nodded and melted back into the woods. I went back to my tree. I could stay another twenty two minutes.

XXX

I was at Bella's house early. As soon as the bell rang, I handed the keys to Alice, "When will you be home?" She asked quietly. We stood in rain, other students were starting to dash past us to their cars. They were too occupied getting themselves out of the rain to notice the two of us stood in it. Alice was hoping I could come home tonight if only for a while. Esme was concerned about me. I had only seen them briefly and it wasn't like me.

"I don't know," I shook my head. "Tell her I'm fine." I turned to go.

_Have you figured it out yet Edward?_

I paused.

_You're in love with her. You know that right?_

I nodded but I didn't say anything. What was there to say? I hadn't realised at first because I'd never experienced it before. But when Bella had almost died in front of me I had known.

_It's all splotchy and dark Edward. I don't think it's going to be easy though._

I sighed and turned back face Alice, "Do you know what happens? Can you see that far yet?"

Alice shook her head, "Too many unmade decisions."

"I won't hurt her you know."

Alice nodded, "I know. It would kill you if you did."

"I'll be back at some point. I'll need to stay well fed. Just to be safe." There was no need to push my already taut luck.

Alice nodded, "I'll see when you're ready, I'll be waiting." She pressed the button to open the car. I could see the others coming out of the front door, "Wait a second Edward." She grabbed a paper bag, "Chicken soup. You're supposed bring food to sick people. They have crackers too."

I raised an amused eyebrow at her, "Really?" I took the bag from her.

Alice finally gave me a smile, "You need to watch more TV."

I turned back and headed for the tree line. I could move as fast as I wanted in here, I was hidden. I could get to Bella faster. The ground disappeared beneath my feet. Once I was within fifty yards of her house I could hear her heartbeat. It was so familiar to me now. It was too fast.

I scanned the area, there was no one to see me. I emerged from the tree line and almost flew up my tree. Bella was stirring. She was waking up. She looked just as hot as the last time I saw her. In every way.

Her hair was clinging to her damp forhead. Her skin was flushed. I felt my breath hitch in my chest. Why did it do that when I didn't need to breath and had no heartbeat? But she was so beautiful. I swallowed hard. I could wait for her to get up without watching her.

I tore my eyes away from her and slid down the tree. I could hear her clearly enough. Bella was getting up. She didn't sound very steady on her feet. I heard her go to the bathroom and fumble around for a while, then the bathroom door opened and Bella started down the stairs.

I moved to the front door and knocked quietly. If she had a headache I didn't want to startle her. She kept moving down the stairs. What if she tripped? I almost pushed the door open but I knew I was being ridiculous. She had grown up in this house. She knew how to get up and down the stairs.

She pulled the door open and the scent assualted me. She had slept last night still damp from the rain. She smelled so sweet it was almost like a mist in the air. I could taste her. I didn't let it change the smile on my face.

It didn't matter. How she smelled didn't matter anymore, she did. She looked surprised I was here, "Edward, I didn't expect to see you."

Oh crap, had she decided she was scared of me after all? I wouldn't blame her, "Is it okay? I heard you were out sick today." I indicated the soup, grateful that I had an almost legitimate excuse to be here.

Bella was nodding but she still looked uncomfortable, "Sure, it's good to see you. I just..." She was fidgeting with her clothes. She was wearing a well washed shirt and when she pulled at the edge on one side it rode up on the other. I could see the pale skin of her waist. I dragged my eyes back up to her face, "I wasn't expecting company, so I..."

She was still fiddling with her shirt and it was distracting me. I couldn't understand why she was doing it. I saw that she was blushing. I hadn't noticed before because she was already so flushed. She was embarrassed and she was fiddling with her shirt. She was embarrassed by what she was wearing. I almost laughed out loud. She was the most stunning thing I had ever seen and she was worried about her clothes. "Bella, please. You look lovely. Though very pale. Are you hungry?" I would make an effort to remember how often humans needed to eat.

Bella was looking at me and her heartbeat was getting even faster. I wasn't sure if there was something wrong, but I hoped she was reacting to my presence. I had gotten the same human response many times, but I had never wanted it. She shook her head a little, "I am a little hungry actually." She held out a hand behind her, "Would you like to come in?"

This time I couldn't stop the smile. Maybe Bella didn't watch a lot of TV either, "Did you just invite me into your home Bella Swan?"

"Yes." She looked momentraily confused by my question but then she nodded, "Is that something you...need?"

"No, it isn't," that might have been a hard one to explain in a new town. Some mythical vampires could only enter public buildings. Would it effect us getting into schools? I supposed it might do. I remembered that Bella was watching me, "But it's nice anyway. I would love to come in." I was being invited into Bella's house.

The elation that flowed through me was hard to contain. I was afraid I might blurt out something I shouldn't. Bella's colour was high and I could feel the heat coming from her skin. She should still be in bed. She didn't need to hear my babbling. I clutched my paper bag in front of me. "I thought you might like some chicken soup. Alice said that when you visit sick people you bring something to make them feel better. Apparently chicken soup is a good option."

"Alice just thinks of everything doesn't she?" Bella giggled but it sounded different. It sounded weak.

The food could wait if necessary. She needed to get off her feet before she fell over. "I think you should go back to bed Bella. I'll bring the soup up if you're hungry." I would spoon feed her if she wanted me to.

"Edward you don't have to wait on me. I can heat it. I was going to make tea as well. Would you...well I guess you wouldn't." She was giggling again and grinning at me.

I reached out to touch her. I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to see how high her fever was, plus I really wanted to touch her. I paused but I truly couldn't stop myself. Her skin felt as though it was on fire. She sighed as I touched her and I felt myself tense. I could kiss her. She wouldn't stop me. I was sure of it. I could slip my arms around her and hold her to me as I had last night. I wanted to. I wanted to feel her again. But it would be wrong.

She was sick. I would be taking advantage of her. How many times was I going to be able to talk myself out of kissing her? It was getting harder. I could feel her skin getting even hotter, "I think you have a fever." My voice sounded husky but Bella didn't seem to notice.

"I think I do too," Bella was still giggling.

I couldn't help but smile. Delirious or not her laugh was beautiful, "As funny as you are, I really think you should go back to bed."

"Okay," Bella didn't argue or ask any questions. She just turned to go but then she swayed on her feet. I didn't think she was going to fall but I wasn't going to miss the chance.

As soon as she had moved away from me I had felt bereft. Something I wanted had gone. I reached out and took her wrist. "Too much effort." I wasn't sure what I was talking about. Did I mean she shouldn't make the effort to walk. I didn't think so. I meant it was too hard for me not to touch her.

I pulled her to me as I had last night and then picked her up. She felt as though she weighed nothing. She giggled again in my arms. I lifted her close to my face. She smelled so sweet. Her eyes were half shut and I knew she was in the grips of the fever. I wanted her here in my arms. I knew she was safe this way.

I took her upstairs to her bedroom. Once I saw she was settled I would go and let her sleep. She shifted in my arms and I felt her hands snake around my neck. I groaned. She was going to kill me. I was going to combust right here. Either that or I was going to lay her on her bed and kiss every inch of her skin. "How strong are vampires?" Bella's voice was muffled against my chest. I could feel her breath on me.

It was almost as though she could read my mind. I needed to remember how fragile she was, "Ummm...well. Pretty strong."

She was sick and she needed to rest. I couldn't spend the night pawing her, even if she would let me. I lay her on her bed. I was determined I would pull away. I would not give in to what I wanted. I was about to move my arms from around her but she clung to my neck, "Bella...ummm..." I needed to ask her to let go. I should let her go and leave now. I wouldn't go far. I would be just outside the window.

"Don't go...Stay...Please Edward." My breath did that odd stutter in my chest again as I stared at her. I had heard her say those words once before. The first time I had come here at night she had whispered in her sleep. I had almost launched myself through her window to be near her. I couldn't leave now.

I lay down next to her. I folded myself around her and held her close. I hesitated for a second before I buried my face in her hair. Her scent was torturous but I didn't care. The pleasure I took in it was so much stronger.

Bella sighed and smiled. She wriggled closer to me and rubbed against the front of my jeans. I groaned again, hoping she wasn't awake enough to notice. Just in case I moved my hand to her hip to hold her still, my self-control must not slip now. "Sleep Bella." I rested my cheek against hers.

I felt her heartbeat slow quickly but I didn't move. I would stay here and hold her every night if she would let me. Her skin shone in the low light of the room and after an hour I could feel that her temperature had dropped half a degree. I was ridiculously pleased. My being here was great for me, but I could rationalize that it was also good for her.

Bella mumbled a little in her sleep. She said my name again.

XXX

Around half eight I heard Charlie Swan's mind coming closer. I looked down at the girl sleeping so peacefully in my arms. I could hide in her room. Then I could come out when he'd gone to bed. I could spend the rest of the night with her.

I reluctantly decided against it. If I was going to spend the night with Bella I would rather the offer came when she was conscious. I slid my arms out from underneath her. Her temperature was now down a full degree. She was getting better.

I walked down the stairs quickly. I chose a book from the shelf and turned on a light. I got a glass from the kitchen and swished a little juice round the bottom. Then I went and took my spot on the chair.

Chief Swan came through the door quietly. If Bella was in bed asleep he didn't want to disturb her. Once he had shut the door I got to my feet and cleared my throat. Chief Swan spun around and looked shocked. It was to be expected. A strange man in the house with his sick daughter upstairs. I smiled my most charming smile, "Chief Swan, it's a pleasure to meet you I'm Edward Cullen. I go to school with your daughter. As of this week anyway."

No, this man was not slow. He was instantly assessing me. I was the Edward, Bella had been talking about. "Hello, Edward."

"I apologise for just being here but I thought I should stay until you got back. Bella's temperature was high and my father said to keep an eye on her." I wanted to make it clear that I was thinking of his daughter's health.

The distraction worked, Charlie's thoughts were instantly for Bella, "How high is her fever running now?" He was glad I had called Carlisle. He had been debating calling their usual doctor and asking him to stop by.

"She's about a hundred degrees, so down a degree. She took some aspirin and slept some more." I smiled again. Charlie noticed the book in my hand. Why was I here in the first place? Sometimes my mind-reading was beyond helpful, "You would have met my sister tonight but she had to go and pick up my mom. I'm on delivery duty."

I hoped I wasn't laying on the normal-kid thing too thick. If I was, Charlie didn't notice, "Delivery duty? What did she send?"

I laughed, "Chicken soup. Apparently it's the right thing to send when someone's sick." I shrugged.

"I wouldn't know much about that." His eyes were still sharp on me but he was deciding that I didn't seem too worrying. "Would you like to stay for a coffee?"

I nodded, "Thanks Chief Swan. I'll have one before I go."

He nodded and went upstairs to check on Bella. Ugh, coffee. I started looking around to see if there was a potted plant anywhere nearby. I hated human food of every type, but coffee smelled god awful. Charlie came downstairs and turned the TV onto a sports channel, "You like sports Edward."

"Yes sir," I said sychophantically. I couldn't really play sports with people. If I got carried away and hurled a ball several thousand feet it might cause raised eyebrows. I did like them though.

Charlie talked a little about Bella and about various sports teams. I thanked god that Emmett watched sports compulsively and I knew what he was talking about. I wished he would just talk about his daughter though. We were discussing the world of baseball when I heard Bella stirring upstairs. Maybe I should have stayed by her side. She had been sleeping so peacefully.

She still looked exhausted when she came down the stairs but she backed up my story perfectly. She would make a good Cullen. I squashed that thought before it could go any further. I didn't even know where it had come from. There was no point in considering things which were impossible.

I concentrated on Bella. She was probably so exhausted because she hadn't eaten. As though she had read my mind she asked about the soup. I went and heated it up for her. If she went back to bed without eating that would mean more than twenty four hours. Humans shouldn't do that, especially if they were sick.

I brought the soup in for her and then announced my departure. Charlie was watching me closely and I was worried about what he might pick up if I stayed too long. He was too observant. He was considering me seriously. Bella had never expressed interest in any guy except Jacob Black. What was so special about me? I was a good looking kid, he would give me that. But that wouldn't be enough for Bella.

His thoughts were focused and I should get out of there before I gave anything away. Clearly he didn't despise me completely though. I was allowed to call him Charlie.

XXX

I didn't manage to get back to my tree until after midnight. I had gone home to see my family and more specifically Esme. She had clearly been warned by Alice and was waiting for me in exactly the same spot my sister had sat the night before. I sat down with a sigh, "I'm starting to feel like this is the spot for a nightly ambush."

Esme reached out and took my hand, "Please don't feel that way Edward. I'm just concerned for you."

She really was. She was afraid I really felt like everyone was ganging up on me, "No, mom. I know you're all just concerned. I appreciate it. I really do." I usually only called her 'mom' when we were alone. It made her happy and I had to admit that even now it was oddly comforting. "How much has Alice told you?"

"Just that you saved the girl. And that you warned Jasper away from her." Esme's voice was a whisper, "And that you meant it."

"I did mean it mom," I took a deep breath in. Uneeded as it was, It was comforting too, "I'm in love with the girl, with Bella Swan."

"Really?" I was almost knocked over by the force of Esme's delight. I knew she had always been concerned about me. She was afraid that for whatever reason I would spend eternity alone. Now that might not be the case.

"It's not that simple. It's so complicated."

"Why is it complicated?"

"Well, she's human. I'm not. She has a whole life ahead of her and she should have everything she wants. I can't give her anything. She has a guy in her life who has loved her forever and I am pretty sure she loves him too. Plus if I ever lost control around her I could kill her in a second." Talking with Esme just brought it all out of me. The concerns I had been carrying suddenly seemed too heavy to bear alone. I dimly wondered if all mothers had this effect on their children.

Esme nodded sympathetically, "How does she feel about you?"

"What?" The question caught me off guard. I had been more concerned with figuring out my own feelings.

"Did I stutter?" Esme was grinning at me.

"I...I have no idea. I can't read her mind so..." I didn't have any idea what Bella was thinking.

"You could always just ask her." Esme said it as though it was the simplest thing in the world. She thought it was.

"Mom, she doesn't even know everything yet. We've barely discussed anything in depth. All she knows is what she's heard about us from the Quiluete legends." It was pretty vague as far as I remembered. It also painted my kind in a very bad light. Jesus Christ did she even know that we didn't hurt humans? She must, surely she must. She would definitely be scared if she didn't.

"Well then, maybe you'll know better what to do after you fill in the blanks for her," Esme said.

"Why? Just so I can freak her out some more? 'Hey Bella, not only are we a family of the undead we can read minds and see the future too.' I can't see it going well." Then again, she had handled the other news pretty well. She had barely flinched.

"Edward, maybe you're right and it can't work out, but you don't seem to be able to stay away from her. Correct?" I nodded guiltily, "Then you have to do something. You can't just keep following her around forever. The only way you're going to make any progress is if you talk to her."

"What if she can't handle it? What if she really does freak out and then she doesn't want to see me again? We might have to move." I might have to leave and never see her again. It would probably be the best thing but it made my chest hurt to even think about it.

"If that's her reaction then it's something you need to know. We need to know it too."

That was true. If Bella couldn't handle the secrets I had to share then I would leave. I couldn't force these things on her, "I have to go back mom."

I got to my feet, "Don't you think you should hunt first? Better to be safe."

Also she missed me. I nodded, "Sure, I'm in the mood for elk." I didn't want to go hunting, I wasn't hungry. But I would paste a smile on my face and go. For my mom.

XXX


	7. Chapter 7

**I have been awake for thirty eight hours and this is the result.**

**This is the first of two chapters going up today and they are dedicated to Violet OD and Cherry Blushe. You lovelies (I'm English in case you haven't guessed), can fight it out over who gets which. As for all the rest of you, the ones favourit-ing me and not reviewing...Come to our side! We have cookies!**

BPOV

On Saturday I woke at noon to the phone ringing. Charlie was out so I staggered down the hall. I didn't really care who was on the other end I just wanted to stop the ringing. "Hello?" My voice sounded rough even to me.

"Bella hi. It's Alice." The reminder was totally unnecessary. Her voice was very distinctive. But for the first time she sounded a little unsure of herself. I wondered if something was wrong. Did she know about the time Edward had spent here last night? Oh God I had almost forgotten about that. Then it hit me. She wasn't sure about the reception she was going to get.

After all, if Edward was a vampire then Alice...well all of them surely. Wow, I had only really thought about Edward and Alice, maybe Dr Cullen a little. There was a whole family of vampires living in the small town of Forks, it was almost funny. Seven vampires.

I didn't know if I should care more than I did. Oddly it was Jake's earlier words that reassured me. The Cullens weren't like the vampires in the movies. They didn't feed on humans. They lived off animal blood. If I could accept the existence of vampires, why not good vampires? Even if I hadn't known this I wasn't sure if I could be scared of Alice. I liked her too much, "Hi Alice. How are you?"

"I should be asking you that. Apparently you're sick. How are you feeling?" She sounded genuinely concerned.

Well, that was a more complicated question than usual, but I decided to keep it simple, "I still feel like crap but I think I'm better. The world...well it's spinning but it's not the fast cycle." I managed to chuckle a little and Alice laughed delightedly.

"I'm so glad to hear it. Did you want some company today? I don't want you stuck in the house by yourself." She sounded eager to spend the day playing nursemaid.

I was on the verge of saying yes. The idea of some time with Alice was cheering. Maybe I could steer the conversation to Edward and subtly ask her to explain her brother. Had he said anything to her about me? But I hadn't seen Jake in three days. I had to remember who my boyfriend was and that he needed my time too. "Could we do something tomorrow? I think I'm seeing Jake today."

Alice hesitated for a minute, "Sure, tomorrow's great. Shall I bring a movie?" Ah, the excitement was back.

"Definitely, you pick. I probably wont be up to anything more energetic." That was true, I was feeling crappier the longer I was on my feet. I should probably eat something and then sit down.

"I'll pick two. Movie Sunday!" I could almost picture her bouncing on her toes in excitement. "I'll see you around noon. And Bella, thanks."

She hung up before I could say anything else. She was thanking me? Why? Just because I still wanted to see her? Wow, their lives must be lonely. They never changed after all, they wouldn't be able to stay anywhere for very long. I wondered when Alice had last made a friend. She was lucky she had Jasper.

I made a call to Charlie, letting him know I was okay. Then I called Eric. He had heard I was sick but was pleased to hear from me. I assured him I would be back soon and he promised to pass the news on to Angela.

By the time I hung up I knew it was time to call Jake. I wanted to sit down, my head was spinning but instead I dialled his number. "Black residence."

"Hey Jake, it's me."

"Bella! Hi, how are you feeling?" He sounded just as pleased as Alice to be talking to me. I couldn't understand my sudden popularity.

"Everyone's been asking me that lately. I'm a little better than I was yesterday. At least I'm vertical. I slept on and off for almost thirty six hours. I didn't even know my body could do that."

Jake laughed, "Well, if you're feeling better shall I come over? Do you feel like company? It's okay if you don't."

After a day and a half of feeling ill I was back to feeling guilty. Jake wasn't kidding when he said my distance was making him anxious, "That sounds like fun, just bear in mind that I don't look good and I might be contagious." I kept my voice light. I didn't like the tension in his voice, he didn't deserve to feel that way.

"Ah, it's okay. I might have it anyway. But I don't feel too bad."

Jake was sick too? I didn't even know. The award for the worst girlfriend in the world belonged to me, "How long have you been sick?"

"Oh I'm not. I just have a slight temperature. I don't feel sick though." He didn't sound sick. Maybe I wasn't that blind then.

"Okay, well come over whenever you're ready. We might have to order take-out. I don't think I'm up to cooking."

Jake's laughter sounded more genuine now, "I'll see you soon Bells."

XXX

Jake was over within half an hour. I opened the door and he was grinning from ear to ear, "Hello beautiful." He wrapped his arms round me and kissed me gently. It was sweet and comforting, but it was also very hot. Jake hadn't been lying about his temperature. Or maybe everything felt hot to me right now; after Edward.

I kissed him back. It was good to see him. He reminded me of my life before this crazy week. Before I had known that his 'cold ones' were real. But then, that meant life without Edward...and Alice of course. "I know I'm not beautiful, especially not today. But thank you."

I went to move back but his arms squeezed me tighter, "You're always beautiful to me Bella." He kissed the top of my head. I hugged him back but I was starting to get way too hot.

"Want to help me make tea?" I asked with a smile. Jake nodded and followed me into the kitchen. He fussed over me. He set me up on the sofa with my grandmother's quilt and everything I might need within arms reach. After the third time he got up to fetch something else I snapped. He thought I might need more aspirin and I told him he was driving me mad. Just watching him rush around me was making my head throb.

He finally sat next to me. He had covered me with the quilt and snuggled me. I started to feel more and more lightheaded. Jake was just so hot. There was so much of him. He had to be almost six feet tall. Wow, what with seeing him every day I had barely noticed his growth spurt.

I concentrated on relaxing. We chatted about everything and nothing. There was never anything to watch on a Saturday afternoon anyway. We settled on some comedy re-runs. I kept trying to get comfortable on the sofa but the heat radiating from Jake's body made it difficult. I was so hot and my head was starting to get fuzzy again.

We ordered pizza at about five and I managed to eat two slices. Jake finished the rest. I wondered where he put it all. But then, he was so big now. Jake asked if I wanted to do something else but the pizza had left me feeling full. I didn't think I would have been up to it anyway. My body was shuddering regularly again, even though I wanted nothing more than to sink into a cool bath.

I was staring at the screen lost in thought. Jake was fidgeting next to me and I suddenly realised that the actor had a similar smile to Edward. It was crooked in the same way. It wasn't as beautiful as Edward's of course. But it brought him to mind. He had stayed with me yesterday. His body had wrapped around mine and cooled me.

The heat rose to my face all over again and I struggled away from Jake. "I'm going to get some water," I said and I started to get to my feet.

"Are you okay?" Jake was looking at me curiously.

"I'm fine," I said and I tried to smile. It might have come across wrong, "Just thirsty."

"No, Bells, you stay put. I'll get it," he headed into the kitchen.

I kicked the quilt off and stretched out on the sofa. Maybe the extra aspirin hadn't been a bad idea. My head was really starting to ache again. I grabbed the packet and got out two pills. Jake came in and handed me a tall glass, "Thanks, my headache's back. It brought some friends."

"Do you want something to eat?" Jake was watching me anxiously

"No, thanks Jake. I'm not hungry." I smiled at him and went back to watching the tv.

"Shall we watch a movie or something? Maybe we can take your mind off it." His voice was getting higher. He was jittery on his feet. What the hell was up with him?

"No, it's okay. I actually like this show." I didn't want to pick a movie. It was easier on my head to watch something that didn't require thought.

"Do you want something else to drink? Maybe I should put some ice in your water. Might cool you down a bit." He put an arm round my shoudler and pulled me against him again. Ugh, he was so hot. If he would stop grabbing me I might cool down. I wriggled to put a little distance between us.

"No, this is fine. The aspirin will kick in and I'll be fine." He was kind of freaking me out. He pulled me back to him.

"Bella, what can I do?" His voice was suddenly shrill and I felt the sound vibrate through my head.

"What?" I was momentarily confused. Hadn't I just said that I didn't need anything? All I wanted was to sit quietly and watch the show. I still felt awful; like I had been hit by a truck after the lightning struck me.

"Something's up," he said furiously, "Something more than you just being sick. I can feel it." Oh god, I couldn't do this now, not yet. The colour that had risen to my face drained out of it. I could almost feel it.

"Jake, there's nothing..." I could hear the hollow sound in my voice. I wasn't even convincing myself anymore. I wasn't surprised I couldn't fool Jake.

"Please don't tell me there's nothing wrong Bells. Please. I know you better than anyone. I know when you're lying." He was right about that too. I just didn't know what to say. That I had met someone? I hadn't, not really. He wasn't even a person, I couldn't do anything about my feelings. I didn't think I could. Even if it was possible, could I make that choice? Could I destroy Jake? That was what I would be doing. My head was pounding painfully. The sunset was shining through the window and despite the cloud cover the light was agonizing.

I struggled from his embrace, "What are you talking about? What have I done? Why are you so convinced something's wrong?" My voice sounded tired.

"Well this for starters. You wont even let me hold you." He was suddenly on his feet pacing in front of the sofa, "What's up with that?"

"I'm sorry. But you're really hot and I have a fever. I'm just trying to cool down." I kicked the quilt away.

"That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard." He was yelling now. I was feeling really dizzy. I couldn't argue with him now. I needed to have my wits about me for this conversation.

"Well it happens to be the truth," I put one of my hands to my head, "And would you please stop yelling."

"Bella, this is so frustrating. I know you're keeping something from me. I know it. It's driving me crazy." He just sounded sad and I couldn't stop the tears that started streaming down my cheeks. Before I knew it I was sobbing. "Oh Bells, I'm sorry."

Jake sank to his knees and put his arms around me. I let him hold me for a few seconds. But the heat was stifling, "Jake, I'm sorry but you really are hot. How can you not feel it?"

Jake sighed and sat back on his heels, "I know that's not all."

His eyes were hard and I couldn't bear to see it, "I think you should go."

He melted and looked horrified, "Bella, no..."

"Jake, I'm not telling you to go as in forever. Don't be stupid. I just can't do this right now. I don't want to fight with you. I just want to go back to bed." I got to my feet.

"Bella, I'll stop. We don't have to talk about this." He took my hand and held it tight.

I turned and kissed him gently, "It's not about that, I just need to rest. We can talk about whatever you want, but not tonight."

"Please let's just talk." Jake wasn't shouting now. His voice was pleading.

"Jake, if you want to stay, it's fine. But I really need to sleep." I turned to the stairs, "I love you Jake." I said.

"I love you too."

XXX

Jake hung around for maybe ten minutes. Maybe he was waiting to see if I would come back down the stairs. I felt like the worst coward in the world but I just couldn't handle anything right now. I certainly couldn't handle having this conversation with him. I didn't know where it might end. I was lousy at lying and worse than lousy at lying to Jake.

I put on a clean t-shirt and slipped under the sheets. They were cool on my skin and felt delicious; for a few seconds anyway. As I heard the door close behind Jake I kicked the covers to the floor. I was too hot already. I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. I lay on my front trying to will my heart to slow.

I stared at the branch outside my window. There was a breeze tossing the leaves and I could just make out their shape in the dusk. I drifted into an unpleasant trance. I didn't know what I was going to do. Jake knew something was wrong and I was running out of time.

But time to do what? There was something between Edward and I. Whatever it was, it was powerful. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I wished I hadn't been so out of it last night. I wanted to be able to remember clearly every moment I had been with him. I knew I had asked him to stay and he had. He had stayed until my dad had gotten home.

I just didn't know what it meant...for anything. For me and Edward or for me and Jake. But then I didn't know what it might mean for my life either. I lay in my bed completely still, staring at the tree Jake had climbed so many times. It hadn't changed at all as far as I remembered. The leaves always trembled just the same in the breeze.

Except when Jake was climbing it. Then they would jitter faster as he moved his weight from branch to branch. They were jittering now. Had Jake come back? But it wasn't Jake climbing the tree outside my window. The figure had bronze hair that gleamed even in the moonlight. Edward. I literally pinched myself as my dream played out in front of me.

My heart started to beat furiously. Edward paused and turned around. His eyes met mine and he looked horrified. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away despite his obvious embarassment. He was frozen in his act of climbing.

Had he been here before? Did he do this often? Edward finally wrenched his gaze away and he started down the tree. Without thinking I called out to him, "Edward wait!"

He had disappeared beneath my line of sight and I scrambled to my feet as quickly as I could, which wasn't very. He wasn't gone. He had stopped at the bottom of the tree. I could see him stood there; he looked up at the window. I pushed it up. I stared down at him but I didn't know what to say. I had just caught him spying on me. Shouldn't I be furious? All I could summon up was an overwhelming gratitude for his presence, "Edward..." my voice was low, "Would you like to come in?"

Hell, it had worked the last time he came calling. I was rewarded with my favourite smile. Before I knew what had happened Edward was back up the tree and was on a level with the window, "Excuse me," he said politely.

I stepped to the side. Was he actually going to do what I thought he was going to? Oh yes, he leapt forward. He soared elegantly through the window landing in a crouch in front of me. It really was true, there was no pretending otherwise. No human could have made a leap that way. Without my permission my brain was registering and accepting the fact...it seemed okay with it. Or maybe Edward's eyes were distracting me.

He rose to his feet and he looked at me in concern, "I thought your fever had broken but I guess not." He leaned towards me and then leant back. I just stood there looking at him. His eyes were gold and so beautiful. He raised a hand to my face and then paused.

I didn't move back. He was going to touch me and I couldn't stop him. Edward's hand touched my cheek and I felt it flame under his skin. Lying down had helped a little with the headache, but the sensation he created was better. I didn't even care about the headache, "Did you have a good day Bella?"

His voice sounded oddly formal, for a second I wondered if he knew I had seen Jake today. How could he? Well, if he was climbing the tree outside my window to watch me at night I guessed it was possible, "Not really. It's been lousy."

Edward held his arms out, "May I?" His voice was still calm but his eyes were cautious.

My heart was in my throat. He was asking my permission to hold me. If I said yes I couldn't blame it on anything else. I wasn't delirious this time. I would be crossing the line into unnacceptable territory. This was the moment when I had to decide to keep Edward in my life or ask him to leave it. Looking back, I hope I can say honestly that I considered asking him to leave, but I'm not sure I did. I just couldn't, instead I stepped forward.

Edward's arms closed around me and held me tight. I felt his cheek rest on top of my head and he sighed my name. I breathed easily. He was only wearing a t-shirt and I could feel his skin touching my arms. I suddenly remembered I was barely dressed, just a t-shirt and panties. That was even less appropriate but I couldn't bring myself to move away. I was feeling too comfortable in Edward's arms. He led me over to the bed and lay down behind me as he had last night. His fingers stroked through my hair and it was incredibly relaxing.

"Edward?" My voice was drifting away. It had been an exhausting day considering I had done so little.

"Yes Bella."

"Thank you for staying." I was so glad he was here.

"My pleasure." His fingers kept stroking my hair. They were tracing patterns behind my ear gently. It was soothing and I felt myself drifting into sleep. I dreamt of Edward's hands again that night.

XXX

I opened my eyes, I had left the curtains open last night and I could see the cloudy sky clearly. The breeze tossed the leaves of the tree outside my window...Edward! I sat bolt upright and there he was. He was sat in the chair at the end of my bed watching me with a guarded expression, "Good morning."

"You're still here!" I exclaimed.

"Yes," his voice was flat. "Would you like me to leave?"

"No," I defintitely didn't want that. I had been wanting to talk to him since the night of my accident and I had been thinking of him in my room for longer. "I just...I wasn't sure if I was dreaming last night." It was true.

"Me, sneaking up your tree to spy on you? It wasn't a dream," he was smiling at me now. He looked more relaxed and I wondered how sure he'd been that I would ask him to leave.

"Do you do that a lot?" I couldn't think of anything more relevant to say. Anyway, the question was pretty damn relevant.

"Yes," he nodded slowly, he looked as though telling the truth was costing him. I waited for him to continue, something told me he would, "I have trouble staying away from you."

"Why's that do you think?" I could hear the tremor in my voice but I didn't know if Edward could. Then again, he probably could. Vampire and all.

"There are many reasons," he smiled. "I worry for you. I'm afraid something could happen to you. Apparently not without reason."

"I'm glad you were worried the other night anyway," I said thinking about my bike for the first time in days. I wondered if it was still hidden by the side of the road somewhere.

"The night of your accident or the first night you were sick...or last night?" He raised his eyebrows and I knew he was gently mocking me.

"All of the above," I said quietly. If he was trying to be honest with me I would try to do the same.

Edward took a sharp breath in, "Bella, I know you have questions and I will try to answer them, if I can. But can I ask you something first?"

"Okay," I nodded.

"Do you..." he was struggling with the words, a frown had appeared and my favourite smile had vanished.

"You can ask me Edward, I owe you at least one answer after all you've done for me." I owed him a lot more that. I owed him my life. Right now if he had asked me for it I would have given it to him.

"Do you feel anything for me?" Edward was staring at the carpet. His lips pressed together, his hands gripped the arm rests of the chair.

For a moment the ability to speak deserted me again. What was I supposed to say? I dream about you every night? I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone and it hurts because I don't think I can be with you. I don't know what to do because I have a boyfriend who loves me? And oh yes, you're a vampire. Apparently a good one but still... Though that was actually the least of my concerns. How odd. How could finding out about the existence of the undead bother me less than everything else?

Edward hadn't moved an inch waiting for my answer. He was still staring at the carpet. He was right I wanted answers from him. Honest ones. I took a deep breath. Quid pro quo Clarice. "Yes, I do."

Edward let out a breath I didn't know he was holding. Did he even need to breath? Vampires in the movies I had sat through with Jake sometimes didn't. He looked up at me and smiled, "Okay. What did you want to ask me?"

Wow, I was still shaking from having to give that answer. I had expected more of a response, "That's it? That's all you wanted to know?"

Edward shrugged lightly, "I asked you for one answer and then I promised to answer your questions. On reflection maybe I should have asked what it is you feel. But we all have perfect hindsight." He was smiling again.

"I could answer one more." I had no idea why I said that. I had the perfect get out and I realised he had asked the question deliberately. He didn't want to force me to declare anything I wasn't ready to. I didn't know if I was ready but it was too late now.

Edward's golden eyes were boringinto me, "What do you feel for me Bella Swan?" His voice seemed deeper as he spoke and I felt my insides shiver.

I shuffled on the bed into a cross-legged position trying to give myself time to think. I could have asked him anything and instead I put myself in this position. "I...you confuse me. I've never...reacted to anyone the way I react to you. I...I feel things when I see you. I don't like it when you're away. I missed you terribly when you weren't at school. I was afraid you had all decided to leave Forks and the feeling almost crushed me."

There, that was all the truth. Edward's lips twitched and I could see he was fighting a smile, "I know that feeling." He sat forward and ran his hands through his hair, "But I don't know what to do. I know what I should do, but I just can't do it."

"What should you do?" I asked, the breathy tone was back in my voice again. It was his gaze. It did things to me; things it shouldn't do.

"I should leave. Leave Forks and never see you again." His expression was pained. He didn't want to leave and never see me again. Good.

"No," I said. My voice was stronger.

"It would be for the best Bella. It would be the best thing for you." Edward sounded very certain and I was suddenly irritated.

"I think I should have a say in what's best for me," I said a little tartly.

"And what do you think that is? You have a life here Bella. How can this all fit together?" Edward sounded so sad. I didn't know the answer to his question but I was finding it hard to care.

I shook my head, "I don't know. I wish I did." The tears started again. God I had spent more time crying in the last two days than I had all year. Then something occured to me. He had said I could ask anything. I had a million questions. What did it mean to be a vampire? Why didn't they kill people? How long had they lived like this? Why had they really been off school for those two days? How could they come out during the day? The list was endless.

Now, there was something I wanted to know more, "There is something I want to ask you now. If that's okay?"

Edward sighed, clearly frustrated, "Ask away."

"How do you feel about me?"

XXX

EPOV

Saturday was not a good day overall. It started okay, Bella had seemed better and she had joked with Alice on the phone. Alice had been nervous about calling Bella now that her friend knew the big secret. I had tried to convince her that Bella would be glad to hear from her but she didn't believe me. For the first time in my memory Alice refused to do anything before she re-checked her visions twice and even then didn't seem entirely at ease.

Once they got on the phone though I gathered any thought of awkwardness vanished and they were chatting away. Then Bella had mentioned seeing Jake today and my stomach dropped. I was such a masochist. She was planning to see her boyfriend. I couldn't just sit here, wedged between two branches of another slightly more distant tree, watching. Or more accurately, listening. It would kill me.

Except that's what I did. I listened to her call him and invite him over. At one point I even heard the dog's voice on the other end of the phone. He must be excited about seeing Bella. I could understand that. I watched him arrive on his bike and jump off it before it stopped.

He ran up the steps and pounded on the door. That was rude. He knew she was sick, why was he making a racket? Bella didn't seem to notice, she welcomed him in and I got the immense pleasure of hearing him kiss her. I felt myself growl low in my throat without deciding to do so. I needed to get control of myself. He was her boyfriend. Of course he would kiss her when he saw her.

It was hardly the most graphic activity they would enjoy. I shook my head quickly in an attempt to clear the thought away. Jake was pleased to see Bella and happy to be here. Then, he was also on his guard. He knew that something was wrong in his relationship. His beloved was acting strangely, but he was determined not to bring it up today. He would just be the best boyfriend in the world today.

He set about making sure Bella had everything she needed. I envied him, I hadn't thought to do that last night. I should have asked her if she needed aspirin or a drink of water. She had been so hot after all. I was thinking about how much better suited a human was to take care of another when I heard Bella snap at him irritably.

"Jake, for god's sake you are driving me nuts. I'm fine. I have absolutely everything I need. Will you please just watch the show with me?"

He sat down with her; he was a little pissed. He was just trying to take care of her, he didn't understand why she was being so difficult. It was so unlike her. He pulled Bella against him and she settled there for a while. They were catching up on their news. Bella talked about Eric and Angela and Alice. She didn't mention me at all. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. On the other hand, she kept her confidences. She didn't even hint at anything she had found out.

Jacob told Bella about his friends at school and their latest activities. They were both shuffling around on the sofa constantly. Eventually I picked up the dog's pique. Every time he tried to hold her she wriggled away. He wasn't going to mention it.

He managed to stick to that decision for while. They ordered pizza and carried on watching TV. Then the fight started. It seemed to blow up out of nowhere if you didn't know what the dog was thinking.

He thought Bella was unhappy and he wanted to fix it. The problem was that she wouldn't tell him what was wrong. He asked her if she wanted anything, but she said no to everything. She didn't want anything. Not from him anyway. Each time she refused a suggestion he got more and more tense and Bella seemed oblivious to it.

I could see her face through his eyes. Her colour was high again. Maybe she really was just too hot sat next to the dog. His temperature was about ten degrees too high after all. He was even warmer than her with her fever.

Crap, why hadn't that occurred to me before. No wonder she had been so uncomfortable. She had a high fever and she was being held by a living hot water bottle. The argument was obviously taking it out of her as well, but the dog wasn't letting it go. He kept pushing her for answers and I was starting to get really mad.

Couldn't he see that she wasn't up to this right now? When she put one of her hands to her head and begged him to stop yelling I started climbing down the tree. Enough was enough. He couldn't speak to her like that. I wasn't going to allow it.

Before I could get as far as the door Bella was crying and then asking the dog to leave. I froze with my hand in the air about to knock. If he was going to leave then I didn't need to interfere. I moved back round the side of the house.

He argued with her, almost pleaded, but Bella was insistent. She wanted to be alone; she wanted to go back to bed. He could stay and hang out down here if he wanted but she was going to bed.

I was feeling elated. I could have jumped up onto the roof of the house and not given a damn who saw me. I felt on top of the world. Until I heard Bella tell the dog she loved him on her way up the stairs. Then I felt like throwing myself off the roof of the house. Not that it would make a differnce.

XXX

When I heard Bella's heart slow down I went to climb up my usual tree and settle in for the night. I was going to keep up my vigil at least until she was healthy again. Then I would see about changing it. Or maybe not.

I was just about to swing a leg over a branch when I heard Bella's heart quicken. Had something frightened her? I whipped around and peered through the window. Two chocolate brown eyes stared back at me in surprise. I didn't blame them.

I froze. I didn't know what to do and could think of nothing to explain my actions. I watched her face hoping for some hint of her reaction but there was none forthcoming. I decided to just make as dignified an exit as possible but as I reached the bottom of the tree I heard her voice asking me to wait.

I knew I shouldn't. I should keep going, but I stopped again. I looked up at the window and saw Bella pushing it open. She was still pale and she was breathing heavily. She was wearing a t-shirt tonight and she shivered in the cool air, "Edward, would you like to come in?"

I couldn't contain the grin that broke over my face and I refused to give myself any time to think myself out of this. I jumped halfway up the tree and once I got to the top leapt through Bella's window. It wasn't until I was face to face with her that I wondered if maybe I should have entered in a more human way. I didn't want to scare her. It was a little late to be worrying about it now though.

I looked her up and down noticing immediately that her temperature was back up to a hundred and one. Stupid dog. Then I realised something else. She wasn't wearing anything other than a t-shirt. I fought to keep my body under control and say something rational, "I thought your fever had broken but I guess not."

Talking to her was not enough right now. I could smell her, but it was under the smell I was beginning to despise more than anything. It seemed to lay like a film over her skin and I had an over-whelming urge to wipe it away. I raised my hand slowly. The first time she had touched me in the car she had given me the chance to pull away. I would do the same for her. She didn't move back any more than I had.

I touched her cheek gently. I stroked a small patch of her skin until it didn't smell of dog anymore. For a second I was almost mad at her. I could only convince myself she didn't care about me if she wasn't so pleased to see me. And if she was pleased to see me why had she called her boyfriend? "Did you have a good day Bella?" I realised my voice sounded cold. I couldn't behave like that to her. I didn't have the right.

"Not really. It's been lousy."

She didn't elaborate but she didn't need to. I was instantly contrite. I glanced down and my eyes were drawn to the expanse of bare leg visible. She was only wearing a thin shirt. If I put my arms around her now, I would be able to feel her.

I tried to convince myself it was a bad idea but my less noble side glorified. Why not just ask her permission, "May I?" I asked holding out my arms slightly but not moving.

If she let me hold her it meant something. It meant she felt for me at least; I was sure it did. Bella hesitated for no more than a second before she moved into my arms. I gathered her to me, perhaps a little too quickly. I didn't care. She was in my arms again. I could feel her body tight against me, "Bella..." Her name escaped me before I could stop it.

I had to find a way to work this out. I couldn't let her go, surely I wasn't meant to. It couldn't be possible to want someone this much and not be meant to have them. I would have her tonight anyway.

I led her over to the bed and settled her in front of me as I had last night. I wouldn't leave this time. I would stay, and in the morning we would talk. Her hair was shining in the dim light and I reached out to stroke my fingers through it. It felt like silk against my skin.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was sleepy.

"Yes Bella?" Please don't ask me to go, please don't ask me to go...

"Thank you for staying." I could hear the small smile in her words.

"My pleasure."

XXX

I stayed all night this time. I only moved from my position when Charlie came in to check on his daughter. I didn't think he would be pleased to find me there. When Bella began to stir I disentangled myself. She might be surprised to find me still here and if she was going to kick me out this would be easier.

Bella wriggled around a little and then her eyes opened slowly. She stared out of the window for a full five seconds. Did she even remember I was here? Suddenly she sat up and stared around the room. Her eyes fell on me on and mouth dropped open, "Good morning, "I said.

"You're still here!" She yelled and my heart sank. She would blame it on the fever and ask me to leave now.

"Yes, would you like me to leave?"

"No, I just...I wasn't sure if I was dreaming last night."

I was trying not to laugh. I should have thought of that. If she had woken to an empty bedroom she might have convinced herself I hadn't been here at all. How embarassing, "Me, sneaking up your tree to spy on you. It wasn't a dream." Nope, just me getting out of control.

"Do you do that a lot?" She didn't look appalled she was just watching me curiously.

"Yes," I nodded. "I have trouble staying away from you." That was putting it mildly. It was agonizing to be away from her.

"Why's that do you think?" Her voice was shaking slightly. Perhaps she was nervous, though why she would be I didn't know. She wasn't the one who had just been asked to answer a very complicated question.

I opted for a truthful but vague answer, "There are many reasons. I worry for you. I'm afraid something could happen to you. Apparently not without reason."

"I'm glad you were worried the other night anyway," I knew which night she meant but I couldn't resist the urge to tease her.

"The night of your accident or the first night you were sick...or last night?" I had been here on other nights too but I wouldn't bring that up unless she asked.

"All of the above." Bella whispered.

I felt myself gasp. Esme was right. This middle ground was hell, nothing could be worse surely. I was going to have to find out, "Bella, I know you have questions and I will try to answer them, if I can. But can I ask you something first?"

"Okay," she nodded.

"Do you..." my voice failed me. She might tell me to leave once I asked her this. I didn't think it was likely given her reaction to seeing me last night. It wasn't impossible though.

"You can ask me Edward, I owe you at least one answer after all you've done for me." She didn't owe me anything. All of my actions had been selfish in my eyes. I had risked her life by letting her find out the truth just because I couldn't lose her. And I might have been the one who startled the damn animal in front of her anyway.

I pushed the words out in a rush now. I didn't want to lose my nerve, "Do you feel anything for me?" I gripped the arms of the chair feeling as though the ground was trembling under my feet.

"Yes, I do." I let out a sigh.

That was all I needed for now. I didn't want to pressure her. That would do for now, "Okay. What do you want to ask me?"

She looked surprised; shocked might have been more accurate, "That's it? That's all you wanted to know?"

Of course not, you beautiful creature. I want to question you forever. I just shrugged, "I asked you for one answer and then I promised to answer your questions. On refection maybe I should have asked what it is you feel. But we all have perfect hindsight." I grinned at her. She didn't have to tell me anything she wasn't ready to tell me.

"I could answer one more." Bella whispered.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she began to blush. I couldn't tell if she was regretting the offer but I didn't care. I stared at her chocolate brown eyes. They seemed to draw me in, "What do you feel for me Bella Swan?"

She squirmed a little before she answered, "I...you confuse me. I've never...reacted to anyone the way I react to you. I...I feel things when I see you. I don't like it when you're away. I missed you terribly when you weren't at school. I was afraid you had all decided to leave Forks and the feeling almost crushed me." Bella stumbled over the words but she kept her eyes on mine. She was being honest.

"I know the feeling." So she did care for me. I had hoped she felt something but I hadn't expected her to feel so strongly so quickly. Then again, I felt pretty strongly. Suddenly I was concerned with how bad that could be for her. She shouldn't want me. If I had left her alone she would be happy with her boyfriend. I sighed, "But I don't know what to do. I know what I should do, but I just can't do it." I was running my hands through my hair, it was a nervous habit.

"What should you do?" Bella's voice was tiny.

"I should leave. Leave Forks and never see you again." It physically hurt me to say the words but I was going to be honest with her. She deserved to know what she was getting herself into.

"No," she said definitely and my heart soared. She wanted me to stay, however wrong that was.

"It would be for the best Bella. It would be the best thing for you." I didn't think I was going to change her mind. She seemed very certain. Thank you God.

"I think I should have a say in what's best for me," she sounded annoyed.

"And what do you think that is? You have a life here Bella. How can this all fit together?" It was a rhetorical question. But if she had any ideas how to make this right I was all ears.

"I don't know. I wish I did." Suddenly she was crying. How did that happen? I leant further forward in my seat. I couldn't bear to see her like this. I had to fix it somehow. I was about to move next to her when her voice squeaked out, "There is something I want to ask you now. If that's okay?"

I sighed, if she wanted to talk I could do that too. I was irritated I hadn't moved over to her straight away. She could be in my arms again now. But I had promised to answer her questions, "Ask away."

"How do you feel about me?"

The question caught me completely off guard. How could she possibly not be aware of how much she meant to me? She was in my every thought; she was my obsession. Did Bella doubt how I felt for her? To be fair I had never actually told her. I dropped to my knees by the foot of her bed. She was sitting on the end facing me. Her scent was so much stronger here but I wouldn't let it distract me.

I reached out and took her hands in mine, "Bella, I am afraid that if I explained how much you mean to me. It would scare you." Her breath hitched and her fingers gripped my hands. Her skin was still warmer than it should be, but she was getting better now. She would be healthy soon just as Alice had said. "You just told me you don't like it when I'm away; well the truth is that I can't bear to be away from you. You've been in my thoughts since the day I met you for many reasons."

"Like?" Her eyes were wide, she seemed transfixed.

"It's complicated," how was I suppposed to explain that my initial attraction was to the scent of her blood. That would be a great way to scare her. But I wouldn't lie either, "Bella, how much do you know about us?"

She frowned at the change of topic, "Not much. I was going to get to that later."

I nodded, though it seemed odd that she wasn't desperate for answers about our world, "Well, we're different from most of our kind."

Bella was nodding, "I know. You don't kill humans, you live off animal blood."

Oh good, she knew that much at least. I hadn't been sure she did, "Well, there aren't many who live as we do. We have found only one other small group. The rest...well they exist in a more traditional way."

"When you say traditional you mean they live off people?" Bella went even paler. I began to wonder if maybe she should eat or if I should get her something to drink but her expression was rapt.

I nodded, "That's what I mean. We are the oddities of our world Bella. I have lived this way for a long time. But the day you walked into that classroom and sat down next to me I nearly threw it all away." It had been so close. I didn't want to take more credit for my self-control than I deserved but I couldn't bring up the wolves. We couldn't reveal the truth about them anymore than they could about us. But I wanted to.

"Why would you do that?" Her voice was quiet again but she was listening intently.

"Because of you." I slid my fingers over her wrist and felt her shiver, "Every person on this planet smells differently. Resisting on a day to day basis is hard enough. We stay as well fed as possible to avoid temptation. And you...you smell like nothing I've ever experienced before. So much more tempting than any human I've ever come across. I wanted to take you right there."

"You mean to say..."

"I mean to say." She didn't pull her hands away from mine. She stared at them joined with mine.

"Should I be afraid of you right now?" She looked as though the thought was intriguing. Did this girl have no sense of self-preservation at all? I was starting to think that she didn't.

On the other hand I didn't want her to be scared of me, "I would rather you weren't. I will not hurt you. I swear it." I wouldn't, there was no way I could. Not now.

She nodded and echoed my earlier understatment, "Okay."

"That's it?" I was expecting something more. How could she not be afraid at all? I had expected to need to convince her I wouldn't kill her.

"I don't really know what else to say. I'm actually kind of glad to have an explanation for your reaction the first day we met. I..." Her voice faded to a whisper, "I want you to stay and I want you to tell me the truth. Plus I believe you, I can't freak out at every little thing."

"Every little thing? I just told you that I crave your blood. That's not a little thing."

"Fair point, but you also swore not to take it. That's not a little thing either."

I began to suspect that Bella might not be entirely human. How could anyone react to these things with so little shock, "I thought if I told you you'd run for the hills."

She smiled, "Do you think I could run from you?"

"Why wouldn't you?" She had everything she could want already in her life. Why would she want me? I was unstable, unpredictable and undead.

"Because I can't. It's too late for that. Besides, since you saved my life the other night I'm guessing you don't only want me for my blood. You could have taken it easily enough and no one would have known. You didn't." She shrugged but she was still smiling.

"No, I didn't."

"So, no. I'm not going to run from you."

"I wish you wouldn't say that Bella. A small part of me wishes you would run from me." Only a very small part. But the fact was that I didn't have the strength to leave her. If one of us was to leave it would have to be her.

"Please don't wish that." She pulled one hand free and slowly raised it to my face. I didn't even consider pulling back. I wanted her to touch me desperately. Her warm skin felt incredible against mine.

She stroked the back of her fingers across my cheekbone and I sighed. When she did things like that it made me want to touch her too. Her skin was so pale and I wanted to see if it was as soft as it looked all over her body. She couldn't know the effect she was having on me. "I don't wish it for my sake. I'm a selfish creature and I want you to stay. I want you to be mine. But I also want what's best for you. I think you already have it." That was a depressing thought. Bella was staring at me with her mouth open. It was the most shocked I had ever seen her, "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

"Is that what you want?" She gasped.

"Is what what I want?" I was completely confused.

"You said you wanted me to be yours. Is that what you want?"

Hadn't I just said that? Oh, no I hadn't. I'd told her I wanted her blood, not her. Her heart was pounding in her chest and I reached forward slowly. I put my hand over her heart. It sped up in response to my touch, "Yes, that's what I want." I gazed in fascination at the carpet, "More than anything."

"Is it possible?"

"is what possible?"

"Is it possible for me to be yours?"

Whatever I had been expecting her to say it wasn't that, I took my hand from her chest. She held it in her free hand. "I...I don't know. I've never tried. I don't know anyone who has either." Humans were so fragile, I had to be so careful around her. I highly doubted I could do everything with her that the dog could do. It would be too dangerous.

"But it might be possible?" Her eyes were shining and I was finding it hard not to get caught up in her excitement. She was asking if it was possible to be with me. I was hoping that meant it was something she wanted too.

But...there were things to consider, "Bella, I know I sound old-fashioned but aren't you already spoken for? I don't think I have it in me to share you. I know he won't either."

She bit her lip and her eyes shone with tears. I was horrified, I kept making her cry. She took a shuddering breath and blinked twice, "What if I wasn't spoken for?"

"Bella..." I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her to end her relationship. It had been going on for a long time and until I showed up it had been happy. I knew I didn't have anything to offer her that could compare. On the other hand I couldn't deny that I wanted her to do just that. I wanted her to get rid of the dog so we could try this thing between us. I believed that once we did we would find a way to work it out, "I don't think you should do something like that rashly."

Bella shook her head, "I don't think I am. I love Jake, I always have. He's always been there and always been on my side. I owe him a lot. Part of me is in agony at the thought of hurting him; losing him. But..."

"But?" I prompted, hoping to get past the part where she was singing Jacob Black's praises. It wasn't something I wanted to hear. It was easier to hate him from afar if I wasn't being told what a good person he was.

Bella sighed shakily, "If you were to walk out of this house now and tell me you weren't coming back here, I would follow you." Her eyes met mine again and I was lost in the chocolate colour of them. Bella was telling me she wanted to be with me. Was this real? "I know it's not rational. In fact it's freaking insane. I have only known you a week. But...whatever it means I can not let you walk out of my life now. It's just too late."

"I have so much more to tell you, about me and my family."

She smiled, "So tell me. I'm listening."


	8. Chapter 8

BPOV

I had never seen Edward look so unsure. What could he have to tell me that would shock? I had handled the news that he wanted my blood well. At least I thought I had. How much more could there be?

"Well, I guess I should start with myself huh?" It was definitely the part of the conversation I was most interested in. If he would keep talking about himself I would sit here and listen forever.

"That seems sensible," I reasoned outloud. He'd heard enough about the depths of my obsession today.

"Well, you asked me the other night how strong vampires are. The answer is very strong." Had I asked him that? Maybe. I had been pretty out of it. I hoped I hadn't said anything too embarassing in my fever-addled state.

His answer was vague though. I'd gathered that he was strong, I had been hoping for something a little more specific. "How strong is very strong? Like Superman strong?"

"I can't fly," he said with a grin, "But I could demolish this house in less than five minutes. It would be nothing but rubble."

"Oh," I said to conceal my shock. He could demolish my house? Well, I hoped he wouldn't.

"We're fast too." Edward added though seemingly as an afterthought.

"How fast?" He had been able to intercept my falling body when I'd come off the bike. Pretty fast was my guess.

Edward grinned mischieviously. "I'll show you," he said. Then he was gone. He simply vanished. Wow, that was fast. I saw the door of my bedroom swinging open. It bounced gently off the wall and began to swing shut again. I was about to get up and open it. I was thinking about going downstairs to look for him.

Before the door had reached its frame again he was back. He had a glass of juice in his hand. "That fast." He held out the juice to me, "You should drink. You're probably dehydrated. From the fever."

I took the glass from him, almost dazed. They were very, very fast. I took a sip from the glass. It was wonderfully refreshing, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, " he said sitting back down in the chair, "It seemed the best way to demonstate."

I nodded, and couldn't help but think he might have been showing off for me a little. Were all men the same dead or alive? It was a comforting thought. A vampire or not, Edward was still a man in there somewhere. That was all I needed to know. "It was, very effective." I took another sip of juice, "Can you die?" I whispered. There were ways to kill vampires in the movies. Though the methods involved varied. Sunlight, holy water, stake through the heart etc.

"Yes, we can die. It's not a very pleasant conversation." He didn't look comfortable talking about this and I considered letting the topic drop.

I did want to know though. I wanted to know everything, "Please, tell me."

"The only sure way is to rip a vampire apart and burn the pieces. Our skin is very hard, very little can do the job. Except another one of us." He looked vaguely nauseated.

I didn't blame him, that was gruesome. "You said the last time you changed was 1918. How old were you then? How did you die?"

"I was 17 years old and dying of Spanish Influenza. Carlisle was a doctor, even back then and he chose me. He had wanted a companion for some time and he chose me to be his son." Edward sounded almost awed. I could understand his reaction. Doctor Cullen seemed like the kind of person I could be in awe of too. If what Edward said about resisting blood was true, Carlisle must go through hell every day at work.

"And the rest of your family?"

Edward shrugged uneasily, "I don't think it's fair for me to tell everyone else's stories. They're not mine to tell. In summary, Esme joined us next. Then Rosalie and Emmett. Carlisle made them all, they all would have died otherwise. Alice and Jasper were adopted into our family later on."

I took comfort in the idea that Doctor Cullen hadn't just randomly chosen his family, he had saved them. I mulled that over for a moment and then the next part of Edward's statement registered, "So Rosalie and Jasper aren't really twins?" I asked.

Edward shook his head, "No, we come up with various cover stories when we move to a new town. They often play that role though." It made sense. Their blonde hair made it easy to lump them together I guessed. "There is something else you should know. It might surprise you."

"Go ahead." I said waving a hand, "In for a penny, in for a pound."

Edward chuckled, "I like that expression." He straightened his face and his gaze bored into mine again. My heart started to beat faster as it did every time he did so, "Some vampires have...extra gifts. More than just the speed and strength."

How could they need anything else? "Like what exactly."

Edward shuffled uncomfortably, "Well, Alice can see the future. At least parts of it. She sees people's paths. The future changes often though."

"The future changes?" It was a stupid thing to say but I couldn't think of anything better. Alice? Little Alice could see the future. Like some kind of pre-cog or something. God my life was getting weird quickly.

Edward was nodding, "She sees the path people are on. If they change their minds or make a differnt decision the future changes for them."

I wanted to ask him if she had seen me. Had she seen anything to tell her what would happen next? Did I even want to know? "That must keep her busy."

Edward chuckled delightedly, "Does nothing phase you Miss Swan?"

I shrugged grinning back at him, "Not so far. Any other gifts in your family I should know about."

"Well, Jasper can sense and control the emotions of those around him. And I...well I can read minds." I froze in horror. Oh Christ, say it wasn't so. Edward looked almost amused. He could hear what I was thinking now? This was not funny. It was mortifying, "Bella, relax. Your heart's racing. I probably should have mentioned, I can't read your mind. You are immune to my gift, and you're the first person, human or otherwise, I have ever met who is."

Oh thank god. My first reaction was overwhelming relief. If Edward could hear the thoughts I had about him all the time...well I would just die. But then I realised. I was the only person Edward couldn't hear? "Am I...is there something wrong with my brain?"

Edward laughed, "There is nothing whatsoever wrong with you as far as I can tell." I liked this laughing, joking Edward. He made me blush even more than usual though. I wasn't used to getting compliments from anyone other than Jake.

"Well, why can't you hear me then?" Now that I knew that he couldn't I was more concerned with the 'why?'.

"I have no idea. I'm sure Carlisle has formulated a theory by now. You can ask him some time if you want."

I felt as though my brain was not big enough to hold all the questions I wanted to ask him, "Do they know that I know? About them?"

Edward nodded, "It's almost impossible to keep secrets in my family. Not even the future is secret."

That brought up an interesting thought, "Did you know what was going to happen once you got here last night?" Had it been set up to look like I had caught him? That was unsettling.

Edward was shaking his head and smiling though there was suddenly tension in his eyes, "No, I didn't speak to Alice yesterday plus, your future is a little fuzzy at times."

"Why?" Maybe Alice had trouble reading my future, like Edward had trouble reading my mind.

"I can't tell you that Bella." Edward looked sorry about it.

"What? Why not?" He had agreed to be honest with me, and we were doing so well.

"The same reason I didn't tell you more about my family. It would mean betraying confidences. I want to tell you the truth, even if it means I can't tell you what you want to know."

"I suppose you always know more than people tell you." It must be difficult to know what everyone around you was thinking. Maybe even depressing.

"Almost always. It's changed since I met you though." He let out a low angry hissing noise.

"Is it strange? Not being able to hear my thoughts?"

"It's unbelievably frustrating. I'm not used to it and it drives me crazy to wonder what you're thinking." He shook his head again angrily.

"You could just ask me." Though I might not always be honest. It would be too mortifying.

"You would edit your thoughts everyone does."

I couldn't deny that, "Yes I probably would. At least a little."

Edward looked at me curiously and I knew he was going to ask me to elaborate. Instead, his head flicked round to my window, "Is there something wrong?"

"Alice is on her way. You made plans to see her today?"

I nodded. As much as I wanted to see Alice I wished I hadn't made the plans for today. This was by far the most interesting conversation I had ever had in my life. I looked to the window and then back at Edward. I didn't want him to go.

He got to his feet, "I should be going."

He opened the door and I called after him, "Edward, wait a...

"Bella, could I..."

Then we both laughed, "You go first. I insist."

I wondered if Edward would argue with me. He seemed so chivalrous and old-fashioned but I really wanted him to speak first. "Could I come back later? I would like to see you."

My heart swelled in my chest to the size of a pumpkin, "I would like that too." The smile on my face was more of a grin.

"What were you going to say?"

"I was going to ask you to come back later."

"I'll use the front door," he said and nodded. But he was grinning too.

XXX

Alice knocked on my door exactly twenty minutes later at noon. I wondered if maybe she had been hanging around outside waiting for the time to be exactly right. I managed to have a quick shower, keeping the water temperature low. I felt more human after it. I smiled at the thought of looking human for the visiting vampire.

I had just put the water on to boil so I could have some tea when I heard the delicate tapping that could only be her. I moved to the door as quickly as I could, which wasn't very.

Moving too fast made my head spin slightly, though I was feeling better than I had yesterday. I knew my temperature had dropped overnight and I had Edward to thank for that. I would just add it to the 'Thank Edward for...' list.

Alice was stood smiling at me. She held up a bag bulging with dvd's, "I couldn't decide." She looked odd and I realised it was because she wasn't bouncing on her toes in excitement like she normally did. How had I not realised straight away that she was different? Well, I suppose her appearance had registered as a little odd, but I hadn't thought, 'hey, look at the vampire'. It seemed so obvious now. I smiled.

I looked at the bag, I wondered why she hadn't just looked into the future to see what I would pick. But then, maybe it was one of the things that had to be decided before she could see it. Wow, this was going to be interesting. I held out my hands for the bag, "Well, I'll try to help."

Alice had another large tote bag under her arm, it looked expensive. The designer's name was all over it but Alice swung it over her shoulder before I could get a read, "I thought you might need some pampering." She was biting her lip, she looked nervous. Surely she didn't still think I might be uncomfortable around her? Edward had slept in my bed last night for God's sake.

I looked again at the size of the bag, "So you thought you'd bring a beauty parlour?" I said with a twinkle in my eye.

Alice giggled, "No. I brought two."

I reached out to her and slipped my arm through hers leading her into the living room. She had done the same thing the first day we had met. This was different, She had been here before of course, she knew where it was. I just wanted to make it clear that she was welcome in my house.

Alice looked delighted at my gesture and she squeezed my arm gently, "It's good to see you Bella. You look better."

"Better than whe..." my voice trailed off. Alice was smiling at me. There would be no pre-amble. She was a straight-shooting kind of person. She had checked my future of course. She would have seen me looking very sick.

"Just checking to see you'd be okay," she said with a shrug. "Edward was worried."

Wow, Edward was watching me in every sense of the word. But Alice was watching my face, waiting for a reaction, "Well, can you tell me if I win the lottery at any point in the future?"

Alice laughed delightedly, "No, but how do stock market tips work for you?"

XXX

"You're really not scared of me? Of us?" Alice said, she sounded amazed. She was bent over my left foot. After about fifteen minutes struggle, during which I was threatened with everything from tickling to being hog tied, I had given in and let her paint my toenails. I was learning quickly that there was little point arguing with Alice. Or the Mighty Pixie as I had mentally nicknamed her

"Surely you knew what kind of reception you'd get? What kind of crystal ball are you?" We were both giggling. We had spent most of the afternoon doing just that. I wasn't normally a giggly sort of girl but Alice just seemed to bring it out of me.

"I could see that all right. I just couldn't believe it. I had to see you to be sure it was your genuine response; that you weren't just good at hiding fear. It's been a long time since I've been unsure of a vision."

Well, I was apparently screwing around with all the Cullen's gifts. Why did these people want to be in my life again? No, not people. Vampires. "Well, Forks is a small town. You can't afford to be too picky with your friends." I smiled at her fondly and she grinned back. Then something occured to me, "Did you know when we first met? Did you know we'd get along?"

Alice nodded shyly, "Oh yes, the first moment I met you."

"How much did you know?" I wondered how far into the future could she see.

She smiled a beautiful smile at me, "That I would love you. That I would love you like a sister."

I reached out and took her hand in mine. It was cool like Edward's, though about half the size. She looked at me and I could see it. She did love me. She squeezed my hand gently and then switched her attention to my right foot.

"So, are you ready to talk about my brother yet?" She looked up from her task smiling slyly. She winked at me.

I blushed from under my lashes. We had managed to avoid discussing Edward for quite a few hours. I had been dying to raise the topic of course but I hadn't. I hadn't wanted Alice to feel like I was grilling her. Beside there had been lots of other interesting things to talk about.

Alice had told me about her lack of a history. How she had awoken in the dark, remembering nothing of her human life and how she had set off to find Jasper. He had come from the south. He was older than her, older than Edward even. He had left his bloodthirsty coven and when he had met Alice finally it had been love at first sight. It all sounded very romantic.

Alice told me about meeting the Cullens and about their regular moves around the country. Every six years or so, but they never stayed anywhere longer than eight years. At least not in populated areas. It was all fascinating.

Now though, Alice had raised the topic I had been desperate to broach. "I didn't want to bombard you with quesions." I said quietly.

"Well, I'm used to being pretty honest. Ask away." Being given carte blanche I didn't know what to ask; where to start. Alice giggled again, "Okay, let's try this the normal way," she put on a high pitched voice. "You know my brother is so into you right?"

"Really?" I said playing along, "That's so awesome."

"If I can ask, how are you doing with...everything?" Alice looked serious again.

"Honestly, I'm confused." That was putting it mildly. Now that the fever was done making my head fuzzy I had questions swarming in there instead.

Alice shook her head as though she felt a headache of her own coming on, "I can see that. You don't even know which question to ask first do you?"

I smiled guiltily. "Not a clue."

Alice finished my last toenail. "I have a plan." She got up from the sofa after adjusting the toe divider.

"Should I be afraid?" I asked.

Alice reached into her bag and pulled out a notebook. She handed it to me, there was a pen in the spine, "Write a list. As many as you want. I'll try to answer." She sat back down and gave her attention to the TV.

"Seriously?" It seemed odd but then, it was Alice.

"Seriously. I'll see it just before you're done anyway, but it'll help you concentrate." She sounded very pleased with her plan. I guessed she could see it would work.

"Okay," I said. I wasn't going to argue with a psychic. What was the point?

Some time later I handed her a list, "Do you even need to see it?"

She took it and looked it over seriously, "Why not?"

**The big ones**

**1. Am I cruel to continue my relationship given how I feel about another man?**

**2. Am I crazy to even think about ending things with Jake based on a week? **

**3. Am I crazy for how I feel about Edward anyway?**

**4. How can I have a relationship with Edward for any length of time? He will never age.**

**5. Why is Edward even interested in me? Is it because of how I smell?**

**The middle ones**

**6. Edward says he cares about me, he barely knows me. What if he changes his mind a week in? You're all so...amazing.**

**7. Edward says he craves my blood a lot; that it appeals to him more than another persons blood. Has this happened before? Do all vampires run across humans like this from time to time?**

**The little ones**

**8. Do I smell the same to all vampires? I'm guessing not, but just to clarify.**

**9. Can vampires have children?**

**10. Why is Edward even single at the moment?**

**11. Why were you guys off school?**

Alice sat looking at my list carefully. I started to get nervous waiting for her response. After a full two minutes I gave up on patience, "Any thoughts?"

"Well, I think the list was a good idea," she said with a smile. "As to the questions," she swept the pen from my grasp. "Just give me a minute."

Less than thirty seconds later she handed it back to me.

**The big ones**

**1. Am I cruel to continue my relationship given how I feel about another man?**

_**I don't think so. Everything's happened very quickly and you've not really had time to think. You will probably have to make a decision soon though. Plus you don't seem like a cruel person to me. **_

**2. Am I crazy to even think about ending things with Jake based on a week? **

_**I don't think the time frame is relevant. How you feel is more important.**_

**3. Am I crazy for feeling this way about Edward anyway?**

_**You wouldn't be the first to fall for him. Human or vampire.**_

**4. How can I have a relationship with Edward for any length of time? He will never age.**

_**I have no idea. There are many possible futures but they're distant and vague. That's something you'll have to discuss with Edward.**_

**5. Why is Edward even interested in me? Is it because of how I smell?**

_**If he was only interested in your scent one of two things would have happened by now. Edward would have slipped up with horrific results, or we'd have left to protect you. As for why he is interested in you, why wouldn't he be?**_

**The middle ones**

**6. Edward says he cares about me, he barely knows me. What if he changes his mind a week in? You're all so...amazing.**

_**We don't change our minds easily. Vampires are very constant creatures. If we care for someone we will always care for them. And by the way, Edward and I happen to think you're pretty amazing too.**_

**7. Edward says he craves my blood a lot; that it appeals to him more than another persons blood. Has this happened before? Do all vampires run across humans like this from time to time?**

_**I think Emmett has. It has never happened to me.**_

**The little ones**

**8. Do I smell the same to all vampires? I'm guessing not, but just to clarify.**

_**You smell good, a little like flowers, no. Not the same.**_

**9. Can vampires have children?**

_**No.**_

**10. Why is Edward even single at the moment?**

_**Edward has always been single.**_

**11. Why were you guys off school?**

_**We don't attend when the weather is good. The sun doesn't damage us but we can't be seen. Ask Edward to show you sometime.**_

Alice was sat indian style on the couch, watching my face, she was guaging my response I guessed. Although all the answers had my attention it was one of the little ones that I had to go to first, "He's always been single? How is that possible? He's more than a hundred years old!" And the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

Alice shrugged, "No one's ever caught his eye before I guess. As I mentioned under number six, we are very constant in our affections. If Edward had found someone they would probably still be together." Wow, that was...intense. Why me? Even for a human I was nothing special and they were...ethereal. Alice said she didn't think it was just the way I smelled to him; and only him apparently.

"Which brings us, in a roundabout way, to number four. I know you wrote that you don't know but it is a concern." Alice nodded thoughtfully but I could tell she would say no more. "The truth is though, if I was single I wouldn't hesitate."

"Really?"

"Yes, the...vampire" I stumbled over the word, "Issue is actually the least of my concerns. How I feel...it's strong."

"Bella, don't you think that might be your answer then? I know there are complications. God knows it wont be easy, but if you honestly want Edward more than Jake well..." Alice's voice trailed off but she didn't need to say anything more. She was right of course. She didn't think I had been cruel to Jake up until this point and I hoped she was right. But to continue to see Jake given how I felt couldn't be the right thing. I wouldn't want someone to stay in a relationship with me out of a sense of obligation would I?

No. I wouldn't. I was sure it would hurt like hell if Jake had been the one to tell me he had met someone else. But I would have wanted him to be honest more. At least I thought so. I felt a sinking in my chest.

"I know you say it's impossible, but let's imagine that tomorrow you meet someone. How would you even begin to explain it to Jasper? Or how would you feel if he sat you down and told you he'd met somone?" A spasm of pain crossed Alice's face, "That's how Jake will feel. I'm going to hurt him so much." Yet again, I was fighting tears. I was turning into such a cry baby; not that I cared that much at the moment.

"Oh Bella," cried Alice and she threw her arms around me. "I guess I...I just hadn't thought of it like that." I let her hug me. It was comforting.

"As far as Jake's concerned us being together is inevitable. Destined. It's never been any other way. Now I have to tell him that...what? We were wrong? It wasn't meant to be. I think I'm meant to be with someone else. How do I even start?" I was crying in earnest now.

"Bella, you don't have to do anything. It shouldn't be this hard. If you want to stay with Jake you can." I had my head on her shoulder and I felt entirely comfortable. I really was a freak. A human who was more comfortable around vampires.

"I don't think that's an option. Jake already knows something's wrong. I can't hide it from him, he knows me too well." And if I couldn't hide it for a week, how was I supposed to keep up with the lying?

"Is there anything I can do?" Alice asked brushing my hair away from my wet face gently.

I shook my head, "I don't think so. I guess I...I need to talk to Jake. Soon."

Alice nodded, "If that's what you want to do. But not today," she said decisively. "You're still on the mend and we're supposed to be having fun."

She got up from the couch and picked up the bag stuffed with dvds. "You pick another one and I'll give your toes a second coat."

"Alice?" I asked quietly. I felt almost embarassed at the question I wanted to ask.

"Yes?"

"Can you tell me what's going to happen?" I wondered how bad it was going to be with Jake. Just a hint, on a scale of one to Dante's seventh circle of hell?

Alice smiled apologetically, "I can't see that Bella."

I frowned puzzled, "You can't see everything?"

"I only wish I could. But sometimes things interfere. Ouside decisions can affect things in unpredictable ways. I'm sorry." She added.

I waved away the apology. It wasn't her fault, I just could really use some reassurance.

XXX

When Charlie got home just after eight o'clock Alice and I were finishing our third movie. I was surprised to see him home so early but Alice wasn't of course. He struggled through the door with take out from the diner in one hand.

Alice jumped up to help him and I could see he was instantly bowled over by her effortless charm. She swept the food from his hands and took it into the kitchen, "I'm sorry I didn't know Bella had company. I could have picked up some more food."

Alice waved away his concerns with an elegant hand, "It's not a problem. My mom will have something for me when I get home. Would you like me to put this on a plate Bella?"

The smell of the food made me really hungry for the first time in days, "If you don't mind. Thanks Alice."

Charlie bent down in front of me and touched my forehead, "Hmmm, better I guess. Still not great." Then he went and flopped into his usual chair, "So you would be the Alice I've heard about? Edward's younger sister." He called through to the kitchen.

"Yes, that's me." Her bell of a voice rang through the house and she came back into the living room. She handed Charlie and I some cutlery, "The youngest of the family. Not by much, but enough to make them treat me like I'm made of glass."

Charlie laughed, "It's good to have them looking out for you though." He called after her as she dissapeared back into the kitchen.

"That's true. No one messes with me, I'm scary." She returned very quickly carrying the food. Charlie didn't seem to notice the speed with which she had served.

She grinned, as she handed him a plate. I wanted to laugh desperately. If Charlie knew who he was talking to he would probably faint, instead he was just grinning back at her. He clearly approved of Alice at least. Who wouldn't? "Thank you, I could have gotten my own."

"I know, but you've been working and Bella's still sick. I like to help." Alice dropped back into her seat next to me passing me the other plate.

She engaged him effortlessly. Talking about the things she liked about the town, and about sports I could never relate to. According to her it was an occupational hazard of living with Emmett. Charlie chattered about the merits of Seattle versus Port Angeles and even about his deputy's new baby. I was astounded, I had never known him so verbose with someone he didn't know.

When there was a knock on the door Charlie and I both looked up in surprise. "That would be my ride," trilled Alice.

I was surprised, I hadn't thought of how Alice would be getting home. Considering how fast they were she could have probably run there in less time than it would take to drive. But then, that wouldn't look very human. Maybe she had forseen that Charlie wouldn't let her leave by herself. He always offered my friends rides home. I began to wonder how much time the Cullens spent covering their tracks.

"Well, I hope we'll see you again Alice," said Charlie as he got up to answer the door. My heart was in my mouth. Maybe Edward had come to get her. Maybe he was outside my door right now. The rush of pleasure was too strong to ignore. I couldn't give Edward up. That was my answer.

Charlie opened the door while Alice gathered up all her things. My heart sank as I realised it wasn't Edward. It wasn't Jasper either. Emmett stood there grinning cheerfully.

Charlie was momentarily surprised by the sheer size of him. He looked absolutely huge framed by the doorway. But his expression was so genial he didn't seem in the least bit threatening...at the moment. His eyes moved to me and his grin seem to widen. He held out his hand to Charlie, "Chief Swan, I'm Emmett Cullen and I've come to collect a stray. I think she may have wondered onto your property." Charlie shook his hand trying to look serious but unable to stop his answering grin.

"Ha ha, very funny," said Alice. She swept me into a quick but tight hug, "See you on Tuesday Bella."

"Wont I see you tomorrow in school?"

Alice paused but I could have sworn I saw her eyes flick to Charlie as he spoke, "Once your temperature is back to normal you can go back to school. Tuesday will probably be fine."

Alice nodded, "I think you'll be all better by Tuesday." She didn't put any emphasis on the words but I got it. She knew I would be better by then, "Maybe Edward will be on his feet by then too." She said it as though it was an afterthought.

"Is there something wrong with your brother?" Charlie asked.

What? There wasn't anything wrong with Edward. I had seen him this morning. I was half way to panic before I realised that Alice's face was perfectly calm. She was shrugging, "He's got the same thing as Bella. He's been sick since Saturday. Maybe you infected him Bella." She was laughing.

She was trying to tell me something. I had no idea what it was so I just stayed quiet and answered her with my own weak laugh, "That's a shame," said Charlie, "Well, tell him to get well soon."

Emmett took Alice's bags from her, "It was nice to finally meet you Bella. I'm sure I'll see you again."

I blushed under his not-so-subtle gaze. There really were no secrets in their family. Charlie shook his hand again and then he shook Alice's. He smiled at her benevolently, "It was nice to meet you Alice."

"You too Charlie." I noticed she didn't call him Chief Swan. Alice didn't stand on ceremony. I could hear Emmett grumbling about carrying everything as they went to the car.

Charlie shut the door and went back to his chair, "I'm glad you're getting on with the new family. It sets a good example." There was a frown on Charlie's face but he was staring at the TV. I wondered if there was gossip about them in town. If there was surely Edward would know. He would hear what people were thinking. He would know.

I settled comfortably back into the sofa. Edward couldn't be sick, so what was the point of that little speech. I was pretty sure vampires couldn't get sick. Edward would have mentioned it wouldn't he? I sat with Charlie for another half an hour before I announced I was going to bed. Charlie nodded, "You should sleep. I'll be home around five tomorrow. I can bring dinner."

"No, I'll cook tomorrow, Dad. Something healthy. Night."

"Night Bells."

XXX

I took a bath before I changed into my shorts and vest for bed. I was still hoping that Edward might stop by. He had said he was coming back. I went into my bedroom and stared around at the dark. Strange to think Edward had been sat in that chair the morning. He must have woken up early.

Then I had a thought. He hadn't exactly knocked on my door yesterday after all. I crossed the room and I leant out of my window. I felt a little ridiculous, "Edward? I called quietly. He had said I would see him later. It was 'later' now. Movement to the side caught my eye. Edward was here. He melted out of the trees and moved quickly towards the house.

When he got to the tree he paused. He waved his hand to the side and I moved. Rather than climbing the tree, Edward leapt upwards easily fifteen feet. One of his hands reached for a branch and he somehow pivoted on his wrist. Edward soared through the window and landed in the same crouch as this yesterday.

He straightened up and instantly reached for my hand. His fingers stroked the skin on my wrist, "Alice told me you would be free from this time."

"You've spoken to Alice?" I was mortified. Had she told him about our conversation?

"Yes," he looked confused for a moment, then he smiled my favourite smile, "She wouldn't tell me anything. She wouldn't even think of you. Every time I tried to read her thoughts I had to get out straight away."

"Why?"

Edward looked a little uncomfortable but he was still grinning, "Let's just say I have no desire to see Jasper the way she does." I couldn't stop the giggle. Alice could even make me giggle second hand, "Just out of curiousity, what were you so nervous about? What did you think she had told me?"

Edward's face had gone totally blank. I had seen it do that before. I realised he wasn't angry, he was nervous. This blank face was a stress response. Huh. I filed that away under 'interesting details'. I stared up at him. He was a pale statue in the moonlight. And for some reason he seemed to want me.

I reached up and touched his cheek. Edward's eyes fluttered closed. I traced the line of his cheekbone gently, slowly. His skin was cool under my fingers and it was getting more familiar to me. Wonderfully familiar. I ran my fingers down to his jaw, and Edward's eyes opened. He stared at me but didn't move. I found that I couldn't stop touching him. If I moved away I was afraid he might vanish. He never seemed real anyway.

I was so caught up that I didn't realise Edward was moving until I felt his hands touch my waist. I gasped and he moved his hands away instantly. He really over reacted sometimes. I took a deliberate step towards him. Edward's lips parted and I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath in. I slipped my arms around his neck gently. He lifted his arms again slowly and they wrapped around my waist. There was pressure on my back and I obeyed it instantly. I was against Edward's chest and he was holding me tightly.

It felt so good to be in his arms. I felt like I was home. Edward pressed his face into my hair and inhaled deeply again. On a whim I slid my fingers into his hair. It felt soft, I had been expecting it to be rough for some reason. Suddenly I wanted more of him. I wanted to kiss his neck, I knew I couldn't but I turned my face anyway. His skin smelled so wonderful; like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I didn't kiss him, I stopped myself. But I still pressed my face against his neck. His hands vanished from my waist and they moved to take mine from around him. "Bella, please..." He held my hands to his chest.

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"No, you're...you're driving me crazy."

I let out a stuttered laugh, "Really?" It hadn't occured to me that I might be affecting him the same way he was affecting me.

He reached out to brush my cheekbone as I had done to him and I shivered, "Yes, really."

Edward was fogging my judgement as usual but I was suddenly grateful for the distance, "Okay. I shouldn't do that." I dropped my eyes to the floor suddenly shy, "I have to talk to Jake first."

"First?"

I nodded but I didn't look up, "I...I owe it to him. I shouldn't...I mean I should do this right...It's gonna be hard but..." I knew I was babbling but I couldn't stop myself. I was nervous.

Edward's arms were around me again, he held me tightly and for the first time he kissed me. I felt his lips against my forehead, and I heard him sigh my name. My knees were shaking and for a moment I was afraid they might give way. All my good intentions were disappearing. I wanted Edward to kiss me, I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to make love to me. He kissed my temple, and then my forehead, "Bella, are you sure? I don't want to force you to do anything."

"You're not," I said shakily trying to make myself concentrate, "I'm making this decision. It would be wrong to go on with it. Even if you were to leave tomorrow it wouldn't be right. I would still end it."

Edward kissed my forehead again gently, "I just want you to be sure."

"I'm sure."

"There are things you need to know Bella, lots of things." I was sure that was true. There was a whole new world I now knew about. But it didn't matter.

"You can tell me, but it wont make a difference."

"Then you should get some sleep." Edward's arms suddenly vanished from around me again. I almost stumbled and I missed him instantly. Why did he keep doing that? "You're right Bella, this is...difficult. We should...I shouldn't be influencing you." Edward put his hands behind his back. I wondered if he had as much trouble keeping his hands off me as I did him.

If so, his sudden reluctance was odd, "But yesterday and..."

"I know, but I can almost rationalise it. You were sick and I think I helped a little," he said with a shrug.

"You did, more than a little..." His cool body next to mine had felt incredible. Even after just the one night I had feel better.

"But the point is, I can wait. You, well you have other things in your life."

Despite the fact that Edward was suddenly less articulate than usual I knew what he was trying to say. I should deal with the Jake situation before I did anything...else...with Edward. I nodded but I couldn't keep the pained expression off my face, "What's wrong Bella?"

"You're right and I agree." I couldn't ignore the pain in my chest at the thought of him leaving, "I just...I don't want you to go."

Edward looked as though he was going to move towards me again but then he stopped. "I'll stay then." Edward went and sat in the chair.

"But...you'll be exhausted tomorrow." How was he going to get through school?

Edward smiled, "I guess I didn't mention that."

"Mention what?" He looked a little sheepish. I was afraid things were about to get even weirder.

"Umm...I don't sleep Bella. Vampires don't sleep." And I was right.

"Oh." I said brilliantly. Well, he was right when he said there were things I needed to know.

"But you should."

I nodded. "Are you sure you don't mind staying?"

"Not at all." The crooked smile on his face never failed to take my breath away. I lay down and tried to relax. I was too conscious of the fact that Edward was in my room. Edward, who apparently didn't sleep. I didn't know why it was so surprising. It was hardly the strangest thing he'd told me about himself. Except that it was. How could a person not sleep?

Then again, I was doing pretty well at it. I tossed and turned. Occasionally my thoughts drifted to Jake. I would call him tomorrow when he got back from school. I would ask him to come over and we would talk. It was going to be awful. After it was done, maybe I could call Edward.

That would get me through. Edward who was still in my room. I couldn't settle. After what felt like forever I rolled over to look at the clock. It was after eleven. I hadn't heard a peep out of Edward since I got into bed. I chanced a peek at him to see that he was resting his head on the back of the chair and his eyes were closed.

Was he asleep? He looked like he was, but something was wrong. His body was too still and I realised it was because he didn't need to breath. I closed my eyes and rolled over again. Sleep still eluded me. I was starting to feel too hot again.

I huffed a little and pushed the covers down. Then there was movement next to me. The bed was dipping. I opened my eyes to see Edward was lying down next to me. He smiled as he wrapped me up in his arms, "Sleep Bella." He said against my ear, spooned against my back.

"Can I ask you something?" I said sleepily.

"Anything you want." he whispered. I shivered again but I wasn't cold.

"Alice said something about you having been sick this weekend. What was that all about?"

"She knew you wouldn't be in school tomorrow. I wanted to be free to spend the day with you. Now everyone will think I'm sick too."

My heart leapt in my chest. "You're going to be here all day?"

"If you want me to be."

"I do," I said. I twisted my fingers up with his. I was out within seconds.

XXX

EPOV

As the room grew lighter around me I unwound myself from her. Charlie had woken. He was going to check her temperature before he left for work. He went to the bathroom first. Keeping Bella off school today was just a precaution as far as he was concerned. She had looked much better last night.

It was hardly surprising as she didn't have a ridiculously hot wolf wrapped around her. A wolf she was planning to break up with apparently. I got up from the bed and concealed myself in the closet. I hardly dared to hope that she would do it. If it was true it meant that Bella truly wanted to be mine.

I swallowed the groan that rose in my throat. I wanted that, more than anything. I wanted to claim her, to make her mine. She should be mine. Something deep in me resounded. She should be mine. But could I do that? Was it possible for me to be with her physically? I didn't know. Sometimes her scent almost choked me, but I was getting better at controlling it. The longer I spent around her the easier it got. Maybe it would be possible.

I had a sudden image of Bella, naked beneath me and I fought the urge to growl. What if I lost control? I could kill her so easily and I didn't know if I would be able to concentrate. The thought was enough to unsettle me. How would I cope with the reality? I just had no idea, no frame of reference. Being clueless wasn't something I was used to; though I was getting more familiar with it.

What was the alternative? Nothing. Nothing was the alternative. Would Bella tolerate that? She had been in a relationship for some time and was used to having her needs met often I guessed. I could do it, abstain if I had to. Being around her was all I needed; though it was definitely not all I wanted. But Bella...

My thoughts were racing. There wasn't even anyone I could ask. No one I knew had ever been in this type of situation. I could try...maybe. But if I felt like I was losing control would I be able to stop? I didn't know. It would have been simpler if there had been no man in her life ever. It was probably easier to forego sex if you had never had it. And I would have been able to justify it to myself; I was being chivallrous etc etc.

Charlie pushed open the door of Bella's room quietly and I focused on keeping perfectly still. He had a thermometer strip in his hand. I listened in to hear him confirm her temperature as ninety nine degrees. I had known that of course but it was good to get a second opinion. I wanted Bella healthy and happy. I would do anything to make it happen.

Charlie went and got Bella a glass of water then he left the house. After I heard his car start I came out from my hiding place. He wasn't coming back until tonight now. Bella was still sleeping peacefully. I thought about all the things I could do to keep myself occupied. I could read. I could try to make something for Bella's breakfast. I could watch something on TV. Instead I lay back down next to the young woman I had fallen madly in love with. I would have more fun watching her sleep...and obsessing about the right decisions.

XXX

Bella stirred in my arms around ten am and opened her eyes. Chocolate stared into gold for a moment as Bella came back to then world. Her face split into a beautiful smile as she saw me. Then her eyes widened in horror. She was going to ask me to leave. She was going to throw me out and tell me not to come back. I knew it. Bella sat up and I moved back, "Can I have a second? I need to go to the bathroom."

I was staggered. She was asking to go to the bathroom? She had scared the hell out of me. I nodded mutely and Bella clambered out of bed. She seemed steadier on her feet as she scuttled into the bathroom. Humans were strange. They had such strange reactions to things.

I sat on her bed for a second until it occured to me that Bella might want some privacy to get dressed. As much as I wanted to stay put I dragged myself down the stairs. Bella liked tea. She had made it on three occaisions that I knew of. I headed into the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove to boil. I could make tea...I hoped. She used a certain mug as well. One with cartoon characters on.

I found it in the cupboard. Jack and Sally from A Nightmare Before Christmas. I smiled. I had actually enjoyed that movie. It was funny and I'd spent a week humming the song about kidnapping Father Christmas. It occurred to me that Bella should eat in the morning. When I had seen her eat breakfast she had had cereal. I was looking in the fridge for milk when I heard Bella padding down the stairs.

She had washed, I could smell the soap on her skin and I was actually sorry. Her skin smelled perfect, she didn't need to mask it with perfumed soap. Bella walked into the kitchen as the kettle was boiling. I smiled at her, she looked so beautiful. She had changed into sweats and a vest. Her arms were expanses of pale skin I wanted to touch. She smiled at me shyly, "Good morning."

"Good morning. I thought you might want some tea. I've never made it before." I indicated the boiling kettle. I took it off the heat.

"Well, you're half way there." Bella got a box out of the cupboard and put a tea bag in the mug I had left on the counter. "That's my favourite mug," she said smiling at me.

"I know," I said. She looked at me curiously, "I've been watching you for a few days Bella. I don't sleep remember." I was still continuing to be honest with her. I just had this feeling that it was important; that she could handle anything as long as I told her the truth.

Bella was blushing furiously, but she was smiling too, "Do you know everything about me yet?" She asked pouring hot water into the mug and reaching for the milk.

"I think that might take a while." Even if I could read her mind I wasn't sure I would comprehend her. She seemed so different. Maybe her thoughts were just as different.

Bella stirred her cup and went to sit at the table. "I don't know. I'm not very interesting."

"You are so wrong," I said sitting opposite her. As much as I wished I could touch her, I was okay as long as I could look at her.

Bella cleared her throat, "So what did you want to do today?"

"I want to talk to you if that's okay. I want to get to know more about you." I had never had to learn about someone this way and I was excited to try.

"Sure, what would you like to know?" Bella asked. I wondered if she was expecting deep philosophical questions.

"What is your favourite thing to eat in the world?" I asked seriously.

Bella grinned at me, "Depends entirely on my mood. Ice cream is always good. But I like pizza when I'm lazy and I like to cook when I'm not. How about you?" Bella was joking but I decided to answer as honestly as possible.

"Mountain lion's my favourite choice when we hunt." I wasn't lying. We never hunted humans so I was to be congratulated on my evasion. Bella's eyes widened but she didn't make a sound, "What's your favourite colour?"

"Today?" she asked as she looked at the floor, "Gold. Yours?"

I felt something tighten in my chest. She was talking about my eyes. My answer would have been the same anyway, "Chocolate brown. It's a beautiful colour."

Bella wasn't getting a break. One blush was running into the next. "Was your name always Cullen?"

"No, my name was Edward Anthony Masen. I was named for my father." I hoped she didn't want details about my parents. I didn't remember them that clearly. I remembered that my father was tall and that my mother had green eyes. Those were the clearest memories of all my human ones. "Do you have a middle name?" I asked.

"Marie. Isabella Marie Swan."

"I like that." I did, it suited her. Elegant and classic, just like Isabella.

"What's you favourite thing to do?" She caught me off guard. I only did things I enjoyed, unless you counted going to school. I hated that. It was purgatory in the truest sense of the word. Lately my favourite activity had been watching her.

"I like to listen to and play music. I like to read and I like to run with my family. I like being here with you." She looked down but I could still see her smile.

She deftly sidestepped the comment though, "You play?"

"I do." Bella raised her eyebrows. I sighed, "I play the piano, the guitar, the drums, the trumpet, the violin and several others."

"Wow, can I hear you sometime?"

I wished I could blush. I sounded horribly like I was bragging, "I would like that. Do you like music?"

"I do. Lots of different types. I don't really have a favourite type."

"Me neither. Favourite movie?

We continued in this vein for a while. Bella sipped her tea slowly and I was as entranced by her gestures as I was by her words. Sometimes before she answered she would smile, sometimes she would frown. I wondered if she was considering the question or if answering it bothered her. I had no way of knowing.

I broke off my questioning when Bella's stomach made a very odd sound. She made lunch and we moved to the living room. I wanted to sit next to her on the sofa but I knew it would be much harder for me to concentrate on her words if I could actually feel the heat from her skin. So I sat on the chair and then regretted that choice too. Her hair was hanging forward over one shoulder tickling her collar bone. I wanted to brush it back, and then kiss her shoulder. I couldn't do that...not yet.

I continued questioning her. I wanted to collect as much information as I could on her; I wanted to know her. We broke off once more when Bella went to get a drink but other than that we talked all day. She told me about visiting her mother. She told me about the time Charlie had taken her to Disney World for her birthday. She lit up when she talked about him, and about Eric and Angela.

I was glad she had such loyal friends and I knew that's what they were. The only thing neither of us brought up was Jacob Black. I was determined not to, if she wanted to talk about him she would. I didn't want to force her to. But she didn't.

Bella talked a little about the time she had spent on the Quiluette reservation but she never mentioned her boyfriend by name. I wondered if she would ever want to talk to me about the time she had spent with him. I would understand if she didn't want to. I wasn't even sure I wanted to hear it. Except that he had been a big part of her life and I really wanted to know everything.

The light was getting dimmer, but I didn't really notice until I realised the shadows on Bella's face were changing. "Your dad will be home soon. Didn't you promise to make him dinner."

Bella looked surprised. She glanced at the clock on the mantel piece, "Wow, I didn't realise it was so late." She smiled at me, but it slid off her face.

She was thinking about the phone call she was supposed to make. Bella went pale and bit her lip. No, she shouldn't look like that, "Bella, you don't have to do this."

She smiled but her expression was still sad, "I have to. I'm going to ask him to come over. I need to talk to him face to face."

I hadn't counted on that. The idea made me very nervous. She was going to deliver a serious emotional blow to a hormonal teenage boy who was on the cusp of phasing into a wolf. But how could I tell her not to without revealing the tribe's secrets? That would put my whole family in danger.

I could just watch, I could hide in her room and listen. If anything happened I could be downstairs in less than a second. "Do you want me to leave?" I wasn't going to go far anyway. But I would go outside at least if she asked.

Bella's hand reached towards me an inch but she pulled it back. I saw her intention though and I moved forward, taking her hand in mine. I hadn't felt her skin since this morning and I had missed it. "I don't want you to leave," she whispered, "I don't want you to ever leave." She looked into my eyes and I lost myself in them, "But you should. You can't be here when I do this. It wouldn't be right."

She was so concerned with doing the right thing by other people. I was more concerned with protecting her from them. I just nodded, "Okay," I started to get to my feet.

Her grip on my hand tightened, "Not yet. I haven't even made the call yet." I settled back onto the sofa. She kept hold of my hand and stared at our interlocked fingers for a minute. "I'll be back in a second."

Bella uncrossed her legs and let go of my hand. She walked into the kitchen and I heard her pick up the phone. I listened carefully as she dialled the number. I memorised the sequence in case I ever needed to get in touch with the tribe. You never knew what might come in handy.

Bella stood with the phone in her hand nervously switching her weight from foot to foot. She waited until the phone had rung fifteen times before she hung up, "It's weird. He almost always answers."

She was frowning and I felt a twinge of annoyance. The god's of fate were clearly conspiring to make this as difficult as possible for Bella. "Does he have a cell phone?" I hoped I didn't sound too eager. I didn't want to pressure her but I wanted this over. I was afraid she might change her mind if she had to wait too long.

"I do, but he doesn't. I hardly ever use mine anyway." I hadn't seen her use a cell phone yet. I wondered why she bothered with one.

"Well, Charlie will still be home soon. I probably shouldn't be here when he gets back." He had already found me in his house unnannounced once. I thought it was best not to make a habit of it.

"Why not?" Bella asked indignant.

"He's fond of Jake, I don't want him to think badly of me. I don't want him to see me as the new kid who moves in on his daughter within a week." And there was another reason.

Bella looked as though she might be about to argue but eventually she nodded, "After I'm done with all this...will you..."

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen. I wrote my number on the paper and handed it to her, "I always answer my phone."

She smiled at me, "How long till Charlie get's here?"

"I don't know, I can't hear his thoughts yet. But this morning he was planning to be home by five."

Bella nodded, "I have to cook before he gets here."

I got to my feet, "Call me when you're ready. If you want to," I added as an afterthought. She might decide she didn't want company tonight after all.

Bella smiled and clutched the scrap of paper in her hand, "I'll want to."

As soon as I left the house I was filled with indecision. I couldn't just leave. I was genuinely concerned for Bella's safety. I knew it would be the worst luck in the world for Jacob to shift at just the wrong time. Then again given what I had seen in the last week, Bella didn't have the best luck.

But I didn't feel like I should stay as much as I wanted to. For the first time since I had started coming to her house I felt like it would truly be spying. She probably wouldn't want to be overheard tonight. In the end I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It didn't even have time to finish ringing once, "Hey Edward."

"Alice, would you mind watching Bella for this. I don't think I should be the one to stay. But I can't let her do this alone. The dog is so close...I just can't leave her alone."

"I'm on my way Edward. Bella's future doesn't go dark until after Charlie gets home and I will be there in a few minutes. You should hunt. I wont let her out of my sight tonight. Emmett and Jasper are waiting behind the house."

"Thanks Alice."

I hung up the phone and started to run. If I didn't go right now, I wouldn't leave.

**Phew, there goes the mammoth update for the day. Please press the little button. You know you want to.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you so much to my new reviewer twithish, welcome to the dark side.**

**Thanks to VioletOD who always reviews and keeps me writing on bad days, and to Cherry Blushe because she's awesome.**

**I also had a review from someone else but it only came to my hotmail. So thank you to michelle824, I will try to reply via the site too. I always do.**

**Enjoy...there's two again hee hee.**

BPOV

Charlie was late home. It was already after six, I was finished cooking and twiddling my thumbs. I had tried to reach Jake twice more and both times there had been no answer. The waiting was driving me insane. I wished I could call Edward and tell him to come back.

I had had the most incredible day with him. We hadn't really done anything special, we had just talked. For hours. Unless you counted the lurching of my stomach and the quickening of my heartbeat it was the most comfortable I had ever been. I wanted more of the same and soon.

I was still dreading the conversation with Jake, but now I was eager to get it over with. The waiting was the worst part of it all. I just needed to do it already. I sat at the kitchen table for a while, then I paced the hallway. Then I tried Jake again. There was still no answer.

Then it occurred to me again how odd it was that Jake wasn't answering his phone. And how much odder it was that Billy wasn't answering either. Maybe I should call Charlie. Just as the thought came to me, the front door opened and he came through it, "Bella!" He called my name looking up the stairs.

"I'm here dad," I said walking towards him from the kitchen. As I got closer I realised that Charlie looked terrible. He was so pale and drawn, "Is something wrong?"

He drew a shuddering breath, "Billy had a heart attack."

"What?" Billy had always been so healthy, except for his being in a wheelchair. I had never heard of him having heart trouble. Surely if Jake had known he would have mentioned it. Oh god, Jake, "When? Is he okay? Is he..."

"He's alive. He's in the hospital. I've been there this afternoon. I thought you might want to..."

"Just give me a minute to change."

I ran upstairs trying to concentrate on making my feet move. Billy couldn't die. He just couldn't. I loved him, he was family. Jake must be in pieces. He had already lost his mother, his sisters had moved away, all he had was his dad. He would need me.

But what about Edward? He was waiting to hear from me. I couldn't call him now. Charlie would hear me on the phone. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt. I dragged my shoes on, wrestling with them for a second before I realised I was trying to put them on the wrong feet. Edward would be waiting to hear from me. I shook myself. I couldn't be selfish right now. I had to get to the hospital. I still slipped the piece of paper with his number into my pocket though.

I rushed back down the stairs as carefully as I could. Charlie was waiting for me anxiously, "Jake's there on his own. We should hurry." I just nodded and we headed for the cruiser.

When we got to the hospital Charlie led me through the corridors. He knocked on the door of a private room but didn't wait for an answer. Jake was sat by Billy's bed with his head in his hands. He looked so much younger than he had the last time I had seen him; like something had broken inside of him. Charlie went to stand next to the bed. Jake looked up but his eyes were glazed. Billy was unconscious; much paler than Charlie.

I knelt beside Jake's chair, he stared at me and the pain in his face was clear. I slipped my hand into his, "I'm so sorry Jake. I had no idea. I thought it was strange when you didn't answer your phone at home but I never thought..."

Jake nodded, "I know. I'm just glad it happened while I was there. If I had still been at school, he would have been all alone. He was just making dinner and he..."

Jake's voice was shaking, "It's okay, you were there. You were there to help and you're dad's getting the care he needs."

Jake was nodding but his eyes were filling with tears. I hadn't seen Jake cry in years, "He can't die Bella."

"I know." I put my arms around his neck and held him tight. His cheek pressed against mine and it felt so hot. I was glad I wasn't sick anymore. No wonder he had overheated me. Then I felt guilty for even noticing something so trivial.

Charlie cleared his throat, "Has the doctor been back in yet?" Jake shook his head, "I'll go and see if I can find anything out." Charlie went back out into the hallway.

I knelt on the floor next to Jake's chair. I looked at the still form of Billy Black. He looked peaceful, which struck me as odd. I don't know what I had been expecting but it was strange that something as dramatic as this didn't leave some outward sign.

Jake squeezed my hand gently, "I'm sorry about Saturday Bella, I don't know what got into me. I shouldn't have gotten so angry."

"Shh, that doesn't matter any more Jake. What's happening right now is all that matters." I smiled at him.

Jake nodded but his answering smile was watery. We sat in silence, Jake gripping my hand until Charlie got back. A doctor entered the room behind him. It was Doctor Cullen. I gave him a small nod. After all, I had only met him once and that meeting was a secret. I clambered to my feet.

"Mr Black, Miss Swan, I'm Doctor Cullen. Chief Swan asked me to look over your father's notes." Jake stiffened next to me. I wondered if he was going to say something. I had no doubt he was tempted but he didn't. What would he say? 'Hey, you smell really bad'. It was odd to think that Jake had been right.

I had mocked the very idea. My insides shrivelled with fresh guilt. But then, how could I have possibly known? Jake had a faint scowl on his face but he nodded to Doctor Cullen. Maybe he really didn't believe the legends. "Mr Black, I'm happy to report that I think your father will make a full recovery. We are going to keep him in for a few days to monitor his condition. If all goes well he should be home by the end of next week."

Jake let out a sigh. "Oh thank God." His head dropped back into his hands.

He wasn't looking at me and I took the opportunity to meet Carlisle Cullen's eyes. Did he know everything? Did he know what kind of conversation I had planned to have with Jake tonight? I was pretty sure he did. His eyes were sympathetic, he nodded and I knew he understood. I was in two kinds of hell here. In the first a family friend lay in hospital seriously ill. In the other I was forced to keep up the 'girlfriend' pretence when I was desperate to hear Edward's voice.

Carlisle looked at Jake and I realised he was still sitting with his head drooped. The hint was clear. I put a hand on Jake's shoulder and he reached up to take it in his.

"Thank you Doctor," said Charlie.

Carlisle was still looking at Jake, "You should go home and get some sleep. Your father's going to be unconscious for at least another fifteen hours."

Jake looked up at Carlisle with hard eyes, "I'll go home when I'm ready."

"Jake!" said Charlie, he didn't sound pleased wth Jake's tone.

"It's fine. Of course, stay as long as you want."

He nodded to Charlie and then to me and left the room. I wished I could communicate with him. I wished he could read minds like Edward could. I didn't know what I would tell him though.

We sat in silence for a few seconds, all of us staring at Billy. Charlie was the first to speak, "I know you're upset Jake but that's no reason to be rude to the doctors. Doctor Cullen was about to leave and I asked him to come and speak to us."

"I'm sorry Charlie," Jake mumbled. "I wasn't thinking."

Charlie sighed, "I know."

I leant down and kissed Jake on the forehead. I couldn't stand here any longer, "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

Jake nodded, "Okay."

I slipped out of the door and headed for the elevator. I couldn't use my cell phone in the hospital but I had to call Edward. Taking the stairs might be quicker but running down unfamiliar stairs was a recipe for disaster. I was beginning to wonder if the elevator was broken when a voice behind me made me jump.

"Bella? Sorry, I thought you might want to make a call. There's an office phone you can use just down this hall."

I smiled gratefully, "Thank you."

He didn't ply me with questions he just led me to a door he unlocked with a set of keys. He held open the door and waved me inside, "Will five minutes be enough?"

I nodded, "Yes, and thank you."

"My pleasure Bella. And I'm sorry about your friend."

I nodded and he disappeared round the corner. I took a deep breath and fished in my pocket for Edward's number. I dialled the phone with shaking fingers. Edward answered straight away, "Hello Bella."

"Edward, I'm sorry I haven't called. Something's happened." My voice was shaking as badly as my hands.

"I know, Alice called me. Are you okay?" He sounded full of genuine concern for me. How could he be worried about me? I was supposed to be calling him to tell him I had ended my relationship with my boyfriend. Instead I was comforting Jake in the hospital. This was such a mess.

"I'm fine. I just...I don't think I can do this tonight." The words hurt to say but I didn't have time to sugar coat it. After all a bathroom break couldn't last forever. They would be wondering where I was soon.

"Of course, don't even think about it anymore. I'm only concerned about you right now." I wished I could see Edward's face. It was easier to interpret the things he said when I could see him. I couldn't believe he wasn't mad.

"I'm really fine. I just can't believe this has happened. And I feel so selfish." By the end of the sentence I was almost whispering.

"What? Why would you feel that way?" He sounded anxious. He wanted to fix it for me. I couldn't understand how I had gotten lucky enough to have this being care about me. So many people did, and I was going to hurt at least one of them badly. I just couldn't do it now and it annoyed me.

"Because a very small part of me is mad. I thought this would be over by now. I knew it was going to be awful; that I would hurt Jake and myself in the process. But I thought it would be done and then...then I could be with you. I'm just mad at fate I guess." My voice broke.

"Bella, once this is over, I will be waiting. As long as you want me I'll be waiting."

"I don't think I'm going to stop wanting you Edward. But I have to go. They'll be wondering where I am." Plus Doctor Cullen would be coming back at any second.

"I know. I'll see you in school tomorrow." That was something at least. I would see Edward tomorrow.

"Yes, I'll see you then."

"Bye Bella."

"Bye." I wiped the tears away before I headed back to Billy's room.

XXX

"Don't be ridiculous Jake, it's no problem. Your father would do the same for Bella. I'll call into the station and arrange to be late. We'll go to the hospital, you can see your dad when he wakes and then I'll drive you to school." Charlie's tone brooked no argument. He would take responsibility for Jake as long as necessary. He was right when he said Billy would do the same if the situation was reversed.

Up until this week I would have approved. I would have even been glad to have Jake with me; knowing he would need my support. Now I didn't know what to feel. Jake should be with us, he still needed us. I would have to put what I wanted on hold. I couldn't be selfish.

Jake was protesting but I knew he wouldn't win, "Charlie, I really appreciate it but I don't want to..."

"No arguments. I'll call Sue in the morning and see if we can make other arrangements. If you were there you would at least be closer to school, but for now, you stay with us." Jake opened his mouth again, "I said 'no arguments' young man." Jake grinned weakly. Charlie hadn't called him that in years. Not since Jake and I had been caught stealing from the cookie jar.

When we got back to the house I made up the sofa for Jake. It was getting late but we all split the dinner I had made. No one seemed very hungry and conversation was thin. I didn't know about Charlie and Jake but I kept seeing Billy lying in that hospital bed.

Even knowing he was going to get better the image was hard to shake. Charlie excused himself and went to bed after we'd finished washing the dishes. He was leaving us alone; maybe he thought I could comfort Jake. I just wasn't sure what to do.

I took Jake's hand and led him into the living room. We sat on the sofa and Jake put his arm around me. I moved into his embrace, trying to remember how I had fit into it so easily. It seemed wrong. He was too warm, too big. I shook the feeling off.

However things might change between us, this was still Jake. He needed me and I needed to be here for him. "Is there anything I can do?" I asked him quietly.

Jake shook his head, "Nothing else. Just you being here is enough. Thanks Bells." He smiled at me and my heart thumped. I really did love Jake. Nothing would ever change that. If Edward and his family hadn't moved here we would probably have been together forever. But Edward had moved here; I had met him and now I knew I was falling for him. Harder and faster than I thought possible.

"You're welcome Jake." I said with a lump in my throat.

"I don't know what I would have done tonight without you and Charlie." Jake was smiling at me lovingly. He clearly thought any differences we'd had were behind us. I couldn't tell him otherwise right now.

"Don't think about it now Jake." I squeezed his hand.

"You're right. Can we watch something stupid for a while? Something animated maybe?"

"Sure," I nodded, "You pick."

We settled together on the sofa and I tried to get comfortable. Ten minutes before the end of the movie Jake was out cold. He'd had a tiring day after all. I got him settled comfortably on the sofa and tucked the blanket around him. He really did look young when he was asleep. I imagined getting a call from Billy tonight telling me Charlie had had a heart attack. Poor Jake.

I felt weary myself as I climbed up the stairs but I wasn't really tired. I decided to take a shower. Maybe if I could just have a few minutes alone I would know what to do. The hot water was relaxing but it didn't help much. I washed my hair and gave it up.

Maybe sleep. A good nights sleep might lend some clarity. I pulled on some sweats and climbed between the sheets. I concentrated on relaxing my body. After half an hour I had to accept that it wasn't working. It was worse than last night when I knew Edward as actually in my room.

I couldn't shake the image of his eyes. The way we had laughed together when we discovered a shared love of certain music. The way he had smiled along with me as I talked about my sometimes-reckless mother. Finally I sat up in bed and reached for the scrap of paper in my jeans pocket.

I would have to get to the kitchen. I had left my bag on the table. I crept down the stairs. Jake was snoring softly on the sofa, he hadn't moved an inch since I had gone upstairs. Only my guilt was making me cautious. Jake would probably sleep through a hurricane. He always had to set three alarms for the morning.

The kitchen door creaked slightly as I closed it behind me but there was no change in Jake's breathing. I got my phone out of my bag and crept out of the back door. If I could just hear Edward's voice for a second I might be able to get some sleep. Everyone here might be asleep but Edward wouldn't be. He didn't sleep.

I punched his number into my phone and was about the hit the 'call' button when I paused. I didn't know why but it hit me that the phone might not be necessary. "Edward?" I called quietly. There was no movement in the night. Everything was still and silent. Completely silent, I couldn't even hear any birds or insects. "Edward, if you're here please come out. Please." I begged.

I stood there for maybe another ten seconds until I saw him. There was something pale moving about in the trees at the edge of the garden. It was a white shirt; it was on Edward. He looked guilty as he came towards me, stopping five feet away, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to know you were okay."

The tears I had been fighting all night were back in force, "Oh Edward." I gasped. I ran towards him and threw my arms around his neck. He caught me easily hugging me fiercely to his body. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, this is such a mess. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right thing to do is." I sounded hysterical but it didn't seem to phase Edward.

"Shhh, Bella. It's okay. It's gonna be okay." His fingers were stroking gently through my hair and I found myself soothed. My voice still sounded sad to my ears but less agitated.

"How Edward? How is it going to be okay? I can't tell Jake right now. It would kill him. He's such a wreck as it is, how can I add more to it? But I don't know if I can keep this up. When he touches me it...it doesn't feel right anymore."

I felt Edward tense. "It doesn't feel right to me either. But I understand the position you're in."

"Do you?" I asked looking up at him. Something he said about not wanting to share me came to mind.

Edward gave me half a smile, "Rationally yes. Emotionally? I want you to be mine and no one else's."

I reached up and touched Edward's cheek, "I want to be yours." My voice dropped to a whisper, "I really already am." A strange rumbling sound came from Edward's chest. I hadn't heard anything like it before but my stomach tightened in response. Edward's eyes widened and I knew he was embarassed. He started to move away but I wouldn't let him. I slid my hand into his hair, " I wish you could stay with me tonight."

Edward pulled me close again and buried his face in my neck taking a deep breath. "I won't be far trust me. But I can't come in. Not with him here. It's too risky."

I nodded but the lump was big in my throat again, "I'll see you tomorrow right?" I didn't think there was really any chance of Jake catching Edward but maybe he just didn't want to be here when Jake was. I could understand that. It felt a little tawdry to me too.

"I'll be at school." He seemed reluctant to let me go but he did. "Try to get some sleep." Edward pressed a kiss to my forehead and then melted into the shadows.

XXX

Tuesday morning passed in a daze. I didn't see Edward until lunch and he was sat with his family. I glanced over at the table but he didn't look at me; none of them did. Not even Alice. I felt a sudden terrible thrill of fear in my stomach.

Edward hadn't come to find me today. I had been looking for him but he hadn't appeared. He could find me if he wanted to. Between his own gift and Alice's they could find anyone. He must know how desperate I was to see him. There was only one reason I could think of. Edward had changed his mind, he wasn't going to wait for me. Why would he? He was beautiful, kind, perfect, and oh yeah, immortal.

There was nothing I could offer him. All I had was baggage. I sat with Angela and Eric as normal, but I could barely speak. Both of them knew about what had happened to Billy and I hoped they were attributing my silence to worry. They chatted as normal, but Angela squeezed my hand under the table for a second. I wished I could confide in her. I was used to being able to tell her and Eric anything. I met her eyes and she frowned in concern, "Maybe we should go to the beach at the weekend? It would probably do Jake some good."

I nodded at her. "Maybe, it depends how Billy's doing I guess."

Eric was munching his way through a pile of fries, "Well, if he's better and Jake's up for it I could drive us all down there."

God bless my friends. They were so good to me, even if all I could do was nod while fighting off the tears. I glanced at the Cullen's table once more. Alice was talking to Jasper and Edward had his back to me. I wanted to go over there but I didn't have the courage. What if Edward just ignored me? I didn't think my heart could take it. It was already pounding in my chest uncontrollably.

The bell rang and I picked up my bag. I didn't look back as I headed for class. Maybe Edward wouldn't come. He had promised we'd see each other today and I guess we had. He hadn't promised to talk to me after all. The class was already half full as I took my seat. I got out the necessary books but I didn't look at the door.

I felt physically sick. What was I going to do if he didn't want me now? I was shaking and I couldn't seem to make it stop. If he didn't come to class I might pass out. I was staring hard at the first page of my text book when I heard the chair next to me scape against the floor. Edward was here.

I didn't dare to look at him. I saw his bag appear on the desk. He got out his own books and a pen and then he sat down next to me. He had moved his chair though. He shuffled a little in his seat and I felt his leg press against mine from my knee to my ankle. I let out a shuddering breath. His hand rested next to mine for a second before he brushed his fingers across my knuckles. Then the teacher came into the room. Edward took his hand away from mine but left his foot where it was.

I didn't hear a word that was said all lesson. I couldn't concentrate on anything except the fact that Edward was beside me and that part of his body was against mine. He hadn't changed his mind. Then why had he been ignoring me today? It made no sense. I glanced at him from time to time but Edward always appeared absorbed in his work. Surely he had been through high school before, I didn't see what could be so absorbing in the book. Especially since he had to be able to hear my heartbeat. It was out of control in my chest.

The bell that signalled the end of class made me jump, I was so distracted by Edward at my side. He didn't seem as affected. He packed away his books and placed his hands flat on the desk for a second. He sighed and got to his feet. I couldn't bring myself to look at him until he was almost out of the door. Edward didn't look back.

My eyes were filling with tears as I reached for my books. Through the blur I saw a folded piece of paper on the desk. I grabbed it quickly and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

_Bella, _

_Some people know about Billy and they're watching you a little more than normal.. Alice wanted to talk to you but she says we should keep our distance for a few days. We haven't really talked to anyone else and according to her visions people will start to notice if we're obvious._

_I'm still waiting for you. Call for me tonight when they're asleep if you want. I'll be there._

_Edward_

I breathed a stuttering sigh of relief. I would see him tonight. He would hold me again. It would be okay. All I had to do was get through the rest of the day. If only I wasn't so tired.

I picked up my bag, which felt heavy and headed for gym. It was hellish as usual, I managed to hit myself with my own racket at one point. Gym was always bad but my lack of concentration was helping nothing.

It was a relief to go and take a shower, even though I knew I woud have to head over to the hospital. Charlie was picking Jake up and we were meeting there. Billy should be awake now. Jake would have seen him this morning. I was hoping he would be improved since yesterday.

I pulled my car into the lot and headed into the hospital out of the slight rain. I wondered if Carlisle was working tonight and if he had been in to see Billy. Billy might not be pleased to see him if what Jake said had been true.

I walked to Billy's room staring down each hallway I passed but I saw nothing of the resident vampire/doctor. Billy's door was open when I got there and he was propped up on several pillows. I was pleased to see he had a little colour in his cheeks. Not much, but better than yesterday. He was flicking through channels with the remote looking sleepy and bored.

When he saw who his visitor was his expression brightened, "Bella, it's good to see you." I had been afraid I would never hear his voice again; I was so glad to be proven wrong.

"You too Billy. It's really good," he was such a calm presence in my life. I would have missed him terribly. I knew that if things continued as I wanted them to I was likely to lose Billy anyway. But at least he would be alive.

"Well, I guess I threw a scare into you all yesterday huh?" He was smiling but I could see how tired he still was. He should probably still be asleep.

"That's putting it mildly," I squeezed his hand gently. "Don't you ever do that to us again."

"I promise." He said smiling gently, "I saw Jake this morning but I was a little out of it. He's okay right?"

Even Jake's father trusted me completely. I felt my chin tremble but I kept my smile fixed, "He was very shaken up, but you know Jake. He's tough. He'll be fine." I prayed to God that was true.

Billy was looking at me shrewdly. His heart attack definitely hadn't caused any type of brain damage, "Is something wrong Bella?"

I shook my head, "I just didn't sleep very well last night. We were so worried about you. I'll be fine tomorrow, all I need is a good night's rest." Though it didn't seem likely I was going to get one without Edward.

A nurse knocked on the door and put a tray of something that looked very unappetizing on a rolling table. She was wearing way too much make-up but her smile was friendly. Apparently Billy had to go on a special diet for a while. Ugh, I didn't envy him if all the food he could eat looked like toothpaste of various colours.

He was picking through the pink toothpaste when Charlie and Jake came through the door. The delight on Jake's face at seeing his father awake and at least trying to eat was infectious. I smiled at the man/boy who was my oldest friend and he grinned at me.

Charlie took off his jacket and sat down in one of the visitor's chairs. "Well, apparently you're on the mend. They want you here until at least Monday, maybe longer but they're pleased with you."

Billy nodded, "Well, I'm relaxing in bed and people are bringing me food on trays."

"What passes for food," I said wrinking my nose.

"True, but still. I'm sure I can survive a week of this." Billy smiled at Charlie, "Some of the nurses are very easy on the eye."

Charlie's grin was genuine, his friend was going to get better and that was all he cared about. "Well, don't worry about Jake. He can stay with us, so can you when you get out of here."

"Thanks, but Sue and Harry have offered to put us up. Sue's not working at the moment so she offered to be my nurse until I'm back to normal. She came to see me this morning and insisted as only Sue can."

Charlie shrugged, "It's a good point. Our house is empty all day after all. Women waiting on you for weeks eh? Sounds like these heart attacks aren't so bad."

"Well, you know me. Always looking on the bright side."

Jake and I didn't talk to them very much. We sat side by side on plastic chairs and Jake held my hand. He was watching his dad closely; probably checking him over for any visible signs of problems. There were none that I could see. Billy and Charlie laughed and joked exactly like normal if maybe a bit quieter. We stayed until the end of visiting hours at seven and then Charlie herded Jake and I out of the door.

We left with promises to come back tomorrow when school let out. Jake decided to ride home with me and I knew that until Billy got out of the hospital Jake would probably stay with us. My heart sank at the thought. It was unfair of me; I couldn't really have 'the talk' with Jake until Billy was out of the hospital anyway. It was just the idea of having to keep the act up twenty four-seven. I unlocked the truck and we both climbed into the cab.

"I don't think I've ever been this relieved Bella. I know he's not exactly up to full strength yet but he looked so much better." Jake's voice was shaking but the smile on his face was definitely genuine.

"I'm glad too Jake. So glad. And you're right, he did look better." At least it was one thing off the list of stuff to worry about.

"I don't envy him the food though. Ugh, I don't know if I could bring myself to eat wallpaper glue."

"Don't worry," I said with a chuckle. "I'm going to make enchiladas for dinner."

"Oh, good. Well, I'll be thinking of him when I'm eating." Jake was joking again, he was feeling more like himself. That was a good thing for a lot of reasons but I tried to ignore the reason I cared about most. It was perverse to think of Jake's happiness in terms of how soon I could destroy it.

XXX

EPOV

It was amazing how quickly and easily things could go horribly wrong. I had been hunting with Jasper and Emmett and trying desperately not to run back to Bella when Alice had called me. It was after six. Charlie would have been home an hour ago. Had Bella managed to reach Jake?

"Alice?"

"Edward, before I tell you, Bella's fine. Nothing's happened to her, she hasn't spoken to Jake yet. Oh Edward for God's sake."

"Jasper, Emmett, I'm going. See you both later." I called as I started to run. "Stop complaining Alice. You knew I would come back."

"Yes but I hoped I could reason with you." She sounded exasperated.

"When has that ever worked? What's going on Alice? Spit it out?"

"Charlie just got home. I didn't think to check his future. Jacob Black's father had a heart attack today. Bella and Charlie are headed to the hospital right now. I'm following behind them." I could hear the sound of air rushing past her as she ran.

My heart sank. Bella would be devastated. She had grown up with the Black family. "Do you know the prognosis?" The less noble side of me was concerned about other things. Bella wouldn't go to the hospital and break up with Jake while his father lay comatose. What if the man died? Would she change her mind now? Would she be able to leave someone who meant so much to her when he was in pain?

I doubted it. She was a good person, it was one of the reasons I loved her.

"I called Carlisle and he's looking into it. But...it's almost definite that he will recover very well."

"I'll be with you in a few minutes."

I snapped my phone shut. I didn't know why I was rushing. Even once I got there, I couldn't do anything. But I knew I had to be there anyway. I pushed my body to it's limit. I didn't do that very often, why would I need to? Soon I could hear Alice.

_Over by the south wing Edward._

I moved round the hospital until I spotted her. She was on the roof. I checked around with my eyes and my mind and then I leapt up to join her. "Any news?"

"Carlisle's been in to see him. Bella's about to call you. About two minutes."

I could see Bella in Alice's mind. She was being led down a hallway to an office by Carlisle. At this moment I could see her through Charlie's eyes. She was holding Jake's hand.

Jake was apologising to Charlie, he had been rude to Carlisle. I felt a frisson of annoyance. My adopted father was the best doctor anyone could possibly hope to be treated by. Though to be fair, we did reek to him plus the boy did look devastated. I switched my attention to him. His mind was foggy. He was in pain, but he was glad Bella and Charlie were there. He needed them.

The only problem was, I needed her too and right now my craving was getting out of control, "Easy Edward. Stop thinking rashly. Just wait."

I took a deep breath and listened. Bella was saying she needed to go to the bathroom. It was a plausible enough excuse but her heart was fluttering in her chest. She almost ran to the elevator but Carlisle was waiting. He was thinking about how desperate she had looked in the hospital room. He was thinking that she must really care about me. He was feeling terribly sorry for her; she seemed like a good person. She was a good person; a good person in a horrible position.

He led her to an office just as Alice had forseen. Bella's hand trembled as she dialled the number I had left her. I answered one the first ring, "Hello Bella." I tried to keep my voice even. She had enough to worry about. I wasn't going to add myself to her list of problems.

"Edward, I'm sorry I haven't called. Something's happened." She sounded as though she was on the verge of tears. Alice placed a hand on my arm.

_Swinging yourself through the window wouldn't be helpful now Edward. It would just create a lot of awkward questions we can't answer. Just reassure her._

"I know. Alice called me," it was the truth. Alice had called me, "Are you okay?" That was the msot important thing after all.

"I'm fine. I just...I don't think I can do this tonight." I had been expecting as much but the words still hurt. There was nothing else she could do, I knew that. But the pain of hearing it still almost knocked me to my knees. She had been so close to being mine.

I swallowed hard, "Of course, don't even think about it anymore. I'm only concerned about you right now." That was true, if she was okay I would find a way to cope.

"I'm really fine. I just can't believe this has happened. And I feel so selfish." Her voice was low.

How the hell was that? She was here supporting her extended family. She was doing exactly the right thing. "What? Why would you feel that way?"

"Because a very small part of me is mad. I thought this would be over by now. I knew it was going to be awful; that I would hurt Jake and myself in the process. But I thought it would be done and then...then I could be with you. I'm just mad at fate I guess." I felt hope shoot up in my chest. She might not change her mind, she sounded sure.

If she truly wanted me then it was okay. I could handle anything as long as that was true. "Bella, once this is over, I will be waiting. As long as you want me I'll be waiting."

"I don't think I'm going to stop wanting you Edward. But I have to go. They'll be wondering where I am." I wanted to tell her; tell her how much she meant to me. That in a ridiculously short space of time I had fallen in love with her and now she was all that mattered to me. Of course this was hardly the time.

"I know. I'll see you in school tomorrow." I would have gone even if I hadn't known it was going to be cloudy. I could have hidden in the janitor's closet during sunny spells if necessary.

"Yes, I'll see you then." Bella sounded pleased by the idea.

"Bye Bella."

"Bye," she said in a whisper.

I hung up the phone and turned to Alice, "What do you see? Please tell me Alice."

Alice bit her lip, "Her entire future is dark tonight. I think...I think Jake is going to be staying with them." I growled low in my throat. That was too much. I hadn't counted on that, "Edward, calm down. I can see little bits. She'll be in school tomorrow. But we have a problem."

Great, another one. "What kind of problem?"

"One of the kids at the school has a crush on Bella."

Like that was a surprise. I couldn't understand how any human male wouldn't be interested in her. Another person hoping to have her, "And why does that matter? Except that it makes me angrier?"

"Just look."

The boy with the crush...Mike Newton...he cared about Bella...he would hear about Billy's heart attack and know she would be upset...he would be watching her...if I was talking to her people would notice...we hadn't really spoken to any of the other students...Mike Newton would notice...he wouldn't be suspicious of anything exactly...but it would get his attention...that would not be good in the long run.

I hissed, frustrated. "I can't even talk to her at school?"

"Edward, we need to take care. If Jacob Black is close to shifting there might be others. Once they know half of it it is true they'll believe the stories about us. I just...I just have this feeling that we would be better off being careful. Can you trust me please?"

She shook my arm again and I met her eyes. She was serious. Alice might be the only person who could get through to me now. I always trusted Alice. I nodded. "I'm still spending the night at her house though."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," she said with a sigh.

XXX

I hid further back into the woods and closed my eyes. I let the world fall away. I didn't want to listen to anything tonight. The only mind I was interested in hearing was the only one that was silent to me. I concentrated on clearing my head. I needed to be calm, otherwise I would still hear thoughts.

Instead I focused on a sound that had become very relevant to me; the sound of Bella's heart beating. I didn't know exactly what she was doing but she was calm. That was all I needed to know. I didn't want to spy on her through other people. I wouldn't have normally hesitated but Bella deserved better. As long as she was calm I would be patient.

I didn't move for a long time. I just listened to the steady thump of Bella's heart. I was almost in a trance like state; determined not to invade her privacy. After a while though her heart beat started to become erratic.

It would slow slightly then speed up again. My curiousity got the better of me and I started to listen to the rest of the world again. The dog's heartbeat was on the ground floor. He was asleep on the couch. Charlie was upstairs. He was asleep too. Bella however was wriggling around in bed. She would settle into a position and her heart would slow. Then she would sigh and her heart would speed up and she would wriggle into a new position.

Bella couldn't sleep. I knew it would only take a second for me to check on her. I had been sure she was over her illness. Had her fever gone up again? I had been so sure she was better. It would only take a second to check.

In the end I didn't need to. Bella got out of bed and I heard her rummaging around. She walked quietly down the stairs and into the kitchen. I wondered if she was thirsty. I didn't hear her open any cupboards though. She was looking for something in her bag. Her phone.

Bella came out of the back door and I could finally see her. She was reading my number from the slip of paper I had given her. She was calling me! I had my phone out of my pocket in a second. But then she stopped. I was still wondering why, when she spoke. She called for me, "Edward?" I literally couldn't move. I was trying to figure out how she had guessed I was here. "Edward, if you're here please come out. Please."

It didn't matter how she knew. She knew and she was calling for me. I moved forwards out of the trees. Her eyes widened when she saw me and I stopped before I reached her. She was going through a lot right now. She didn't need my neediness on top of that. Never mind that I was aching to touch her, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to know you were okay." I felt like I owed her some justification for being on her property. Again.

To my horror, tears began to fall down her cheeks. She gasped my name and threw herself into my arms. She had showered and there was no trace of the dog on her skin. Perversely I was glad. As much as her scent burned my throat I didn't want to smell her boyfriend on her. I held her to me. Her skin warmed me. I didn't care about anything at that moment. It didn't matter as long as she came back to my arms. But she was crying, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, this is such a mess. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right thing to do is." She sounded so upset.

I started to stroke her hair, it had helped her sleep and some long buried instinct told me it would sooth her. It worked, "Shhh, Bella. It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

"How Edward? How is it going to be okay? I can't tell Jake right now. It would kill him. He's such a wreck as it is, how can I add more to it? But I don't know if I can keep this up. When he touches me it...it doesn't feel right anymore."

The idea of that dog putting his hands on her made my skin crawl. I couldn't allow myself to see that. If I did I might not be able to control myself. Then again, what was she supposed to do? "It doesn't feel right to me either. But I understand the position you're in."

"Do you?" She was looking at me pleadingly.

I decided to continue with my honest streak, "Rationally yes. Emotionally? I want you to be mine and no one else's."

She reached up to touch me. She didn't do it enough. If I had my way she would always be touching me. Then she spoke and her words stopped my breath, "I want to be yours. I really already am."

The possessive growl had come up from my chest before I could stop it. Yes! That's what I wanted. Bella...mine. Then I remembered that Bella was human and she wasn't used to people who growled. The surprise on her face was clear. I started to move away, the last thing I wanted to do was scare her. She clung to me though. Her fingers snaked up into my hair and I had to suppress another growl. Her heart had sped up again, "I wish you could stay with me tonight."

I was about to tell her that I would stay. I would do anything; all she had to do was ask me. But I knew that I couldn't do that. I pulled her body against mine again. I had to let her go for tonight at least. I knew I would see her tomorrow. Why was this so hard? "I won't be far trust me," I promised. "But I can't come in. Not with him here. It's too risky." There was a slight chance Jacob Black might be able to smell me, even after I had left.

"I'll see you tomorrow right?" For a moment I was disappointed that she didn't argue with me. If she had begged I would have come in, consequences be damned.

"I'll be at school. Try to get some sleep," I said as I let her go. Every inch I moved away stung a little more. I leant forward again and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. Then I turned and went back to my hiding place.

I could tell when she finally drifted into an uneasy sleep at about half past one. She was going to be exhausted at school. Where I was apparently not supposed to speak to her. Oh shit! Why hadn't I told her that tonight? She was going to wonder what the hell was wrong tomorrow. I would just have to find a quiet minute and explain it to her. As she left her locker in the morning I could get her attention and take her aside. I would find the time to explain in the morning.

I knew that Bella trusted Alice and once she heard I was only following my sister's visions it would be okay. I was comforted by this thought and I settled in to wait for the morning.

XXX

_Morning Edward._

Even in my head Alice's was the most cheerful voice I ever got to hear. She was heading towards me with Jasper close behind. She had thoughtfully brought me a change of clothes. It hadn't even crossed my mind, "Getting careless Edward." There was a little bit of friendly warning in Jasper's voice. We all needed to be careful all the time.

"Hardly, Bella's the only one who's seen me in these clothes. No one would think it strange." I took the bag Alice handed me anyway, defending myself.

"Well, you're looking pretty creased Edward, plus you've been sitting on the ground," said Alice but her thoughts weren't confrontational. She was worried about Bella.

"Why? Is something wrong?" I asked anxiously.

Alice sighed, "No. I just know I can't talk to her today either and she's got to be upset. She loves Billy Black. He's like an uncle to her."

I felt a strong twinge of guilt. I had come into Bella's life and disrupted everything. Now she had an extended family member in hospital and she was concerned about me too. And I couldn't even comfort her today. "I'll find a chance to explain it to her."

"That's why I'm here. You will have three chances to get her on her own this morning and none of them go well. In two of the scenarios Mike Newton sees you slipping off together. In the other you take her into a closet and are found there by a teacher. The worst will be assumed in that last one and Charlie will be called." Jasper turned his head away and I knew he was hiding a grin. The wicked side of me grinned right along with him. That would be one way to 'out' our relationship, "Edward..." said Alice the disapproval was strong in her tone.

"Yeah, I know. Tempting though.."

Jasper shifted from foot to foot, "They're stirring in there."

He was right. Bella's alarm hadn't gone off yet but Charlie was up and heading for the shower. He was taking Jake to see Billy and then driving him to school. "Bella will arrive in her truck as usual. Don't be there waiting."

"Why?" I asked the question only on impulse. She would have a reason. Alice arched a perfect eyebrow and I saw the future where I was waiting for Bella. Half the school would notice. Bella would walk over to me and I would grin like an idiot. It would be noticed all right. My shoulders slumped but I nodded at Alice.

Jasper looked at me sympathetically, "You good?" He asked, with his trademark stoicism firmly in place.

I nodded and he followed after Alice. I really didn't envy Jasper's gift. It must be lousy to be at the mercy of everyone else's feelings. I heard Bella's alarm going off. She got out of bed immediately but I could tell she was still tired. She seemed to be in a bit of a hurry this morning. She got to the breakfast table before Charlie had finished his breakfast and even he commented on it. She was pouring cereal and shrugging it off when the dog came into the kitchen and joined them. He liked the blue shirt Bella was wearing today. She looked good in it.

His mind drifted somewhere I didn't want to go, certainly not via his thoughts anyway, and I switched back to Charlie. He was thinking that Bella looked fully recovered, though she might have lost a couple of pounds. Nothing to worry about, she would be back to normal in a week or so.

I assessed her through his eyes. He was right, nothing too noticeable but yes. I wished I could sit beside her at lunch today and make sure she ate something substantial. In fact...I just wished I could sit beside her.

I ran to school making sure to keep my jeans and black shirt pristine. Alice would go balistic if I arrived looking messed up. Especially as she had made an actual delivery. I could see Bella pulling her truck into a vacant space. As much as I had serious concerns about her riding a motorbike she seemed to be a good driver.

She got out of the cab and looked around her. I wondered if she was looking for me and had an awful feeling she was. It seemed very arrogant to assume that's where her thoughts would go immediately. However, when she bit her lip and looked round the lot again I was sure. Bella held her books tightly to her chest and went into the school.

I let go of the handful of tree I had gouged from the nearest trunk and followed her inside. I could see her all day in school. I could follow her through the eyes of everyone she passed. She looked sad. A lot of people had heard about Billy Black's illness and I was surprised. But word spread quickly in small towns and two of the students had parents who worked at the hospital and one student's father had driven the ambulance.

It was Bella who concerned me though. People thought the reason for her mood today was obvious. Everyone except Angela. She tried not to notice, but she could see the way Bella's eyes darted round the corridors between her classes. It was as though she was looking for someone. I didn't question my conviction that the person was me.

When they walked into the cafeteria together she noticed the blush that rose on Bella's cheeks. She was concerned for her friend. Something was up and for the first time Bella had not confided in her. As far as Angela was concerned, that was okay. It was Bella's choice after all, she would confide when and if she wanted to. But she would like confirmation that Bella wasn't in some sort of trouble.

She saw that Bella kept staring over at the Cullen table. When Angela thought our name I automatically looked round and found I had chosen just the wrong moment. Angela met my eyes and it clicked together in her head. Bella was looking at our table and I was looking at hers. We were both doing this when the other wasn't looking. Oh.

I turned back to my family but I wondered if the damage was done. Angela hadn't read the signs quite right but she had come to the right conclusion. I didn't turn around again. I just listened to Angela's thoughts carefully. She was wondering what was going on, which was only natural, but it was true, honest concern that she really felt. I felt a surge of affection for this little known girl. Bella deserved the best of everything, and she clearly had the best type of friend.

Angela was still brooding; if Bella was interested in me...though she wasn't sure of my name...that was fine with Angela. It was just that Bella didn't look very happy. In fact every time she glanced over at our table her expression got more desolate.

I was fighting the urge to go over there again. Just for a second. I could ask her a question about class or something. I was halfway to getting out of my seat when I felt Alice press her hand against my knee.

_The bell is about to ring. You have the next class with her. Patience Edward._

She was right. I wondered if my annoying sister ever got tired of being right. The bell sounded and I watched as Bella hurried out of the cafeteria. Her eyes were downcast and she didn't look over at us. I grabbed my books and followed her. Enough. I couldn't watch her be this way and not try to fix it. Not because of me.

She was already staring at a text book when I got there. I would have had to literally shove students out of the way to get there any quicker and that wasn't advisable. I noticed that her eyes weren't moving across the page; she wasn't reading. Her shoulders were slumped over the desk.

I moved, probably too quickly to my seat but no one registered it. I emptied my bag and pulled out my chair. I tried to be as subtle as possible about dragging it closer to hers. Bella didn't look up and she didn't move. She seemed to be holding her breath and I knew she was waiting to see if I would speak.

I scanned the room and heard that two of the girls were watching me. I hadn't spoken to either of them but that didn't stop them fantasizing about me...quite graphically. Alice had been right. It hadn't escaped their notice that I had spoken to Bella. They were both wondering if that had been work related.

I hadn't even noticed previously, I had been so occupied with other things in this class. Maybe Jasper was right, I was getting careless. I sat down silently but I had to do something. I couldn't sit here for an hour with Bella's heartbeat thundering in my ears; showing me clearly how upset she was. I shifted in my seat and moved my foot over to hers. It was the only part of us that wouldn't be visible to anyone else.

I heard Bella sigh. Her shoulders dropped further but this time it was because she was relaxing, not getting more tense. Had she really been so afraid? Her hand rested on the desk and I reached out to brush it with my fingers. I could only afford the second that everyone was distracted by the teacher entering the room. Any longer and someone might register my behaviour. I had to remember to be careful.

I stared fixedly at my book for the entire hour. I heard Bella's hair fall over her shoulder each time she turned to look at me but I couldn't return her stare. If I looked at her there was a chance I might just pull her into my arms and hold her. I might even do something worse, like pick her up and carry her out of here. That would get the gossip started.

I didn't move my foot. I could feel the warmth from her skin and I told myself that this was all I could have right now. If and when Bella was ready, there would be time later. Her heart was still beating hard in her chest, how was I supposed to leave her? She obviously didn't want me to and only her needs mattered more than this yearning I had for her. If she wanted me to stay, all she would have to do is say the words.

I swallowed hard. I couldn't risk that. But I couldn't just leave her wondering what the hell was going on. I sighed and got a sheet of paper out of my folder. It seemed so juvenile to write notes in class and it hadn't worked out so well last time. But I was out of options. I scribbled an explantion as quickly as I could and waited for the bell to ring.

I didn't give Bella the chance to speak. I packed away my things, left the note next to her and almost ran out of the door. There. I hadn't done anything stupid.


	10. Chapter 10

BPOV

I hit my alarm with unecessary force when it went off on Wednesday morning. I threw back the covers and clambered out of bed. I had had a bad night. It had gone okay at first. We had gotten back from the hospital and I had made dinner. It made been a nice contrast to the previous evening when no one could face talking.

Charlie had chatted about his day and given me a picture of the deputy's new baby. Apparently the proud father had been showing them off all day. I could see another child to baby sit in my future. All Jake did was talk about how well his father had been looking. We both agreed with him and I was glad of it on so many levels.

Charlie had gone to bed just after eleven and I had followed his example within minutes. Not only was I honestly exhausted but Jake had suggested we curl up and watch a movie. 'Curl up and watch a movie'. Those exact words were code for make out together...a lot.

I couldn't do that. Certainly not tonight and if I was honest I didn't want to. Jake and I had experimented of course and at the time I had enjoyed it, but I knew that now I wouldn't. It would feel wrong. I had gotten into bed and left my door ajar. I was listening for the moment when Jake would go to sleep.

Then I could see Edward. He was already here, all I had to do was call him. But by midnight I could still hear the TV downstairs. I thought that Jake might have fallen asleep with it on, so I crept downstairs. The light was still on as well and I peeked round the corner. Jake was still wide awake. He was watching an infomercial on something for painting walls.

I wanted to stamp my foot in frustration but I knew doing so wouldn't get me anywhere. I crept back upstairs and back into bed. I considered calling Edward on the phone but there was just too much chance of being overheard. Surely Jake would have to go to sleep soon. I stared at the hands of the clock and waited to hear silence from down stairs.

But I didn't. Instead I was woken by my clock in a very bad mood. I just wanted to get to school. Even if I still couldn't talk to Edward today I could at least see him. I dragged on my jeans and a sweater. I felt like hiding under bulky layers today, I was mad with the world. When I got downstairs Jake and Charlie were eating breakfast and they were both bright and chatty. How could Jake be so wide awake?

I tried to talk normally but I didn't know how well I was doing. I also felt irrationally that I didn't care. I knew that Jake hadn't done anything wrong at all. In fact he'd been coping well under horrible circumstances. Edward was right though, the emotional and the rational don't always fit well together. Emotionally I was in knots. I felt as though the universe was conspiring to keep me away from Edward. I was learning quickly that I couldn't tolerate that.

I waved goodbye and left the house. The rain was falling lightly and I smiled up at the cloudy grey sky. There was nothing to keep the Cullen's away from school today. Though that was one of the mysteries I had yet to solve. Alice had said I should ask Edward to show me. I would do just that when this was all over. Whenever that would be.

I drove slowly. It had been getting harder to concentrate on driving recently, my mind wouldn't focus on anything. It was as though Edward Cullen was a drug and I was an addict who couldn't function without a regular fix. And as with all drugs I knew it was only going to get worse.

Even though I hadn't seen him last night I had still dreamt of him. I knew it though I couldn't remember anything specific. I had been staring into his eyes and that was all I was sure of. I needed to see them again for real. I pulled into the lot and parked a little sloppily. I was too early. I had maybe twenty minutes before my first class.

I grabbed my bag and ran for cover. The rain was falling harder now and I was soaked to the skin in seconds. In my haste to leave the house I had forgotten my jacket. Ugh, I was going to be wet all day. I headed straight for the library. It would at least be warm in there.

The library desk was deserted when I got through the door and I began to wonder if the staff had decided to break for summer early. I stood in front of the door for a second not sure what to do. I had come in to school to get away from Jake and Charlie but I hadn't really gotten any further with my plans. I didn't have any real work to do. I was considering getting a book when I heard the library door creak behind me.

I jumped and moved to the side to let the unknown person in and nearly broke into a dance when I realised it was Alice. Edward would be here too. She looked pleased to see me and instantly took my hand. We walked over to one of the tables and sat down, "Is everything okay?" I asked. Alice didn't seem as bouncy as normal.

"Well, as good as it is to see you Bella, this is actually business not pleasure."

"Oh, how so?" I remembered what Edward's note had said about her visions. Was there danger to the Cullens? And if so was it my fault?

"Edward's been climbing the walls. He said he was going to talk to you today, consequences be damned."

"Is he mad at me?" The idea was awful.

"No, why would he be mad at you? You've not done anything wrong."

That was a matter of opinion. I shook my head, "Well is something else wrong then?" I was concerned of course, but my heart thumped hard at the idea that Edward wanted to talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to him.

"Nothing more than Edward told you. We haven't really done a lot of socializing and people will start to notice if he's only seen talking to you." That was understandable, he was the new, gorgeous single guy. "Everyone knows you, you're the chief's daughter and you've always been in a relationship. We just...I just have this feeling that we'd do better to avoid attracting the attention. Edward doesn't want you to think he's ignoring you for no reason."

I nodded though there was a sudden lump in my throat. How long would the avoidance have to go on? I had been playing a role at home for two days now. Having to keep up an act at school as well seemed like an exhausting prospect. "Alice?" I asked timidly, "Do you know when Billy will be out of the hospital?"

The agitation disappeared from her face and she instantly looked sympathetic, "They'll release him on Monday night. I'm almost sure. It's not an easy thing to predict..." she frowned for a minute, "Lot's of things can affect people's health. It's not a question of making a decision you see?"

I bit my lip, I did see. "I was going to talk to Jake the night of Billy's heart attack," I whispered. I felt a sudden urge to unburden myself. I knew Alice wasn't exactly unbiased in the usual sense, but I knew that she wanted the best for me. I could talk to her.

She nodded with a small smile, "I know."

My voice trembled slightly, "Do you think I did the right thing, not telling him?" I was desperate for her approval. I knew that I was making her brother unhappy at the moment and I didn't want her to think badly of me.

Alice sighed, "I honestly think that there was nothing else you could have done. Jake didn't need to hear what you had to say. Not then. What could you have possibly done differently?"

I clasped her hand, "Thank you Alice."

"Eric's coming."

"What?" I said, surprised by the sudden change of topic.

"Eric will walk through the door in twenty five seconds. I was going to mention that first but I got distracted."

"Oh, do you need to go?" Maybe she shouldn't be seen with me either.

"Nope. I need to stay. If we're going to stop people getting suspicious we're going to have to blend in better. I'm going to act more human than any human ever has."

"Do you always do this? Make friends?" It wouldn't exactly be hard for them, anyone would be glad to be their friend.

Alice shook her head, "Normally we make an art out of avoiding ties to people. This time is an exception. Don't forget, I'm throwing a party this weekend. Don't want to scare everyone off." She smiled at me and winked.

I wanted to ask her more, but at that moment the library door swung open and Eric walked in. He smiled when he saw me and blushed when his eyes landed on Alice. He always did that when he was nervous. It was one of the things we both had in common.

XXX

Edward didn't meet my eyes again in class. My heart fluttered when he came into the room and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He didn't even glance at me. He sat close to me again though and I spent my time staring at his hands. They looked paler than usual against the wood of the desk and I remembered how they felt when they stroked my face. I almost wrote him a note but I didn't know what to say. I hoped he knew that I had tried to see him last night.

When the bell rang to signal the end of the class Edward started to pack his books away immediately. He was going to leave the room and then I wouldn't see him until tomorrow. "Edward..." his name was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Alice had said not to do this. I bit my lip. Edward's hand froze for a second but then he carried on packing his bag.

He bent down and picked up my bag, handing it to me. He smiled slightly, his eyes cool and then left the room. The sudden pain in my chest almost took my breath away. I needed to fix this somehow. I couldn't keep up the pretence much longer.

I clutched my bag to my chest and stumbled down the hallway to gym. I changed in silence. Angela was waiting for me but she seemed to somehow know not to say anything. She smiled at me and linked her hand through mine as we walked out of the changing rooms. Angela really was one in a million. I hoped that when she found a man she liked she wouldn't have to go through anything like this.

Angela and I played badminton against each other, she was better than me of course, but she was endlessly patient. She even let me win three points and I could imagine it wasn't easy for her to do. I was more hopeless than usual. We packed away our rackets and Angela took my arm again. It was her way of showing me support.

"How's Billy doing?" she asked as I was pulling my shoes on. I felt bad about not being able to confide in Angela. I had always told her things before and she must be worried. This was something I just couldn't tell her though.

"Better, he'll be home in a few days I think." I said trying to smile genuinely. That was the one good thing going on after all. At least Billy was going to get well again. It was my official excuse for my bad mood. I doubted that Angela bought it though.

"Well, if things get rough you can always call me you know." Angela's tone was light to the untrained ear but I could hear the feeling behind it. She didn't want to pry, she was just offering.

"Thanks. It's just a lot going on at once." That was putting it mildly.

"Well, school will be done soon," Angela said cheerfully.

I hadn't even thought about the end of school in days. I was going to be working full time this summer. I would actually have money for a change. I just didn't really care right then, "Yeah, I guess."

Angela picked up her bag, "We'll have some fun this summer. It's our last high school summer after all. Next year, college."

She was trying to distract me, and while I appreciated it, nothing was going to work today. I followed her out of the gym and towards the parking lot. "Lot's of things to come. It's going to be a busy year."

"Well, I'll be home all night..." her voice trailed off and I nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, and Angela, thanks." She smiled and walked over to Eric; he was her ride home. I started to dig around in my bag for my car keys. The parking lot was emptying quickly, everyone was eager to be out of the continuous rain. I was going straight to the hospital again. I hoped Billy's improvement would be as marked as yesterday.

I dug down the sides of my binders. I had definitely dropped my keys in the main section this morning. A minute later frustrated, I tipped my bag out in the back of my truck. I still couldn't find my keys. I was almost alone in the lot now but even after I checked all my pockets I still came up empty. I was sure I hadn't moved them. I scopped up my things and put them back in my bag. I strode back into school, the only other place I could have left them would have been my locker. Though why I would have done that I couldn't imagine.

Then again I had been so scattered recently it wasn't beyond the realms of possibility. The corridors were deserted and I allowed my depresson to overtake me for a second. The only thought that could cheer me up was the chance that Edward might be waiting at my house again tonight. I would outlast Jake no matter what it took. I had to speak to Edward.

An odd sound caught my ear and I paused. The sound stopped and I started walking again. It started again and I neared my locker. It sounded like christmas bells tinkling. I rounded the corner and froze. Edward was leaning against the locker opposite mine and swinging my keys in his fingers. He smiled at me and held them out. "It was the only way to get you alone."

I took them slowly. After my desperation to see him I didn't know what to say. Edward's face started to close down and I realised he thought I was mad at him. My throat felt so dry. How could I be mad at him? I thought I was going to have trouble getting any words out but once I spoke I started to babble, "I'm sorry about last night. So sorry. I tried to get out to see you but..."

"Bella, it's okay I know. I was watching. You should know that. I don't want you exhausted because you're trying to get to see me. Knowing you want to see me is enough." He smiled and reached out to brush a strand of hair behind my ear.

His touch made me shiver. "I do Edward. I always want to see you."

"Then it's enough," his finger trailed along my jaw then he dropped his hand.

"No. It's not enough Edward." I wasn't sure if I was talking about seeing him or his touching me. It was probably a lot of both, "I just..."

"You don't have to explain to me Bella. I just wanted to speak to you. But we don't have long. You're expected at the hospital aren't you?" I nodded. The large lump in my throat was back. Edward didn't look any more comfortable, "In that case, I'll see you tomorrow."

I didn't know what to say. It felt like it had taken ages to get to see him and now it was going to be over in seconds. "Wont I see you tonight?" If these few minutes were all we could have, I wanted as many of them as possible.

"I'm going hunting with my family tonight. It was either that or I would have to go at the weekend." So he would be here over the weekend then. My heart leapt at the thought but then it stuttered. Jake would probably still be with us then. Angela and Eric had suggested we go to the beach. I would have to find a way out of it. I couldn't go the whole weekend without seeing Edward.

"Well, will I see you tomorrow?" I couldn't stop myself, I reached out for his hand.

He took it in both of his and rubbed his fingers over my knuckles gently, "Nothing will keep me away."

I nodded and made to turn but I found I couldn't move away from him. Edward stared into my eyes for a second then he lifted my hand and placed a gentle kiss there. I gasped at the touch of his lips. This was starting to be agonizing. The small touches, and delicate kisses were driving me crazy. If Edward felt the same it didn't show on his face. He smiled and let go of my hand, turned on his heel and walked away.

XXX

Billy seemed livelier than yesterday. He had been bored all day and was delighted with the magazines we brought him. Doctor Cullen came in and spoke to us briefly. His presence put both Billy and Jake on edge but they were both polite to him. I wondered if they would have been different if Charlie and I had not been there.

Carlisle was pleased with Billy's progress and gave us the news I had been expecting. If all went well Billy would be released on Monday. Charlie offered to pick him up and take him back to Sue's where he would be recuperating.

Doctor Cullen nodded his approval and excused himself just as Sue and Harry Clearwater arrived in person. I knew them both well of course. I had babysat for their son Seth with Jake plenty of times. Sue was a woman who approached any task or problem like a ship in full sail. She swept into the room, greeting us in turn and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

She immediately began clearing off Billy's hospital table and then started to plump his pillows, "We'll have you good as new in no time," she said smiling. But her tone brooked no argument. She would take good care of Billy.

Harry grinned at Billy and sat next to Charlie, "Well, if you ask me all this lazing about isn't right. Sue's been so busy making up the spare room that I had to make my own dinner last night."

Jake laughed, "Oh dear, did the kitchen survive?"

"There was no damage but now Harry knows that you shouldn't put plastic in the oven. Don't you Harry?" I fought the urge to giggle. I wondered how melted the plastic had been when Sue saved the day.

"Yes dear," said Harry still grinning. Sue could never stay mad with him and he was the only person I knew who wasn't intimidated by her.

I listened to them all banter and remembered all the other times I had done the same thing. I was never one to join in but I enjoyed the familial feeling when we were all together. I would have to give this up; at least partly. Jake probably wouldn't want to see me for a while, if ever. I couldn't blame him for that. I looked at Charlie and thought about how difficult this was going to be for him. He was going to be caught in the middle I suspected and felt a stab of guilt. I was getting used to that feeling.

I focused on where I was; we chatted about everything and nothing until visiting hours were over at seven thirty. Billy was sad to see us leave but we promised to come back tomorrow. We left the hospital and Jake and I started to walk to where I had parked my truck.

His mood seemed to be improving the better Billy got. He spent most of the drive back fiddling with the radio and singing along with the commercials. I tried to laugh at the appropriate moments and if I missed them Jake didn't seem to notice. I was too tired to even worry about it.

I hadn't been sleeping well and it was starting to catch up with me. "Are you okay Bells?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Just exhausted."

Jake reached over and rubbed my shouler, "Well, maybe we can think of a way to relax tonight. Once Charlie's gone to bed maybe."

Oh god, my stomach clenched violently and not in a good way. I had been stupid not to expect this. Billy was feeling better and Jake wanted to celebrate in the way only a man could. I suddenly felt the weariness settle on me more strongly. "I don't think so Jake. Not tonight. Not with Charlie in the house."

"Oh come on Bells, once he's asleep we're almost alone." Jake was more right than I cared to admit. Charlie probably knew that Jake and I had progressed past the hand holding stage. Other than a responsibility lecture he had delivered when I was fifteen he had never brought it up again. He didn't want to know. Jake put his hand gently on my knee and started to make circles there with his fingers. "We'll just have to keep the noise down."

His self-assurance annoyed me. I had said 'no' hadn't I? I had been with Jake for years but did that mean I had given up my right to say 'no' when I wanted to. "Jake, knowing that Charlie is upstairs would freak me out. It's weird."

Jake sighed and took his hand away. He didn't bring it up again for the rest of the drive. When we got home I went straight into the kitchen to start dinner. Charlie was already situated in front of the TV having beaten us home. "Hey dad, lasagna okay?"

"Sure Bells, but doesn't that take a while?"

Wow, Charlie knew something, however small, about cooking, "It does, but I'm just really in the mood for it tonight. Are you starving?"

"No, I can wait. Jake?"

"Fine with me," he said sitting next to Charlie on the sofa.

By the time I had made dinner and we'd all eaten, it was almost ten o'clock. Charlie's eyes were only just beginning to droop when I made my excuses and went to bed. If I stayed up I knew Jake would make a move. I couldn't cope with it. The idea of it was appalling. I had made my decision, I couldn't have both. I didn't want both. Even if I did, Edward had said he'd be hunting tonight but you never knew. What if he was watching? He would see me with Jake. I couldn't let that happen. The idea of it was...obscene.

I took a quick shower and went into my room towel-drying my hair. My eyes stared out of the window into the darkness. Was he out there somewhere? I could lean out of the window and call his name, just to be sure. I was halfway across the room when I froze. I was being ridiculous. Edward had said he wouldn't be here tonight. I turned off the light and got into bed. I needed to sleep. I closed my eyes and for the first time I didn't fight the images that flooded my brain. I just let myself think of Edward.

XXX

EPOV

It had almost been a relief to see Bella fall asleep on Tuesday night. The dog was wide awake and I knew he wasn't going to turn out the lights any time soon. She had looked so tired, but so determined. I wanted to see her and hold her like I had last night, of course, but not at the expense of her health. She had already gotten sick once because of me and I didn't want to see it happen again.

Bella had still looked exhausted in the morning, there were black shadows under her eyes. I stayed as close to her truck as I could when she drove to school. She shouldn't be driving when she was so tired. She had been moving around all night and mumbling continuously. I didn't know if I was delusional but I was sure it was because of me. I was starting to believe that she might want me almost as much as I wanted her. The prospect was wonderful...and awful while I could still do nothing about it.

Alice was waiting for me. Our volvo must be getting very little use at the moment. She had a forbidding look on her face that instantly set my teeth on edge. I deliberately hadn't decided to catch up with Bella this morning...especially not in the library where I knew she would be headed.

If Alice's face as anything to judge by my decision was firmer than I knew, "She's barely sleeping Alice. I have to talk to her. Just to check that she's okay."

"Is that the only reason you want to talk to her?" Alice raised her eyebrows.

There was no point in denying it to Alice, she knew me too well, "Of course not. I just...I just want to see her." I looked at her pleadingly, begging her to understand.

"Edward, I know. I get it. I see it I really do. I'm not offering you any hard evidence and there is nothing I can show as proof. But I just have a very bad feeling. I can't explain it but I'm telling you, we need to be careful. Please Edward, if not for us then for her."

That got my attention instantly, "Have you seen something about her? Anything bad?"

Alice was shaking her head, "No. I've already told you that. I just think that if...something was to go wrong she would probably come out of this the worst." Alice thought for a minute, "If you go and meet her in the library you will get caught by Eric or the librarian."

I could see that she was being honest and I took a deep breath, "Will you go then? Just tell her that I want to see her even though I can't."

Alice nodded and trotted off into the school. I followed her at a slower pace and went to hide in the bathroom. I knew that kids at schools did that sometimes when they got bullied. Well I was being bullied by my own hormones so I hid. I listened in to Alice's conversation with Bella. When I heard a small voice ask whether I was mad at her I accidentally tore the hand towel holder from the wall. Oh crap.

How could I be mad at her? I was ony afraid, afraid that she would change her mind and decide to stay with her boyfriend. Surely this experience could only remind her of the differences between us. After all, mortality was a pretty big difference.

In my opinion Alice should have made it clearer to Bella how much I wanted to see her. She should have told Bella that I was desperate to see her. But she didn't and I decided to stop listening. Clearly I was not in the right state of mind to be hearing this. I quickly hid the towel dispenser in a ceiling panel overhead and shoved it back. No one would find it for a while at least.

The halls were starting to fill as I headed for my first class. I let the babble of internal voices crowd my head. I normally made an effort to ignore them but today I welcomed the distraction. The sheer volume of voices made it hard to pick one out. It worked for a while but by third period I was on edge. There were too many girls with long brown hair in this school. None of them had hair exactly like Bella but some were similar. Every time someone saw brown hair I saw it too.

I was trying so hard not to think of her and it was like she was everywhere. Twice the person in the visual was actually Bella and I quickly moved away from the thoughts. It was all one big tease, but I couldn't watch her. I couldn't afford to put my hand through a wall by accident.

I was at our table first this time. Bella sat down, bringing her delicious scent with her. I hadn't smelled it since yesterday, it was agonizing all over again. I had almost gotten used to it after spending three nights in her bedroom. Now it was a fresh torture to add to the list.

Bella was watching me when she thought I wasn't looking. She just didn't know that I was always paying attention to her. Her breathing was slow but her heart was fast. The dark under her eyes was getting worse.

For a second I allowed myself to indulge in the impossible. I could just pick her up and run from the room. We could disappear completely and never come back. She could be mine and no one else's. I would never have to share her, no one would ever bother us. I was more than able to make it all happen.

I swallowed hard, ignoring the venom that was flooding my mouth. It wasn't relevant to anything. Catering to that urge was dangerous, it would mean losing Bella. That meant it wasn't viable. The bell rang dragging me back to the present. I wasn't looking at her but I was leaning towards her slightly. I started to grab the books I had scattered all over the table, embarassed. "Edward..."

I froze when I heard her speak. There was an audible voice in my head. It was louder than anything I had ever overheard from anyone else. It was telling me to do it; to take her away right now. It was telling me that she wanted me to do just that.

Except that I wouldn't. I wouldn't take her choices away. Whatever happened it would be her decision and I would abide by it. In the spirit of that I picked up her bag and handed it to her. But as I stood up I lifted her car keys from her bag. She had said my name, I took that to mean she wanted to talk to me. This was the only way I was going to get some time with her today. It would have to be when everyone else was gone.

XXX

When I heard Bella approaching her locker I started to swing her keys gently. I felt a little dishonest for the way I had taken them. I hadn't thought at the time about it annoying her but through Lauren Mallory's spiteful eyes I had seen Bella's irritated expression as she searched her bag.

Maybe she would yell at me? It was a concern but not a real one. I was almost sure she would be glad once she realised her keys weren't actually lost. Bella rounded the corner and froze. Her mouth dropped open and the colour instantly rose to her cheeks. Was she thrilled or angry? I waited for a clue but none came. I was worried I might have been a little overconfident. I had rifled through her bag technically, "It was the only way to get you alone." I hoped that would be enough to explain my actions. She did know how much I craved her company right?

She bit her lip but I wasn't sure she did it consciously, "I'm sorry about last night. So sorry. I tried to get out to see you but..."

Oh Christ, she still thought I was mad at her. Did she think I wanted her to stay awake all night just for two minutes with me? I couldn't have that, I reached out to touch her hair. I tucked a piece behind her ear but my hand lingered. "Bella, it's okay I know. I was watching. You should know that. I don't want you exhausted because you're trying to get to see me. Knowing you want to see me is enough."

She shivered but the blush on her cheeks deepened. She wasn't cold then, "I do Edward. I always want to see you."

Just take her! Grab her and run! No one will find you...well maybe Alice...I ignored the crazy side of my brain. She wanted to see me. She would be with me...soon. I took a deep breath and stroked her jaw, "Then it's enough." I was trying to convince myself as well as her.

"No. It's not enough Edward. I just..."

I didn't know what she was going to say but I couldn't hear it. I was getting dangerously close to losing control. "You don't have to explain to me Bella. I just wanted to speak to you. But we don't have long. You're expected at the hospital aren't you?" She nodded but it was reluctant. It helped me to think of it though. There were people who would notice if Isabella Swan vanished. "In that case, I'll see you later."

"Will I see you tonight?" She asked looking up at me through her eyelashes. I almost said yes before I thought it through. Thankfully my brain caught up just in time. If I said yes she would be up all tonight waiting for her father and the dog to fall asleep.

"I'm going hunting with my family tonight. It was either that or I would have to go at the weekend." I had been planning to go hunting on a 'little and often' basis but maybe this would be better. Bella might have some free time over the weekend and if she agreed to spend it with me I needed to be firmly in control. I didn't want to be running off to hunt.

I was thinking of the ways I might be able to get Bella to myself this weekend when she reached out and took my hand, "Well, will I see you tomorrow?" I grasped it gently, stroking her skin.

"Nothing will keep me away," I promised. There was no chance I would miss an opportunity to see her voluntarily. Apparently Bella was feeling the same way. She just stood in front of me as though she was stuck to the floor. I didn't know how long I could carry on being strong for both of us. I kissed her hand gently and the heat of her skin burned my lips. I smiled at her and then turned away. There were people waiting for her.

XXX

I threw aside the body of the huge elk I had just drained. I could hear Emmett whooping half a mile to the west. Rosalie had been keeping her distance from me recently. But the distance hadn't been far enough. She was mad, she thought I was being irresponsible and selfish. She thought I should leave Bella alone and let her get on with her life. She was also a little jealous. She didn't actually want me in any way, but she wanted me to want her. She didn't see why someone like Bella would catch my eye when she never had. It was the funniest thing I had heard in a while.

Rosalie would never understand the allure someone like Bella could have. It was different from her own in so many ways; in almost every way in fact. She would never understand. Not that I cared whether she did or not. The only thing that bothered me was that it meant I hadn't seen a lot of Emmett recently. I missed his particularly maddening brand of common sense.

I wouldn't mind his advice on what to do about Bella. It might even help me to get a fresh perspective. "Emmett?" I didn't bother to raise my voice, "When you're done I'd like a word."

I heard his voice clearly, "Sure. Be there soon."

I started to move at a sedate pace back towards Forks. I knew where I was going. Emmett would know too. He would find me when he was ready. I stuck to the woods as usual but I was soon climbing up my tree. Well, my secondary tree. I hadn't climbed the one outside Bella's window recently. If I could see her it was spying. If I was here I was just being vigilant. That was my story and I was sticking to it.

I braced myself comfortably and listened. Bella's breathing and heartbeat were steady. She was either asleep or almost asleep in bed. Charlie Swan was dosing on the sofa. The dog was watching the TV and he was...angry? His father was much improved and that made him very happy but now he had a new concern. Whatever issue he and Bella had been having was ongoing. I got the impression she had refused his advances at some point tonight. I couldn't suppress the growl that came up from my chest.

It was very different from the one Bella had heard. This was gutteral and low and it was fortunately overheard by Emmett who was approaching at speed, "Hey bro. Problem?"

His voice distracted me from my irritation. He was rushing. He thought my growl might be a sign of trouble. "No. Just the dog's thoughts. He's irritating me."

Emmett had spotted me perched in my tree and he chuckled, "Can I get you some bird seed?"

"Ha ha," I said without humour, the boy's attempt to woo Bella still fresh in my mind.

Emmett climbed the tree next to mine and I saw the branch sag under his weight. He sat staring at my face for a second. He was trying to gauge my mood, suddenly he laughed, "Wow, you're really fucked aren't you?"

"Emmett!" I said trying to sound disapproving, but I didn't have the energy for good manners tonight. I sighed heavily, "But to answer your question, yes I am in fact completely fucked." I couldn't deny the truth of his statement.

Emmett laughed again. He swung his legs back and forth like a kid, "Well, there isn't much you can do then is there?"

"You think?" I could hear Charlie climbing the stairs. He was thinking how late it was. He had a busy day tomorrow...

"I dont 'think', I know. Give it up. You're a lost man. Welcome to the club." He was still laughing. I didn't see how he could think this was funny. There was so much potential for disaster here

"It's just so complicated. There's so much to figure out," I said and I was putting it mildly. The tension in my voice was clear even to me. Emmett seemed to realise it too. He was thinking that I looked as though I was in pain. He considered himself my brother and he didn't like to see me upset.

His eyes hardened. "Well, to hell with all that," he said firmly.

"What?"

"Edward, it's real simple. Do you want Bella?" He asked. I nodded, that much should be obvious to anyone. "Does she want you?" I hesitated but I nodded again. She certainly seemed to. "Then find a way. Easy." I opened my mouth to speak but then I shut it again.

I thought hard for a full second. Normally Emmett was a real prankster; he loved to tease people. Now though, I wanted his input. "Even if all the issues with the dog are resolved...I still don't know if I have anything to offer her. How can one of us be with one of them?"

Emmett wondered what I was getting at for a moment. I raised my eyebrows and he got it, "I hadn't even thought of that...the physical side." He paused, "I can see why you might be worried."

Hearing Emmett say it aloud, made it solid in my head. Even he, my sometimes reckless brother thought I was right to be concerned, "It's bad enough I can't give her children, grow old with her...She would miss so much..." My voice kept trailing off. The sentences seemed to have sharp edges as I spoke them and I was being torn from the inside.

"I didn't say it was hopeless you know," my head snapped up in surprise and I stared at him. Emmett was being honest. He genuinely didn't see why it wouldn't be possible, "Three possibilities as far as I see it. One: Take things very very slowly and just see how it goes. Two: Let Bella take the lead at first. Give yourself less to think about. Three: Forget about it. Last one sounds crappy if you ask me."

I couldn't help but chuckle a little. We sat in companionable silence for a while. I couldn't really think of anything to say. Emmett just had a way of putting things sometimes. I knew it wasn't really as simple as he made it sound, but maybe he had a point. I should try to look at this differently. If I wanted Bella and Bella wanted me then we could find a way to work it out. It might be difficult, in fact at times it would be downright hell but we could do it. Perhaps I should try hoping for the best.

I was almost managing to convince myself that I could be mature about this when I heard movement in Bella's house. The dog had gotten off the sofa and he was walking up the stairs. I tensed and Emmett noticed, "What's wrong Edward? Edward?"

I wasn't listening to him. I could barely hear him. All I could hear were the thoughts coming from Jacob Black. He had been listening to Charlie moving around and he had waited fifteen minutes. When Charlie went to bed he never stayed awake longer than ten minutes. The dog had waited an extra five minutes before he went upstairs.

He wasn't going up there to use the bathroom. My whole body tensed and I gripped the tree branch. When his hand touched the door handle of Bella's room I snarled loudly. I had to stop him. I couldn't let him touch her. I was completely out of control. My body was about to leave my branch and fly through the air. I would hit the side of Bella's house. I could be through the window in three seconds; through the wall in two. I would make him stop.

Before I could move Emmett slammed into me from the side. His arms were around mine and pinning me down. We hit the ground with a thud and I struggled against Emmett's grasp. He had never been able to catch me off guard before and a small part of my brain registered it. It just didn't seem important. Nothing had changed inside the house, since our scuffle hadn't been noticed. Jacob Black had pushed open Bella's door. He had walked in and shut the door quietly behind him. He was stroking her hair.

I snarled viciously and struggled harder. I wasn't even fighting him, I was just trying to force myself towards the house. Emmett grunted at the effort but he held me, "Edward, stop. You need to calm down. Come on bro please. If you do this someone could die. Edward listen to me."

His words sounded as though they were coming to me through cotton wool; dark red cotton wool. I could hear Bella stirring. She was waking up. "Jake! What are you doing in here?" She hissed at him, her eyes were wide.

My struggling redoubled, I almost managed to slip free but not quite. Emmett's legs wrapped around mine as he attempted to immobilize me, "Edward...for fuck's sake...Edward if you wont listen to me...try listening to her...listen to what Bella is saying Edward!"

Bella. Her name pierced the red fog. She was speaking. She didn't sound pleased, "...few days have been awful for everyone and before that I was sick. Now you decide to wake me up in the middle of the night? What the hell Jake?" I stopped struggling, I wanted to hear her.

"I just wanted to be with you for a while. It's been ages since..."

"Jake, now is not the time. My father is about ten feet away. Go back downstairs. I mean it."

She did. I could tell from her voice and so could he. I had almost forgotten that Emmett was holding me I was so absorbed in her words. She was telling him no. I had told her I wouldn't be here. She didn't know I could hear her and she had still said no. I could hear the dog going down the stairs slowly but I didn't bother to listen to his thoughts. I knew what they would contain and I didn't care.

My shoulder hit the ground and I was surprised until I realised that Emmett had released me. He was still stood at the ready; waiting for me to make a move but the violent urge had passed. "You okay?" Emmett asked, "I've never seen you lose it like that."

I couldn't meet his eyes, I was so ashamed of myself. I was acting like a crazed new-born. My brother had been forced to physically restrain me. I was just glad he had acted so quickly and that I hadn't been paying attention to what he was thinking. I could have...no, I would have blown our cover in Forks and possibly killed a sixteen year-old boy.

I struggled to my feet and brushed myself off, "Can I ask you to not tell the others about this?"

I couldn't deal with a big panicked reaction right now. Emmett frowned but nodded, "One condition."

"Name it." Though I could already hear it forming in his head.

"As long as Jacob Black is staying here, you don't stay alone." Damn it, I should have known he'd want some sort of safety clause in there. I could hear in his thoughts that he didn't really blame me for my reaction. He imagined what he would do if some guy tried to get into bed with Rosalie. Well, assuming she didn't kill the offending male herself for some reason.

The flip side of the coin was that if I did something rash and exposed myself I would be exposing all of us, Rosalie included. Emmett hoped I would see reason. I sighed, "Agreed."

"Cool," said Emmett with a grin. He leapt back up into his tree. He would stay here with me tonight. He was a good brother.

XXX

Once Bella was in her truck and heading for Forks' High School Emmett gave me a cheery wave and headed back home. I had changed before hunting last night and my clothes were still pristine so I repeated yesterday's actions and followed her to school. She looked a little better than yesterday. The shadows under her eyes were less pronounced.

She had skipped breakfast though, she had been out of the house before anyone else had risen. I thought she might be trying to avoid Jake this morning but I had no way of knowing for certain. Bella parked her truck and climbed out of the cab. She stumbled a little on the way out and yawned. Hmmm I was going to have to keep a closer eye on her driving. She shouldn't be on the road when she was half asleep. Particularly not in that thing. I wasn't really in a position to argue, yet, but her various vehicle choices seemed very suspect to me.

Bella glanced around the lot and then headed into the building. It wasn't raining this morning but the clouds were heavy and I knew it was coming. Not that I cared about being soaked, still humans found it odd if they spotted us stood in the rain.

I opened my mind. There were four staff members in the school at the moment. The vice-principal was writing confidential student reports in her office. The receptionist was turning on the two computers she used. The librarian was in her own locked office...with the custodian who was the only other faculty member present. Interesting.

This was as close to alone as Bella and I were likely to get today. I knew she would be in the library and the scent I could smell on the air confirmed it. She had come this way. I pushed open the library door silently and I could hear the sound of a phone ringing.

There was a rustling from between the shelves and I heard Bella's voice, "Dad?"

I was instantly frustrated. I couldn't hear what was going on in Bella's head and the phone was too quiet for me to hear who was on the other end. Was it really her father? My instincts said no. I had a moment of indecision where I felt like the worst sneak in the world. The sad reality was though, I couldn't bring myself to move away. "Hey is everything okay?" She was frowning as she spoke and I knew it wasn't Charlie.

"I can't remember you ever calling me this early before," she said and she leant against the book shelf. She suddenly went from worried to angry and I was stupidly pleased, "I just didn't want to have that kind of conversation this morning. Especially not with my dad there." Oh yes it was definitely the dog. I wondered how good he was at grovelling to Bella for sneaking into her room in the middle of the night. I doubted he'd had to apologise often.

"Thank you, that's really sweet." To my horror Bella sounded tearful. What was he saying to her that could get such a response? I was angry but I wasn't sure why. It didn't look from her face as though the dog was upsetting her, she just looked...torn. There was a stab of pain in my chest that made me gasp. I moved further into the library. The shelves were arranged at rather haphazard angles and it made it easy for me to get closer to her while staying hidden.

I had to see her expression. "I know you are. You don't have to worry about it. We have bigger things going on at the moment." I couldn't believe she was going to let him off the hook so easily. She had refused his advances so he'd let himself into her room and she was forgiving him. I decided right then and there that I would never understand the women of this century. Never mind just forgiving him, she was still looking teary and emotional.

But it was her next words that really shocked me. I felt as though I was choking on the words again, except that this time they weren't mine. "I know Jake. We will, we'll do something tomorrow night. But something quiet, just the two of us, I don't really feel like a crowd." She was crying for real now, though they were still silent tears. She was going to be alone with him. Deliberately. Oh Christ. The pain in my chest multiplied.

"I'll see you tonight then...You too."

I heard Bella moving away from me but I didn't go to her. My arms wrapped around my body and I bent almost double trying to get a grip on myself. I was jumping to conclusions, I tried to tell myself but it didn't ring true. I had just heard her agree to spend an evening alone with her boyfriend and I knew how those things tended to go. I had seen and heard it all before. I gave an almost silent gasp and forced myself to stand up straight.

I froze when I recognised the scene. It was the vision Alice had shown me. Me, clutching my chest behind a book shelf. I had assumed I was trying to fight off bloodlust not...normal lust. Not a jealousy so overpowering I could barely control it. How ironic. All this time I had been scared of the wrong thing. The vision wasn't showing Alice that I was a danger to Bella, it was showing her what a danger Bella was to me...and my sanity.

I turned and left the library.

XXX

**Review review review...please?**


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter is for xXxBellaxEdwardxXx, (if she's still reading), who said she couldn't wait any more. Your wish, my command.**

BPOV

When I looked down at my phone and saw that the call came from 'home' I was immediately worried. Surely nothing else was going wrong yet; not so quickly?

"Dad?" I asked anxious.

"Bella, it's Jake."

"Hey is everything okay?" I really didn't feel like talking to Jake now. Especially not when he sounded so nervous. It just made me feel more guilty.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"I can't remember you ever calling me this early before."

"I wanted to talk to you in person this morning but you were already gone when I woke up. Were you trying to avoid me?" I wasn't trying to do anything. I had succeeded at avoiding him. It was a crucial difference as far as I was concerned.

"I just didn't want to have that kind of conversation this morning. Especially not with my dad there." He was my most convenient excuse at the moment and I would take full advantage.

"Bells, I'm sorry. I was jazzed about my dad and I...Well, when I'm happy I want to be with you." He sounded so timid, so unlike the Jake I knew. What the hell was I doing to him? Maybe dragging this out hadn't been in Jake's best interest after all. I swallowed hard.

"Thank you, that's really sweet," I said. I was having to fight hard to keep the tears out of my voice. I needed to stop getting mad at Jake. None of this was his fault and I had to remember that.

"But I am sorry. It was totally wrong and I should have listened when you said no earlier."

Ugh, how was I supposed to disagree with him when he insisted on agreeing with me? "I know you are. You don't have to worry about it. We have bigger things going on at the moment."

"I know. This week's been crazy. I was thinking that maybe we should do something tomorrow night? We haven't gotten the chance to spend any real time together in ages." Jake's voice was sad and it tugged at my heart, "And I miss you."

Now the tears were coursing down my cheeks and I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't go out with Jake and pretend everything was normal. I would have to tell him and sooner than planned. If we went out tomorrow I would have to tell him then. Suddenly it was my deadline. When Billy was fit enough for life to resume I would have to come clean. A night of fun with Jake meant it was time. "I know Jake. We will, we'll do something tomorrow night. But something quiet, just the two of us, I don't really feel like a crowd." I certainly couldn't end my relationship in public after all.

"Sounds like a plan to me." There was a lacivious tone to Jake's voice. Evidently he was picturing a very different evening to the one I had in mind.

"I'll see you tonight then."

"Yeah Bells, see you tonight. Love you."

"You too." I said and I closed my phone with a snap. It was still true, it just meant something different now. I sighed heavily and went on the hunt for a book to read. I needed something relaxing enough to help me sleep at night. I heard the library door open and poked my head round the corner wiping my tears away first. I half expected to see Eric coming in with an armful of books and binders. Curiously there was no one there. Great, now stress was making me imagine things. I needed to get myself together, I had a whole day of school to get through, plus I would see Edward soon. The idea made my heart flutter wildly against my ribs.

If everything went well, the situation with Jake would be resolved in less than forty eight hours. It would be over. I didn't know what would happen after that but I knew I just couldn't keep this up either way.

I walked around school with more of a bounce in my step than usual. Even seeing Edward and having him not speak to me in the cafeteria didn't hurt too bad. It would be fixed soon. I listened to Angela and Eric chatter and I tried to contribute. They were talking about Alice's party. Apparently the word had been spread very effectively and everyone was going. Angela kept smiling at me. She was obviously pleased that whatever had gotten me depressed seemed to be over now.

I walked into class to find Edward had beaten me there again. He was pouring over his books looking very studious and oh so gorgeous. I sat next to him and this time I moved my foot over to touch his.

There was no visible reaction but he didn't move away. I settled in to listen to the teacher or at least pretend to. But after a few minutes I felt something touch my elbow. I glanced down and there was a note there.

_Do you still want me to wait for you?_

I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach. The air rushed out of me in a hiss. Oh no. What was going on? What had changed? It didn't seem fair that when I finally figured out when to tell Jake Edward would change his mind. I tried to decide if that's what the note was saying but I couldn't be sure. I agonised over my reply, not having any idea what he wanted to hear. So I reverted back to my earlier policy. Honesty. I wrote:-

_Yes_

Then I passed the note back.

I heard Edward sigh next to me. I had no idea if that was a bad response or a good response. Within seconds he passed the note back.

_Will you please wait after school and meet me by your truck?_

This time I didn't hesitate.

_Yes_

Edward checked my answer and then folded up the note and slipped it into his pocket. My heart was thundering in my ears. I was suddenly and completely terrified. There was every possibility he was going to tell me he wasn't interested in me anymore; that I had kept him waiting too long and he was tired of my games.

I couldn't even bring myself to sneak glances at him. I was too afraid of what I might see on his face. Sympathy? Pity even? It was too horrifying to contemplate. When the bell rang I gathered up my books and bag and almost ran from the room. I still had gym to get through before I could speak to Edward. Fortunately the teacher was feeling kind. We could play any sport we wanted today. Summer vacation started soon and all that. I ended up concealed in the corner kicking a ball to Angela and then running after it when it rolled past me. I was glad I had already passed this class. I had done so by the skin of my teeth. If this week had counted towards my final grade I'm not sure the result would have been the same.

I spent longer than necessary in the shower. I wanted to be sure that everyone else was gone before I got out. I was feeling so tense I was afraid I might explode. Not literally of course, but if Angela asked me what was wrong I might just tell her. That would not be good. Either she would freak out or she would call Charlie and tell him I had snapped.

When I finally left the locker rooms the student parking lot was once again deserted. It was starting to be a habit, a kind of geeky habit that I should break...unless Edward was going to be waiting for me every day.

Except that he wasn't. I couldn't see him anywhere. I looked all around but there was no sign of him. Had he changed his mind and gone home with his family? Had he decided not to even bother telling me he was bored now? It didn't sound like the Edward I had gotten to know. I was starting to feel teary again and I was getting pretty damn sick of it.

I wiped my face angrily and dug in my bag for my keys. They were where I expected this time and oddly, the thought depressed me. I reached my truck and looked up to find the keyhole. Edward was standing by the door, "Edward...what are you...?"

My voice trailed off at the intensity of his gaze, "What are your plans tomorrow night?" He asked. His face had taken on that blank mask like stare. It scared me, I didn't want to see Edward like this. I wanted him to be happy, laughing with me while we argued about whose taste in music was better.

But wait, why was he so mad? I remembered the bit of information I had filed away. This face indicated tension, not anger. If he knew what I had planned tomorrow shouldn't he be pleased? Unless he had changed his mind. I bit my lip, "What's wrong Edward? What happened?"

Edward grit his teeth and closed his eyes, "Could you please just answer the question."

I hadn't really thought about whether I would tell Edward about my plans before or after I carried them out. Wouldn't he already know with Alice as a sister? I bit my lip, "Well, I'd planned to spend the evening with Jake, we have to..." I began.

"Please don't do that Bella. Please." My breath caught in my throat. Did this mean he had changed his mind after all? If he didn't want me to talk to Jake I had to assume he had. With that thought I froze. "I can't bear it." My body seemed to have set. I couldn't move, I felt as though I had been turned into stone. I didn't understand what had happened. Edward was watching me closely.

He was waiting for a response but I couldn't speak any more than I could move. Edward's eyes suddenly softened. "Bella..." he whispered. His arm slipped around me and pulled me close to him. The breath whooshed out of me. My hands went around his neck of their own volition. I knew there was still a chance that we would be seen together, some of the staff must still be here after all. I just didn't care. I hadn't been in Edward's arms in what felt like forever. His hard body was suddenly pressed along mine and I couldn't move away for anything.

How could he be holding me like this if he didn't want me? That made no sense. There must be something more going on here. I knew I was missing something but I couldn't concentrate. Edward had buried his face in my hair and I could feel his breath on my neck. I shivered in response and slid one of my hands into his hair. Edward groaned, and I could hear that rumbling in his chest again. I liked the sound a lot. It brought to mind a tiger or a lion purring.

I felt Edward kiss my hair and something inside me ignited. I couldn't lose him. We hadn't even gotten started yet and there was something here. Realistically I knew that if he wanted this to be over it would be, there was nothing I could do to stop him. If he was going to leave, if this was my last chance I wasn't going to let it pass. I turned my face and for the first time pressed my lips to his skin. It was smooth and cool, and he smelled like heaven. Edward's whole body seemed to tense. He was breathing heavily and one of his hands moved to touch my jaw. He pulled back and stared into my eyes, his fingers stroked my neck.

My skin was tingling wherever his hands touched and I clung to his shoulders. I hated it when he moved back from me. I knew I couldn't keep him next to me if he wanted to go, but I could try. Edward didn't even try though. His arm stayed around my back holding me, his other hand continued to stroke my neck gently, "Bella," he whispered my name again, staring into my wide eyes, "I'm going to kiss you. If you don't want me to, now would be the time to tell me."

My heart was careening against my rib-cage. For an instant it occurred to me that I wasn't single yet, I hadn't ended things with Jake yet. But my body shouted down my brain quickly. I could stop myself from kissing Edward...but I couldn't tell him not to kiss me. Edward's arm tightened slightly around me and suddenly I was moving through the air. For a second I thought I was falling sideways, but of course I wasn't. Edward had just moved me quickly; very quickly.

My back was pressed against my truck. Edward's eyes didn't leave mine. They held me in place even more firmly than his arms. My breathing was very shallow. I wondered if this was really going to happen; if Edward was going to kiss me. His eyes darted to my parted lips, "I'm taking that as a 'yes' Bella."

Edward took my arms from around his neck and held my hands by my side. It seemed on odd thing to do but I didn't get the chance to think about it. Edward leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. The world spun. I was afraid my heart was going to stop it was beating so hard. I sighed into the kiss and tried to free my arms. I wanted to hold him, touch him, but he held me fast.

Edward's marble lips moved against mine slowly, teasing me. His body pressed against me and I pushed back. I didn't think I would be able to get close enough to him to satisfy this craving. My knees were starting to shake. I knew I was still breathing but I couldn't feel the air moving in and out. All of my ability to feel was concentrated in two places; my lips and the juncture between my thighs.

Edward's body was against me and I could feel him, hard next to my hip. He wanted me, maybe as much as I wanted him. I was almost aching with the sensation that was coursing through me. Edward groaned into the kiss and one of his hands moved to my hair. He held my face close, kissing my lips gently. I moved my now free hand back around his neck and pulled myself against him tighter.

The groan Edward let out this time was pained and he gently held my shoulders and moved back from me. I whimpered at the loss of contact and my breath hitched in my chest twice. "I'm sorry," said Edward breathing heavily. "That wasn't fair of me."

"What? What wasn't fair?" That was the best thing that had ever happened to me, I couldn't understand why he was apologizing.

"I shouldn't be trying to influence you. If you want to stay with Jake, I should let you." His eyes were tight again and I saw that he was hiding pain.

Okay, now I was dizzy, breathless and really confused...and aroused. "What? I don't want to stay with Jake. We've talked about this."

"But I heard you," said Edward frowning. "I'm sorry that I was listening, but I was listening when you were on the phone. You said you wanted to spend a night alone with him."

I let out a nervous laugh. Maybe having Alice for a sister didn't give him advance warning on everything after all. "I told him we should do something alone. I..." I bit my lip again, "I didn't want to break up with him in a public place."

"I thought...well I thought..." I suddenly realised what was going on in his head and it all made sense. A stupid kind of sense but sense none the less.

While I had been terrified Edward had changed his mind about me, he was afraid of the same thing. "Edward, I..." I didn't know whether it was a good idea to tell him how much I wanted him. I didn't want to scare him away, but I didn't want him to feel unsure of me either. I took a deep breath, no more games, "You are what I want Edward. You are all I think about." My voice came out in a whisper but I managed to hold his gaze.

His expression cleared. He smiled and it was real. Edward's eyes glowed and his arms went around me again. He kissed me softly, tenderly, "I know exactly what you mean."

He went to move away but I leant up on to my toes and kissed him back. Edward hesitated and I was sure the moment was over but he moved in again. It was happening again. He was kissing me and it was all I cared about. My hands held on to his arms and I pulled myself closer to him again. I wanted to feel him again. He felt wonderful.

"Bella," Edward gasped against my lips, "Don't go tonight. Stay with me." Yes, I wanted to do that. I wanted to go with him and never leave him.

"Yes, of course," I mumbled, reluctant to take my lips from his.

Edward froze and then broke the kiss. His arms didn't let me go, "But you can't do that. Can you?" He asked with a sigh.

For a moment I didn't know what he was talking about. Then I remembered Charlie, and Jake. I had things that I needed to take care of. I just wasn't sure how I was supposed to leave Edward now. I could still feel his lips on mine. I felt as though he had branded me somehow and now everyone would be able to see. I belonged to Edward Cullen.

I frantically searched my brain for something that would allow me to stay with Edward tonight. He was staring at me sadly. I wanted to make him smile again but I couldn't think of any excuse that would fly right now. "I would give anything to stay with you tonight," I said.

Edward kissed my forehead, my cheek, the tip of my nose, "Then it's enough."

I smiled at his familiar words, "No, it's not enough Edward."

He kissed my lips softly once more, "They'll be waiting for you at the hospital." I nodded but didn't move, "You don't make it easy for me Bella."

"What don't I make easy?"

"Leaving you." Edward kissed my cheek gently again, "I always want to stay with you. Leaving gets harder all the time."

"One more day," I said quietly.

Edward nodded and picked my keys up off the ground where I had apparently dropped them. Though I didn't actually remember doing it. He opened the door for me and helped me into the cab. "Will I see you tomorrow night?" He asked.

"God I hope so," I said with a smile. "I'll call you the second I'm done."

He nodded and squeezed my hand gently. "I'll be waiting." Edward shut the door and melted into the shadows.

XXX

Jake and Charlie were waiting for me when I got to the hospital. I mumbled something about losing my car keys and no one questioned me further. Billy was definitely on the mend. He and Charlie were arguing about who had caught the largest fish in the last year. Jake seemed quiet. He took my hand in his when I came in and he smiled at me. There was something off though. He watched Billy some of the time and he answered cheerfully when someone asked him a question. The rest of the time though he looked almost brooding. I shrugged it off, he'd probably just had a bad day at school.

We left as a group and Charlie broke away from us, heading for his cruiser, "Charlie, would you mind taking me to Sue's tonight?"

I stopped and turned to look at Jake, but it was Charlie who answered him, "Sure, if you want. Is something the matter?"

Jake shook his head with an almost sincere smile, "I just feel a little crappy. I think I might be coming down with something."

Charlie nodded, "That flu-bug is still making the rounds."

I stared hard at Jake. I couldn't decide if he was being honest or not. I reached out and touched his forehead. He was burning up, but he had been running a temperature for days. Why was there a sudden change today? "Well, you are quite warm," I said. It was true after all.

I couldn't deny there was an excited feeling in my stomach. If Jake wasn't at my house tonight maybe Edward would come by. Charlie was pointing towards his car. "I'll go start her up," he mumbled and walked towards the truck.

I turned to Jake, "Are you feeling sick?"

He shrugged, "Not really, but I feel...odd. If I'm gonna be sick tomorrow, Sue will take care of me." He smiled and reached out for me.

I went into his arms and accepted his hug. I wasn't sure when I might get my last hug from Jake. Once I told him I needed to end our relationship he might never want to see me again. It would hurt terribly, but I would do it anyway. I didn't have a choice. How I felt about Edward could not be ignored.

Jake pulled away and kissed me hard on the lips. It took me by surprise and I tried not to stiffen in his arms. I tried to remind myself that I was used to this. Jake had held me in his arms and kissed me hundreds, maybe even thousands of times. There was no reason for this to feel strange. Except that it did. Jake was too hot, his lips were too...squishy.

When he pulled away I forced a smile onto my face and he asked, "Are we still on for tomorrow night?"

I nodded, "Definitely, after we leave here we'll do something."

Jake walked me to my truck and then went to meet Charlie. I waited until I saw the cruiser turn out of the lot before I started the engine. I counted to one hundred and then I drove as fast as I could safely to my house. I knew that I shouldn't but I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialled Edward's number. I counted each ring up to twenty before I hung up.

It was weird, Edward said he always answered his phone. I shoved my phone back in my pocket, irritated beyond belief. I was finally alone and now I couldn't get in touch with him. I stomped into the house. If Charlie was taking Jake to Sue's he would be at least an hour. I decided to get started on his dinner, it wasn't as though I had anything else to do.

I was rummaging through the fridge looking for something inspirational when I heard a knock on the back door. It was soft but I still jumped a mile. My heart was beating too quickly again but it didn't slow. I knew who was on the other side of the door.

I practically ran to it and wrenched it open. Edward was smiling at me, but I thought I saw something hard in his gaze, "You shouldn't use your cell phone when you're driving you know."

My mouth dropped open in shock, "How did you...did Alice see something that small?"

Edward looked embarassed, "I was watching. I saw you leave the hospital alone."

"How did you see that?"

"I refuse to answer that on the grounds that Carlisle works there."

"Built in excuse huh?" Wow, how much time did Edward spend near me when I didn't even know it? Edward was nodding at me but I was gripped with a sudden horror, "You were watching me outside the hospital?"

Edward shrugged tightly, "Yes." He would have seen Jake kiss me, I felt the colour drain from my face. I stared at him trying to gauge if he was angry with me. His gaze was impassive; giving nothing away and he managed to maintain it for a whole two seconds.

Then his arms were around me and I was pressed to him. I couldn't move, my own arms were pinned between the two of us, my hands flat on his chest. Despite the fire blazing in his eyes it didn't occur to me to be afraid. I melted against him, and his lips were back on mine. I moaned softly and my hands tried to grip him somehow.

As the kiss deepened I felt my knees growing shaky again. I didn't think I was actually supporting my own weight anymore, Edward was holding me up now. He ended the kiss as quickly as he had started it. He didn't let me go and I was glad. I might end up in a puddle on the floor, "Bella, do you want to be mine?"

"What?" I was utterly confused, we'd had this conversation three times now. Which part didn't he understand, "Edward, we've talked about..."

"Bella, please will you just answer the question."

I sighed, "Yes Edward, I want to be yours."

"Then can I ask you to please not to let him kiss you again."

I flushed deeply, "He kinda caught me off guard..." I mumbled.

"I know, but I..." Edward seemed to be struggling with his words, "I can't stand it Bella." Edward eyes closed and he frowned, "I can't even bear the thought of it..."

"Edward, it's okay,"I said. I still couldn't move my arms to free myself, not that I was trying very hard. "I'm sorry that you had to see that. After tomorrow it'll all be done."

Edward looked contrite, "I'm sorry Bella. I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't seem to stop myself." He was frowning again and I tried to wiggle an arm free.

Edward looked down, confused and saw what I was trying to do. His grip loosened, I could move away if I wanted. I didn't. I reached up and ran my fingers along his forehead. I knew how I would react if I had to watch someone else kissing him. I didn't think he was being unreasonable, "Don't apologise. Please don't. Can we just not talk about it tonight? Jake is staying at Sue's, as I'm sure you heard," I said with a raised eyebrow. Edward just shrugged again, "Which makes the whole thing 'tomorrow's problem'. Literally." I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Edward brushed his lips against mine again, "Agreed." Suddenly he broke away and I staggered. He steadied me with one hand and chuckled, "I think I was interrupting you when I got here."

"You're welcome to interrupt me like that any time you like," I said with a smile. Though I still blushed a dozen shades of red too.

Edward looked as though he was fighting the urge to grin hugely, "Still, you were about to cook, I think." Edward sat down at the kitchen table. "Please continue." He waved towards the fridge with his hand. I was momentarily dissappointed. Edward was here and we had the house to ourselves. Weren't there other things we could be doing? That thought made the guilt reappear. I should excercise some self-control, until tomorrow night at least. I owed it to Jake, it was bad enough I had already kissed Edward. I shouldn't add anything else to the list. I opened the fridge door again but I couldn't help noticing that my hands were still shaking slightly.

XXX

When Charlie got home I had made an improvised pasta dish which wasn't very exciting. My dad didn't seem to care though and he wolfed it down. I played with mine rather unenthusiastically until Charlie had finished. I was really just waiting for the hands to go round on the clock. Once he'd had gone to bed Edward had promised to come back.

Charlie scraped his plate and sat back in my chair, "You done?" I asked reaching for his plate.

"Yes, thanks." I put the plates in the sink and started to run the water, "Bells, is something wrong?"

I got a sinking feeling. Why did Charlie have to pick tonight to be observant? I was about to answer with a decisive and cheery 'everything's fine dad' when I paused. He would find out soon anyway, tomorrow at the latest. Given his friendship with Billy, a little warning might not be such a bad idea. I took a deep breath, "Things are complicated at the moment dad."

My back was still facing Charlie as I started washing the dishes, "Complicated with Jake?"

Well, he was the biggest part of it, "Yeah, I guess. I..." There really was no good way to put this. I couldn't think of anything that would soften the blow, "I'm planning to end my relationship with Jake."

I heard Charlie gasp quietly in surprise. His chair scraped on the floor as he got up and came to stand next to me at the sink, "Okay." He was staring hard at my face, "And why's that?"

I got the feeling that Charlie knew the reason. He had heard me call for Edward in my sleep. I didn't think there was any point in trying to keep Edward's name out of it. It would just mean weeks more of sneaking about which I wasn't sure I could handle, "I...I met someone else."

Charlie sighed, "Edward Cullen?" I just nodded, not meeting his eyes. I concentrated on scrubbing the pan I had used. Pasta could be messy to cook. "Bella, are you sure?"

I looked up, my surprise warring with embarrassment. I was pretty sure I expected to be yelled at when I told my dad this, "Yes, I'm positive."

"Don't you think you might be acting rashly? How long have you known the Cullen boy after all?" I couldn't see any anger on Charlie's face. Just concern for me. He was such a good dad.

"Dad, you know I love Jake. He's my best friend and he means so much to me. But meeting Edward...well, I guess it changed the way I look at our relationship."

"I don't understand," Charlie took the pan from me and started to dry it with a towel.

I suddenly felt the tears start to build again. All I could hear in Charlie's voice was concern, "I think that I was with Jake because he loved me and there was no one I had ever met who I loved more. Meeting Edward changed that."

Charlie's eyes widened, "You love this Edward?"

I did. It was stupid and crazy but I did. This didn't seem like the time for total honesty though. Not unless I wanted to sound like a teenager with a crush. "As you said, I haven't known him for very long. But I could dad. I could love him so easily."

"And you want to?" Charlie was starting to look a little uncomfortable but he didn't move away. This was familiar territory for both us. Conversations like this could be embarrassing but they needed to be had.

I nodded, "Yes, very much so."

"Bella, I understand what it's like to fall for someone. I want you to be happy, but you better be sure before you do this. You're..." Charlie chewed his lip for a second, "Well, there's no point in sugar coating it. You're going to break Jake's heart..." Suddenly the tears over flowed, I was sobbing and Charlie looked horrified. His words just rang so true. That was exactly what I was going to do and it was kiling me. Charlie put an awkward arm around my shoulders, "I'm sorry Bells. Don't cry now." He wiped my face with the towel he was holding. He hadn't done that since I was a small child.

"I know I'm going to hurt him dad. I feel sick about it; worse than I've ever felt about doing anything." I hiccoughed a little, "But I don't see what else I can do. I can't stay with Jake. Even if I vowed to avoid Edward, it would make no difference. I would still have to end things with Jake. It's not...it's just not the same now. I can't be his girlfriend when I feel like this." I looked up into his eyes, suddenly desperate for my daddy's approval. "It's wrong isn't it? To stay in a relationship you're not committed to?"

Charlie looked torn, "Yes. Yes, I suppose it is."

"I mean, my relationship with Jake isn't going to get less serious over time is it? Even if I could keep up the 'girlfriend' role, what happens in the future? Jake is always joking about us getting married one day, but I know he thinks we will. How can I even pretend that's an option any more? I would just be lying to him." More than that, I would be leading him on in the worst way. The tears continued to roll down my face.

Charlie's arm tightened around my shoudler, "Okay Bells. You're right. If you really feel this way then you have to end things with Jake."

I heaved a shuddering sigh trying to get my breathing back under control. "It's going to be awful. I'm dreading it. It's been like a weight around my shoulders for days."

"How long have you been thinking this way?"

"I was going to tell Jake the night Billy went into the hospital." There was no point in keeping that from my dad now. I might as well tell him the truth.

Charlie laughed with no humour, "And he's been here for days. That can't have been easy."

"It hasn't been." I thought about when Jake had crept into my room. If I told Charlie about that this whole problem might go away. If Charlie killed him that was. "But I couldn't tell him then. He was so upset."

"When are you planning to tell him now?"

"Tomorrow night," I whispered.

"Are you sure that's a good idea Bells? Billy still in the hospital and..." Charlie sounded unsure.

"I know dad. I do. But I just can't keep it up. The only thing worse than telling him the truth is lying to him all the time." I couldn't bear lying to Jake anymore. I felt sick every time I had to. "I'll still be there for him...if he wants me to be."

Charlie nodded reluctantly, "Well, shall I clear out for the evening tomorrow? Then you can have the house to yourselves?"

I felt a rush of gratitude towards him. I hadn't even thought of that, "I think that might be a good idea. We're meeting at the hospital of course. After we leave we'll come back here."

"I'll go for dinner at the diner and you can call me when you're done."

"Thanks dad."

"It's no problem. These things are better done in private."

I nodded, swallowed the sob in my throat, "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Sure Bells. I'll see you in the morning. Try to get a good night's sleep."

I started for the kitchen door but then I paused, "What did you think of Edward when you met him?"

"He seemed like a nice boy. I like his sister Alice a lot too. She seems like a good friend for you." Charlie's face was honest. I was glad to see he wasn't going to disapprove of Edward on principal, but I decided not to comment.

Instead I smile and nodded, "Yeah, Alice is great."

I turned and headed upstairs.

XXX

After I had taken a shower I snuggled down under my bedclothes to wait. My breath was still hitching in my throat from my tears downstairs. I had cried my way through my shower. It was an odd sort of crying. It felt...somehow inevitable. Maybe this was why I had been so tearful lately, maybe I just needed to let it out. I was crying for Jake, and for us. I was going to give up a lot, there was no point in denying it.

Jake. The first time he had ever taken care of me, I had been six and I had fallen over and scraped my knee. I was sitting on the sofa in the Black's house, Charlie had gone to get me a bandaid. Jake dropped to the floor and kissed my knee. With a four year old's conviction he had pronounced it to be 'all better'.

I loved cooking for Billy and Charlie and Jake while they cheered a sports team on tv. I loved the noise they made. They were my family and they were solid and real. They brought back fish so proudly. Sue had taught me to clean and prepare fish early. She had deemed it a useful skill. She had been right.

Jake and I building our first soap box racer. Well, I had supervised. It had crumpled to bits but had spawned Jake's lifelong obsession with vehicles. Jake's sisters grumbling about baby sitting but laughing as we played dress up. It had been difficult for them after their mother died. She had been beautiful and I remembered her more clearly than Jake did. She had loved me, I remembered that too.

Jake holding me tightly, telling me that everything was going to be okay. He had done that often. Whenever I had had a bad day, or managed to humiliate myself by falling over my own feet at a bad moment. Whenever I had been sick or just low he had held me. He had loved me always.

We had a future planned. We were going to get married and maybe have kids. He wanted four. We were going to build a life together. It was what we both wanted. We loved each other, we were meant to be. How could I have gotten things so wrong? I wiped my face and stared up at the ceiling. Would Jake ever forgive me? I wouldn't blame him if he didn't. A part of me didn't want him to, I deserved to have him mad at me forever. But I would miss him terribly. I deserved to miss him. I didn't understand how I could be in so much pain. I knew that I wanted to be free, but the idea hurt so much. Why was I doing this to myself? To Jake?

I was startled by a gentle knock on my window. My head span round so quickly that I felt a twinge of pain from my neck. Edward. He was outside. I stumbled out of bed and pulled the window open. Edward's eyes were wide and concerned. I knew I must look awful, my eyes felt puffy and my face was sticky with tears. "I don't have to be here Bella," he whispered. "You can tell me to go."

I could. I could tell him to go and never come back. I could return to my life and pretend that none of this ever happened. I looked into the gold that stared at my face and my breathing started to calm. I thought it was odd, he normally had the opposite effect on me. I could do anything, in theory.

In reality I knew the truth. I was selfish, and self-centered and maybe even cruel despite what Alice had said. But I couldn't let Edward Cullen leave my life; there was no way. In this ludicrously short space of time he had become my world. I had somehow fallen in love with him without ever deciding to do so. I would do just about anything I had to in order to be with him. I would break Jake's heart, and I would run to Edward after because he was all I wanted. "I don't want you to go Edward."

Edward let out a breath I hadn't noticed he was holding. Was he still unsure of me? Had he doubted my answer? I reached out and stroked my fingers along the back of one of his hands. It was then that I realised he was clinging to the side of the house, though it didn't seem to bother him. I stepped back from the window, "Will you please come in? I would like you to spend the night with me...if you don't mind."

XXX

EPOV

Bella Swan was a strange woman. She had seemed so sure that she wanted to be with me, and I had dared to believe her. I had hoped that I might somehow get to possess this girl, despite the fact that I didn't deserve her. Now I was shaken. She seemed so different today and I didn't understand what could have brought about such a massive change. Had she just decided that Jacob Black was the better option? She was right. But she had seemed so sure...

I couldn't stop glancing at her in the cafeteria. Alice and Jasper kept trying to distract me. Emmett was just distracting Rosalie from my distraction. He didn't think it was a good idea to let her concentrate on how irate I was. He was probably right. I just couldn't think about anything other than Bella right now. Her friend Angela was delighted. Bella seemed so much happier, a little nervous maybe but happier. That was all she cared about.

I couldn't stand to watch Bella's gentle smile through the medium of Angela's thoughts. It was too painful while I was wondering if this was it; if this was the day Bella was going to tell me to go. "I'll see you guys later," I said and I grabbed my bag.

Immediately their thoughts crowded my head..._Edward please, there is no sign of anything bad...Bro, come on. You're not being subtle here...Selfish pig...Edward, you don't seem calm, you need to..._

I span on my heel and knelt by the table; as though I had dropped something. "You are not helping," I hissed under my breath. "Back off, all of you."

I got to my feet and stalked out of the room. I didn't need them all telling me how I was screwing up. I knew it anyway. Storming out of the cafeteria like a child was not constructive. I went to the classroom and opened the window. Bella's scent was going to be even more intense than yesterday. The breeze might be helpful. I sat down and pulled my books out, I needed to try and calm down.

I couldn't pressure Bella into doing anything. She had said that she wanted to be with me but she was entitled to change her mind. Doing so was a woman's perogative. If that was what had happened then I would accept it, or I would try.

I was telling myself how I wasn't going to pressure her into telling me anything today when she came into the room. The door swung shut behind her and her scent hit me in the face. I clenched my fists tightly. I still wanted her blood, but it didn't matter. It wasn't what I wanted most; not even close.

I swallowed hard. I would have been okay, I would have been able to hold on to my control. But then I felt her foot touch mine and I slipped. I couldn't wait. I had to know now. I scribbled a note and slipped it under her elbow.

_Do you still want me to wait for you?_

Bella gasped next to me. I chanced a glance at her and saw the colour slide out of her face. Her fingertips were white where she was gripping the note. I could have kicked myself. Why had I asked her that? She would tell me when she was ready and she had enough to deal with right now. She bit her lip and bent over the note. I could hear her pen scratching on the paper and she passed it back to me.

_Yes_

Bella didn't look at me. She stared down at her books. I was so confused. This had to mean that she was still planning to end her relationship didn't it? Or was she just unsure, maybe she was trying to make a decision. I knew I should try and give her space to make her choice but I couldn't just leave it. Not now. I wrote her another note.

_Will you please wait after school and meet me by your truck?_

I shouldn't do that. Alice had said that I should try to keep my distance but I knew this was the only chance I would have. Once she left school she would go to the hospital and then she would be with her father and the dog. There was no guarantee I would see her again tonight. She passed the note back.

_Yes_

I fought to keep my face calm. I might only have one more chance with her. I was desperate. I was suddenly less concerned about playing fair. Bella ran from the room when the bell rang. I almost threw caution to the wind and spoke to her then. What if she decided not to meet me?

I deliberately skipped my next class. It was one I shared with Emmett and I couldn't face it right now. I knew he would only give me a hard time, but in the nicest way. I spent the time watching Bella through Angela again. She thought that her friend's mood seemed to have taken a downturn. Bella was taciturn and withdrawn. Angela was not a stupid girl and she knew that I sat next to Bella. I knew this was the kind of attention Alice had warned about but I didn't care. If I got to see Bella it would be worth it.

Bella was eventually alone in the changing rooms. If I concentrated I could hear her heart beating. It was the single most reassuring sound in my world. It meant that Bella was okay. When I heard the locker room doors opening I went to the parking lot. Should I be waiting for her? Should I get there after her? I was caught up for a moment in the meaningless question.

Bella was looking around, I watched her walk across to her truck. She would be there in a second. The question was moot. She wiped her face in distress. She looked as though she might be on the verge of tears and something tugged in my chest. Ever since I had known her she had been upset. I couldn't help but be aware that I was the cause of it. There had to be something I could do about it.

Bella was searching for her keys; she was almost at her truck. I realised with horror that I was about to miss her. I moved out of my hiding place and towards her. She looked up and her eyes widened as she saw me. I knew with sickening horror that this could be the moment. If she told me that she didn't know which of us she wanted, I would die...or wish myself dead. It wasn't that I didn't understand why she might be confused, I did. But I didn't want to believe that she couldn't feel this; whatever this was. The feelings I had for her were so strong...how could she not share them?

Bella bit her lip nervously, "Edward...what are you..?"

I didn't want her to finish. I needed to talk first. She said she wanted me to wait for her. If that was true I would wait to her forever. If it wasn't I needed to know now, "What are your plans tomorrow night?"

"What's wrong Edward? What happened?" She was still biting her lip.

What's happened? How could she be asking me that? I was dying here, "Could you please just answer the question?"

"Well, I'd planned to spend the evening with Jake, we have to..." She sounded nervous of my response and she was right to be.

I felt as though someone had drained the life from me. I hadn't heard her wrong. She was going to be with him...all night I guessed. I couldn't stand by and watch this happen, not if she wanted me to wait for her. If I knew they were making love I would lose control and neither Emmett nor Jasper could be able to restrain me. I couldn't stand the thought of his hands on her. The venom flooded my mouth but it wasn't because of Bella's scent. I wanted to find the dog and tear him to pieces.

"Please don't do that Bella. Please. I can't bear it." My voice sounded rough in my ears. I didn't want to beg her, not that I minded. I would beg her if she wanted me to, but I didn't think she did want me to. She was frozen. I thought she was going to speak but she didn't.

What the hell had I done to her? Her eyes were wide and she looked so shocked. "Bella..." her name slipped out. My arms reached out for her. If her decision went against me this might be the last chance I would have to hold her. Bella sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck. She felt so good; her whole body pressed against mine. The warmth of her skin soaked through her clothes.

I buried my face in her hair, I didn't care about the burn in my throat. It didn't matter. I needed to be close to her right now. I felt Bella's hand slide up my neck and into my hair. I couldn't stop the rumble that started in my chest. I waited for her to pull away, but then she hadn't last time. She didn't now.

Her heart was fast in her chest. She kept herself as close to me as possible, she wasn't afraid of me. I pressed my lips to her hair. I loved her so much. I knew then that it didn't matter if she didn't love me. I would always love her. Almost as though she had heard my thoughts she turned her head and kissed the side of my neck gently. She took a slow breath in.

My whole body went rigid at the touch. Her lips were soft and gentle I wanted to know how they felt against mine. This was it, make or break time. I still didn't know how...far I would be able to go with her. But the truth was that I would never find out if I didn't try. As Emmet had said, small steps. Now was the time. I touched her face and trailed my fingers against her neck gently. Bella's eyes were wide and dark. She was breathing heavily and I felt my jeans start to tighten. Bella clung to my arms and she didn't seem in any hurry to let go. If there was ever a time to take the chance it was now, "Bella, I..I'm going to kiss you. If you don't want me to, now would be the time to tell me."

I held my breath waiting for her response. Her heart picked up in her chest, she stared at me hard. Her lips parted and she pressed her body harder against mine. I wasn't sure if she had moved deliberately but it told me all I needed to know. I stared at her mouth for a fraction of a second. But then I paused, a little reason returning. Small steps.

"I'm taking that as a 'yes' Bella." I warned her. I felt I owed her one more chance to move away. She didn't move. I spun her round and leant her gently against her truck. Bella looked slightly startled at the movement but she didn't lower her eyes or try to move away. I could control myself, I knew that. I just couldn't fight her as well. If she touched me I might lose control.

I gently took her arms from around my neck and held her wrists gently. I stared at her mouth for another second. I had kissed two girls in my life and I had been human for both of them. I barely remembered it and of course those experiences were from a long time ago. I knew neither could compare to how I felt now. I touched my lips to hers gently. The surge of lust that swept down my body staggered me.

Her scent; the feel of her skin was everywhere. I had deliberately kept my body back from hers. I didn't want to risk Bella feeling any evidence of how I reacted to her. But the sensations shuddering down my body from her lips took any thought away. Bella was pulling gently against my restraining hands but I didn't think she was trying to free herself. She wanted me against her like I wanted her.

I moved forward before I could think myself out of it. Her heat was back, I could feel her heart beat, and she was pushing back against me. I couldn't tear my mouth away from hers. She was gasping; writhing against me, rubbing in ways I was completely unused to. I was pressed against her and I knew she must be able to feel me. Bella didn't seem to mind.

I wanted more. I didn't think it through before I let go of her hand and tangled my fingers in her hair. Her lips were so soft, moving perfectly with mine. I wanted more of them. They were almost too sweet. MINE. I didn't want to have to share them or anything about her ever again. I wanted to claim every inch of her as mine.

Then I felt Bella slip her hand back into my hair. She pulled herself as tight as she could against my body. She was pressed against the hardness in my jeans and I almost couldn't bear how good she felt. I heard myself groan as I pushed her back gently. I couldn't stand anymore. I would take her if I didn't stop. When I broke the kiss the world came flooding back. Reality. In reality I didn't know what was happening between us. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me." I managed to say.

"What? What wasn't fair?" Her tone caught my attention, she sounded angry.

"I shouldn't be trying to influence you. If you want to stay with Jake, I should let you." The words didn't want to come out. I _should _let her, but I didn't know if I could, not now.

"What? I don't want to stay with Jake. We've talked about this."

She looked genuinely confused but I was worse off. She sounded as sure as she had last time we spoke. Then why would she be making plans with the dog as well, "But I heard you." I spoke before I thought about it. Bella Swan seemed to reduce my IQ by fifty just with her presence. What a great way to tell her I had been spying on her in the library, "I'm sorry that I was listening, but I was listening when you were on the phone. You said you wanted to spend a night alone with him."

My voice dropped a little at the end. The horror of repeating those words settled on me again. They were the worst case scenario as far as I was concerned and I had not expected Bella's reaction. She giggled nervously, "I told him we should do something alone. I..." Bella paused to bite her lip, "I didn't want to break up with him in a public place."

An emotion I could vaguely name as elation passed through me. She was breaking up with him tomorrow. She had wanted to be alone with him when she did it. Of course she did. She was a kind person and she wanted to make it easier on him. What was she supposed to do? Tell him when everyone was sat with Billy Black at the hospital? I suddenly felt very stupid. "I thought...well I thought..."

I didn't know what to say; how to redeem the situation. 'I was terrified you might go back to the dog because I love you madly' sounded very needy. But this time when Bella started to speak I was glad I let her go first. "Edward, I...You are what I want Edward. You are all I think about." She was whispering and chewing her lip but she still didn't drop her eyes. She was serious.

I felt as though something hard in my chest had been disolved. I couldn't stop myself from kissing her again, but only for a second, "I know exactly what you mean."

I went to move back but Bella pressed her lips to mine again before I did. I knew I shouldn't kiss her again, I was so close to losing all restraint. My desire for this girl was raging out of control, I needed time to get it in hand again, perhaps literally. But my body wasn't listening. I kissed her again, and this time I didn't even think about holding her hands away from me. She grasped my shoulders and her wonderful body was flush to mine.

The friction was incredible, I pressed her gently into the side of the truck. "Bella, don't go tonight. Stay with me."

The words made sense as I spoke them. I didn't want her to go, I wanted her with me. "Yes, of course," she said. She carried on kissing me desperately.

I could take her! She wanted me to! She had just said so! My arms tightened around her fractionally, but I stopped with a groan, "But you can't do that. Can you?" I said.

Part of me hoped she would argue with me but she only smiled sadly, "I would give anything to stay with you tonight."

I kissed her again; laying my lips gently on her cheeks, the tip of her nose, the edge of her jaw. "Then it's enough."

Her smile changed, it was almost a little teasing, "No, it's not enough Edward."

I kissed her one more time, I couldn't stop myself. "They'll be waiting for you at the hospital," I said forcing the words out. I was trying to do the right thing, but Bella seemed quite content to stay in the circle of my arms. I was hoping she wasn't expecting me to pull away from her. The longer she stood there the more apparent it became that she was. "You don't make it easy for me Bella."

"What don't I make easy?" She frowned adorably and that crease I was starting to love appeared between her eyes.

"Leaving you," I pressed my lips to her cheek again. As long as she was with me I might as well take advantage, "I always want to stay with you. Leaving gets harder all the time."

"One more day," Bella whispered. Her voice was full of promise. She just needed me to be patient. If I carried on like this we might end up doing something she would regret. I didn't want that to happen.

I let her go. The air on my arms felt cold; it was the first time in a long time I had really noticed the temperature outdoors. I missed her warmth, but I bent down and picked up the keys she had dropped. I unlocked the door and helped Bella into her truck, "Will I see you tomorrow night?" I asked. I hoped I didn't sound too pushy, maybe she would want to be alone after she spoke to Jake.

"God I hope so. I'll call you the second I'm done." Her smile looked more genuine; there was no hint of sadness anymore.

I ran my fingers over the back of her hand memorizing the texture of her skin. I wouldn't see her until tomorrow, "I'll be waiting." I shut the door, closing her in. Then I turned and went back to the shelter of the trees. One more day.

XXX

Once I got the hospital it became obvious that there was something wrong with the dog. I positioned myself directly above him on the roof and listened. He seemed strangely tense, but there was no obvious reason. He was thinking about Bella, she was still being 'weird'. He couldn't decide if he had done something or if it was just a girl thing. She had been difficult to deal with when she was fourteen. She had gotten over that. The dog was confident that she would get over this too. He hoped it would be soon.

Jacob Black was also worried about his father, but he knew he didn't really need to be. The man was on the mend and he would be home soon. It was the suddenness of the heart attack that was throwing him. He was going to be nervous about leaving his father home alone for some time. He was glad that they would be staying with Sue for a while. Though if he had his way he would stay with Bella. The thought irked me and I quickly blocked out his mind.

Charlie was also thinking about Bella. He knew that there was something on her mind; something that she had been trying desperately to hide. He wondered if it was something to do with Jake. They had been different around each other. Nothing he could put his finger on, of course. But there was definitely something.

His thought's were interrupted when Bella touched his arm. She was telling him that it was time to go, visiting hours were over. I moved across the roof to the front entrance, I knew I was being paranoid. There was probably no need for me to follow her all the time, but then you never knew. If something did happen to her...well that would be it. It would be worse if it was something I could have prevented.

I listened to them walk through the doors, talking about normal everyday things. Bella would be home soon and safe. Well, safe from everything but over-amorous werewolves. I felt that hard feeling reappear in my chest. I had promised Emmett that I wouldn't stay at Bella's when the dog was there; not without company anyway. I would call Alice. I couldn't stay away tonight.

At least I was planning to until I heard the dog say that he would prefer to stay at someone else's house tonight. Sue Clearwater. I couldn't believe my luck! I quickly scanned his thoughts. He did feel ill. I wondered if he had caught something from Bella. It would be his own fault with the way he was hanging all over her when she was sick.

When Charlie agreed to drive him over there I almost leapt into the air. I would have done it I didn't want to risk someone glancing out of their window and seeing me. Instead I started to calculate the amount of time it would take Bella to get home.

Her heartrate sped up and I looked her over closely. There was no obvious reason it...unless she was thinking the same thing I was. I was grinning like an idiot at the thought, at least until Charlie walked away. Jacob wasted no time pulling Bella into his arms. He was thinking about tomorrow night when they would have some time together. He hoped to be back up to full strength by then.

I gritted my teeth on the snarl that was building in my chest. When he kissed her, hard I turned my face away. My unneeded breathing was heavy and I fought to pick out the sounds of the hospital. I couldn't think about what was happening right now. I had to control this. I had no right to be around Bella if I couldn't. The dog was going somewhere else tonight and tomorrow she would end their relationship. She would be mine. The knowledge was there and it was good, but it was getting obscured by a red mist. Another snarl escaped me and I forced myself to concentrate on the activities in the hospital.

I was so intensely focused on the mind of one of the nurses that I didn't hear the approach until the door to the roof opened. My head snapped up and I spun round. As I picked the figure out I relaxed, Carlisle.

"I just happened to be in reception, and I could have sworn I heard you." Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me. If I was still capable I would probably have blushed.

As it was I had to settle for just looking ashamed. I hadn't realised I had been making so much noise, "I'm fine. Sorry."

I didn't know what else to say. I was fine...now. Well, as close to fine as I was going to get until I had Bella in my arms again. And I hadn't done anything to the stupid dog at least. I could hear her below. She was confirming their plans for tomorrow night. Jacob didn't notice but I could hear the slight tension in her voice. Her plans had not changed then. I relaxed a little...not much but a little.

Carlisle was still staring hard at my face, "Edward, you don't have to apologise. I was just concerned; I wanted to make sure you were...coping?"

Sometimes the fact that there were no secrets in my family could be a pain. How many times was I going to have to have the 'Edward has fallen for a human and is messed up' talk? It was partly my own fault. Whenever there was something to discuss we normally did it as a group. However that had not really been possible. Other than the hunting trip we had gone on I hadn't been home much. I didn't want to be talking about Bella when I could be with her. "I am coping. Honestly. It's just..."

"Complicated? Yes, I can imagine." I could see that there was a lot more that Carlisle wanted to say. I could even hear some of it.

_Edward have you really thought this through...Are you sure this is what you want?...Alice can't see anything clearly, and I think she's right about the cause. The werewolves are too distant...Are you sure...Are you sure..._

I looked the man I considered my father straight in the eye, "I don't know how, I haven't worked it all out yet. But I'm sure."

Carlisle nodded. I tried to concentrate on him but I could hear Bella starting up her truck. My eyes drifted in the direction of the sound, "Come home and see Esme soon. She worries."

"Of course," I said distractedly, "I'll see you soon." I was moving before I'd finished the sentence. Bella was pulling into the traffic carefully. I was annoyed when I saw her pull out her cell phone while driving. But I couldn't suppress a grin when my own started to ring in my pocket. I ignored it. As much as I wanted to speak to her I did not want her wrapping her truck around a tree.

My phone kept ringing and I was just on the verge of answering it. It was getting harder to ignore the sound when I knew who was on the other end of it. I was considering answering just to tell her to hang up when she ended the call. I ran ahead of her, she was almost home and I wanted to see her face.

She was clambering out of the truck looking very irritated. I allowed myself to really believe it was because she wanted to see me. Bella had said that she did enough times, maybe I should try trusting her. No, that wasn't quite it. It wasn't that I didn't believe her, I just found her unbelievable. Despite what I had said to Carlisle, I didn't really know what the hell I was doing. The only thing I was sure of was how I felt about her.

I could see her through the kitchen window. She was opening the fridge and I realised she was in the house alone for the first time in a while. I should be taking advantage of this opportunity. I moved forward and knocked gently on the door. Bella jumped, her heart racing suddenly. Then her face split in a wide grin and she almost ran to the door.

Her eagerness to see me was disarming and by the time she had the door open I was grinning as widely as she was. That grin was almost wiped away as I caught a strong smell of dog. I fought to keep my face straight. It was all over her...why hadn't the dog noticed me on her? If he had I would have heard it surely. Maybe he wouldn't be able to pick up such a small trace yet...not like I could. "You shouldn't use your cell phone when you're driving you know." I said. It was the first thing I thought of but I wished I could take it back. Why not just tell her that I had barely left her side in almost two weeks?

"How did you...did Alice see something that small?"

I momentarily considered letting the white lie stand, but I didn't, "I was watching. I saw you leave the hospital alone."

"How did you see that?" She asked looking suspicious.

"I refuse to answer that on the grounds that Carlisle works there." And I had actually seen and spoken to Carlisle. Not that I had been there because of that.

Bella was smiling so I guessed she wasn't mad, "Built in excuse huh?" Then her expression turned to mortification, "You were watching me outside the hospital?"

"Yes," I said as calmly as I could. The smell of dog was bad, but I could have stood it if it wasn't coming from her. She was turning pale before my eyes, looking more and more horrified. She was staring fixedly at me and I tried to keep my face calm. I didn't want to scare her. But then she bit her lip nervously and I was lost. I reached for her. I wrapped my arms around her, pinning her arms to her chest.

This close to her the scent of wolf was cloying, but beneath it I could still smell her. She was warm and soft in my arms and I wanted to erase any evidence of anyone else. I kissed her gently and her body seemed to go softer still. Her hands clutched at my chest but I didn't let her arms free. If I let her touch me now I knew where it would lead. Besides, there was something I needed to ask of her. For my own sanity and the dog's safety I hoped she would understand, "Bella, do you want to be mine?"

"What? Edward, we've talked about...

"Bella, please will you just answer the question?" I knew we had talked about it before, I just felt like I needed to hear it again...and again and again.

She sighed, "Yes Edward, I want to be yours."

I found it easier to believe when she was in my arms like this. "Then can I ask you please not to let him kiss you again."

Bella blushed, adding more colour to the heat already there from our kiss, "He kinda caught me off guard..."

"I know, but I..." I didn't know how to put it. I knew it wasn't her fault and I wasn't angry with her. "I can't stand it Bella, I can't even bear the thought of it..." There that was true enough. Not very well articulated but still.

"Edward, it's okay, I'm sorry that you had to see that. After tomorrow it'll all be done."

God, I was being ridiculous. I was being asked to wait twenty four hours and I was still unhappy, "I'm sorry Bella. I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't seem to stop myself."

I let Bella free her arm and she reached up to touch my face. I realised I had been frowing. I almost smiled, I had thought about smoothing away her worries many times this week. "Don't apologise. Please don't. Can we just not talk about it tonight? Jake is staying at Sue's, as I'm sure you heard. Which makes the whole thing 'tomorrow's problem'. Literally." Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and internally I panicked.

If she didn't let go soon... I decided to take pre-emptive action. I kissed her gently and then released her before I could change my mind, "Agreed." Bella staggered at her sudden release and I steadied her gently. "I think I was interrupting you when I got here."

Bella was still flushed a wonderful colour, "You're welcome to interrupt me like that any time you like."

And apparently she could be quite flirty. I fought to keep the grin off my face, I couldn't keep manhandling her. At least not yet. "Still, you were about to cook, I think." I sat down at the table. "Please continue."

Bella heaved a sigh but didn't argue further. Thank god.

XXX

I was ensconsed in my usual tree when Charlie Swan came home; he was worried. He thought that maybe Bella and Jacob had had an argument. The boy had been withdrawn during the drive. Charlie wasn't a chatty person but tonight he had not been the quietest one in the car. He barely noticed what he was eating, he was analysing his daughter's every move.

She was on edge too. She was constantly fiddling with her hair and glancing at the clock. She wasn't eating much and conversation was thin on the ground. Though it was less unusual for Bella to be quiet Charlie couldn't help but think the two were connected.

He finished his dinner and Bella got to her feet to clear the table immediately. Charlie didn't want to pry, he really didn't but he wasn't sure he would be able to sleep tonight. He would have to at least raise the subject and see if she wanted to talk. "Bells, is something wrong?"

I saw Bella's shoulders tense defensively, and I got a sinking feeling. I hadn't really thought about the rationale of what we were doing. Until Bella's relationship with the dog was over, I didn't want to think any further ahead. If I did though, I knew that I wanted to bring Bella home to meet my family, I wanted to hold her hand in school, I wanted everyone to know she was mine. What if she didn't want that? Would she want to keep our relationship a secret?

I was wallowing in self-pity when I heard Bella sigh, "Things are complicated at the moment dad."

Charlie and I both paused on the edge of our metaphorical seats. Charlie was just pleased she was willing to talk about it. He knew her well enough to know that if he could get her talking she would carry on. He decided to chance making an educated guess, "Complicated with Jake?" It was a rational conclusion.

"Yeah, I guess. I...I'm planning to end my relationship with Jake." Bella's voice was low. She seemed to be waiting for the axe to fall.

Charlie gasped. He had not been expecting that. In the darkest corners of his mind he had even considered the possibility that he might be setting himself up for a 'sex' conversation. It had not occurred to him that the problems between Bella and Jake were so serious. Though it did explain how different Bella had been the last few days. Charlie had a sudden urge to see her face and I was glad of it. I needed to see it too, even if only second-hand. "Okay, and why's that?"

Bella's eyes were wide but she looked determined. She bit her lip and I really wanted to be there to comfort her. "I...I met someone else." I felt as though my long dormant heart had leapt in my chest. She was actually going to tell him the truth.

Meanwhile the wheels were turning in Charlie's head. Someone else. His daughter had met someone else. He only knew of one possible 'someone else'. I saw an image of myself in his mind, "Edward Cullen?" He asked. Bella just nodded staring at the pan she was washing. He couldn't see her eyes but he knew the expression, her mouth was set in a determined line.

Charlie was suddenly more convinced than I had ever been. I had seen that expression once or twice but Charlie had spent seventeen years seeing it on her face. He knew what it meant; it meant that whatever topic was under discussion, it had already been resolved in his daughter's head. It was her determined expression. Bella would end the relationship. "Bella, are you sure?" He felt compelled to at least ask.

"Yes, I'm positive."

"Don't you think you might be acting rashly? How long have you known the Cullen boy after all?" Charlie thought it was a fair enough question. But in his heart he knew that his daughter rarely acted rashly. She always thought things through. Maybe even too much.

I was resisting the urge to leap into the air again, maybe even turn a few back flips. Bella turned to face her dad and the pained expression on her face took away my glee. "Dad you know I love Jake. He's my best friend and he means so much to me. But meeting Edward...well, I guess it changed the way I look at our relationship."

I wasn't thrilled to hear her tell her father that she loved the dog, but I knew it anyway. How could she not love him? As she said, he was her best friend. Charlie took the pan from her hands, "I don't understand."

To my horror Bella's eyes filled with tears, "I think that I was with Jake because he loved me and there was no one I had ever met who I loved more. Meeting Edward changed that."

Charlie was stunned. It took every bit of stoicism he had not to turn white and steady himself on the counter. Well, at least he knew that she had thought this through. It was the passion in Bella's voice that disturbed him. She didn't seem aware that she had said anything odd. He cleared his throat, "You love this Edward?"

Now I was the one who nearly fell over...for the first time in almost a hundred years. I clutched the branch as I waited for her answer. She was hesitating, "As you said, I haven't known him for very long. But I could dad. I could love him so easily."

Again Charlie and I shared a response...total shock. The feeling behind her words was obvious. She meant what she was saying. Bella Swan thought she could love me...easily. "And you want to?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, very much so."

Charlie didn't know what to say. Over the years he had just gotten accustomed to his daughter's relationship with Jacob Black. His mind drifted to the dog. Charlie had known him for a long time, he hated the idea of the pain he was about to go through. Charlie knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, "Bella, I understand what it's like to fall for someone. I want you to be happy, but you better be sure before you do this. You're...Well, there's no point in sugar coating it. You're going to break Jake's heart..." The tears that had been threatening spilled down her face, "I'm sorry Bells. Don't cry now."

"I know I'm going to hurt him dad. I feel sick about it; worse than I've ever felt about doing anything. But I don't see what else I can do. I can't stay with Jake. Even if I vowed to avoid Edward, it would make no difference. I would still have to end things with Jake. It's not...it's just not the same now. I can't be his girlfriend when I feel like this. It's wrong isn't it? To stay in a relationship you're not committed to?"

Charlie's priorities became apparent. If his daughter couldn't be happy with Jacob Black then he supported her decision to end it. "Yes. Yes, I suppose it is."

"I mean, my relationship with Jake isn't going to get less serious over time is it? Even if I could keep up the 'girlfriend' role, what happens in the future? Jake is always joking about us getting married one day, but I know he thinks we will. How can I even pretend that's an option any more? I would just be lying to him." I forcefully shoved away the idea of Bella marrying the dog. She was still in tears and Charlie was starting to worry. So was I. But I didn't have any more of an idea as to how to stop them.

In the end he just tried to comfort her, "Okay Bells. You're right. If you really feel this way then you have to end things with Jake."

"It's going to be awful. I'm dreading it. It's been like a weight around my shoulders for days." And that weight was my fault. All my fault.

Charlie was again surprised, "How long have you been thinking this way?"

"I was going to tell Jake the night Billy went into the hospital." As he thought back, Charlie decided that the timing did fit. After all, it had been a week ago that he had heard Bella say my name in her sleep.

Charlie laughed but he wasn't amused. He was close to appalled. The timing just seemed too cruel to him. "And he's been here for days. That can't have been easy."

"It's hasn't been. But I couldn't tell him then. He was so upset."

Charlie was starting to wonder if maybe he should warn Billy. But then how could he? It would mean betraying his own daughter's confidence. Then again, if Jacob had been planning to break up with Bella he would like a heads up. But he would forgive Billy if he didn't give him one. "When are you planning to tell him now?"

Bella's voice dropped to a whisper, "Tomorrow night."

"Are you sure that's a good idea Bells? Billy's still in the hospital and..."

"I know dad. I do. But I just can't keep it up. The only thing worse than telling him the truth is lying to him all the time. I'll still be there for him...if he wants me to be." I hadn't counted on that. Would the dog still want to play a part in her life after she ended things? If I was him I would want to, but then I wasn't him.

Charlie could see that things were pretty much decided. There was no point in arguing with Bella about it even if he wanted to. They were alike; once they had made their minds up that was it.

"Well, shall I clear out for the evening tomorrow? Then you can have the house to yourselves?" I wanted to yell to Charlie; to warn him not to leave his daughter alone with the boy. Though what he could do if Jacob did phase I had no idea.

"I think that might be a good idea. We're meeting at the hospital of course. After we leave we'll come back here."

Charlie thought that was a good idea. If Jake got angry and stormed out at least Bella would be at home, "I'll go for dinner at the diner and you can call me when you're done."

"Thanks dad." Bella's voice was small and there were still tears on her face.

"It's no problem. These things are better done in private." Charlie was thinking about the only time he had let a woman break his heart. It had almost destroyed him. The only thing that had kept him going was his daughter. Although Renee loved Bella with a fierce devotion Charlie honestly believed that he was the better parental choice. That was why he had fought for her.

Wow, although it was fuzzy, as it was coming from Charlie, I suddenly realised how bitter the custody battle for Bella had been. I got the impression even she didn't know how bad it had gotten. Charlie was remembering seeing a woman crying in a court room. A woman who looked a little bit like Bella. It had hurt Charlie to see her like that, but he had felt that he had no choice. Bella had been his only priority at that moment and nothing had changed since.

His daughter's voice brought him back to the present,"I'm gonna go to bed."

Charlie didn't know if he should let her go to bed while she was so upset. He knew she would probably spend more time crying. On the other hand, he couldn't stop her, "Sure Bells. I'll see you in the morning. Try to get a good night's sleep."

"What did you think of Edward when you met him?" Bella asked curiously.

Charlie thought for a moment. He found it hard to approve on principle. After all, there was a certain pull on his loyalties. He didn't want to see Jacob hurt. But he mentally conceded that I had been very polite and that I obviously cared for his daughter. Damn I had thought I was being so subtle. "He seemed like a nice boy. I like his sister Alice a lot too. She seems like a good friend for you."

Bella smiled but it was watery, "Yeah, Alice is great." My sister could work her magic on anyone.

Bella left the room without another word. She took a shower but I could still hear her sobbing quetly. For the first time I didn't immediately think that she was going to change her mind. This was difficult for her but I understood why. Even thinking so, it was one of the hardest ninety minutes I had ever spent. I wanted to go and comfort her, if she would let me. And I was pretty sure she would.

I tried to tell myself that it would be crazy to go in there with Charlie still awake. But eventually the rational side of my mind gave way. Chief Swan was comfortably settled watching the TV. I suspected that he would fall asleep there.

I quickly scaled the wall and knocked on the window gently. I couldn't bear the sound of her crying anymore. Even if I couldn't fix it I could be with her. It was only when I saw her swollen eyes that I misgave. Maybe she would want privacy, "I don't have to be here Bella." I said softly. "You can tell me to go."

She just stared at me for the longest time. "I don't want you to go Edward," she said softly. Bella reached out and stroked the back of my hand. Then she stepped back from the window, "Will you please come in? I would like you to spend the night with me...if you don't mind," she added.

I almost laughed. She was asking me if I minded spending the night with her. I didn't bother to answer such a ridiculous question. I just climbed through the window. "You were listening?" She asked.

I nodded, I was finding it hard to concentrate. She had showered, her hair was wet and the scent of her alone should have knocked me over. As it was I was more focused on the way her chest rose and fell. Her breasts were pushing against the blue fabric of her oversized t-shirt and I wondered what colour panties she was wearing. It was shameful. Bella was clearly hurting and I was being anything but helpful. "I'm sorry it's so hard for you." I didn't know what else to say.

She bit her lip and another sob escaped her throat, "The waiting is making it worse I think. I just need to do it already."

Against all my better judgement I moved toward to her, she looked so lost. Maybe even a little unsteady on her feet, "Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have done any of it. I should have left Forks the first day I met you. I should have left after I saved you. I should have left when you guessed the truth." I was starting to ramble. I wanted her to understand how sorry I was to have caused her any pain, "I just couldn't."

Bella lifted her hand slowly. I wondered if maybe she was looking to steady herself on something, but no. She was reaching for my face. I should move away now. I shouldn't let her touch me. Not now. Not when she was so vulnerable and she looked so beautiful. For the first time since I had become a vampire I didn't move fast enough. I obviously wasn't trying very hard. Her fingers touched my cheek, "I'm very glad that you couldn't. More glad than I can say."

All the reasons I had for behaving myself were getting fuzzy in my head. It was all so hard to remember when her chocolate eyes were staring into mine. The sobbing had stopped now. She was just touching my face gently. There was still pain though.

I had to make it go away. My other arm darted round her waist and pulled her gently to me. Her arms went around my neck instantly and I held her close. She was so warm in my arms. I could feel my own skin warming from the contact. The scent of her hair was strong but I knew as surely as I ever had that I couldn't hurt her. She was too precious to me now. She always would be. And if that was the case...

"Bella," I moaned softly, "We should be careful. Charlie's still downstairs."

She pulled back to look at me, "I know." But she leaned up and touched her lips to mine. My arms were already around her, her warmth was everywhere, her scent was all I could smell.

I tightened my grip slightly and kissed her back. Our lips moved slowly together. I felt the urgency in her kiss but she didn't speed up. Her tongue touched my lip gently and I responded. Helpless not to. When she was in my arms I forgot everything else. All that mattered was the feeling of her mouth on mine. I could feel myself hardening in my jeans. It was completely beyond my control and I knew I should let her go before I forgot that I should.

But I want her! The other side of my brain responded. I wanted to make her mine. I hated the idea that she belonged to the wolf. I hated that he had been able so spend to much time with her; that he knew her in ways I didn't. My body wanted to know her in one of those ways very much, and preferably right now.

She wanted me too. If I was to touch her now. If I let my hand drift to her breast, or over her waist she wouldn't stop me. I knew it. If I did that, I would never leave her. It wouldn't be an option. I almost glorified in the simplicity of it. If I made love to Bella Swan I would never be able to go. Then I would never have to go. I could stay. Easy.

Bella's hands were gripping my shoudlers. She was trying to pull herself closer to me, though there was no space between us. Her skin was heating up and I knew she was as aroused as I was. The small and muted rational side of my mind tried to tell me that this could be bad. That I was opening a can of worms here. But her body was next to me, her lips were on mine and I was lost. The can was open, the worms were out, I might as well go fishing.

I pulled her face back to mine. I kissed her harder, my hands gripped her hips and pulled them against me as gently as I could. Our tongues met and she made that wonderful sound. Like a pleasured sob, a whimper. I reminded myself of the need to be careful every second. She was so fragile. But the heat burning from between her legs was strong. I wanted to find it, taste her. The scent was dizzying. It was mine and I was going to claim it. I was sick of trying to convince myself that I wasn't.

Bella's grip on my shoudlers tightened and she was on her toes to reach my lips. I caught her bottom lip between mine, taking care with my teeth. So fragile. She gasped and rubbed her hips against mine. She had to be able to feel me hard against her and she wasn't pulling away. She knew so much more about this than me. Of course, not the theory, but practically I was so very new to this and I was in no way prepared for how strong every sensation was.

I lifted her and she immediately wrapped her legs around my waist. Pressing her heat even closer to my body. My erection strained furiously against my zipper and I held her easily against it. I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to finally understand what everyone raved about. I wanted it so badly it surprised me. I had never much cared before. Bella's hands were moving to the front of my shirt and her hands were on my chest. She ran her fingers over my skin, brushing over my nipples. My erection twitched angrily against her warmth.

Bella whimpered again in my arms, clinging to me. I turned and lay her gently on her bed. Her hair was splayed out all over her pillow, she wasn't letting me go. She held onto my shoudlers and I knew I would have to pull against her grip to free myself. I didn't see any reason why I should want to.

One of my hands moved to her hip without my telling it to do so. I knew that there was barely anything between my hands and her skin...

_...better check on her before I turn in...she seemed upset..._

I dragged my lips away from Bella's as Charlie's mind intruded. He was coming up the stairs. Bella was still lying partly beneath me. Her face was flushed and her lips ever so slightly swollen. She also looked confused, "Lie down," I told her, "Your father's coming to check on you."

I saw her eyes widen in horror as I dashed to conceal myself in the closet. Bella was frozen in shock for a moment but she lay down and tried to breath evenly. Only I could hear her heart still pumping wildly in her chest. Charlie reached the top of the stairs and crept towards Bella's door, opening it silently. Even I held my breath though I knew there was no reason to do so. I was just feeling guilty. I knew what would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted. The strain my jeans were taking made that clear. And me, telling myself I had self-control. I was clearly fooling no one.

Charlie assessed her form for a minute, but he couldn't decide if she was asleep or faking it. EIther way he knew now was not the time to find out. He closed the door behind him and headed for the bathroom. I let out the breath I was holding and crept out of the closet. Bella was still lying frozen on the bed. I touched her shoulder and she turned over. The flush that was still on her cheeks was distracting. As a safety precaution I lay down behind her and immediately pulled her into my arms. This was becoming my 'usual' spot and I loved it, "You should sleep now Bella. Tomorrow will be...difficult for you. I don't want to add anything." I planted a kiss on her hair.

Bella was very tense in my arms, "I'm...sorry. I didn't intend to throw myself at you like that."

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. She, throw herself at me? I was the one picking her up and laying her down on soft available surfaces, "Don't apologise Bella. You shouldn't be sorry, I should be. You're hurting right now and I was taking advantage of that." I reached round to stroke her hair away from her neck. She shivered and relaxed a little, "It's just...I find it hard to control myself around you."

Bella twisted in my arms. I released my hold, wondering if she was moving away for some reason but she turned to face me. My eyes immediately went to her very-kissed lips. I wanted to taste them again. This was why I had lain down behind her. "Do you?" She asked, all wide eyed.

Again I fought the urge to laugh, "Bella, you have to know that effect you have on me."

Bella blushed furiously, "I...I may have a small idea."

This time I let out a small chuckle, "A 'small' idea huh?"

Her eyes widened, "Edward Cullen!"

"I'm sorry, that wasn't like me. That's what I mean. I don't know what you're doing to me Bella. I'm behaving nothing like myself. Don't stop, please." She was biting her lip, even in the dark I could see it. "What is it, tell me?"

The blushing got worse, "Well...up until today I wasn't...well I...I didn't know if you...you know...did the things that we did."

I was stymied for a moment but it all clicked together. The blushing, the stuttering, "Yes, Bella. Our species do have some similarities." All this time I had been worried about how much intimacy I could handle and Bella was ending her relationship, without knowing if it was even a possibility. She amazed me on a daily basis.

Bella bit her lip gently, "Clearly." She raised an eyebrow.

"Why, Miss Swan, whatever are you implying?" I said grinning at her.

Bella blushed, "Nothing. I'm not implying anything. Not yet anyway."

I nodded, I understood. I even agreed, I didn't want Bella to cheat on her boyfriend for me. At least not to the worst extent. I knew we hadn't been behaving well, but there had to be lines I wouldn't cross. This would be one of them. Bella was still staring at me, her chocolate eyes wide in the dark. "You should sleep now."

Bella sighed and wriggled to bury her face in my shirt. I hadn't counted on her doing that. I normally held her the other way. This way her breasts were suddenly pressed against my chest and I could still feel the warmth coming from her body. "Good night," she said sleepily.

"Sleep well," I replied planting a kiss on her forehead. She wriggled again and I could clearly see the swell of her breast. It was going to be a long night.


	12. Chapter 12

**OK, let's try this again *blushes*.**

**Thank you to my wonderful reviewers. They are few...but they are loyal and AWESOME!**

**Thanks to VioletOD who never misses a chapter. Thanks to Cherry Blushe who reviewed three chapters at once, (that's dedication). Thanks to taralynn09 whose review helped me make some decisions about this one, and michelle824 who is always so nice to me.**

BPOV

Cool fingers were stroking my cheek, my neck, they were slipping through my hair. The sensation was wonderfully relaxing. For a moment I thought that I was dreaming, but the dull light in my bedroom made that seem unlikely. When I was dreaming the weather tended to be better. I opened my eyes and looked up. A pair of gold eyes met mine. "Good morning."

"Good morning," I said. Edward was still here and it occurred to me that I had never woken up to find myself next to him. Or rather on him. I was lying on my belly, but I had draped one of my legs over him, my head was on his chest and my arm over his waist. I blushed furiously. "Ummm...sorry," I said and I began to move away.

Edward's arms held me still, "Don't apologise, this is definitely my favourite way to spend the night." On the night stand my alarm started to ring. Edward reached out and stopped the noise, "But I do have to go now."

My limbs tighened around him, apparently involuntarily but I knew he was right, "Will I see you at school?"

Edward nodded, "Of course," he leant over and kissed me gently. "I'll be there. Now I have to go and change my clothes."

I realised he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. That might look a bit odd at school. Edward was probably still under scrutiny. I found I was anxious to let everyone know that he wasn't single, he was mine. "Okay, see you soon."

Edward got to his feet and leant down to kiss me again. It was only supposed to be a quick peck, I thought, but it went on. Edward's finger's returned to my neck; stroking gently. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, sliding my hands into his hair. He pulled away with a groan, "I should go now, we both have to actually go to school today."

I sat up in bed, "Wow, it's the last day of school." I normally would have been excited at the idea. For some reason it didn't thrill me as much as it normally would.

"You're only realising that now? He asked with a grin.

"Well no. But so much has been going on I just haven't had the time to think about it." That was nothing but the truth. I felt like the last two weeks had been the longest of my life.

"There'll be no avoiding it today. Previous experience tells me most schools make a big deal of the last day."

I thought about the traditions that would be upheld. At least one of the teachers would end up being pranked. It was expected. That wouldn't make a difference to me, but I knew what would, "Ugh, Jessica's going to hug me I bet."

"Jesscia?"

"Jessica Stanley, she pretty much ignores everyone and then gets emotional on the last day of school. It's okay, it's her process."

Edward was grinning down at me, "I'll see you later I really have to go." He indicated the window but he didn't move. He stared at me for a full five seconds and then bent down to kiss me again, but only for a second, "Harder to leave than ever," he whispered in my ear. Then I heard the window creak as it opened and he was gone.

My heart sank in my chest just a little at his absence. I shook myself mentally and climbed out of bed. I was being ridiculous, and if I hurried I could be at school soon. I would see him then. I agonized over what to wear; last day and all that. I felt like I should make an effort. It was nothing to do with the fact that whenever I saw Edward I seemed to be sick or in my sweats or falling either from a bike or over my own feet. I chose my favourite jeans and a blue shirt I had never taken the tags off. Angela had insisted it looked great on me so I had bought it on a whim. It was maybe just a little too tight. I could live with that.

Charlie had already left for work and I was tempted to skip breakfast, but this day promised to be a long one. Facing it on an empty stomach might not be the best idea. Thinking about the plans I had for the evening brought me down from my Edward high with one hell of a bump. Jake...tonight I was going to end our relationship. Christ, my knees were a little shaky at the thought.

I wished there was someone else here, I felt the need to talk suddenly. Although Edward was my new favourite companion he wasn't the best person for this. I struggled down some cereal, maybe Angela or Alice would be in school early. I could talk to them. I grabbed my keys and headed for my truck.

When I pulled into the parking lot I could see Alice immediately. She was stood watching my truck and bouncing on her toes as usual. I pulled into a vacant space and climbed out, "Morning Bella!" She chirped.

"Morning to you too."

"So, you want to talk for a while? We have twenty minutes until our first class. Not that it matters much on the last day of school." She was grinning at me broadly and I was shaking my head in disbelief.

How much did she see? It should be creepy, but I found it wondrous. Imagine having the future laid out for you to see. It must be fascinating, "I was going to look for you today, but I guess you figured that out."

Alice nodded, "I did, thought we could start early." She linked her arm through mine, "Library?"

"Sounds like a plan." I had a feeling a good girly complaining session was just what I needed.

XXX

Edward had been right, school was a mad house today. The seniors were the worst, which was only fair of course. This was a huge day for them; the end of their high schools lives and the beginning of something new. I was going to be beginning something new as well.

I had felt better after talking things through with Alice. She had said all the right things, the things I needed to hear. But now I was starting to get anxious again. However right or wrong I was to be doing what I was doing was irrelevant. I was actually going to have to DO it. My stomach turned over every time I thought about it. I knew there was no point in getting any lunch, I wouldn't be able to eat it, but I still wanted to go to the cafeteria.

My eyes automatically slid to the table that was fast becoming theirs. Only Alice and Rosalie were sat there at the moment. Alice turned in her seat and gave me a small smile and a wink. I smiled back automatically and my eyes drifted to the beautiful blonde who was facing me. Her expression took me by surprise. It was such a contrast to Alice's. Rosalie clearly didn't like me for some reason.

It bothered me more than I cared to admit. I didn't see why she should have any issues with me. I had never even spoken to her. I had, maybe naively, hoped that I would like the rest of Edward's family as much as I liked Alice. I had only met Emmett briefly and he had seemed so nice. I hadn't been introduced to Jasper yet but how bad could someone be if Alice was their partner?

But the dislike on Rosalie Hale's face was obvious. Then she jumped in her seat and glared at Alice, who had her back to me again. Rosalie scowled at Alice but she dropped her eyes. Eric prodded me gently in the back, "Earth to Bella, come in Bella."

"What?" I asked momentarily distracted, "Oh...um...sorry."

I picked up my tray and went to join Angela with Eric following. Angela beamed at me, "Last day, finally."

I nodded and forced myself to smile, "Well, I start work at the station next Monday so it'll be good to have a few days off."

"Do you still want to get together this weekend for a beach trip?"

Oh crap I had forgotten about that. "Well, I don't know what Jake's plans are for the weekend. He was feeling sick last night." I thought that sounded vague enough. "What about Alice's party anyway?"

Angela shrugged, "Well, I know Jessica and Lauren are going along with like...everyone else. Are you?"

"Of course she is," said a tinkling voice behind me. "She wouldn't dare to stand me up. Neither will you two if you know what's good for you." Alice dropped into the seat next to me and smiling at Eric and Angela. "It's going to be so much fun. Trust me."

My friends couldn't resist her effortless charm. They were both nodding and promising to be there. "What time's everything starting?" I asked.

Alice's face went blank. It was only for a second and I doubted anyone else had noticed. I however, was starting to recognise it. She was checking the future, "Get there about eight, the party should have got going a little by then."

She left the table with a smile and a wave, heading back to her own. I used her departure as an excuse to look behind me. Edward was staring at me with a very slight grin on his face. I found myself smiling back, until I realised I was acting oddly as far as anyone else could see. I turned back to face my friends and tried to get involved in the conversation. Angela did bring up one interesting point though. I had nothing to wear to this party.

Edward and I had spent our last class of the year together trying not to smile. Even though I was dreading the evening to come, I couldn't not enjoy being close to him. Every time I did I remembered the feeling of his lips on mine. I wanted to kiss him again, in fact I wanted to do a lot more. Especially now I knew that vampires could do...more.

Edward seemed to have enjoyed our recent contact as much as I had and it was giving me a kind of confidence. Whether it made sense or not Edward wanted me. I felt like I should take advantage of the opportunity. Just not yet. I packed up my books slowly, but Mike stayed behind to talk to the teacher. There was no chance of speaking to Edward in private.

I gave him a quick smile and I left the room. Only one more gym class to go before the end of the year. That was enough to make me happy on its own.

XXX

I wasn't sure how I managed to drive to the hospital. No part of my body seemed to be doing what I told it to. Once I got to that room I was that much closer to this horrendous task in front of me. I felt like Jake was lying in wait for me, and I had no idea what to do; how I was going to start. Did I tell him there was someone else? That seemed cruel. But maybe it was worse to leave him without an explanation. I just didn't know.

My feet felt like they were made of stone; as though I was dragging myself along against my own will. I took a deep breath as I reached the door. There was no point in this. I knew that I wanted Edward. Ignoring this situation would not make it go away. I had already made my decision. Now I just had to follow through on it.

I pushed open the door. Charlie and Billy were playing cards on Billy's bedside table. From what I could see it was a spirited game of poker. Jake wasn't there. My heart thumped unevenly in my chest. How could he not be here? He would want to see his father surely? What could have happened to keep him away?

As I entered Charlie looked up and saw me. I wasn't sure what he read on my face but he knew where my mind was, "Hey Bells, in case you're wondering Jake's sick. Sue called earlier. It didn't seem a good idea for him to come to a hospital and spread it around."

Suddenly I didn't feel very well either. In fact the world seemed to be spinning. I had to do this...but how could I if Jake was currently lying in bed feeling as bad as I had last week? I hitched a smile onto my face, I hoped it looked real. "That's too bad. I'll have to call him when I get home." I dropped into a chair next to the bed. My knees weren't going to last forever, "But how's the patient with something other than man-flu?"

Billy laughed and joked and seemed to be in excellent spirits. I was pleased to see his obvious improvement. It looked like Alice was rght, he would be out of the hospital after the weekend. When Charlie and I got up to leave he waved us off cheerfully. Once we were out of the door though Charlie instantly became more serious. I was incredibly grateful to realise that he had said nothing to Billy. I knew I had put him in an awkward situation.

"Are you okay Bella?"

I nodded, "I'm fine dad. I just...I really needed to get this over with. It just feels like one thing after another." It really did.

Charlie patted my shoudler as we reached the door, "It'll work out Bella. It'll be okay."

It was reassuring to hear my father say it. It was something I truly wanted to believe, that somehow it would all work out. "Thanks dad. I'll see you at home."

Charlie nodded and we split up, heading for our respective cars. I hurried my pace to get out of the light rain that was falling. I was already shivering but I knew that wasn't from the cold. When I got into my truck I slumped over the wheel. Now what was I supposed to do? I sat there for a full minute but nothing occured to me. Eventually I just started my truck and began the drive home.

Fortunately I knew the roads well, my concentration was so weak I might have gotten lost otherwise. Charlie managed to beat me home. I found the sight of the lit windows welcoming. I would go and make Charlie's dinner and then excuse myself. Maybe I could call Edward later.

I clambered out of the cab and ran for the front door. The rain was picking up now. I reached out for the door knob but it was pulled open from the inside. Alice was framed in the doorway and she was smiling at me, "Hi Bella. Just wanted to call round. I have a surprise for you."

Oh God, I wasn't sure I could take anymore surprises today. But Alice looked so excited that I couldn't being myself to disappoint her, "What kind of surprise?" I asked as I shut the door behind me, pulling off my damp coat.

"Oh, the kind you'll like I promise." Well, if anyone would know it would be Alice.

Charlie was already sat in his chair, but the sports team on the television weren't getting his full attention. He was smiling at Alice and I, "I'll get started on dinner Dad."

"No need," said Alice waving a hand. "When I told my mom about Billy Black she went ballistic. Why hadn't I told her sooner? Was I not being a supportive friend etc. She sent round a casserole."

My eyebrows flew up into my hair. Edward had brought me soup when I was sick but it hadn't occured to me that it was odd. Surely if vampires didn't need to eat then they didn't cook either. Alice was staring at me intently. Clearly I wasn't supposed to say anything; as if I would have, "That's really nice of her. Thank her for us won't you." I was strangely relieved I didn't need to cook. I felt drained of energy. I hadn't eaten since this morning and had been running on adrenaline. Now it was fading and I was exhausted.

Alice however was as lively as ever, "You can thank her yourself tomorrow if you want. She'll be there to chaperone the party."

Charlie cleared his throat, "I heard you were having a party. But Bella didn't mention it to me." He raised his eyebrows slightly in my direction. His 'hmph' look.

"Sorry dad, I heard about it just before I got sick. It slipped my mind." And I had almost forgotten about it again.

"But then you didn't ask your dad..." Alice was biting her lip. She looked...nervous. I had never seen that expression on her face before.

"Ask me what?" Charlie was quicker off the mark than I was apparently.

Alice looked almost angelic. Her big eyes looked pleadingly at my dad and I knew that whatever Alice wanted she would get it. Charlie couldn't resist that expression on my face, let alone Alice's where it was twice as effective. "If Bella could spend the night at my house. After the boys leave I'm turning it into a sleepover." I was glad no one was looking at me. I couldn't keep the surprise off my face; this was the first I'd heard of a sleepover.

A frown crossed Charlie's face. I knew he was thinking about Edward being in the house too. He and Billy both had rules about spending the night. The point of the rules were: No. But Alice was looking at him so earnestly and when he caught her eye his gaze softened a little, "Well...Your parents will be there all night?" I felt a shudder run through me. I suspected this sleep over ruse was just that...a ruse. If so, there must be a reason Alice was going through this charade to get-and keep-me there.

She was nodding at my dad calmly, "Oh yes, they wouldn't leave us alone. It's forecast cloudy but dry tomorrow night, so my dad is going to run a barbecue." She wrinkled her nose, "Definitely a job best left to a man."

Charlie beamed at her, "That's what I always say." He laughed delightedly. It was the truth. But the real reason he insisted on doing it was because it was the only thing he could cook...ever.

"Can she stay Charlie? Please. We'll all miss her if she's not there." How could anyone, man or woman, old or young, not be felled by Alice? She looked so desperate.

I could see something warring on Charlie's face for a moment. But when the frown faded slightly I knew Alice would get her way, "Okay."

"Thanks dad." I said.

"Oh yay," Alice was bouncing on her toes again in excitement, "Now for that surprise."

"That wasn't the casserole?" Not having to cook was a big treat for me, I hadn't expected anything else. Plus, I wasn't really that fond of surprises.

"No, silly." Alice trotted over to the door where there was a flat rectangular box in a plastic bag. "We should open this upstairs."

I gave Charlie a wave and walked up the stairs with Alice hot on my heels. She shut my door behind us as I collapsed on my bed, "Oh Alice." I in the centre of my bed almost out of my mind with the unfairness of it all. I was glad I had managed to hold it together in front of Charlie.

"He wasn't at the hospital was he?" I wondered if that was why Alice was here. She had probably known that I would need someone to talk to tonight.

"No, he's sick. I was ready to do it Alice and then...what the hell? What do I do now?" It seemed so unfair; but then who was I to talk about unfair? Jake would be the one getting the worst of this. Maybe I should suffer too; maybe I didn't deserve to have it easy.

Alice sat down next me and draped an arm across my back, "It's going to be okay Bella. I see it. It's going to be okay I promise." Her voice was soothing but I was too upset right now.

"How? How is it going to be okay? Please tell me." I felt like it might be cheating to ask her, but I didn't care. I needed the reassurance too much. It was one thing for Charlie to tell me it would be okay, but Alice could see the future. If she said it would be okay then she must have seen something.

"I don't know," she was shaking her head, "Honestly I don't know. I can't see it clearly...for various reasons but I know it's going to work out."

I looked up and met her eyes. She was being honest, I could tell. I sat up and shook myself, "I'm sorry, I've been such a cry baby this last few days."

"Well, I think you have reason to be. I don't envy you Bella," her hand was making soothing circles on my back and I could feel the coolness of her skin.

I bit my lip, "Is Edward here?" I felt guilty for asking the question but I had to know.

Alice shook her head, "I sent him hunting with the others. He was driving everyone crazy." She laughed humourlessly and shook her head.

"Why?" I was disappointed though I tried to hide it. I hadn't thought about it exactly but I'd hoped I would see Edward tonight.

"If you think you're nervous, you should see him."

"Why would he be nervous? I've told him time and again that my mind's made up. He doesn't still think I'm going to change my mind does he?" The thought hurt me, I had believed Edward and I were beginning to trust each other.

"No, I don't think so. He just knows how hard this is for you and he doesn't want you to get hurt. He feels responsible I think." That sounded like the Edward I was coming to know. He was always apologising for being near me; for not leaving me. A stupid thing to apologise for in my opinion.

"This is not his fault. This is my decision. I could have..."

"I know Bella. Believe me I know. But telling Edward not to worry about you is like telling the sun not to set. He can't help it." She was smiling at me.

I felt my skin heat as I blushed. Edward had told me that he cared for me...a lot. But to hear it from his sister made my heart pound heavily. "I still don't know why he..."

"Enough of that Bella. I don't want to hear anymore about how you're not good enough for him. I know Edward very well and I know you're very good for him." Her tone brooked no argument.

"That's a matter of opinion," I said quietly but I knew she would hear me.

"And in this case, you're opinion doesn't matter," she said with a grin, "Now take a few deep breaths and try to smile. I promise, it's going to work out."

I hitched a smile onto my face, "Thanks Alice." I said, but it didn't seem enough. I owed this girl so much, "I don't know how I would have gotten through this if I hadn't met you." It was nothing but the truth. Normally I would have talked to Angela, but I couldn't; not about this. I couldn't even begin to explain it to her. If it hadn't been for meeting Alice I would have been very much alone.

The smile on her face was dazzling, "Neither do I. Let's not find out. Agreed?" She clasped my hand gently for a second.

"Agreed."

"Good," she said bouncing to her feet. She picked up the box which had been set down by the door. "Open it. I spotted it the other day and thought of you instantly." I could see it was a large department store box. The kind they gave you when you asked for gift wrapping on a big item. My stomach clenched. It felt odd to be accepting a gift from Alice. I didn't have anything to give her in return after all. "Don't over think it Bella. There's no way you can force me to take it back. You might as well accept it graciously."

Her eyes were twinkling at me. She made a good point. I smiled at her, I couldn't help myself and then eased the lid off the box. Inside there were four other boxes of different sizes. Alice pointed to the biggest, "Open that one first." Her excitement was obvious.

I did as I was told. Inside, underneath some expensive looking tissue paper, there was a piece of midnight blue silk. I picked it up and it unfolded in my hand to reveal a blue wrap-around dress. For a moment I couldn't speak. I had never owned something this beautiful. There was no name evident but it was obviously by some famous designer I had probably never heard of.

It would fall to just above the knee I thought so it wasn't indecent, but I didn't know about the front. The neckline looked low. Still, it was amazing, "Alice..." I choked out, "You really, really shouldn't have."

"Oh, yes I should. And don't think about trying to give it back. It wouldn't fit me anyway, you're too much taller. And I've taken the tags off so you can't return it." Wow, she really did think of everything, "Now, open the others."

I did as I was told, slightly dazed. In the next biggest box there was a pair of blue suede shoes and a matching bag. I was pleased to see that the heels weren't ridiculous and they had an ankle strap. At least I wouldn't fall out of them. I let out a gulping noise and Alice giggled, "You'll be fine. I checked. Keep going."

In the third box I found a bra and panty set, also in the same blue colour. I could feel the blush rising on my face again. I didn't think anyone had ever bought me underwear before. "You need to match otherwise you'll see the difference through the dress," Alice explained matter-of-factly.

She reached into the box and pulled out the final small one. "This one's from Edward but I helped him choose. You know how men are." She rolled her eyes in an exasperated way but she was still smiling.

I eased the lid off with trembling fingers. There was a card inside.

_Dear Bella,_

_I wish I could be there with you but Alice insisted that I go hunting. I have to concede that she's probably right, but I will miss you terribly. _

_I know you will try to avoid accepting these gifts. Alice said so, but please don't. Just this once._

_I will see you tomorrow. Counting the nano-seconds._

_Edward_

_P.S. I promise they didn't cost me a penny._

I pushed the packing aside gently and the light caught something that sparkled. My breath hitched. Edward had given me jewellery? Nestled inside were a pair of earrings, which I was praying were not what I thought they were, "Alice...are these...are they real?" Alice nodded reluctantly and my breath stopped. This was too much. Way too much. I couldn't accept them.

"Bella, stop it. Don't ruin this for him. He was so excited about giving them to you. They really didn't cost him a penny." Alice voice was soothing but I was still reeling.

"How is that possible? These are diamond earrings Alice! How can I...?"

"They belonged to Edward's mother. He's had them for a very long time and he wanted to give them to you."

Oh Christ, that was worse than if he bought them. How could I accept a family heirloom from Edward? "But...but it's too much."

Alice was laughing, "Bella, it's not an issue. The Cullen family is not without means." I looked at her, my curiousity getting the better of my pique, "We invested in some very large tech companies early on. I had an uncanny feeling they were going to be successful. And believe me that's just the tip of the iceberg."

I remembered her joking about stock market tip but I hadn't thought she was serious. If Alice could see...that was a whole different line of thought to be investigated later. I had a more immediate problem. My fingers gently caressed the diamond drops. I could see now that they were obviously antique and truly beautiful. "Alice...I..."

"If you try to return them you are really going to hurt Edward's feelings. He was nervous enough picking you out a gift in the first place. He'll assume that you hate them and that you are just finding an excuse to return them." Alice spoke as though it was a very obvious conclusion.

How could Edward think that? They were a beautiful gift. I suddenly had a suspicious feeling, "Is that true?"

"Maybe," she said grinning widely at me.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling back at her. I had no way of knowing. Alice knew that. And she knew I would never risk hurting Edward's feelings like that. "You're one scary pixie do you know that?"

"Oh yes," she answered still grinning.

XXX

Alice had spent the night on our couch at Charlie's behest. I had thought it was odd when she started to yawn widely. I knew that she couldn't really be tired. But then she had muttered something about calling a cab. Her family were camping tonight...she said. She wanted to be here in the morning so she could set up for the party early. They had all abandoned her.

Charlie wouldn't hear of it. She didn't have to spend the night by herself. I would make up the couch for her and drive her home in the morning. He would do it himself but he was working a long shift tomorrow etc. Alice had graced him with a beautiful smile and, after a few protestations about not wanting to inconvenience us, accepted.

As pleased as I was to have her here I thought it strange. Alice could go and join the others if she wanted. She could probably be with them in no time at all. But she seemed quite happy to spend the night in my house. Strange. Charlie went to bed and we spent the evening curled up, chattering happily. It was the end of school after all, what could be more normal than a little celebration?

When I woke I was still on the couch and the weak light I was familiar with was filling the room. Morning. I heard a shuffling and looked up to see Alice setting down a steaming mug, "Edward said you liked tea."

"Thanks Alice," I said blushing. I wondered how much they knew about me, all of them. Did every Cullen know that in the morning I preferred tea to coffee?

She dropped down next to me onto the sofa, "So, what shall we do until the party?"

My brain woke up a little more. Tonight. The party. Yesterday, "Oh crap. I didn't ring Jake last night. I was going to. But I just forgot..." My voice trailed off. The guilt was making it hard to speak. I had forgotten all about the fact that Jake was sick. All I was concerned with was how hard it made my life; how it had disrupted my plans. I swallowed hard, "I should call him."

Alice nodded, "Sure, but..." her voice trailed off, "You'll leave a message with Sue."

I looked at her oddly, "Why?"

"Don't know, make the call and find out."

I got up from the sofa stiffly and picked up my mug. I set it down on the kitchen table and picked up the phone. Even though I knew that I wouldn't be speaking to Jake right now, my heart was in my mouth. After three rings the phone was answered, "Clearwater residence."

"Sue, hi. It's Bella."

"Hello Bella," the tone of Sue's voice surprised me. She sounded...tense. Maybe she was just rushed off her feet. She was taking care of her own family, a sick Jake and Billy would be there soon as well. That seemed reasonable, so why was the hair on the back of my neck standing up?

"I heard that Jake was sick and I wanted to talk to him." I couldn't help but be aware that my own voice sounded pretty odd at the moment too.

"I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone. He's in bed." Sue's tone was almost cold. She normally saved that voice for when one of us had done something bad. I hadn't heard it in years.

"Oh, well, will you tell him I called?" I didn't know what else to say.

"I'll tell him."

"Umm...thanks. Is everything okay Sue?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. Sue and I had always gotten on so well. Why had she suddenly become so cold? I was afraid that she might somehow know about me and Edward and what I planned to do to Jake. But that wasn't possible surely. There was no way she could know.

When she answered her voice was softer, "I'm sorry Bella. It's just been a busy few days."

She sounded less 'cold' and more 'exhausted' now, "Do you want me to come over? Maybe I could help?"

"No. No, it's fine. I'll have Jake call you when he feels up to it." And it was back to 'cold' again. Whatever was wrong she clearly didn't want my help with anything.

"All right. Well...call if you need anything." I felt compelled to make it clear that the offer still stood.

"I will. Bye Bella."

"Bye."

XXX

Alice stayed with me all afternoon. I took a shower and let her do things to my hair. I asked her if she needed to get home to set up the house. Apparently she didn't. The men had been given their marching orders and almost everything she could do in advance had been done. Instead she fussed over me. I really didn't want to look in the mirror until she was finished. I didn't need to know. I kept glancing nervously at my cell phone. I knew it was unlikely that Jake would call me on it but it was a possibility. He didn't.

All the phones in the house stayed silent until just after three. Alice had just put the final coat of polish on my finger nails. I was waving them about, trying to help them dry when the ringing started in the kitchen, "Oh crap." I said staring at my hands in frustration.

"Bella," I had never heard Alice's voice so serious, "I think that's Jacob Black."

My breath tightened in my chest. I leapt to my feet, uncaring about my nails now and ran for the phone, "Hello, Swan residence." I said breathlessly.

"Bella, it's Jake." I thought he sounded weird too, his voice was gruff but immediately realised that he was sick. How had I expected him to sound?

"Jake, how are you feeling?" I remembered how awful I had felt over those few days. Well, at least until Edward had gotten here. I quickly stamped on that thought. I couldn't be thinking about Edward now.

"Not good. But that's not why I'm calling." I knew then what made him sound weird. He had the same cold tone as Sue had when I spoke to her this morning. Maybe I had been wrong to discount the idea that someone knew about me and Edward. Anyone could have seen us together in the school parking lot after all. And that 'anyone' could have easily told Jake about it.

"Oh? Is something wrong?" I tried to keep my voice level but it came out too high-pitched.

"Well, yes. I need to talk to you about something." Jake's voice was the opposite of mine.

"Okay, what is it?" I wasn't breathing.

"I..." Jake stumbled over his words for the first time, "I want to break up."

"What?"

"I don't want us to be together anymore Bella. I want to break up."

"I heard you the first time..." Whatever I had been expecting from Jake, that was not it. He wanted to break up with me? I was surprised by how much his words stung. Despite what I was planning to do, I had never thought that Jake might beat me to it. What could have happened to make him do this? I reached out to grip the door frame. I didn't feel very steady on my feet.

"Bella, I'm sorry to do this over the phone. I know it's cowardly, but I had to do it now." Jake's voice broke slightly and I could hear that doing this wasn't easy for him.

"Am I allowed to ask why?" I said. I felt like I was pushing my luck. Even with the pain Jake's words were causing I knew that I was getting off easy here. I was getting what I wanted without having to do anything. It seemed too good to be true.

"It's complicated, but...well, I just think it's for the best." He was being evasive. It was a tactic that hadn't worked in years and I was not going to let him avoid this.

"That's not an answer Jake."

"I...I haven't been happy for a while. And...well I don't think that you have either." I didn't say anything to that. I couldn't think of anything. It was true and he had noticed it of course. But if that was all, Jake would have nagged me for an explanation. He wasn't the type of person who would end things on a whim, "I still love you Bella, I care about you a lot but...this is the right thing to do." His voice sounded pained.

"Have you met someone else?" I asked in a whisper. I knew if he answered 'yes' it would hurt, worse than anything so far. But it would also make me feel better. I didn't want to think of Jake being alone.

"No, no, of couse I haven't. Please don't think that Bella," he voice was pleading. He sounded more like the Jake I knew, the Jake I had known and loved all my life. I could almost see his face, his eyes would be wide as he begged me to believe him. I did and was a little sad. I would have felt a lot less guilty.

My heart felt as though it was being tugged at. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I didn't. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, but I didn't do that either. "Ummm...I...I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I hope that eventually...well, I hope that you won't hate me forever."

"I could never hate you Jake." I whispered. I hoped he could hear the sincerity behind my words.

"I'm sorry Bella. So sorry...it just...I guess it just wasn't meant to be." I mumbled something incoherently, my brain seemed to be working at half speed. "I should go now."

"Okay," my voice still didn't go above a whisper.

"Bye Bells, love you."

I felt the tears well up fast, "Love you too." It was still true. The line went dead and I slowly pressed the phone back into it's cradle. The shock was slowing down all of my responses. Alice was at my side in a second. She led me back to the couch and settled next to me. She reached out and took my hand in hers. She squeezed it gently and then turned her attention back to the television. I was grateful for the thinking time.

My mind was racing. Had that really just happened? Did Jake just break up with me? I was almost certain that he had. But that made no sense. The day before yesterday we had been making plans to see each other and he had been so eager. And today...well he had explained himself to me. He hadn't been happy in a while.

I couldn't deny that it was possible. I had been so wrapped up in my own issues, that maybe I had missed his. Maybe Jake had been unsure about our relationship for some time; for different reasons. It was possible. If something had happened to me, to make me question our relationship, the same could happen to Jake.

I felt a momentary surge of happiness in my chest that I didn't deserve. As painful and horrendous as that conversation had been, it had given me what I wanted and more. I was no longer in a relationship with Jake. I hadn't had to break his heart. I knew he was probably unhappy right now, but it had been his decision not mine. I didn't have to feel guilty about that at least. It was over. I was single. I was free.

I was halfway out of a sitting position when Alice tugged me back gently, "Oh no, not until the party tonight. He'll be there waiting for you."

"But, shouldn't I at least call and tell him..."

"If you do, neither of you will make it to the party and I won't have it." She looked very strict and it was an odd contrast to her usual expression. So much so that I giggled, I was obviously still in shock. Her expression softened, "Are you okay?"

I thought about it for a second, "Do you know? I think I am. I'm not going to say that having that conversation was fun. It wasn't. But I...well, part of me can't believe how easy it was. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Alice's face went blank, "Nothing's going to go wrong. And you're going to have a great time tonight."

I chuckled, "Well, that's good to know."

"You will once I've finished with you anyway."

XXX

EPOV

Bella was taking her seat in the cafeteria when I got there. I was unenthusiastically selecting something to put on my tray when I heard Alice's pique.

_...just be nice. If she doesn't I'll have a problem..._

Then suddenly her thoughts changed and I got a glaring visual. Jasper, wearing nothing but cowboy boots and a smile. Ugh. If I had been planning to eat lunch that would have spoiled my appetite. I paid for the food and went to join my family. "That was uncalled for," I said under my breath.

"You know what they say about listening in on other people," she was smiling, completely unrepentent.

I knew that Alice had spoken to Bella this morning and that was the information I really wanted, "Well, how is she?"

Before Alice could answer Rosalie let out a low hiss of annoyance, "For God's sake Edward change the record. Bella this, and Bella that. I'm really getting sick of it." I hadn't noticed until now but she was really angry.

I tensed in my chair. Alice couldn't stop herself from thinking about it now. Rosalie had been glaring at Bella before I had come in. I couldn't stop the low grumble in my chest. I normally made concerted effort to ignore Rosalie, especially lately. Today though, my nerves were already stretched tighter than piano wire. I had put up with her snits for a long time but today I snapped. "And for years I've been sick of watching you check out your own ass in every available shiny surface, we all have crosses to bear."

Her eyes widened in fury. Emmett, who had been standing in line waiting for food came towards us. He sat down next to Rosalie, "What's wrong now?"

"Edward's being a jackass, nothing new." Her eyes were wide. She was not used to me losing my temper with her even a little. It wasn't pleasant when I did, I seemed to have a knack for saying the right thing to hurt people. That's why I didn't do it often.

"Oh, I'm being a jackass? You're the one trying to intimidate a human girl. Does it make you feel clever?"

"Edward, easy bro." Emmett eyes and mind were begging me silently. He didn't want to have to pick a side here. He would have to pick Rosalie's even though he didn't think she was right this time. He wondered what she had done to intimidate Bella...who he actually thought he could like. She seemed nice.

"You're mad at me for intimidating her? What are you going to do to her Edward huh? You're the one planning to destroy her life and I'm the bad guy. That makes sense." Her words cut a little close to home, but it only served to anger me further. Who was she to preach to me when she was just being an envious reptile anyway?

I smiled very slightly, "Is that the only problem Rosalie?"

I raised my eyesbrows and her mouth dropped open. She didn't know that I had heard that part; the part about her jealousy. She did now though and she was mortified. I took a kind of savage pleasure in her embarrassment. Mentally she was screaming at me to shut my mouth. "It's one of a lot of problems."

Alice was thinking what a pity it was that Jasper wasn't here. He might be able to help. He had been asked to stay behind by a teacher to discuss an advanced project next year. "Will you two calm down. Someone will notice..."

I quickly scanned her mind. She was lying, the students were all too excited by the end of the year, "No, they won't." I turned my glare back onto Rosalie, "Let me make this abundantly clear. What you want does not matter. You can't tell ME what to do," my eyes flickered briefly to Emmett who had the grace to look uncomfortable. "Your opinion is a matter of supreme indifference to me." Rosalie looked furious. She was thinking that there were ways that she could stop me. She could do something that made it necessary for us to leave. Though, fortunately for her, she did not think of hurting Bella. She could just knock a wall down or something.

"If you do, I will stay. Then you can explain to Esme and Carlisle why you broke up their family. You need to accept this. There is nothing you can do to stop me. Whatever happens, you will not be a big factor in my decision."

Jasper was nearing the cafeteria. He could sense the tension in Alice. Her thoughts were hardening though, "Rosalie, just don't. Please. If you do something stupid, you will divide us forever. Edward will never forgive you...and neither will I."

Rosalie looked at her adopted sister; shock clear on her face. She and Alice had always been close. She couldn't imagine why Alice wouldn't take her side now. Didn't she understand the dangers? Didn't she see? "Oh she sees." I said, making it clear that I was listening, "She sees a lot more than you do. I would listen to her."

Emmett was looking increasingly awkward. He knew that he was only privy to half of this conversation and it bugged him. Rosalie's embarrassment hadn't escaped him earlier but he knew me better than to think I would tell him. I never had before. Though right now I might if he asked me. I was mad enough. "Guys can we please just chill. This is not helping anything."

Jasper came to join us and I felt myself relax. It annoyed me. I wanted to have this out with Rosalie once and for all, but even I knew that this was probably not the best place. Alice got to her feet, "I'm going to speak to Bella." Her eyes flashed angrily at Rosalie and I, "You two, settle this." She pressed a quick kiss to Jasper's forehead and set off across the cafeteria.

"Rosalie," I said through gritted teeth, "I'm not going to discuss this with you again. If you truly want what's best for our family you will back the hell off."

Rosalie opened her mouth to answer back angrily. She still had plenty still to say to me despite Jasper's influence. But Emmett grasped her hand firmly, "Enough Rose. Did you ask Edward's permission when you found me? No you didn't." Rosalie opened her mouth again. She wanted to argue about how different the situations were, Emmett had been dying etc... but he didn't give her the chance. "Rose I'm serious. The circumstances don't matter. This is not your choice. You're made your opinion clear. Enough now."

She wanted to argue back. I knew she did. But the combination of Emmett and Jasper was too much to ignore. Emmett didn't often argue with her and even less often did he tell her what to do. When he did however, he tended to be serious. She knew that he was now and she was angry about it. No one seemed to be on her side. She stared angrily out of the window and I couldn't hide my grin.

My eyes automatically sought Bella out. Alice was coming back towards us and Bella was looking at me. She was smiling broadly as well. After a moment she blushed and turned her attention back to the tray in front of her. Rose and Emmett left the table. She was planning to have a word with him once they were alone. Emmett was expecting it.

My poor long-suffering brother. I was thinking about my final class with Bella when Alice gasped. Jasper instantly clasped her hand and I started to scan. Bella's future had changed. She hadn't checked it since last night. Then, it had gone dark when Bella had arrived at the hospital. Now it was clear. Alice could see her sat by Billy Black's bed. Then she could see her driving home.

Alice was trying to figure out what had happened to change everything and so was I. Bella would get home and spend the night trying to phone someone. I could only assume it was the dog. She would barely sleep, nervously biting her lip over and over again, "Alice what was it?"

"Jake's not there anymore. He won't be at the hospital so now I can see it."

"Yes," I said not very patiently. "I got that much. But..."

"Edward, you are seeing everything I am. There's nothing to suggest that Bella will see Jacob Black tonight." There wasn't, she was right. My chest seemed to tighten. What could go wrong now? I didn't make sense. The dog had been so eager to see her. Then I remembered his conversation with her at the hospital yesterday. He had said he felt ill. Maybe that was all it was. He was sick.

Alice was trying to look further ahead. She was checking for any black spots that would signify the presence of a shifter but there was almost nothing. Tomorrow afternoon was a little fuzzy but Bella was still there. Then the vision shifted further ahead.

I was momentarily confused. I could see my room. It was dark outside, I was there. Bella was there, she was on my bed. The air hissed out of me. I wanted to see more of that vision but Alice had switched her focus.

Then the future shifted again, "Wait, what happened?" I wanted to ask her to go back but Alice was getting to her feet.

"I'm going to be spending the night at Bella's house," she said definitely. I was annoyed. Why did she get to stay? I wanted to stay. "Trust me Edward, you need to go with Jasper and Emmett tonight. You need to hunt." I thought of the fleeting image I had glimpsed. Bella, she was clinging to my arms, in the upstairs hallway of my house. Yes I would need to feed, but it wouldn't take all night. I could still be with Bella later. "Oh no you don't Edward. Something's going to happen tomorrow. Nothing bad," she added quickly, "Well, nothing dangerous anyway. But trust me. We're in 'girl' territory here."

I sighed heavily, "So, go hunt. That's the best you've got?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. Although, you need to pick out some earrings for Bella."

"Okay. Why?" I asked amost as an afterthought. The largest part of my mind was starting to obsess. I was going to give Bella a gift. I was excited at the idea. But I had no idea what she would like.

"Well, I bought her a dress for the party, and shoes. I picked them up when I went shopping with Esme and Rose the other day. The outfit just needs one final touch." It had been years since I had listened when Alice talked about fashion. I just let her stock my wardrobe as she saw fit now. It was easier. Bella would probably start to do the same thing quickly. In the mean time I was thinking back over every jewellery advertisement I had seen in the last year. Maybe I could make a quick trip to Seattle and visit Tiffany's. If I skipped last period I would have plenty of time. "Nope, she'll be horrified if you spend too much. Trust me."

Odd, I had thought most women liked receiving gifts. Jewellery in particular, but then Bella never ceased to surprise me. I thought about her pale skin. Only diamonds would do really. I thought about the ones I had in my room, "Oh Edward, the single drops. She'll love them, and they'll look great. She'll protest a little but she'll accept in the end."

"Shall I wrap them or something?" I had learned all about gift wrapping over the years. Though why we bothered was beyond me. Alice could see what was being given and I could hear it. Still, she always insisted on it.

"Nope, don't you dare. Leave it to me. You guys should go after school. Hunt..." she thought for a moment, "A lot."

XXX

Bella's heart was pounding heavily all the way through class. I almost changed my mind about going away for the night but the thought of Alice stopped me. She said I should go, I trusted her and so I had to go. Bella would be fine; she wouldn't be alone.

I couldn't keep the smile off my face though. Bella was grinning like a Cheshire cat all the way through the lesson. I was tempted to warn her about the dog's absence tonight but I couldn't bring myself to spoil the mood. We didn't spend enough time together laughing and smiling. I would have to remedy that very soon.

She dawdled packing up her books but had to give in. There was no way we could speak to each other subtly right now. She flashed me a quick smile and then she was out of the door. My feet started to follow her. Maybe I could catch up to her quietly somewhere. As I turned the corner that led to the the gym I spotted Emmett and Jasper leaning against the lockers. Emmett grinned, "Alice is never wrong. I wonder if she ever gets bored with it?"

Jasper chuckled, "A woman? Get tired of being right? That's some kind of oxymoron trust me." I could hear their thoughts. They were sorry, but I wasn't going to Bella's tonight. Alice had gotten to them. She had gotten to them good.

I sighed, "Hunt?" They nodded and we left the building together. "I just need to make a quick stop."

"Edward..." said Emmett, with a hint of a whine in his voice.

"I just need to leave something out for Alice, she approved it." She had after all told me to get the earrings for Bella. She hadn't said I couldn't leave a note too.

Jasper shrugged, "Fine, quick stop only."

XXX

I was glad to head home. Emmett and Jasper had done their best to distract me. They had been given strict orders that they were to keep me away until this morning. Bella and Alice needed 'girl time'. Whatever that meant. All I knew was that it was hell for me.

I was confident that Bella wouldn't change her mind now. I was slowly letting myself believe it, and it felt really good. I wasn't going to waste anymore time doubting her. It just seemed like bad luck was plaguing her. She had a daunting task ahead of her and every time she tried to get it over with something else happened. It wasn't fair.

Now, I wanted to call her. It was easier to convince myself she was out of reach when I wasn't in Forks. As soon as I was within the town limits I had to fight every urge in my body that told me to go to her. When I got home I greeted Esme, who grinned at me as though she had a secret. I could have found out what it was of course, but why spoil her fun? The secret became obvious when I pushed open my bedroom door. Everything in my room had been moved around and in the centre was a king size four-poster wrought-iron bed. I picked up the folded piece of paper on top of the blankets.

_Edward_

_Bella will need somehwere to sleep after the party. Were you planning on making her use the sofa? You can thank me later._

_Alice_

My favourite sister didn't know the meaning of the word subtle. Still, putting the bedsheets on the thing did give me something to do with my hands...for all of thirty seconds anyway. Afterwards I stared at the bed in the centre of my room feeling an odd sense of trepidation. I suddenly wondered if Alice had been right to invite Bella to stay. I was afraid that she might feel pressured into doing something she didn't want to do. I sighed and flopped down on top of the newly made bed for a while.

Then I picked up several books, played a cd I hadn't listened to yet and tried to concentrate on a model I was building. It wasn't working. Though I had to admit the bed was comfortable.

I stared out of the window watching the sun come up fully. I wondered if Bella was awake yet. There was a possibility but I didn't think so. She and Alice had probably been up half the night. I was pretty sure that's what happened at sleep-overs. But I could give Alice a quick call; just to check in of course.

My phone started to ring. I guessed I had been about to call her then. "Morning Alice."

"Good morning. Everything's fine, before you ask. Nothing to worry about." She sounded exasperated but amused. I knew she liked me like this despite the complications. She thought along the same path as Esme, it wasn't good for me to be alone.

I breathed an internal sigh of relief at her words, "Has she...?"

"She hasn't managed to speak to Jake yet. She's still asleep, for another eight minutes. I'm just making her a coffee," Alice's voice was low.

"She prefers tea...in the Jack and Sally mug." I said without thinking. But then, why shouldn't I know what she preferred in the morning? Alice knew where I had been the past few nights.

"Oh thanks...awww bless her. She would have drunk the coffee if I had made it." I could hear Alice's smile down the phone.

"Of course she would." It was a given she would drink it. This was Bella after all, she wouldn't want to hurt Alice's feelings. I didn't need to read her mind to know that. That wasn't what I was interested in, "Do you..."

"I know what you want to hear but I'm not sure...it's odd. But I think she's going to speak to him today." Alice sounded hesitant and it irked me. Of all the times I wished she couldn't see the future this was not one of them.

"You think? Since when have you ever had to 'think' anything." Now was the moment she picked to get vague.

"Since the wolves got involved. Things are...fluid. But by tonight I think it will be done. I just can't see how yet."

"You're sure?" Tonight? I almost didn't dare believe it. But it followed. Bella in my arms and all. She wouldn't be there tonight if she wasn't...free.

"Ninety nine percent sure."

Ninety nine percent wasn't good enough as far as I was concerned. Not even close. "Maybe I should..."

"Don't you even think about it Edward Cullen. You have no excuse to be over here. You know she's perfectly safe as long as I'm with her. You just want to satisfy your own selfish desire. She has the right to a little privacy you know." I didn't know what to say. Alice rarely got mad at me and it was surprising. When she spoke again it was softer, "You know she wouldn't want you listening to this. She would say it wasn't fair to Jake."

"I know." I sighed heavily. "What time will you guys be here?" At least if I knew I wouldn't have to obsess about it all day.

"We'll be there early. Just before seven o'clock. But I want Bella to myself for a while. I have a party to set up." I could tell that Alice knew my reaction to this bit of news would not be good.

"Are you serious? You're ninety nine percent sure that things are going to be resolved by tonight and you want her to yourself? Nuh uh. No way."

"Edward, if everything goes to plan you will have her undivided attention for the next several weeks. Just let me have my party. I met her first remember?" Her voice was pleading and I mentally shivered. Alice's secret weapon. Even down the phone the 'puppy eyes' worked.

Plus, I did remember that Alice had met her first. She had been so excited. I supposed that I had stolen her new friend. Plus what she said about having Bella's attention for the next few weeks sounded beyond amazing, "Fine, I won't make an appearance until eight thirty. Ninety minutes. That's the best I can do."

There was a silence. Alice was probably checking whether or not I would keep my word. I would. After all, after ninety minutes all bets were off. "Agreed. I gotta go."

"See you later. Oh and Alice, thanks for the...furnishings."

"You're welcome," she trilled, "But thank me later."


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, if you haven't listened up until now, let me make this very clear...**

**Rating:M**

**It's not going to get any lighter from here on out. I suspect most of you will be glad.**

**Thanks to VioletOD and Cherry Blushe who are still with me! Thanks to taralynn09 and Howl3 who let me know I put the wrong chapter up last night, (computers are not my friend) and michelle824 who has been waiting patiently for the breakup.**

**Welcome to EmptyMessages who has been sucked into the reviewing family.**

BPOV

I was getting very close to taking back my earlier opinion of these shoes. They seemed much more dangerous once they were on my feet. I twirled slowly in the mirror while Alice was in the bathroom applying a little mascara. She didn't need much. I had to admit that I looked...well...kind of amazing. I had never seen myself looking this way before. It made me want to reconsider my 'no blow drying before eight' rule. It would be worth getting up thirty minutes earlier to look this impressive every day.

Alice had really out done herself and while I was still nervous, my reflection gave me a little more confidence. At least I was looking the best I possibly could. It couldn't hurt.

My reflection bit her lip nervously. I was going to see Edward tonight and I almost had a plan. I was trying not to settle on anything too firmly, but once Alice told me the sleepover wasn't really happening I was excited. She had lied to make sure I had some time with Edward. I wondered if she knew something about what was going to happen tonight but I didn't ask her.

I was almost too embarassed to admit what I wanted to happen, even to myself. I had avoided sex with Jake for some time and now I was hoping for it from Edward. After two weeks of knowing him. That had to mean something. Probably that I was a big ho.

Alice bounced into the room, "Ready?"

I gave her a weak smile, "As I'll ever be in these shoes."

"Don't be ridiculous. They look absolutely fabulous." Alice was grinning from ear to ear.

She seemed very optomistic about this evening. I decided to have a little faith in her, "I'll take your word for it."

"Come on then." She hefted my overnight bag easily in one hand, waving my hand away when I tried to take it from her. Letting her lead me down the stairs, I reached for my coat.

Alice stopped, "Oh wait." She said breathlessly.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a small tissue papered parcel, "Oh Alice I really can't accept anything else. It's too much."

She was shaking her head before I had finished, "It came with the dress." She thrust it under my nose.

I took it from her and unwrapped it, even though I suspected she was lying. A silk wrap, matching the dress fell out. "Thank you, it's beautiful." I said quietly.

Alice took my hand again and squeezed it, "Come on, we're going to have fun tonight. Enjoy it." I wrapped the wrap around my shoulders. I didn't need to feel guilty. Alice was right. I secured the wrap and took her hand again. I was going to enjoy it. I pulled the door closed behind me and locked it. For a moment I was concerned, I had never tried to drive my truck wearing heels before. But Alice just took the keys from my hand, "Probably safer if I drive."

She was grinning at me and I nodded, "Probably."

XXX

The Cullen house was beautiful. It was situated at the end of a long driveway, the trees of which were hung with lights. It was a good thing too, otherwise no one would be able to find the party. I could see as we pulled up that one side of the house was entirely made of glass...and it was huge. Alice hopped down gracefully from the truck. As she was coming round to give me a hand the front door flew open and I could see a tall blonde man I recognised as Jasper Hale.

He was next to us in a second smiling at Alice. She winked at him and he turned his attention to me. His lips pressed together as he took me in and I was worried that he was going to glare at me like Rosalie had. He didn't though. He smiled again though it looked as though it took some effort, "You must be Bella. It's a pleasure to meet you."

He didn't reach for my hand, he let Alice help me down. But he didn't look angry either, "You too, Jasper right?"

He nodded, took my bag from Alice and led us into the house. I wondered if he did feel the same as Rosalie. Maybe Alice had told him that he had to be nice. I was distracted as I took in the inside of the house. I was in a huge room that was usually white; I could see the painted walls. Now however, Emmett was busy hanging dark coloured fabric from the ceiling, giving the room a night club feel. He waved to me from the other side of the room, "Hey Bella, will you please tell Alice it's enough already. Less is more isn't it?"

Jasper wandered away from us chuckling. There were disco lights everywhere, and more fairy lights hanging from the ceiling. Jasper walked over to a lot of complicated looking equipment that was waiting on a raised platform in the corner. I realised he was in charge of the music tonight. Alice was laughing at Emmett, "But Em, if less is more then just think how much more 'more' is."

I giggled along with her. You couldn't ignore her logic. My eyes travelled to a flight of stairs along a wall, I wondered if Edward was up there somewhere. Movement in the room caught my eye and my heart sped up, but it wasn't Edward. Doctor Cullen and a woman who I could only assume was Esme came in. Esme was staring at me but I wasn't intimidated. She looked very pleased to see me. Thank you god.

The doctor walked slowly over to Alice and I and held out a hand, "It's good to see you again Bella."

"You too Doctor Cullen."

"Carlisle, please. And this is my wife Esme Cullen."

I held out the same hand and she took it gently in both of hers, "It's a pleasure to meet you." I had expected to feel shy but instead I just felt honoured to be meeting Edward's mother.

"No my dear. I assure you the pleasure is all mine." She was a beautiful woman, her perfect face radiated affection. I would like to know her better.

I was about to tell her that she had a beautiful home. it was true and manners cost nothing but Alice was already jostling me towards the door of another room, "Okay, don't hog Bella. She's here to help me for a while."

Esme let go of my hand, "See you later Bella."

I nodded with another smile and let Alice lead me away. I was quite proud of the fact that I hadn't fallen on my face or done anything else embarassing. It could have been a lot worse. It was only then that I realised that Edward wasn't the only absentee. I hadn't seen Rosalie either. Was she avoiding me? It didn't seem likely, she was a hell of a lot more intimidating than I was.

I almost asked Alice as she started pulling food out of the fridge. She was explaining that they didn't normally have food in the house. Why would they need it? But I didn't want to do it now. If Rosalie hated me then I didn't want to be told tonight. Tonight I just wanted to see Edward.

I took a deep breath but Alice beat me to it, "He'll be here later I promise. Don't worry." She was grinning at me and I blushed.

"Sorry, I just..." I didn't want Alice to think that her company wasn't enough. She was awesome, it was just that I was starting to get a craving and I knew only one thing would satisfy it. I needed to see Edward.

"Don't apologise, just take these glasses from me will you." I scuttled forward to give her a hand. Apparently I wasn't going to be able to see Edward till later. I took a deep breath and tried to force myself to be patient.

XXX

Jessica Stanley hugged me as she came through the door of the Cullen house, "Oh Bella, it's the end of another year. Only one more to go."

I swallowed hard but smiled anyway, "I know Jess," I said gently. We had been friends, Jess, Angela and I in middle school. I was still fond of her. "But Forks will always be home."

She nodded in an over-dramatic sense of agreement, "Of couse." She hugged me again, "Oh well, we still have another year."

I squeezed her gently, "We do."

She left me with a watery smile and went to look for someone else to hug. It was her way. I would probably miss her a little. Even if she had joined the Pussy Posse. The group of girls who wore low-rider jeans and vests no matter the weather; the girls who tended to wear a face full of make-up and more jewellery than was practical. I would miss them all next year.

But right now, I was still missing one Edward Cullen. It was almost eight o'clock, a half hour after the party was supposed to start and I hadn't seen him. Rosalie had come down the stairs looking absolutely stunning about twenty minutes ago. She had immediately gone to Emmett's side and remained there. Following him when he went to help Carlisle with the barbeque.

Alice had been keeping me busy. Since we had gotten here there had been one urgent task or another to be completed. Not wanting to seem unhelpful I had tried to make myself useful. But it was hard to worry about the flavours of various chips in colour co-ordinated bowls. All I wanted to do was see Edward.

Now I was playing co-hostess to the biggest high school party Forks had seen in recent years. I knew most of the girls in school would have loved to be in my shoes. They could have them, if it meant I could find Edward.

I forced a smile onto my face for Lauren Mallory. She hated me absolutely. I didn't remember what had caused the emnity anyone, it was just one of those things. She nodded and said 'hello' and then flounced into the main room behind me. She was probably looking for Jessica. She would need luck. Almost everyone I knew from school was there. The house was packed, though everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Angela and Eric pulled up and got out of the car. I watched them through the open doorway, Alice by my side. Angela looked her usual shy self, except not. She had on a beautiful dress that made the most of her height. She looked more elegant in heels than I could ever manage.

Eric gave her his arm to help her up the steps. "Evening Bells, Alice," he said grinning. "The place looks amazing. You two do as well." He blushed a little.

"Thank you," said Alice giving him a sweeping kiss to the cheek. She did the same to Angela, "I'm really glad you guys came."

Angela still looked a little nervous but she couldn't help smiling at Alice, "Wouldn't have missed it for the world."

I was trying to concentrate on what Alice was saying but I couldn't stop my eyes from travelling the room and drifting again to the stairs. Was Edward in the house? I had assumed he was out somewhere but maybe he wasn't. But if he was here he would have come down by now.

I forced my brain back to the conversation at hand, "...drafted Bella into helping me 'meet and greet'. I don't know everyone's names yet."

Angela and Eric complimented Alice on the house and went in to join the party. The music was catchy and I could see several people starting to sway. Everyone was smiling at each other and I saw Jessica spot Angela. She would be getting hugged too then.

Alice was bouncing on her toes, "Everyone seems to be having fun don't they?"

I nodded, "Definitely." Alice was watching my expression closely, "What?"

"Nothing," she said with a grin, "Why don't you go and get yourself something to drink? I can manage."

She was still grinning and I wondered if she was plotting something. "Okay," I agreed anyway. I was thirsty. I turned and headed for the kitchen. There was a breakfast bar taking pride of place in the center of the room. Esme was there acting as bartender.

She smiled when she saw me enter the room, "Can I get you something Bella?"

"Ummm...water would be great." She nodded and got me a cold bottle out of the fridge. "Thanks," I said taking it from her. I was trying to think of something to say to her when the door opened behind me. My heart started to thump. I knew who was there before I turned around. I could almost sense his presence.

Esme immediately opened the fridge again and took out some bread rolls, "I'll just take these to Carlisle."

She passed Edward and gave him a smile on her way out. As the door swung shut behind her the atmosphere in the room shifted. He met my eyes and smiled my favourite smile. My breathing suddenly changed becoming uneven, "Hi." I said breathlessly.

"Hi," Edward's voice was quiet but there was a smile on his face. After hours of longing to see him I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything important, I just stood there returning his smile. "I'm so glad you're here Bella."

I loved the way it sounded when he said my name. It raised the hair on the back of my neck. "I'm glad I'm here too. I wanted to call you earlier but Alice insisted I wait."

I knew I was starting to babble, it was just hard to fight the urge to throw myself across the room and into his arms. Edward's eyes were travelling over me and I was blushing already, "She can be quite insistent, I know."

"I spoke to Jake today..." The words came out in a rush before I could stop them. I thought he might already know, but I still wanted to tell him.

Edward turned slightly on his heel towards the door looking irritated. He let out a low hiss and turned back to me, "Sit on the stool Bella."

"What?" I asked. I was completely thrown by the sudden change of subject.

Edward took the bottle of water from my hands and dropped it into the trash. Next he took my elbow and steered me towards one of the stools next to the breakfast bar, "Sit, quickly." He said again. I did as he asked, but before I had finished looking up Edward was on the other side of the counter. He nodded, then moved at nomal speed towards the fridge.

I was about to ask him what the hell was going on when the door behind me swung open. Mike Newton came into the kitchen laughing with a girl with dark hair. As the girl looked up and her hair swung backwards I recognised Leah Clearwater. She was the eldest of the Clearwater's children; I had known her forever. She grinned when she saw me. "Hey Bells, how's it going?"

I fought to ignore my annoyance and remember that this girl was a friend. It wasn't her fault she had interrupted one of the most important conversations of my life. She didn't know that. "Hey Leah, Mike," I said with a nod. "Everything's fine. I didn't know you knew Alice." Edward handed me another bottle of water and I realised he had been creating an acceptable scene for Mike and Leah. Speaking of Leah...

Her presence here didn't make sense to me. Surely all the kids from the reservation would have been warned about the Cullen's just like Jake. But Leah just smiled, "Oh I don't. I had a fight with Sam and then I ran into MIke and Tyler at the diner. They said there was a party, and I asked where it was."

"Couldn't have talked her out of it if we'd tried. Not that we did," said Mike with a grin. "Could I have a bottle of water please dude?"

I wanted to laugh at the idea of Mike calling Edward Cullen 'dude' but it didn't seem to be the moment. Leah was grinning widely. She had been warned about the Cullens alright. She was mad at Sam at the moment and rebelling obviously. It was very 'Leah'. I was just glad she hadn't done anything more rash, it wasn't unheard of. "Well, don't make him suffer to long. He adores you, you know."

Her gaze softened a little, if you knew her, "Speaking of adoring men, where's Jake tonight?"

I should have been expecting the question of course but the phrasing, in front of Edward, was mortifying. I wanted to look at him, so I could try and see the reaction on his face but I didn't dare. Instead I blushed and bit my lip, not sure how to phrase what I had to say. Well, I didn't see how I could hide it. Everyone would know soon enough, might as well just rip the band aid off, "Actually Leah, ummm...well, Jake and I kinda broke up today."

I don't think I could have said anything that could have shocked her more. Her mouth actually dropped open. To make the situation even more dramatic, Mike's reaction was identical, "You...you and Jake split up?"

Mike asked me the question as though he was convinced that he heard me wrong the first time. "We did. This afternoon."

"Oh Bells, are you okay? Did something happen?" Leah came and sat next to me looking concerned. I should have thought of this too. Of course my friends would be worried about how I was coping. Ugh, I didn't want to have to deal with this now. Not that I had much choice in the matter.

"I'm okay. We didn't have a fight or anything. We just talked a little and agreed that things weren't working out between us."

Leah's eyes darted to Edward and MIke. I could see that she was desperate to ask me more questions but that she didn't want to do so here. "Do you want to go for a walk Bells, talk for a while?"

I felt a rush of affection for Leah. It was nice to know that so many people cared about me, even if I probably didn't deserve it. But there was no way I was going anywhere without Edward, "Actually, I want to finish my water, spend a few minutes alone, and then I want to enjoy this party. I can obsess later. Not tonight."

Leah squeezed my hand but her grin was back, "That sounds like an excellent plan."

Mike was still standing in the middle of the kitchen looking very awkward and I chuckled, "Take Mike back in to the party, I'll be there soon." I wondered if I was laying it on too thick. I didn't want them to know I was trying to get rid of them, but I could almost feel Edward behind me. I needed to talk to him if only for a minute.

"You sure Bells?" Leah asked but she was already off her chair and heading for the door.

"Positive." She waved as she went back into the living room and I let out a shuddering breath.

I turned towards Edward to find him two inches from my face. I automatically went to take a step back, but being me I stumbled over my own feet. At least this time I could blame the damn shoes. The arms I had almost been expecting circled around and steadied me. Then they tightened slightly, pulling me forward. My eyes met his and I was lost.

The gold colour was almost gone and I could see that Edward's gaze was darker now, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, once again trying to think of something to say, "Yes, thank you. I'm used to falling over, you should know that now."

"That's not what I meant." I suddenly felt one of Edward's hands touch my cheek, "Are you okay? Today can't have been easy for you."

"Actually it was easier than I expected, and way easier than I deserved."

"What do you mean?"

"Jake did it for me. I left a message with Sue asking him to call me. I was so nervous waiting for the phone to ring. If Alice hadn't been there to distract me I think I would have gone out of my mind. But anyway, when he did call he said that he wanted to break up." I shrugged, "All I had to do was agree."

An odd mixture of emotions flashed across Edward's face. I was sure delight was one of them, but the one he settled on was concern, "And how do you feel about that?"

"You sound like a shrink, you know?"

He smiled, and it was my favourite one, "You know what I mean."

We could spend all night going over this, Edward would probably let me if that's what I wanted to do. Except that it wasn't what I wanted. I was here, in Edward's house and I didn't have to go home tonight. I would be a fool not to take advantage of this opportunity. I leant forward onto my toes and pressed my lips to his. Edward sighed and slid his fingers into my hair. After a second I forced myself to break the kiss. "I've never been better in my life, " I whispered breathlessly.

"Bella," he said quietly pulling my mouth gently back to his. His lips gently played with mine for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours. "Do you want to come upstairs with me?" He asked in a whisper, "I would like to be alone with you for a while."

My legs were starting to feel unstable beneath me. His words only made the situation worse, or better depending on how you looked at it. I couldn't seem to make myself speak, so I just nodded, "Are you sure?" I nodded again. He held out his hand for mine and we went back out into the living room. I kept my head down deliberately, if I made eye contact with any of the other people here they might try and distract me; talk to me. I wasn't interested at the moment.

Edward's hand was cool in mine as we navigated our way through the party goers. It didn't even occur to me not to follow him. I would do anything he wanted at this moment. He led me by the hand up the stairs. Once we were in the darkness of the upstairs hallway I was disoriented. I hadn't been up here yet and I didn't know where I was going.

Edward had no such problem. After a few steps he pulled me into his arms again. His lips were back on mine and I sighed. The conversation I had had with Jake was fading completely from my mind. I would go through it a hundred times to be here, now with Edward. I felt myself moving and then there was something against my back.

One of Edward's hands left my body and the wall behind me moved. I realised it was a door. I was moving through the air again. There was a click as the door shut behind us but I barely noticed it. I was gripping Edward's shoudlers tightly in my hands, clinging to him. There was a heat building between my legs I couldn't ignore. I was starting to feel desperate, I wanted Edward to touch me, "Bella," he sighed against my lips, "I don't want to make you do anything that...you're not ready for. You've had a long day I...We haven't known each other that long I..."

"Edward, please stop talking. Just...just touch me. Please." Before I had finished talking I was being lifted off my feet.

"Have I mentioned how beautiful you look this evening? More even than you usually do," Edward's lips were at my neck and they were welcomingly cool. My skin felt too hot in every spot his hands weren't touching.

Adding to the heat I was now blushing at his words. I was suddenly very glad Alice had made so much effort with my appearance tonight, "Thank you for the earrings. They're lovely. Too much, but lovely." I suddenly remembered the gift. I had been distracted when I saw him. I tangled my fingers in his hair as his lips traced my collar bone.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like them." His words were muffled against my skin. Edward lay me down gently on his bed, he braced himself on his hands and looked down at me. His eyes swept over my face and down to my chest. I saw his eyes darken futher in the dim light. He lowered his body onto mine and I could feel how much he wanted me. My breath came in a shudder that turned into a gasp as Edward traced the neckline of my dress with his lips.

I wriggled just a little beneath him, parting my legs so he was lying between them. Edward groaned and squeezed his eyes shut for a second. The expression on his face was pained. "Are you okay?" I asked worried. I instantly wondered if I had done something wrong.

Edward nodded tightly, "I'm sorry. It's just...this is a first for me Bella. And you smell so..."

His voice trailed off and I understood. He had obviously never made love to a human before. Combine that with how much he wanted my blood and this must be difficult for him. I kissed his temple gently, then his cheek, trailing my lips slowly across his skin; trying to give him time, "It's okay. If you can't handle this I understand." Well, my body would hate me forever but my brain would probably get it after a while.

"I'm afraid that I'll hurt you accidentally. I have to be so careful with you."

I thought of how easily he lifted me, how he said he could demolish my house in minutes. The fear in his eyes was genuine. But he was lying on top of me, I could feel how much he wanted this. Maybe almost as much as I did. My body was pleading for him, I kissed his lips again, "I'll tell you if you hurt me."

Edward bit his lip, "You must Bella. You must tell me immediately."

I nodded. "We'll never know if we don't try right?" I slid my hands around his neck again and tried to pull him back to me; as if I could.

"Promise me Bella," he voice was a whisper but I could hear that he meant it.

"I promise. I swear it." I said still tugging at him. My hips were pushing against his. I could feel him right against me now. His erection was obvious and pressed into my core. I didn't know what I would do if he stopped now.

He gave in to my demand. His lips covered mine again and I clung to him tightly. His fingers stroked my cheek for a second, then they slid down to my neck. I was afraid that I might be about to cross a line but I didn't care. I lifted one of my legs and wrapped it around his hip. Edward moaned again but he didn't stop kissing me.

His fingers didn't stop touching me either. They moved slowly down my body to the valley between my breasts and I gasped. My nipples were hard inside the bra Alice had picked out for me and my body arched, trying to steer his touch where I wanted it. Instead his hand kept moving down. For a moment I was disappointed and then I realised that Edward was reaching for the tie on my dress. I lifted my hips off the bed to give him better access. It forced him against me hard and he instantly stilled my movements, "Easy Bella, slowly."

I nodded and made an effort to keep still. He returned to untying my dress. He made short work of the knot and unwrapped the layers of silk, slipping the dress down my arms. I watched his face as his eyes travelled up my body, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen Bella Swan."

I tried to ignore my blush and think of something to say in response but he was touching me again. His fingers were tracing the contours of my stomach, sweeping up my ribs towards my breasts and I was distracted. My eyes drifted shut, every nerve in my body was tingling; waiting to see where his hands would move next. Instead I felt his lips, they were kissing the swell of my breasts. I didn't know if I was burning up but my skin was on fire and his touch was so wonderful in comparison.

I was fighting the urge to writhe on the bed, but Edward's ministrations were torturing me. When I was about to give in and beg, his hand drifted around my back. He lifted me slightly and unhooked my bra in a second. I wondered if I should be feeling embarassed; lying on Edward's bed weaing only my panties and a pair of high heeled shoes. But his expression as he pulled the offending garment down my arms was completely reassuring. His eyes drifted up and met mine, the desire in them was obvious.

I suddenly realised that while Edward had been removing my clothes he was still fully dressed. When I had seen him in the kitchen I hadn't registered what he was wearing. He always looked amazing anyway. Now I guessed that his black jeans were tight enough to be causing him discomfort. The fact that he was still clothed at all was bothering me. I reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt slowly. His eyes watched my fingers for a moment; hesitant but he made no move to stop me. Once I finished with them, Edward obligingly slipped it off. His fingers made short work of the straps on my shoes and suddenly he was above me again.

My eyes didn't want to move from his skin. My hands flattened on his chest and again the cool temperature was welcome. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I knew I could spend eternity just looking at him and be happy. Anything else was just a bonus. Edward leant down to claim my mouth again. His chest pressed against my breasts and I moaned into the kiss; arching my body up again. My hips seemed to be acting without my consent, they were rubbing firmly against Edward's though this time he didn't seem as keen to stop me.

He was breathing heavily when he broke the kiss, his lips trailed over my chest until they closed over one of my nipples gently. I cried out, trying to keep my voice down. Of course I had gotten this far with Jake in the past, but it had never felt like this. When Edward's lips moved to my other breast, his fingers took over with the neglected one and I bit my lip hard.

My nipples were singing and every touch added to the pressure between my legs. I could feel my panties growing damp against my skin and it made me squirm. My hand slid between us, reaching for the belt Edward was wearing. He froze for a fraction of a second but then he helped me with the fastenings. I felt his weight on the bed shifting but the next moment he was lying next to me; naked except for his shorts. Edward's fingers were stroking my breasts again gently but I was distracted. I could feel him hard against my stomach, with far fewer layers between us.

I realised I was being quite selfish here. I wasn't experienced but I wasn't a complete novice. I knew what to do with my hands at least. I propped myself up on my elbow and trailed my fingers down his stomach slowly, I wanted to give him some warning at least. Edward's breathing got heavier but still, he didn't move to stop me. When I reached the waist band of his shorts I gently wriggled my fingers inside. "Bella...you don't have..."

"Shhh. Just tell me to stop if you want me to." If he was going to answer me he changed his mind when I wrapped my hand around his length. He gasped instead, his eyes shut and the rumbling in his chest was back.

Very slowly I started to move my fingers back and forth. He grew harder under my touch and after a few seconds his hands flew to his sides and gripped the bedclothes. It then occurred to me that this might actually make it easier for him. If he was feeling less tense it could help. Well, it was a theory anyway. I tightened my grip slightly and moved just a little faster. Edward's eyes flew open, one of his arms wrapped around my shoudlers pulling me down for a kiss. I went willingly but I didn't stop stroking him. "Bella...I think...unh..."

The pressure between my legs was becoming almost painful. To feel him so hard in my hand made me want more, but I was willing to be patient. "If you can, just try to stay still. Trust me. I'll still stop if you want me to." Edward was frowning slightly but he couldn't ignore what I was doing to him. I kissed him again softly, "Trust me please?" It came out as a question, which I supposed it was.

Edward groaned loudly as my grip tightened just a little more and he eyes drifted shut again. I decided that counted as a yes. I could see his hands gripping tighter. I stroked him firmly but gently, trailing my fingers over the tip, rubbing as I moved. Edward's groans were getting louder and I could feel him throbbing in my hand.

My panties grew wetter as I realised I was going to make him come. My nipples tightened at the thought and it took all the self control I had not to just take my underwear off and demand he make love to me now. "Bella...unh...oh God Bella..."

I kissed him again, he was completely caught up in what I was doing to him and it was intoxicating. His hips started to buck slightly and I was tempted to take him in my mouth, just for a second. Then again, I probably shouldn't do that without warning him. Edward broke the kiss this time and threw his head back. I saw his lips form my name but he didn't make a sound. He thobbed angrily in my hands and I stroked him again firmly, once, twice, three times. Edward gave a shuddering gasp as he came with a groan.

His breathing stayed heavy for a few seconds and I pressed my lips against his again. Edward responded instantly kissing me back. But the kisses were slower now, deeper, turn-my whole-body-to-mush kisses. He was still hard in my hand and I was still stroking him very slowly. After a few seconds he moved over me, so I was lying beneath him again. I parted my legs and he covered my body with his.

I shivered when his fingers moved back to my breasts. His other hand started to push my panties down my legs and he gently took my hand away from him. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once. They were stroking the skin on the back of my knee, rubbing my instep. Then they were tracing patterns on my rib-cage, the inside of my thigh. I cried out when Edward's lips closed over my nipple again. My fingers tangled in his hair holding him close to me.

He was teasing me, his fingers stroking further and futher up my leg. I wanted to plead with him but my voice wasn't co-operating. Every time I tried to speak I would gasp or whimper instead. "Edward...please...just..."

His lips moved up and were kissing my cheek, my lips, my temple, "What do you want Bella? Anything?"

"I...want you to make love to me...please..." I added as an after thought.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, "Yes." I had a feeling that there were other things Edward could and would do for me. I looked forward to experiencing them all but not now, "I want to feel you inside of me." Edward was watching my face, his expression tense. I lifted my hand and stroked his cheek, "It'll be okay."

Edward groaned pressing his lips to my neck. His fingers moved up and I gasped as his stroked me gently. I felt his touch slide against the sensitive skin. There were no worries about me not being ready for this. Edward kicked off his shorts and was back between my legs in a second. He looked anxious, but his eyes were black and I knew that no matter what he said, he wanted this as much as I did. He really did.

His fingers were still stroking me, brushing gently across my most sensitive spot. I had only managed to find that area before by myself. Now Edward was the one in control, playing with my body until I wanted to cry out. Just before I lost control I felt him, hard between my legs; nudging my nether lips apart gently. I gasped. The difference in temperature was never more obvious than now and god was it good. I let out a small moan and wrapped my legs around him.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut again and moved forward with a loud gasp. Suddenly he was inside me and the shock of pain was surprising. I had known it was going to hurt a little but I had almost forgotten. My whole body tensed just for a second and my eyes flew open.

I could see the shock on Edward's face. He was gazing down at me as though he had never seen me before. I reached up to stroke his cheek wondering what had happened when he suddenly hissed loudly. He rolled off my body and I felt instantly hollow. I tried to ignore the feeling. I was more concerned with whatever was going on in Edward's head.

XXX

EPOV

When Alice got back to the house with Bella I could tell that she was almost ignoring me. I only got two very clear thoughts from her. Or one thought with two parts.

_It's done. She and Jake are over...oh and turn up the heat in your room. It might be a good idea for later._

I leapt to my feet. If I hadn't known that Bella was downstairs I might have gone on a celebatory run to Argentina. I had hoped but I hadn't dared to believe that by tonight it would actually be done; that Bella would be single and in my house.

I fought to get a grip on myself. Now was not the time to lose it. Alice told me to turn up the heat in my room, so I did. She didn't tell me why but you didn't have to be a genius to figure out why it might be necessary.

Afterwards I just sat on my bed waiting very impatiently for ninety minutes to be up. Fortunately the guests arriving gave me a very good view of Bella. Even a girl named Lauren who disliked Bella intensely couldn't fault her appearance tonight. Though if the girl could find a fault with Bella on any night she was clearly an idiot.

Once Angela and Eric arrived I knew that I only had another half an hour to wait. It was a good thing too. Bella had that look in her eyes again; the one she got when she was looking for me and I wasn't there. I was getting very sick of not 'being there'. Suddenly I could hear Alice's voice clearly in my head.

_For Christ's sake. You might as well get down here Edward. She can't concentrate on anything. What's the point in trying to throw a successful party I ask you?_

I was immediately off the bed and heading down the stairs. I didn't want to give Alice a chance to change her mind. I was already on my way to the kitchen when the aforementioned pixie stepped in front of me. "Can I give you some advice?"

Tonight, I welcomed it. "Please."

"Trust Bella." I looked at her in confusion and automatically tried to scan her thoughts. It was really just a reflex, but she was humming the theme song from a soap opera. "Don't even try it Edward. Just think about what I said. Oh, and did you turn the heat up in your room?"

"Yes," I mumbled. I thanked god that I didn't still have to blush like Bella did. Although on her it was adorable, "And okay, I'll trust Bella."

"Good, you'll be glad you did. Promise." Alice gave me a slight wave and danced away to join Jasper near the sound system.

I took a deep uneeded breath and headed for the kitchen. Esme had heard me coming of course. She instantly left the room when I entered.

_I'm pleased for you Edward, she seems lovely._

I knew that they hadn't actually spoken very extensively. But Esme wanted to approve of Bella desperately. It was just lucky that Bella was easy to approve of. When she turned to face me her cheeks were flushed and her heart was thumping hard. For the first time I didn't automatically notice how it made her smell. I was more interested in what had caused it. The idea that it was me was intoxicating. I think I told her how good it was to see her but the words didn't seem to make sense as they came out of my mouth.

Bella looked stunning. Other people's opinions of it were weak, blurry. The blue of the dress made the absolute most of her pale skin, yet for some reason I wanted to take it off her. I tried to concentrate on her words rather than the perfect slope of her breasts but it was difficult. She was explaining how Alice had insisted she wait to call me. I understood perfectly, no one could insist like Alice could.

I wanted to ask her how it had gone with the dog. As loathed as I was to bring him up in conversation, especially tonight, I knew I should. If she wanted to talk about it I needed to understand that. I just didn't know how to begin. Fortunately Bella took the matter out of my hands by bringing it up herself. Unfortunately she did so just as two of the guests decided to stop into the kitchen for drinks.

I quickly sat Bella down and moved behind the bar so as not to cause suspicion. If it were up to me I would tell everyone that we were together now, as I hoped we would be. But this was Bella's choice as well, as Alice would no doubt say.

I was glad of my decision. One of the people through the door happened to be a friend of Bella and the dog's. The daughter of Sue and Harry Clearwater in fact. If she had found Bella in my arms I could only imagine the scene that would have followed. Single or not it would probably be bad if Bella was seen with another man less than a day after her break up.

The girl seemed pleasant, although she smelled quiet strongly of the wolves. I wondered if the 'Sam' Bella mentioned was close to being a shifter too. It would make sense.

I saw Bella tense out of the corner of my eye as I handed the boy a bottle of water. I didn't need to worry about bringing up the dog in conversation. I had been beaten to it. And I was actually amazed with how she handled the situation. She voluntarily told Leah Clearwater that she and Jake had broken up. There was a little sadness in her expression, but I could only hope it wasn't real. I didn't want Bella to be sad, ever.

But the boy, Mike Newton, was irritating the hell out of me. As soon as Bella mentioned she was single now, he began wondering if there was a way he could ask her out soon. He had always liked her but had thought he had no chance because of Jacob Black. Well as far as I was concerned he still had no chance he just didn't know why.

Leah's mind was racing, she took the seat next to Bella and did the girly comforting thing. She instantly assumed that it would have been Jake who had done something wrong. Bella was just too nice to have been the one at fault. I was amazed at how many of the people around Bella were genuine. There were so many phoney people out there in the world but her friends seemed to be the best type of humans. Or maybe Bella just brought out the best in others. I could well believe it.

Leah was amazed at how well she seemed to be handling this, but then Bella could repress a lot...apparently. Leah offered to leave the party if Bella wanted to but she declined. In fact she insisted they both head back to the party and she would join them soon. Leah made a good effort to smile but she was promising herself that she would keep an eye on Bella tonight...damn it. MIke Newton on the other hand was still mentally leering over Bella. It was a good thing she asked them to go back to the party, I was getting close to throwing that guy through a window.

As soon as the door swung shut behind them I was moving towards Bella, she turned to find me perhaps a little to close too her. She stumbled backwards and I reached out to steady her. I was going to have to concentrate on keeping her safe. I didn't want her getting so much as a paper-cut from now on. I was thinking of potential dangers she might face when I realised she was in my arms. I hadn't even planned it. My body instantly responded.

I leant in, pulling her closer, kissing her automatically. I had been wanting to do it for days. She looked so beautiful, her eyes were staring into mine; her expression was wondering. Her lips were parted in a small 'o' and I wanted to kiss it, but I paused. I was getting carried away, "Are you okay?" I asked her seriously.

"Yes, thank you. I'm used to falling over, you should know that now." I did, but I planned to try and put a stop to it.

She was biting her lip and the blush was creeping over her cheek. I reached out to trace the colour with my finger, "That's not what I meant. Are you okay? Today can't have been easy for you." Oh I didn't want to talk about this. I was such a masochist, she was here and in my arms and I was ruining the mood entirely.

Or at least I thought I was. Bella didn't seem phased at all, "Actually it was easier than I expected, and way easier than I deserved." I was about to argue with her. Why should she have to suffer? She had done nothing wrong.

But then her words registered and I was confused. When she explained that the dog had in fact ended their relationship I was stunned. I was delighted. I was very confused. I had been in that boy's head and there was no way I could doubt his devotion to her, no matter how it pained me. There had to be something more going on and I had a feeling I knew what it might be. I almost called out for Alice, but then I remembered where I was. Bella was watching me intently. This was not the time. "And how do you feel about that?" I asked her, thinking it was a stupid thing to say even as the words left my mouth. She would hardly be doing back flips about it.

She grinned at me widely though, "You sound like a shrink you know?"

I couldn't stop the answering smile spreading over my face, "You know what I mean."

Bella looked at my eyes intently for a second, she was biting her lip again. I felt a clenching in my chest. Was she in pain? Was she regretting her decision? I waited for her to say something, but instead she leant slowly towards me and kissed me sweetly. My reaction was not as sweet. I tangled my fingers in her hair, holding her face to mine. She was so warm and soft and she smelled so good. I tried to tell her so much with that kiss, that I was sorry she had had to go through something awful today. That I was selfishly glad that she done it anyway, that she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, that I wanted her desperately, that I loved her.

Bella tilted her head back and I loosened my grip slightly, "I've never been better in my life." Her breathing was heavy, but her fingers clutched my shirt tightly. I didn't think she realised she was doing it.

I whispered her name and pulled her lips back to mine. For the first time I was allowed to do this and now I didn't want to stop. Her skin was heating up, I could feel it through the thin silk wrapped round her body. She was trembling ever so slightly, her hands clutching and releasing my shirt. I was starting to get very uncomfortable in my jeans as my body strained to get closer to her.

I was trying to talk myself into stopping, but my less noble side was getting louder. Why should we stop? If we both wanted to carry on there was no reason why we shouldn't...in theory at least. Maybe tonight I could try some of the physical stuff. If Emmett was right about the baby steps then I had to start somewhere. Why not now?

Only if Bella wanted to of course, I didn't want to talk her into anything. But at the same time I didn't want to disappoint her. She knew now that vampires could and did have sex, she must have some kind of expectations. "Do you want to come upstairs with me? I would like to be alone with you for while."

That was putting it mildly, I would like to be alone with Bella forever. Just the two of us somewhere we couldn't be found. I didn't move when she nodded. She was trembling in my arms and I was unsure. Did she really want this? "Are you sure?"

Bella nodded again, more definitely this time. I held out my hand for hers and she took it without hesitation. I led her from the kitchen and towards the stairs. Alice instantly spotted me and smiled. I tried to fight the answering smile on my lips and dropped my eyes. I knew Alice wouldn't say anything but everyone would probably know anyway. It was the way things were with the Cullens.

Bella's hand gripped mine as I led her up to the second floor. I could hear her heart pounding in her chest. Her breathing was heavy and I tried to focus on getting us somewhere private. I just needed to hold her, touch her, just for a while. I would be careful with her, I would remember how fragile she was.

As soon as we were in the darkness of the hallway the atmosphere shifted. I was alone with her now and there would be no one to interrupt us. I pulled her into my arms again kissing her. She almost seemed to melt against me as she sighed and it hurt my self control. She was tight against my body now, I moved her towards my room. I reached out and opened the door. A rush of warm air greeted us as I firmly shut the door behind me.

As soon as I did Bella clutched harder at my shoulders. She started writhing against my body, rubbing against the front of my jeans. I automatically held her closer. The pressure felt so good and I didn't want it to stop. Then I tried to focus for a second. Things could get out of control very easily here. I almost wanted them to but I hadn't exactly planned on an 'all or nothing' evening. That could be dangerous. "Bella, I don't want to make you do anything that...you're not ready for. You've had a long day I...We haven't known each other that long I..."

I was starting to think that maybe I was doing too good a job of talking her out of this when she smiled and held up a hand, "Edward, please stop talking. Just...just touch me. Please."

Her words ignited something in me. I wanted to give Bella anything she could want. If she wanted me to touch her then I was going to try and do it right. I lifted her into my arms, she clutched my shoulders as her eyes widened. Her face was flushed, her chest heaving with her breast, "Have I mentioned how beautiful you look this evening? More even than you usually do." I kissed her neck gently. Her skin smelled like heaven and hell wrapped into one and I loved it.

I could hear her thanking me for the earrings but I couldn't concentrate on her words. She was more than welcome to them, she could have whatever she wanted that I had. I would give her anything, especially if she kept tugging on my hair like that.

I lay her down gently on the bed and looked down at her. I had never seen anything that compared to her. I knew I was being bold but I lowered my head and traced the edge of her breast with my lips. Her skin was warm and smelled sweeter there than anything I had experienced so far. Bella wriggled and suddenly I was lying between her thighs. I groaned and fought against the urge to grind into the heat that was suddenly against my erection. I held myself perfectly still, I needed to remember to be careful with her, not to push her too far.

"Are you okay?" Her face was concerned as I looked into her eyes.

I nodded, "I'm sorry. It's just...this is a first for me Bella." I forced the words out. I hadn't explicitly told her that before. I felt it was important that she knew. She should know the rest too, "And you smell so..."

It was humiliating to admit that there was a risk to her. But I needed to be honest. I watched her face for any flicker of fear but there was none. Instead she kissed my temple, my cheek. Her lips traced a heated path across my face and neck. I kept as still as stone, but her touch was relaxing my body. I couldn't fight it. "It's okay. If you can't handle this I understand."

She looked at me with perfect understanding. She would let me stop if I wanted to. God I wished that I wanted to. In reality I wanted to bury myself in her. I wanted to forget everything I had ever done or experienced and lose myself in her...with her. But..."I'm afraid that I'll hurt you accidentally. I have to be so careful with you."

Bella was totally unafraid. She just pressed her lips gently against mine again, "I'll tell you if you hurt me."

Heat ran through my body from my lips. Alice had told me to trust Bella. "You must Bella. You must tell me immediately."

Bella nodded with a smile, "We'll never know if we don't try right?" She slid her arms around my neck and I felt her trying to pull me down.

"Promise me Bella," I needed to hear her say the words.

"I promise. I swear it." She was wriggling against me again. Her eyes were still fixed on my face and she was tugging at me. The heat from between her legs was driving me crazy. I was killing me to know that I could make her feel like this but not be sure if I could do anything about it. But she was right. There was only one way to find out.

I leant down to cover her body with mine. She kissed me desperately, clinging to my shoulders. Her heart sped up further as she lifted one of her legs to wrap it around my hip. My erection throbbed angrily in my jeans. I tried to suppress the groan but I couldn't. My hands started moving without my permission but I didn't try to stop them. I trailed my fingers down the centre of her body and she whimpered wriggling beneath me.

I wanted to see her without the dress. I knew it would take me further down this potentially dangerous path but I suddenly didn't care. I reached for the sash on her dress. Bella lifted her hips, I knew she was trying to help me but it forced her heat against my now painful hard on. I grasped her hip as gently as I could, "Easy Bella, slowly."

I undid the dress and slipped it off her body. I was transfixed by the sight of her pale skin. Only moonlight lit the room and she almost seemed to glow, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen Bella Swan." My hands automatically went back to her body. She was so warm. She didn't move to stop me. I trailed my lips across her breasts. She was whimpering and I knew that she wanted more. I didn't feel out of control yet. I still thought that if I needed to I would be able to stop. I slid an arm under her and then reached for her bra.

I only knew the theory behind removing one of these things but it didn't seem complicated. I undid the catch and slid her bra down her arms and suddenly she was only wearing her panties. I would stop if I had to, I would never hurt her. I would die first.

I was caught up in staring at her and it surprised me when I felt her fingers undoing the buttons on my shirt. I couldn't move. I wouldn't stop her but I was nervous. Whenever she touched me I felt heat rush through me. I knew that when she ran her hands over my body the sensation was going to be more intense. But I knew how much I wanted to touch her. If she wanted to touch me I would let her.

I slipped the shirt off my arms. Bella instantly pressed her hands to my chest and I squeezed my eyes shut. Her hands felt so hot on me. I knew how hot the rest of her body would be so I covered her again claiming her mouth in a searing kiss. She moaned loudly pressing herself against me. She was grinding hard and I couldn't even think about stopping her. It felt too good, too wonderful.

Her scent was driving me crazy but it wasn't what I wanted most. Her nipples were hard and tickling my chest. Before I could talk myself out of it I lowered my head and kissed one gently. Bella actually cried out at the touch, arching her back. Thrilled at her response I moved to her other breast and gently caressed the one I had left.

Bella reached between us and began fumbling with my belt. I hesitated but again, I didn't stop her. I was still in control. I kicked off my shoes, socks and jeans and then lay back down next to her. My fingers returned to her breasts. I thanked god I had put underwear on today, I didn't always bother with it. I knew she must be able to see how much I wanted her but I didn't expect her to touch me. To my amazement she ran her fingers gently down my stomach and slid her hand inside my shorts.

I had not been expecting that. "Bella...you don't have..." I didn't want her to think that I expected anything from her. I wanted to please her; that was more important.

"Shhh. Just tell me to stop if you want me to." Her eyes were clear as they gazed into mine. It wasn't like she was going to hurt me and I could still move away if I needed to. Any thoughts I had of actually moving vanished when she wrapped her hand around me. I gasped at the sensation. I had never felt anything like this. I had never allowed anyone to touch me like this.

Now this tiny, warm human was making me gasp at her touch. When she started to move her fingers back and forth I was lost. I knew I didn't have a pulse or a blood flow but I felt like everything in me was rushing to my erection. I heard the low grumbling start in my chest. I wanted to reach for her, throw her onto my bed and thrust into her. Instead I grabbed the bedclothes. The pleasure was almost blinding. Her little warm hand was driving me crazy.

Bella started to move her hand faster and I groaned loudly and pulled her face down to mine. I wasn't sure if I should make her stop before I came all over her hand. I kissed her gently but she didn't let me go, "Bella...I think...unh..."

Bella's voice was breathless in my ear, "If you can, just try to stay still. Trust me. I'll still stop of you want me to." Despite the fog of pleasure I was rapidly disappearing into her words registered. She pressed her lips to mine again, "Trust me please?"

She tightened her grip slightly and I couldn't think of anything clearly. My eyes closed and I clutched the bedspread. Her hand was moving over me gently but firmly. The pleasure was paralysing me. I knew what was going to happen but now I was just praying she wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop the groans that were escaping my throat on every stroke. I was starting to feel out of control now but I didn't think it was in a bad way. "Bella...unh...oh God Bella..."

She kissed me again and her lips teased me. I imagined what it would feel like if she put her warm mouth around me. The thought triggered something in me and my body shook. I tensed, my head thrown back, my spine arching. I whispered her name quietly. I felt myself throb in her hands as I came, groaning loudly.

My body felt as though it wouldn't do anything even if I begged it. Then the only thing that could force me out of my trance happened, Bella kissed me again. She was still stroking me gently. I wanted to do something for her; to make her feel as good as she made me feel. And...wow.

I moved over her again and she instantly parted her legs to welcome me. I started to touch her gently, I reached for the waistband of her panties and pushed them down her legs. I wanted her naked beneath me. I felt oddly calm now. I knew I still had to be careful but I didn't feel as desperate as I had before. I stroked her body and kissed her breasts again, sucking gently on her nipple. Her fingers flew to my hair, holding me to her. I had no intention of moving.

My fingers were tracing patterns on the inside of her thigh. I knew where she wanted me to touch her and I at least knew the theory on what to do for her...add to that the century of hearing other people and I was sure I could do this. Bella was whimpering loudly, "Edward...please...just..."

Her voice sounded desperate and I kissed her face, "What do you want Bella? Anything?"

"I...want you to make love to me...please..."

I wanted nothing more than to do as she asked. "Are you sure?" I felt obliged to at least ask.

"Yes, I want to feel you inside me." My breath shuddered out of my body to hear her say something like that so honestly. Then she reached up and stroked my cheek, "It'll be okay."

I buried my face in her neck kissing her gently. My fingers were still on her leg, I hadn't moved them. I tried to breath slowly and I moved them up the inside of her thigh. She was so wet beneath my fingers. The skin was softer than anything I had ever felt and I wanted to know what it felt like when I was inside of it. I kicked off my shorts. This was it, make or break time. I looked down at her flushed face beneath me.

It was time to try, to see if I could be with her like any other man could. I wanted desperately to be able to. I stroked her again. I knew what I was looking for. When my fingers brushed over her clitoris, she cried out desperately.

She was growing wetter under my touch and I knew she was ready. I positioned myself at her entrance and the heat made me groan. Her skin was soft against me and I paused. I needed to remember to be careful. Then she wrapped her legs around me gently and I couldn't hold back anymore.

I moved forward into her and she gasped in pain. Her eyes screwed up and her whole body tensed beneath me. I was horrified. I had been so careful, how had I hurt her already? Her eyes flew open and she gazed at me. She reached up again to touch my face and that's when it hit me.

Her blood, the scent of it was on the air. It was engulfing. I knew there was no way I had done that. But my mind couldn't focus on it. Her blood. It was only a tiny amount but it was enough to make my whole body shudder. I hissed loudly and flew back from her. I was in a crouch on the floor facing away from her.

"Edward?" Her voice was tiny, "What's wrong? Did I do something?"

I was horrified to hear that she was on the verge of tears. I span around, Bella had pulled her dress around her, she was blushing fiercely. "You're...you're a virgin." I said breathlessly.

She looked down at the bed, "Ummm...I was."

Oh god, Bella had just given me her virginity and then I had abandoned her in the middle of my bed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, you didn't ask." She shrugged helplessly, "I assumed...why would you think I wasn't?"

"Bella, you were in a long term relationship. I just..." I thought of all the times I had read the dog's thoughts. I had seen them doing...stuff, but I had never actually seen them making love. I had assumed, just like she had.

"I wasn't ready before," now the tears were flowing down her face. "I...I'm sorry Edward. I didn't think...It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Oh Jesus, of course it wasn't, I felt like the worst shit in the world. Could I have handled this any worse? Well, yes but only if I had been broadcasting us on the internet or something...and the whole school was waiting outside my door to yell surprise whenever she decided to leave. That might have been worse. I was instantly off the floor and back next to her. The scent didn't matter. Bella was crying and I had to fix it. I tried to put my arms around her but she was trying to get up, "Bella, don't please."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." she was struggling against me but she was still crying and her attempts were feeble even for a human.

"Christ Bella, don't apologise. Please. I am begging you. It was my fault. I didn't think about it. It caught me off guard. I'm the one who's sorry, this should have been perfect for you." And it should have been god damnit. How had I managed to screw up one of the most important nights in her life?

She had stopped fighting me but she still wouldn't look at me. I was starting to feel desperate. What if she didn't forgive me for this? "Bella, please say something. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this to you, I handled this horribly and I'm sorry. It just never occurred to me it was your first time too."

Bella looked up at me in confusion, "You mean...you've never had sex either?"

Now I was confused, but part of me was just glad that she was in my arms and not still fighting to get away. "I said that before. I said this was a first for me, remember?"

Bella's mouth dropped open, "I thought you meant it was your first time with a human."

Oh, maybe I should have made myself clearer, "No, first time ever."

"But you've been alive for over a hundred years..." her voice trailed off.

I touched her face gently, "But I've never felt about anyone like I feel about you, not even close. Why would I have wanted anything less than you?"

Bella smiled and bit her lip. Then she leant forward and kissed me gently. Then her tongue touched my lower lip and I groaned. "Can we try and do this now?"

I pulled back and stared at her, for a second I wasn't sure what she meant. She couldn't mean what it sounded like she meant. She wanted to try this again? Could I do that? I thought that I could. The scent of her blood on the air...well it had been a shock. But having her here with me was more important. I might have a chance to fix this, "Are you sure? Are you not...in pain?"

She didn't answer she just crawled into my lap, straddling my hips. Her skin warmed me instantly. She tangled her fingers in my hair and kissed me hard. I could feel myself hardening again. I was almost embarassed at how quickly I responded but she didn't seem to mind. She pushed her hips into mine again and I groaned.

"I want to do this now Edward. Please...please..."

She wriggled on my lap and her hand slid between us. I had been planning to take some more time but her breathing was heavy and she seemed very sure. She was beautiful, in my arms with her skin flushed. "I love you Bella."

The words were out before I could stop them. I wanted her to know. I had wanted to tell her for a while and now seemed like as good a time as any. Bella's hand didn't still. She guided me into the right position and I felt her heat touch me. I was just inside of her. Her eyes stared into mine, "I love you too Edward."

My heart clenched violently in my chest at her words. Hearing them meant more to me than anything ever had. I pulled her face to mine and as she moved, I sank into her. We both gasped into the kiss as our bodies met. I fought to keep myself still. Bella still looked a little uncomfortable but I knew that was normal...now.

I laid her down on her back keeping our bodies joined. She whimpered as I kissed her again. I pulled back gently, the feel of her, warm and wet around me was better than I could have imagined. I pushed back into her slowly, taking care to not to move too far. I didn't think I could bear it if I hurt her again. Her eyes drifted shut at my movements. She clung to my arms.

I made myself take my time. I wanted to thrust hard and fast but I didn't. The words 'slowly' and 'gently' were repeating in my head. It was the only way she could possibly enjoy this. And I wanted her to enjoy it...badly. I could tell the second she started to grow wetter again. I slid a hand between us, stroking her gently. Bella's eyes flew open and she gasped, "Edward...ohhhh..."

I started to move just a little faster and buried my face in her hair, "Bella, you feel so good." My body was starting to tremble again. Bella was clutching at me frantically, she started to roll her hips a little into mine and I gripped them to slow her. I growled softly, "Unh...god..."

I circled my finger over her clit and she cried out, "Oh...Edward...I...I..."

I could feel myself losing control again. I was so close but I needed this to be as good for her as it was for me, "Bella, come for me."

She shivered beneath me, her fingers gripping my shoulders. "Yes...yes...I'm gonna...unh..."

"Yes Bella..." I felt her walls shake around me and I cried out. She was squeezing me hard and I expoded, emptying myself into her. I held her close to me as she trembled.

I moved for a few more seconds, Bella whimpered as I did. I wanted to enjoy every second of this with her. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at me. I stroked the side of her face gently, then I kissed her. Her arms still held me close to her and I wasn't interested in moving.

I had never felt this kind of contentment ever. I could stay here with Bella forever and never want to leave her. She sighed gently, "That was wonderful Edward." I kissed her again. She shivered gently and I realised that she was cold.

Reluctantly I started to move away from her, "Where are you going?" She asked clutching my shoulders.

I reached down for a blanket and pulled it up for her. "Nowhere. I'm never going anywhere Bella. I love you." And I loved being able to say it outloud. I really hadn't imagined that she would say it back to me. Now I wanted to hear it again and Bella didn't disappoint me. Would she ever?

"I love you too Edward. Truly, so much." I wrapped the blanket around her and pulled her back into my arms. I never wanted her to go anywhere else.

I kissed her forehead. I was still surprised that she had let me try to make amends for my earlier blunder, "Are you okay Bella? I know that it wasn't how you..."

She pressed her finger to my lips, "Edward, please don't. It really was wonderful. Don't."

She meant it. I kissed the finger she held up. "I would just like to make it clear that I didn't actually plan to drag you up here the second I saw you."

"Really? Well, it was definitely my plan."

My mouth dropped open and I stared at her, "Why, Miss Swan."

She giggled in my arms and I grinned at the sound, "Just kidding. But I'm not sorry you did." She tucked her head under my chin and kissed my chest.

I sighed into her hair. I wished that she had let me apologise more thoroughly. I felt like it was the least I owed her. She had given me something she couldn't get back after all. As the thought occurred to me I felt a swelling in my chest. The dog had never made love to her. I was surprised by how good it made me feel. It didn't make a difference really, but I couldn't deny that I was glad I was her first. I planned to be her 'only'. It was good to know that it was possible. And my god, it was good.

"Do you think we should go back down to the party?" She asked, her voice muffled against my chest. I could feel her lips moving against my skin.

"Do you want to?"

There was a brief pause, "No, I want to stay here with you. But will we be missed?"

I tilted her chin up, "Who cares?"

I didn't think before I said it, but I could have kicked myself...hard. She might care, she might not want people to know about us yet. But Bella was nodding, "I just don't want to ruin Alice's fun. She's been planning this for a while."

I kissed her nose, "She'll understand. I promise." Bella smiled contentedly, "So do you want to do something fun tomorrow?"

Bella's smile changed to one of delight, "Are we spending the day together?" Her eyes sparkled in the dim light of the moon.

It amused me that she seemed so surprised. Where else would I want to be ever? "Of course, if you want to."

Bella nodded, "I would love to." She bit her lip and I could feel the heat of her blush on my arm.

"What is it?"

"Do we have to leave this room at all?" She was peeking up at me through her eyelashes.

I laughed quietly, "Not if you don't want to. I would be more than happy to stay here. You might get a little hungry though."

"Okay, well maybe a break for meals would be a good idea." As though her stomach had heard her it gave a loud grumble. Bella looked down at it in surprise.

"Well, it's nice to know that there is a way to give you an appetite," I said with a grin. Bella looked horrified, but at the same time I could see she was trying not to laugh. I leapt out of bed and grabbed my jeans, "I'll go and get you something."

Bella sat up clutching the blanket to her chest, "You don't have to do that Edward. I'm fine honestly."

I couldn't stop the grin that spread over my face. She was so concerned about not inconveniencing anyone, it didn't occur to her that I might want to take care of her. "Don't argue. You're hungry and I will be back in a minute."

I had my shirt and shoes on and was out of the door in a second. I could hear the party still in full swing downstairs. Though there were fewer people here now. I approached the top of the stairs scanning the minds of the party guests. Angela and Eric were still here. Angela was slightly concerned about Bella, she had noticed us going upstairs together.

Crap. I had been concentrating on ignoring Alice earlier and I hadn't noticed Angela. She had already guessed that we had feelings for each other. She knew Bella well after all. She had seen us not-looking-at-each-other quite a lot. I was still considering how to handle the situation when I registered Alice coming towards me. She was climbing the stairs and she was carrying a tray with food.

_I thought you might be needing this._

She smiled at me and I grinned back. I couldn't not. I didn't need to say anything, it wouldn't be appropriate or fair to Bella. Alice knew anyway. She handed me the tray which I took gratefully. "I think we have a problem though. Angela," I said quietly.

Alice's eyes flickered over to where Angela and Eric were talking to a guy I recognised as Ben Cheney. "What's up?"

"Angela saw me go upstairs with Bella. She's wondering where she is." I knew that she was scanning the room at this very moment. She didn't want to disturb Bella, she just wanted to know that she was alright. She didn't feel like she could leave tonight until she at least saw her friend. That was going to be difficult at the moment.

Alice nodded, "I'll talk to her."

"What will you say?"

_The truth._

"Alice!" She couldn't do that. Bella had the right to tell her friend or not as she saw fit.

"Sorry, but I think it might be best. Nothing detailed of course. But if I just tell her that she's talking with you...that I've seen her. Yes I think that's the best way."

Alice was probably right. A vague version of the truth was better. "Where's Bella's purse?"

"Give me a second."

I waited impatiently until she reappeared at the top of the stairs. She handed me a small clutch. "If Angela's really concerned tell her to text Bella."

Alice nodded, "Okay."

"I'd better be getting back," I said, trying to stop the smile I could feel spreading on my face.

I turned on my heel and headed back to my room. I hesitated and knocked before I entered. Bella was sat in the middle of my bed wearing one of my t-shirts. It looked way better on her than it ever had on me. "That was quick," she said with a smile.

"It'll be better next time," I answered grinning back at her. My mood was better than I could ever remember it being. It was all because of the beautiful girl sat on my bed.

Bella blushed furiously, "You're terrible Edward Cullen." She was smiling widely though.

I sat down next to her with the tray on my lap. Her eyes scanned over it and then she gave me a beautiful smile. I reached out and slipped one of my hands into her hair, gently tugging her mouth to mine. Bella sighed into the kiss, reaching out for me. I tried to concentrate on remembering that I had something in my hands but it was hard...and the hardness was spreading.

I pulled back and shook myself. I might be able to do this all night...literally. But humans needed to eat. "What would you like first?"

Bella eyes opened slowly, she looked a little dazed. "Ummm...is that ice cream?" She asked pointing at a small tub.

I read the label, "Yes, I think it is. But isn't that normally a dessert?"

Bella just grinned and grabbed the tub and a spoon, "Ah, I'm leaving normal behind. I feel like living dangerously."

I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. Her words said so much more than she meant them to. But she looked so happy and I didn't want to bring her down. Her eyes closed blissfully as she scooped up some ice cream. I would keep her safe.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks to VioletOD, Cherry Blushe and michelle824, they never let me down.**

BPOV

I was unbeliveably comfortable when I woke. The room looked different than it had in the dark. It was bigger than I had expected and one of the walls was entirely made of glass. I looked towards the foot of the bed and saw a that it was actually a four-poster. I was secretly delighted. I had always wanted one as a child but Charlie has insisted the room was too small for one. I thought he just didn't want to have to put one together.

The rest of the room was decorated in cream, music and books lined the walls and I decided to investigate them later. I was too relaxed at this moment. I was lying in a patch of dull light and I wondered for a moment why I wasn't too hot, the air in the room was almost stifling. Then I realised that I was resting on something cool. I smiled as I wriggled on him. Edward was sprawled next to me wearing only his jeans and he looked gorgeous. He was here with me, and last night had really happened. Okay, so everything hadn't gone exactly to plan. There had been a few hiccups along the way but it had ended very well. Very, very well. Way better than I ever dreamed anything could end.

I propped myself up onto an elbow to find Edward smiling down at me. "Good morning."

"Morning," I said grinning. I was deliriously happy but I wasn't sure if Edward was as happy as I was. There was something wrong in his eyes, "Is something wrong?"

Edward smile faded, "I...I think I may have been a little rough with you Bella." He squeezed his eyes shut, "I'm sorry. Though I think that I should just stop saying anything else. I could just sit here and say 'I'm sorry' over and over again."

"Edward, what are you talking about? What's wrong? I'm fine."

"Bella..." Edward's voice trailed off and his hand moved to my hip. He slowly dragged up the t-shirt I was wearing. I was momentarily embarassed, I hadn't put any panties on last night. Then my attention was caught by purplish marks on my skin. Edward placed his fingers on top of them and I realised what they were.

Edward had gripped my hips last night while we were making love. My heart fluttered in my chest as I remembered him looking down at me. The way it had felt when he moved inside of me. Then I saw that his expression hadn't changed. He looked as though he was in pain. He was feeling guilty about last night. No, he couldn't feel that way. Not about what we had done together, it had been too amazing.

I wriggled up his body quickly and pressed my lips hard to his. He returned the kiss but I could tell he was still thinking about the bruises on my hips. "Edward, please don't do this. Don't ruin last night for me. It was the best night of my life."

Edward looked down at me with a slight frown on his face, "It was the best night of my life too. By far." His arms slipped around me, holding me to his chest.

He still didn't look completely convinced though, "Edward, you were worried about being with me right?" He nodded, "Well, what was the worst thing that could have happened? How bad could it have been?" His body tensed under mine and I was afraid he was going to pull away from me. Instead he just held me tighter to him. He opened his mouth, but then he shut it again. "You don't have to say anything, just think about it. Then think about this, a couple of bruises. It's nothing. I get worse injuries than that on a daily basis."

"Not at my hands." I couldn't stand it. He shouldn't be looking like this. Not today.

"Edward, please. Don't torture yourself about this. I love you, I can't bear it." I wrapped my arm around his neck and kissed him.

Edward met my eyes and smiled, it was genuine, "I love you too Bella."

I could hear how much he loved saying those words and I knew I would win. I pressed my lips to his again. Then I kissed his jaw. His skin was wonderfully cool against mine. I trailed my mouth down his neck. I felt a familiar heat begin to build between my legs. It was accompanied by a different kind of ache. A new one that I oddly liked. It was a reminder of what we had done last night. And what I wanted to do again right now. The ache wasn't that bad anyway.

I nuzzled my face against his chest, tracing my lips along his collar bone. His arms held me against his body and I could feel the effect I was having on him. "Bella, I hurt you last night...we shouldn't do..."

As I heard the uncertainty in his voice I considered my options. Edward was obsessing about the bruises he had put on me, and from what I had learned of him the longer he had to obsess the worse things got in his mind. I needed to put a stop to this now. I was mentally sifting through my knowledge of him, and of men in general. "Edward, if you don't want to do this I understand. You don't have to make up excuses." I deliberately bit my lip. I felt a little guilty for using the passive agressive option, but not too much. Edward was trying to rationalise us not making love again. As far as I was concerned that made him crazy.

"Bella...no..." he sounded horrified and I did feel a little guilty. He was shaking his head vehemently. "How could you...I just don't want to hurt you."

I leant up and kissed him, "So don't."

"I...I don't..." His hands were still at my waist but they were tense. He wasn't going to relax as long as there was a possibility of him gripping my body too tight again. I wondered if I had the courage for my next idea. It was definitely a 'bold move'. I only hesitated for a second though. I took Edward's hands from around my waist and lifted them up. Edward looked confused but he let me do it anyway.

When his arms were stretched over his head I wrapped his fingers around the metal headboard. "There. Until you're sure you'll be okay, we'll take precautions. Vampire precautions." I grinned down at him

Edward had looked confused but now his face was relaxing, just a little. I crawled up his body and straddled his hips. His eyes darkened as he looked up at my face. I was still wearing his t-shirt and I decided to keep it on. I was actually a little nervous, but I didn't think the blush on my face was too bad.

I leant forward and kissed him again. Edward groaned into the kiss as my lips teased his gently, planting kisses on his cheeks. I wasn't sure about what I was doing but I had great faith in instinct. I undid the buttons on the front of his jeans and he helped me kick them down his legs. The light had been low last night and I hadn't really gotten to examine him. That seemed an unforgiveable lapse now. Every inch of his body was perfect. And he was big...wow.

I realised that Edward was moving around oddly and I reluctantly dragged my eyes up to his face, "Bella, if I could blush I would be." I was confused for a second, why would Edward be blushing?

Then it dawned on me. He was embarassed that I was staring at him. I crawled back up his body and staddled him again. He groaned and his eyes drifted shut. I leant forward across his chest and kissed his shoulder. "You really shouldn't be shy. You're beautiful."

"No, Bella. You are the beautiful one." He let go of the headboard with one hand and stroked his fingers through my hair, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." I blushed furiously and dropped my eyes to his chest. "Don't look away Bella. Look at me." He pulled my face to his and kissed me again. I melted against his chest. He was hard and I could feel him pressing against me. The desire coursing through me was much stronger than the ache from last night.

I slipped a hand between us and positioned him at my entrance. Edward's hand disappeared from my hair and I looked up to see his hands were loosely holding the headboard. He nodded and kissed me again. He was breathing heavily and I could feel my own heart pounding in my chest.

I sank down, taking him in slowly. Edward groaned, his body tightening beneath me. I braced my hands against his chest and waited a moment for my body to adjust to him inside of me again. It ached, but it felt so good at the same time. Ironically his lack of a body temperature helped make me more comfortable. He was almost soothing. I sighed and my eyes drifted closed. So good.

I looked down at Edward and he was staring up at me. His eyes were dark as they watched me and I started to move. I needed to, the ache inside of me demanded it. I gasped and my body trembled. At this angle he was pressed against my clit and I rocked slowly back and forth against him. Edward sighed my name and I leant forward to kiss his chest, pressing my lips against his marble skin. I felt him kissing my hair but his breathing was uneven as I moved.

I was amazed at how quickly Edward had come to mean everything to me. I wanted this, I wanted him, with me always. There had been no hesitation in me last night, he was all I wanted. I pushed myself into a sitting position again, pressing my hands into his shoulders. I was new to all of this but I decided I liked being on top. Edward apparently agreed. He was groaning every time I moved down onto him. Experimentally I moved a little faster.

His eyes flew open and his hands let got of the headboard for a second. With a pained moan he moved them back and rested them there again. Knowing that he wanted to touch me spurred me on. I kept my new pace, grinding against him. My heartbeat was thundering in my ears and I felt as though all the blood in my body was rushing between my thighs. "Edward...that feels...so..."

Suddenly he shifted beneath me, but before I could open my eyes I felt his lips touch mine. He had pushed himself into a sitting position, his arms behind him on the bed. I wrapped my arms around his neck holding myself close to him. "Umm...Bella...you feel amazing."

I whimpered into his neck holding him as tight as I could. I bounced on him frantically, becoming more desperate on each thrust. He was so close to me now and it was easier to rub myself against him. My legs were starting to shake but I didn't stop moving, "Edward...unh...I'm gonna...

Suddenly his arms were around me, holding him against me, helping me move. "That's it, Bella...yes..." I cried out as my orgasm crashed through me. My body was shaking violently all over. "Oh Christ...Bella...ohhhh..."

Edward shuddered and I felt him throb inside me as he came. His arms around me were gentle, holding me tenderly. I tangled my fingers in his hair and angled his head up to kiss him. Edward moaned and then pulled back looking at me in concern, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, though my voice was a little uneven. "You didn't hurt me, I'm good."

"No, I meant...well you're shaking." He was still looking worried, his eyes were scanning my face.

I laughed, "Well, that's because you're just that good."

Edward couldn't stop the smile spreading over his face. It was my favourite one. "I'm wishing I could blush again."

"Don't worry, I blush enough for the both of us," I was reluctant to climb off his lap. I liked him being inside of me. It made me feel happy and contented. Edward's fingers began trailing patterns up and down my back. I shivered at his touch, it was delicious.

He pressed a kiss against my temple, "Do you need anything? Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

I was about to say 'no' automatically. Anything that would take Edward out of this room and any from me could not be good. But the truth was that I really wanted something to drink. I had been in this hot room for hours and was probably a little dehydrated. I decided not to mention that to Edward, I didn't want him to feel bad about anything else. Instead I just thought for a moment, "Do you have anything to drink nearby?"

"Sure," said Edward with a grin. "Although I don't think we should go downstairs in this position."

I giggled and climbed off his lap. The ache between my legs was more pronounced now but I made a strong effort to hide it. I was sure Edward would find a way to blame himself for that too, "Agreed."

Edward was on his feet and dragging his jeans on in a second. He didn't bother with a shirt and was out of the door in another second. Then it occurred to me, Edward was going downstairs dressed in almost nothing. I hadn't thought about it last night but now I was mortified. How well did vampires hear? Did his whole family know what we had been doing? It seemed likely.

I buried my face in my hands. God that was a hell of an impression to give to Edward's family. Why not just come in their front door and say 'Hi, I'm an enormous slut.' I groaned into my hands. "Bella? What's wrong?"

I looked up in surprise. He really was fast. He had brought up a cup of something steaming and a big glass of orange juice, "Nothing, I'm fine." My voice came out all squeaky, it sounded nothing like me.

He sat down next to me, looking concerned, "Bella, about last night I...I'm sorry, I should have asked about..."

I realised that he thought I was upset about how things had happened. "Oh Edward, it's not about that honestly. I was just thinkng about your family."

"My family?" His worry changed to confusion. He held out the two cups to me and I took the juice with a grateful smile.

I took a sip to give myself some thinking time. It was wonderfully refreshing and helped with the blush rising into my cheeks. "Yes, I was just a bit embarrassed. They...well they will all know what we were...that we..." I found that I didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Edward's fingers started to stroke my hair, "No one else is in the house. Esme has dragged Emmett and Rosalie to see a piece of property she's thinking of buying. Carlisle is at work and Jasper and Alice have gone shopping." He was smiling at me reassuringly, "Jasper's probably not too happy about that."

"Oh..." I took a deep breath. At least they hadn't seen Edward walking through the house dressed in next to nothing. That was something.

"But, you should know, they do know what happened. Alice would have known...though she didn't tell me anything in advance. You know how she is. Secrets are hard to keep in my family. They knew you were here overnight." He was looking apologetic, as though he was expecting me to be angry with him.

"Did they overhear..?" I asked quietly.

"All the rooms are soundproofed. Very effectively. None of us would deliberately listen during something so private." He opened his hands in front of him. "But even if they couldn't hear us they would know you were here. Your scent is all over the hallway and obviously no one would have seen you leave."

I nodded but there were tears welling in my eyes, "I just...it doesn't make a very good impression and I don't want them to think badly of me." Something told me that it wouldn't make a difference to Alice. I knew that she loved me, but the others... Well, Emmett probably wouldn't care, but I wanted them all to think well of me. Esme and Carlisle especially.

Edward's hands were stroking my face and hair comfortingly, "Bella, they don't think badly of you. Why would they?"

"Well, I know that Rosalie doesn't like me already." I wondered if he would try to deny it.

Edward's expression darkened for a second but the look vanished and I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined it. "Rosalie is not angry with you, she's angry with me. She's worried that a human knows about us and...well she thinks I should let you live your life. She doesn't think I should be with you." I was suddenly irrationally angry but I fought to control it. I didn't want anyone telling Edward that he shouldn't be with me. "But the others...well they all approve of you. Alice and Emmett already liked you anyway. Carlisle too. Esme was thrilled to meet you. She's delighted that we met, trust me. She was beginning to think that I would be alone forever."

"And Jasper?" I asked quietly. His odd expression last night came to mind. He had seemed very uncomfortable around me although he had tried to hide it.

Edward was watching my face, "Did he say something to you?"

"No, he just seemed...tense around me." That seemed like the best way to put it.

Edward let out a breath and I wondered what he thought I was about to say, "Jasper has trouble being around humans. It's nothing to do with you personally. He would protect you with his life, trust me." I looked at him surprised and he smiled, "Alice loves you, he wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

"So, they won't think I'm a big ho?" I asked. How could they not? Less than twenty four hours after the end of a long term relationship I was in another man's bed. And grinning like a Cheshire cat to boot.

Edward took the glass from me and set it down on the floor, then he pulled me into his lap, "Of course not. They might think that I am...but not you."

He was grinning and I couldn't stop myself from responding. "Now about last night..." I said. I wanted to get all the awkward conversations out of the way at once.

I almost regretted my decision when I saw the look that came over Edward's face. But that look was one that I wanted to avoid him having ever again. "I'm sorry Bella, truly I am. Last night should have been perfect for you and I..."

"Edward, last night was perfect. It was the best night I have ever had. We've both been so...caught up. We didn't talk about our past experiences. It was as much my fault as yours." I stroked his cheek, "We should have talked first."

"If...If I had known that you were a virgin...well I would have done things differently." I didn't think that I had ever seen Edward looking so uncomfortable. But rather than squirming he was becoming more still. His arms around me were rigid.

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, I was raised in a different time than you. I wouldn't have taken your virginity this way. I would...well I would have waited until..."

Edward looked as though he was in physical pain trying to force his words out. I decided to take pity on him, "You mean that in your day sex before marriage was not something that was done."

Edward nodded looking immensely relieved. "Yes, that's what I meant...that's it."

I smiled at him, "Are you always this articulate?" The tension on his face vanished, the smile returning.

"No, this is me on a good day. I just...I don't want you to think that I'm sorry about last night. I'm not." He was looking at me intently, willing me to believe him.

Maybe I should feel offended, but I didn't. Although his world view would be considered odd today, I kinda understood. Edward thought I had already lost my virgintiy so it didn't matter, had he known he probably would have kept our relationship chaste. "I'm not sorry either." I was actually ridiculously glad that I hadn't decided to tell him. I wouldn't have missed the experience for anything. I planned on repeating it very frequently.

"But I would have done it differently." I kissed him. I think I fell more in love with him than ever at that moment and I knew for certain that he loved me. It was clear in his eyes.

XXX

Edward pulled my truck smoothly into my driveway and turned in his seat to look at me. He was smiling but I could see the sadness behind it. I knew how he felt, I wasn't looking forward to our separation either. Edward opened the door and climbed down from the front seat. He was around the truck in a second.

Edward opened my door and pulled me into his arms. Before I could breath I was pressed against his chest, his mouth on mine. I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck and moaned into the kiss. My back was against my truck and I pushed my hips forward to his.

"Bella...we only have a few moments." Edward was breathing heavily and he buried his face in my hair. "I just wanted to kiss you again."

"Will you...will you come back later? Once Charlie's asleep he wont hear..."

My sentence was cut short as Edward kissed me again with a groan, "I thought you'd never ask Bella. I didn't want to push my luck." He turned his head and glanced down the street, "You should go inside, he's almost here. He's been to the hospital to see Billy."

"I'll go and make him something for dinner." I said grabbing my overnight bag.

Edward pressed a kiss to my forehead, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

I was going to say something else, anything to keep him with me for another second but he was already gone. I glanced around into the semi-darkness. I suspected that he was still watching me. "I love you, Edward," I said with a smile.

I turned and went into the house. I stowed my bag in my room and changed into my sweats. It was almost eight o'clock and I didn't want Charlie to assume I had been at the Cullen's house all day. If he asked I wouldn't lie to him, but I hoped he wouldn't ask. I dragged my hands through my hair and tied it up. Then I ran down the stairs and turned the oven on. I was scouring the fridge for the ingredients for ...something I could make when I heard the front door open.

"Bella?"

He always called my name when he came through the door. Maybe he liked to make sure that the house hadn't been taken over by burglars or something. Burglars who just happened to drive the exact same truck as me, with my license plate and everything. "I'm in the kitchen dad."

He came through and flopped down into one of the kitchen chairs, he looked exhausted. "Anything good for dinner Bells?"

I had been frantically scanning the contents of the fridge. My brain seemed to be working slower than usual. It was probably all the sex and food. I blamed Edward. My eyes fell on some minced beef, "Spaghetti bolognaise sound good?"

Charlie nodded enthusiastically, "Perfect. I'm starving, I've had a bit of a strange day."

"Really?" I didn't think it could compare to the last twenty four hours I'd had. Edward and I had spent the day in his bedroom. We had spent the whole day talking and listening to some of Edward's cds. He had hundreds. I had asked Edward if he would play for me some time and he had promised that he would. But not today. Today he just stroked my hair and kissed my neck and generally lavished attention on me.

Unfortunately I had made the mistake of wincing when I sat down and Edward had refused to make love again today. I needed to heal blah blah blah. Sometimes he was such a grown up. I forced myself not to grin like an idiot and tried to concentrate on what my dad was saying.

"Well, we've been having some odd reports of wild animals. I've spent half of my day traipsing round the woods. Then when I got to the hospital..." the pause in my dad's voice made me turn. Charlie was looking quite uncomfortable, "Billy told me about you and Jake."

I bit my lip and looked down at the tomatoes in my hand. I felt terrible, I had almost forgotten about that. Shouldn't I be in mourning for my relationship or something? I cleared my throat and nodded to Charlie, "Yes, it's over between us. He ended things with me yesterday afternoon." I hesitated, "In a way, I couldn't believe my luck."

Charlie let out a breath and I realised he had been worried that I would be upset. He was scanning my face but I thought he believed me, "Did he tell you why?"

"No, I asked but he was very vague." I knew it was a strange thing that Jake had done, but I just thought that maybe I understood. If anyone could empathise with feelings changing quickly, it was me. If my feelings could change then so could his.

"Billy wouldn't tell me anything about it. I mean, I understand why he wouldn't. He has a duty to keep his son's confidences. It's just..." Charlie was frowning and stumbling over his words.

"What is it?"

"Well, I can't help feeling that there was something wrong. Billy seemed really...down. It was almost as though he didn't want to talk to me...at all." If I wasn't mistaken, Charlie looked hurt. I sat down in front of him. I was so happy but I didn't want my happiness to come at the expense of my dad. That couldn't be right.

What he said struck me as really odd. In fact it was even more strange than Jake breaking up with me. I had never known Charlie and Billy be anything less than candid. They had supported each other through so much over the years. Both of them had lost a spouse, in different ways, and had then had to face being single parents. Their friendship meant a lot to both of them. My attention was focused on my dad now, "Maybe he just felt awkward," I said. "After all, how would you have felt if I had been the one to break up with Jake?"

Charlie pondered that for a minute, "You could be right. I would have felt uncomfortable I guess." I didn't think he looked entirely convinced.

I reached out and touched his hand, "I'm sorry dad. I don't want this to damage your friendship with Billy. I never wanted that."

Charlie put his hand over mine, "Bella..." he squirmed in his seat. He took several deep breaths, "Have you talked to the Cullen boy, Edward yet?"

I blushed furiously but I nodded, "Yes." I had an awful feeling that Charlie might know how I had spent my evening. I prayed to god that wasn't the case. It would be mortifying.

"Are you...with him now?" Charlie wasn't meeting my eyes anymore. He was staring at the back of his own hand where it covered mine. His face was reddening.

"I think we'll try to keep things quiet for a while. But yes." It was one of the things we hadn't discussed today. I didn't know how Edward would react to the secrecy aspect but I hoped he would see it was necessary. Forks was such a small town, and I didn't want to hurt Jake. However our relationship had ended he didn't need to know about Edward yet.

"And are you happy?" Charlie's eyes were still down but there was seriousness in his tone that I rarely heard. The last time he had spoken this way, he had been telling me about the death of one of my grandmothers.

"Yes," I whispered quietly. "I am happy with my choice dad. Very happy."

Charlie nodded and finally looked up at me, "Then it's okay. If you're happy then so am I." He squeezed my hand gently, "Now where is my spaghetti?"

XXX

Charlie and I had spent the evening in the living room. He was watched a baseball game and I read on the sofa. I had learned to block out the noise of a sporting match a very long time ago. It was the only way to stay sane at the Swan residence.

When I went upstairs to take as shower it was after ten. Charlie was working tomorrow so I knew that he wouldn't stay up much longer. I grabbed a clean towel and went into the bathroom. I locked the door and took my clothes off. I started the shower running, letting it get hot.

The bruises on my hips were not bad at all really. They would fade in a few days. My lips looked a little swollen but that had happened before, it was a side effect of a lot of kissing. I turned around and checked my back. There was one other small bruise between my shoulder blades. I remembered Edward holding me to his chest last night as we'd made love.

There were no other marks on my body. As far as I was concerned it was completely worth it. And after all, he had held me this morning too and there were no marks from that time. I smiled at my reflection, she looked very pleased with herself and I stepped under the hot water.

The heat was relaxing and I just stood there for several minutes thinking. I hoped that Charlie and Billy would find a way to work things out. If there was something more to the distance that had sprung up between them I was at a loss. My break up with Jake was the only catalyst I could think of. There were a few too many strange things going on here for it to be a coincidence.

For the first time I really allowed myself to think about Jake. His voice had sounded so sad on the phone yesterday. I hoped that he was okay. It was strange that I hadn't seen him for so long. I was used to seeing him almost every day. I didn't like to think of him being in pain, no matter the circumstances. But he had broken up with me after all. It had been his choice in the end. Maybe he really was okay. I hoped so.

Though I did have to face the fact that there was nothing I could do about it anyway. Jake wasn't in my life anymore, not in the same way, and certainly not at the moment. There was no point in worrying about something that I couldn't change. I had much more pleasant things to think about.

I reached for my bottle of body wash. It smelled like strawberries, my favourite. I ran my hands over my skin. I washed myself gently, I was very tender between the legs. It was to be expected and I still almost liked it. It was a reminder of Edward and I suddenly wanted to see him again desperately. I kept remembering the way his face looked the first time he told me he loved me. I wanted to see that expression every day for the rest of my life.

I had thought that I was in love with Jake, but I knew that what I was feeling now was much more powerful. It was all consuming; I craved Edward like I craved air. I knew that after last night it was only going to get worse.

With a sigh I washed my hair and then shut off the water. I could hear the tv downstairs and it annoyed me unfairly. I hoped that Charlie would decide to call it a night soon. I had a feeling that Edward was already here, waiting for my dad to go to bed.

I slipped on a pair of panties and a t-shirt and crawled between the covers. My body felt deliciously exhausted, but I was determined to stay awake. I would not fall asleep without seeing Edward. I wasn't even sure that I would be able to. I didn't have to wait very long. Within a minute I was startled by a quiet tap at my window. I looked round to see him there.

I leapt from my bed and pulled up the window. Edward smiled and climbed in. I stood in front of him doing an impression of Alice. I was almost bouncing on my toes in my excitement. He closed the window silently behind him and I threw myself into his arms. He held me close and pressed his lips to my hair. "You smell wonderful Bella."

"In a bad way or in a good way?"

"Both, always both," Edward's voice was slightly strained but his fingers were stroking my hair and he was smiling.

I leant up onto my toes and kissed him gently, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Edward's fingers were stroking my face and neck. It was wonderfully relaxing and my eyes drifted shut. He was kissing my mouth gently and I sighed, "As wonderful as it is to touch you..." He led me over to my bed and I sat down., "You look exhausted."

Edward climbed onto the bed and I wriggled myself into his arms. I pressed my hands against his chest and leant my head against his shoulder. The scent of his skin was getting to be very familiar and I loved it. I wriggled one of my legs between his. I could see Edward's jaw tighten but he didn't stop me. "I'm not that tired," I said. "I've just had a busy day."

Edward couldn't stop the smile, "What do you want to do tomorrow?"

"Are we spending tomorrow together?" God, what did he do with his time before he met me? But I was thrilled at the idea of spending another day with Edward.

"If you want to."

I pretended to consider it for a moment, "Well, I was planning on cleaning out the rain gutters, but I guess that can wait."

Edward prodded me gently in the ribs and I had to stop myself from letting out a laugh. The last thing I wanted was Charlie coming upstairs to check on me. "Once you're done teasing me MIss Swan, maybe you could answer the question."

I snuggled myself closer to him again, "I don't really know. I don't do a lot of interesting things. What do you like to do?"

"Well..." I wasn't sure if it was the dim light but I could have sworn Edward was looking nervous again, "I don't know how you feel about camping, but I wondered if maybe you would like to go for a few days." My mouth dropped open. Edward the Camping Vampire. The idea seemed very odd, "You don't have to of course. I just thought it might be fun."

Edward thought I was being hesitant because I didn't want to go. He could be a real dummy for someone so smart, "I would love to go camping with you, I should just warn you. If you think I fall a lot on a flat surface, you wont believe how much I fall in the woods."

Edward's eyes almost seemed to glow in the dim light, "I wont let you fall. I promise."

My breath hitched but I fought to keep my voice as even as possible, "I don't know how Charlie will react to this."

"I'll have Esme call him tomorrow to offically invite you."

"It's...It's a family thing?"

Edward reached up to stroke my cheek, "Only as far as Charlie's concerned."

"I start work next Monday though. Charlie got me a job at the station over the summer."

"I'll have you back in plenty of time, I just...I just want you to myself for a while." My heart did a backflip and I felt myself blushing furiously. My body was reacting to his words and the expression on his face. My eyes drifted down to his lips and I leaned forward to kiss them again. Edward's arms tightened around me, but only for a second. "Oh no Miss Swan," he kissed the tip of my nose. "I'm not causing you any more pain. There's no rush."

That idea sounded like it had a lot of potential. "Tell me more about you."

"More?" Edward chuckled quietly, "What more could you possibly want to know? I've told you so much over the last few days. Aren't you bored yet?"

"Hell no. Tell me anything, everything, I want to hear it all." I snuggled up to him comfortably, "Tell me about your early years."

Edward's face shifted almost unnoticeably. But I saw it anyway. There was tension under his fixed smile, "That's not always a good story." His eyes dropped, "I did some things when I was younger that I'm not too proud of."

I reached out for his cheek and he looked at me again, "You can tell me Edward. The good parts and the bad parts. I would like you to tell me."

He hesitated, but he did tell me. Some of it wasn't so good, as he had warned me. He had killed people once. He had strayed from Carlisle and lived as most other vampires did. He told me how he only hunted bad people, people who were rotten to the core; people who hurt others for pleasure or gain. As wrong as I knew it was to take someone's life, I could think too badly of him for it.

He was a vampire, a predator after all. Unless I was going to blame every mammal on the planet that killed to eat I couldn't judge him. I didn't want to anyway. Edward had adopted that frozen look I associated with stress, so I had leant forward and kissed him until it went away.

"You know, I wouldn't blame you for being a little afraid of me after that," he said as he pressed gentle kisses to my temple.

I let out a small laugh, "Somehow I don't think you're going to kiss me to death."

"Do you not care at all?" Edward was staring into my eyes as though I was the most complicated puzzle he had ever seen; one he could not fathom.

"I care, but..." I struggled to find the words, "I guess I just don't care enough. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Bella..." he whispered kissing me softly and all too briefly, "You are a strange and wonderful woman."

XXX

When I woke the next morning I wasn't sure what had roused me, at least not immediately. All I knew was that I had been dreaming about Edward and he had been touching me. So when I felt cool fingers tracing over my hip I wondered if I was still asleep. My skin felt very sensitive, and the hands were moving up just slightly under my t-shirt touching the edge of my panties.

I sighed and wriggled backwards, pressing myself more firmly into Edward who was curled around me. The arm beneath me tightened slightly. It pulled me against his chest, "Good morning."

His fingers were stroking my thighs and the need I had felt in my dream was suddenly real, "Ummm...good morning. That feels nice."

"Well, I would never have presumed without your invitation." The velvety voice brought my skin out in goosebumps. It was hard to pay attention to the words Edward was saying. His hand slowly swept up my body, under the shirt and he grazed the under side of my breast.

"Hmmm?" Was my brilliant response. The need was getting stonger.

"You were talking in you sleep. You do that sometimes." His lips brushed against my ear and I shivered. But this time his words gave me pause.

"What did I say?" I asked, almost embarassed by how shaky my voice sounded.

"You asked me to touch you." He was just teasing me now. He was tracing the edge of my panties again and I was almost squirming against him. My skin felt too hot and I didn't know how much longer I could stand it. Even in my sleep I knew what I wanted apparently.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella?" Edward was breathing heavily, I could feel his hardness pressed against me.

"Touch me, please," I whispered.

He groaned quietly in my ear, "With pleasure." Finally he slipped his fingers beneath the waist band of my panties and I gasped...and then I shivered again. His touch was different to anything I'd experienced and I knew I'd be happy to feel this forever. I wouldn't need anything else if I could have Edward.

He was being almost torturously careful with me. He gently parted my lips and his fingers stroked the delicate skin. I whimpered and clutched at his other arm which was still curled around my body. "Shhh...just relax Bella."

Although my mind wasn't operating at full power I remembered asking him to do the same thing for me when I touched him. Edward's lips were trailing kisses along my neck and his fingers were stroking me in a wonderful circular pattern. When they brushed my most senstive spot I couldn't stop the cry that escaped me. It felt too good, the need was all I cared about now, that and what Edward was doing about it. While I was still reeling, he stroked me again and again and then again until I was almost mindless in my need for release. I didn't know how much longer I could stand to let the pleasure build.

Edward's other hand drifted up my shirt and over my ribs to my breast. He gently pinched one of my nipples between his fingers and I shuddered violently. He was playing my body like a musical instrument, his fingers doing things I couldn't have imagined. I could feel my orgasm building in the pit of my stomach, "Edward...please...I want you..."

"I'm yours Bella. Always." His breathing was heavy in my ear, his lips pressed against the column of my throat.

"I want you inside of me. Now..."

Edward hesitated, there was an almost unnoticeable pause in his movements. But I noticed it, "You don't need...Bella, this was supposed to be for you."

"I don't want you to stop. Just...unh...like this...I want you like this." I was glad he wasn't looking at my face. I knew I was blushing. I wasn't used to saying things that sounded so brazen, but there was no going back now.

Edward groaned and I wondered if he was going to argue, but the next second his hands were gone and I heard the sound of a zipper going down. My body seemed to throb in anticipation. This was what I wanted, needed, had to have. Him inside of me. My panties were suddenly pulled down my legs and my shirt pushed up.

The fingers were back, stroking over my clit which was now almost painful with wanting. I felt as though I might combust. Edward was spooned around me again and I could feel his naked skin on mine. I could feel how hard he was and I wanted to feel more. I wriggled against him and he gasped, "Bella...oh god...spread your legs for me, my love."

I didn't hesitate. I would do anything if he called me that. Though I would have done as he asked anyway. His hardness was nudging against me as I parted my legs. His fingers suddenly had much easier access and they stroked faster. I whimpered again and wriggled backwards. Edward took the hint and I felt him slip inside me.

He groaned and held himself still for a few seconds, although his fingers didn't stop. Then he began to move and I started to gasp every time he thrust forward. Edward's lips were pressed against my throat again and I could hear him breathing heavily.

I was so close to my release and I started to rock backwards, forcing Edward deeper each time. He moaned into my hair, "So beautiful..."

I cried out as his fingers danced over my clit again and again. I could feel the pressure building and I reached back to tangle my fingers in his hair. "Edward...yes...just..." His fingers touched me again and I fell over the edge clinging to him. My body was shaking as the waves of pleasure washed over me and I saw stars as I felt Edward throb. He groaned my name and held me close still stroking me very gently.

I slowly became aware of the room around me with no idea how long I had been floating in this wonderful limbo. I sighed and wriggled closer to Edward who was still inside of me. Not that there was space between our bodies anyway. "I think that's the best wake up call I've ever had," I said with a grin.

Edward pressed his lips to my temple, "More than happy to oblige my love." My grin became a goofy one. That was twice he had called me 'my love' now. If it was his version of a pet name I adored it. I wriggled a little and noticed that Edward was not only still inside me, he was still hard. Very hard. I maybe inexperienced but I knew enough about biology to know that wasn't normal. I gave a little gasp of surprise. I had been sure that he had...enjoyed everything. Suddenly I was stuck by self-doubt. "Bella? What's wrong? Your body's gone all tense."

I could feel the blush spreading across my cheeks,"Was everything...was there something you didn't like?" Despite my earlier confidence I was feeling shy now.

"What?" Edward sounded totally confused, and then cautious, "I'm honestly not sure what we're talking about here Bella."

"Well, I can feel that you're still...You didn't have to stop if you weren't..." I couldn't seem to force the words out. I wondered if it was possible for a person's whole body to blush, from head to toe. My own body seemed determined to try.

"Oh, no Bella," Edward pulled back from me and I almost whimpered. I could have lain comfortably with him for hours. The last thing I wanted was for him to move away. But he still gatherd me in his arms, "Vampires can...well we have a lot of stamina." Now I could see Edward's face I could see a trace of my own embarassment, but mostly there was simple concern for me, "I'm not even sure if I would ever be worn out."

I let out a sigh of relief I hadn't known I was holding. I couldn't stop the smile from forming, "Really? That sounds like a challenge."

Edward smiled back at me, "Bella, I'm not some sort of priapic monster. I can control myself you know."

I reached up and stroked his face, "I know you can Edward and I love you for it. Now will you please stop it?"

XXX

EPOV

Bella and I were arguing about the merits of koala bears when my phone rang. I was annoyed to be dragged away from our discussion. Bella thought a few koala bears should be put in a field, she was curious about what they would do without trees to dangle from. I didn't see why something that needed a tree was less interesting. And although I would never admit it, I thought koala bears were kinda cute.

So when I answered the phone I was a little more brusque than I intended, "Yes?"

"'Hello' would be more appropriate Edward." Esme's voice was not harsh but I changed my attitude immediately.

"Sorry, of course. Hello."

"That's better, I just wanted to let you know that I have spoken to Charlie Swan."

I had almost forgotten about that. I had called her the night before and asked her to arrange for Bella to accompany 'us' on our annual camping trip, "And?" I asked with baited breath.

"He seemed reluctant but I assured him as best as I could. He agreed in the end."

I smiled although I knew that Esme couldn't see me, "Thank you." I said, trying to infuse those two words with as much gratitude as I could.

"You're welcome. I also have a message to pass along from Alice." I almost hung the phone up on a whim. Esme's voice told me that I probably wouldn't like what was coming.

"Oh?"

"She says you should be gone by four, Chief Swan will be home soon after. Alice will stay at the Swan's and bring Bella home with her and then you can leave. She says it will be better that way."

"Did she deign to say why?" I asked, doing my best to keep the irritation out of my voice. I knew that Alice always acted for the best but I was starting to loathe any time I spent away from Bella. I didn't just dislike it, I really and truly loathed it. I had intended to hunt last night when I had left Bella waiting for her father. I had barely managed a few steps. I had heard Bella say that she loved me. That was all that was necessary to send me back to my tree to wait for the time I could be with her again.

Now Alice was telling me that I had to leave her again? That was why I wanted her to come away with me. I knew that she had a job to go to soon and that would take her away from me for even longer periods of time. Esme's voice interrupted my thoughts, "Does Alice ever explain herself?" She chuckled.

"No, very rarely. Ok, I'll see you later."

"Later then," said Esme.

I turned my attention back to Bella. She was sprawled on her bed wearing nothing but a smile, her sheet draped over her. She was the most dangerous and intoxicating creature I had ever seen and I swallowed the low growl in my chest. "So, if you can justify the koala bear, can you explain the pigeon?"

"Miss Swan, if it entertains you I will attempt to explain anything. Though the pigeon might be beyond my skill. I don't like pigeons, they have no respect for beautiful cars or outdoor art."

Bella giggled and held out her hand. When I took it she gently tugged me towards the bed. I lay down next to her. There was not much light as the day was overcast but it didn't bother me. Her skin almost seemed to glow. I didn't try to stop myself from reaching out to touch her. It still thrilled me that I could do so. I could just touch her and she didn't mind, she actually enjoyed it. I was amazed at the idea that it could be so, but the evidence was lying naked next me. If I had been able to sleep I would have been afraid that I was dreaming.

Her eyes closed as my fingers stroked over her hip. She looked happier than I had seen her. Up until now she had usually seemed to be in pain or feeling guilty about Jacob Black. I was very pleased to see no evidence of it now.

"Is everything okay?" She asked nodding her head towards the table where I had put my phone.

"Yes, that was Esme, she spoke to Charlie and we're all set for our little trip. Alice will bring you to the house just after four." I watched her face, she had seemed quite eager last night but now curious emotions were showing themselves. Delight, caution and finally embarassment. The last one was a real mystery."We can cancel if you want Bella."

Bella adamantly shook her head and I was relieved, "No, I was just thinking of the last time I went camping. That was only overnight though. I should warn you I can turn into a real grouch without a shower."

My mind was racing with ideas about how to solve that problem. I would solve anything if it would get Bella into the woods with me for a week. "I'm sure we can sort something out."

"Oh I'm not worried about that," the wonderful blush was back and I watched it's progress over her cheeks with fascination, "I...I can't imagine how I'll look after a week in the woods."

Her appearance? Of all the things she could have been worried about that one seemed the most ridiculous to me. I moved closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "You'll look as beautiful as you always do."

She gave a humourless laugh, "Oh you have so much to learn Edward Cullen."

"And I can't wait," I kissed her lips gently, which effectively ended that conversation.

XXX

When I left the house, just before four as per my instructions I automatically headed for my tree to wait. I knew that it wasn't necessary, Alice would be here soon and then Bella would be en route to my house. But I had some vague ideas about sneaking into the car Alice brought here, then I could be waiting for them when they set off.

I wouldn't be bored as I waited. I had too many things to think about, wonderful things. I had made love with Bella yesterday morning against my better judgement. As she had lay draped across me I had watched the bruises forming on her skin with revulsion. I had hurt her and it felt as though all my worst fears had become reality. Her body was so fragile and so easily damaged. I could have killed her.

But then she had awoken and I had gotten lost. I had not expected her reaction, which was much calmer than mine. I had thought she would at least be a little angry with me. But not even close. Instead she had immediately assumed that my reluctance was due to something she had done wrong. Which was a ridiculous assumption. I closed my eyes and rested my head against one of the trees branches as I saw her face again in my mind. Her cheeks flushed as she clutched my shoulders. I groaned, trying to distract myself with something else, anything else.

I had told Bella I wasn't a priapic monster but I was beginning to doubt the truth of it. She might be turning me into one after all. I was grinning like an idiot when my sister's clear thoughts cut through my own musings.

_Good evening, brother of mine._

She was closing fast on the house and I climbed down my tree. I could go and meet her but she was coming here anyway. When she emerged from the trees I was surprised to see that she was wearing jeans and a plain shirt. She was also carrying a very large duffle bag. Alice tended to adopt a more 'catwalk' look, even in her day to day life. But then I realised it was part of the show for Charlie Swan. "What's in the bag?"

"That's what you notice? Not my new look?" She wrinkled her nose.

"I think you got it right, very rustic," I said approvingly. Her thoughts told me that the bag contained props for Charlie's show tonight.

"I know, I know, the things I do for my family," she said with a mock mournful look at her clothes. Then her eyes met mine, "Come on then, shoo. You have some packing to do."

"What packing?" I argued. She knew as well as I did that it would take me all of three minutes to pack the car up.

"I've been shopping," she said with a grin.

Of course she had, everything was an excuse to shop in Alice's mind. But then I heard her thoughts. She had been out all day, "What the hell did you get?"

"Oh everything, I'm not sure you thought this through well." I was on the defensive, I always thought things through well. It was what I did, "Not this time Edward. Bella might want to eat on this trip you know."

I hadnt actually thought of that fairly obvious thing. In my defense I'm sure it would have done before we left, but by then it would have been too late, "Um, thanks Alice...oh wait a minute...Tell me you didn't actually..."

"No, I just spotted it and thought I might want one for myself. I doubt Bella would see the appeal in them."

"Well, what sane person would? You don't even use a tent, what would you need a battery operated wardrobe for?"

"You never know," she said. "But you should get home and ask Emmett it you can borrow the jeep, you're going to need it."

I sighed but had to admit that there was no real reason to stay. I should go home and pack the car. "Thanks, see you soon." I tried hard to keep the slight sulk out of my voice.

She saw me off with a wave.

XXX

**A/N I will be putting up the first chapter of a new story this week, it's been buzzing around my head for a while now and I might as well get it out. It will be updated (much) more slowly than this one. At least until this one's done. Please have a look.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks as always to Violet OD, Cherry Blushe and michelle824, the three ladies who keep me writing.**

**There's probably only a few more chapters to come...and perhaps an epilogue. We're into the final leg now. So please everyone enjoy!**

BPOV

"What's in the bag?" I asked cautiously as Alice bounced through my door.

"Oh, just a few things you'll need. Trust me." I was starting to feel nervous whenever she used that off-hand tone. It usually meant that she was up to something.

But I wasn't sure I had any choice in the matter. I pointed to my own, somewhat smaller bag, "I've packed some clothes, but I wanted to ask you if there was anything else I need to take? I was thinking about running to the store and getting some food."

"It's all been taken care of, you don't need anything. I just brought this as a prop really. It's already packed." She dropped the bag which landed next to mine with a resounding thump at the bottom of the stairs. I wondered what the hell was in there.

"Are you sure? I mean, there are things I need that you guys don't after all." Like, nourishment, sleep, oxygen etc.

"Bella, please. Trust me." She said the words very slowly and I got the feeling I was going to be amazed with just how organized Edward was. Besides, no one could be sure like Alice could. Future seeing and all. I was about to ask her what she had brought with her when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up.

Alice knelt down and opened the bag. She got out a perfectly wrapped sleeping bag and unrolled it with a flourish. "Come on, time to pack," she said with a grin. I couldn't help but grin back. In the back of my mind I had wondered if Alice would behave differently around me somehow. I hadn't spoken to her since the party and things had certainly progressed since then. A lot.

She shook the sleeping bag at me, "Earth to Bella, let's roll. Literally." I dropped to my knees next to her and began helping her fold it just as my dad's keys turned in the lock.

"Hey Charlie," Alice called cheerfully as he lumbered through the door.

He looked up in surprise, "Oh hello Alice, I wasn't expecting to see you." He was grinning widely enough to indicate that unexpected or not, her visit was welcome.

"Well, since Bella's joining us I was helping her pack." She help up a sleeping bag bundled up, "I'm all done already."

"I wouldn't have taken you for the camping sort Alice."

"Oh I'm not really. But my brothers put up the tents and then they play sports all week and the girls relax. It's a tradition."

"But won't you get bored?" There was something more behind Charlie's question. He looked much more curious than the situation warranted and it all made sense. He didn't really believe that this was an innocent camping trip, but he very much wanted to. If Alice could convince him it would be all right, he would happily let her.

"Oh yes, we have battery powered everything up there and I always pack extras. The girl's tent is huge, much bigger than the boys, well, what do they need space for? We'll have music and manicures and while the men are trying to build a fire, Esme can cook on the gas stove. It's all very civilised."

Charlie was actually looking comforted. Alice certainly painted a picture and I was almost sorry that wasn't going to be the way it happened. Then I rememebered what I was going to be doing and who I was going to be with. I liked it even better my way. "Well, I hope you all have fun. When are you leaving?"

"Soon, we're just finishing up, but could I use your bathroom first?"

"Of course, my dear," he gave her an affectionate smile.

Alice bounded up the stairs and I waited for Charlie to 'start'. I knew that the Mighty Pixie had no need to use the bathroom really, so she must have seen that Charlie would want to talk to me by myself. "Bella, I'm glad I have you alone for a minute?"

"Is something wrong?" I asked trying not to let the sound of my own heartbeat deafen me. I knew that there was no actual evidence for Charlie to find, but I couldn't help but wonder if he somehow knew anyway. Maybe he knew what had been going on for the last twenty four hours. I could only pray this wasn't a topic that he needed to be honest about.

"Not exactly, I just want to remind you...well that it's important to be...responsible..."

I knew that tense tone well and when I looked up, sure enough Charlie was blushing furiously. Did he think that this conversation was necessary because Edward was new in my life? Did he think I would forget the responsibility talk we had had about Jake? Not likely, I thought with a shudder. "Dad, I don't think you have to worry."

"I always worry, it's in the job description." He shrugged.

I took pity on my dad. He didn't want to be doing this, but he felt it was his duty. He was trying to be a good father and I couldn't fault him for it. "Well, don't. Esme's a real mother hen and I can't get away from Alice when she's plotting. Last time she threatened to tie me up if I didn't let her paint my toenails. I'm sure my time will be pretty much occupied." All these things were true...vague and misleading, but true none the less.

Charlie seemed satisfied however and I gave thanks for it. "I hope you all have a good time." He strode across the living room and collapsed into his chair. "And try to be safe will you Bells."

"Dad!" I exclaimed, horrified.

Rather than reacting Charlie just looked confused, then he blushed, "I meant, don't fall into a river or anything."

"Oh...oh well that's...oh..."

Alice chose this moment to re-enter the room noisily. Thank God. "Are you ready to go?" She asked smiling. Her eyes were twinkling mischieviously and I knew she had heard every word.

I nodded, "All ready."

Charlie carried our bags out to Alice's car, she was driving the volvo they brought to school, and we said our goodbyes. Then we were on our way, Alice's speed increasing with each bend in the road. Every natural impulse wanted to tell her to slow down, but I knew that there was really no need. Besides the faster she drove the faster we would reach the Cullen house and the faster I would see Edward, "Patience Bella," said Alice with a slight quirk of her lips. "You're going to have a great week and we'll be there in five minutes."

I felt my usual blush starting. I really liked Alice and I didn't want her to think I didn't want to be in her company. I started to say as much but she waved my words away, "Don't be silly Bella. I understand. Hmmm, I remember the year I discovered sex." Alice gave me a wink, "It was a good year."

It suddenly occurred to me that there was someone I could talk to about vampire sex. Then my blush deepened as I wondered if I wanted to. I had always been a private person and this was the kind of thing I would normally keep to myself. Still..."Alice can I ask you something?" I could hear how weak my own voice was, it wasn't sure it wanted to be talking right now.

"Vampires really do have the most incredible stamina Bella."

I gave a nervous giggle, "Does your little gift ever take the spontaneity out of life?"

"Oh sometimes, but I'm used to it you know." She turned the car into the partially concealed driveway, "Is there anything else you'd like to ask before we get to the house?"

I could think of a hundred potential questions but nothing seemed that important, "Nothing that can't wait. Oh...the sunlight thing? You never said."

"I told you to ask Edward. Anyway, you'll see this week. Promise."

I could wait that long I guessed. Then I laughed and it was more relaxed now, "You know you'd be the most reliable weather girl on the planet."

XXX

Edward knocked the car window making me jump. "Sorry," he said opening the door. "I'm finished."

I started to climb down from the jeep, but Edward just slipped an arm around my waist and lifted me down. "That was quick." He had insisted that I wait in the car while he pitched the tent. He said it was a surprise, and disappeared into the trees carrying an amazing amount of gear. But looking around me now, I could see no hint of a tent between the trees.

Edward reached out for my hand, "How do you feel about me carrying you there? It's not a long walk but I don't want you falling." The light was fading now and what little there was, was blocked somewhat by the trees. Edward had a point. I didn't want to break my leg when we'd only just got here. But the idea of letting him carry me was a bit odd. I had seen his strength and I guessed that my weight wouldn't make much difference to him, but still. Edward let go of my hand and put his arms around me. "I promise not to drop you," he whispered, then he leant forward and pressed his lips to mine.

I moaned quietly before I could stop myself. I could feel the heat rising under my skin but I knew I wasn't blushing. I was starting to feel as though I might have a problem. It had only been a few hours since I had been lying in bed with Edward making love. Yet it felt as though it had been a long time since he had touched me. I had missed it.

My hands found their way up his chest and tangled themselves in his hair. The arms around me tightened slightly and for a minute I forgot where I was. I was pressing myself against Edward, a familiar yearning starting between my legs. I was almost sore, and I knew why. Over the last twenty four hours...well I had the count at seven. Which was quite a number considering that up until Friday I had no experience in this area.

The arms lifted me and I wrapped my legs around Edward's waist, holding on to his shoudlers. My lips trailed to his neck. I was so caught up in the what I ws doing that I barely noticed the breeze picking up around us. Though some part of my brain registered that although it still rained a lot, in summer it was rarely windy. What did I care? As long as I could be here alone with Edward it would be fine.

To my surprise he pulled away from my lips a few seconds later. I was breathing heavily and feeling a little confused. I had been enjoying that. "We're here."

"What?" I asked as he set me on my feet.

Edward raised a hand and pointed behind me. I turned and realised that I was no longer next to the car. I was deeper into the woods and the jeep was gone. Instead I was looking at a camp site set up in a beautiful clearing. I wondered which of the two tents was ours and guessed it was the smaller one. The other was huge, big enough for eight people at least, maybe more. I was wondering why Edward had chosen a spot so close to someone else when it dawned on me. Although there was light coming from inside the enormous tent, there was no one else here, I couldn't hear voices nor see any other sign of life.

I looked over at Edward and was surprised to see that he looked almost...embarassed. "Umm...Alice went shopping. I think I mentioned that. Well, she picked us up a few things."

"A few things?" I breathed. I had never seen anything like it. Aside from the huge tent, there was another smaller one whose purpose I couldn't imagine, set up next to it at a ninety degree angle. There were two lougers set up in front of the two tents, both were covered for the night, but I could see that they were plush and inviting. There was also a table with two chairs.

There were windbreakers set up all around our little site and something else which looked like a miniature tent all on its own. I hadn't noticed it at first. I was staring around in amazement when I felt Edward take my hand, "Wow, what is she like at Christmas?"

Edward let out a loud chuckle, "Absolutely impossible. Come on, let me show you everything while there's still some daylight."

And he did. The miniature tent turned out to be a large cool storage box. There was water in there and more food than I could have consumed in a month. Expensive looking food. The middle sized tent was some sort of improvised bathroom. I didn't know such things were even availble but apparently they were. It even had a shower. It was attached to a big black box which could heat water. And this one could heat cold water in five seconds according to Edward.

There were also little touches all around. Poles with lights, heaters and even two bug zappers. I began to wonder if there was anything Edward-slash-Alice hadn't thought of.

But the biggest surprises were in the biggest tent. I was right about the estimate. It was intended for eight people at least. I could see that there were four contained rooms off the main one, which was huge anyway. It had inflatable furniture covered with blankets, another table in the middle. To my increasing amazement there was also a miniture kitchen complete with sink. I found enough of my voice to point to a stainless steel box and ask Edward exactly what it was.

He explained that it was a camping stove. I realised then that he was trying to downplay everything. Perhaps he didn't want me to think about how much Alice had spent but any fool could see it must have been a small fortune. This was not just a camping stove. It was attached to a gas bottle but that was about as far as the comparison went. It had an oven for Christ's sake. The surface for the burners was made of enamel...burners...of which there were two. It looked more impressive that the one I had at home.

There were lights and heaters in here too and hanging from the roof of the tent, from the poles were various storage units. They contained a wide variety of things. I could clearly see books in one, cooking equipment in the one near the kitchen and surprisingly, a collection of games in one of the others.

"Are you okay Bella? You've gone a little pale."

I nodded, "Yes, I've just never seen anything like it."

Edward frowned slightly, "Ummm...there's still a little bit more. If you want to see it. Or we could wait until tomorrow."

For a moment I actually considered it. I couldn't deny that I loved it, it was all so...fun. But it was still a lot to take in. But then...maybe it was better to get all of the shocks out of the way at once. I tried to force my face into a different expression other that 'surprised'. How much worse could it get? "No, let's see it all."

Edward didn't look convinced but he led me over to one of the zipped up rooms. It was full of portable shelving units, "Just more food, extra blankets, bulbs, torches and spare batteries, lots of spare batteries."

Okay, well that was that least scary thing I had seen so far and the most practical. The only hint of Alice's involvment was the fact that all the units were colour co-ordinated. "I know it's been a while since you were human but how much do you think we eat?"

Edward smiled my favourite smile, "Once again...Alice. All of it. I would have packed the things we needed of course. But when I got home this was already there waiting for me. It would have been rude to leave it unused. It would have hurt her feelings."

I nodded, "Anything else?" I asked, my voice was a little steadier as Edward unzipped the second room. Both were clearly supposed to be used as bedrooms, but now both were being used to store things. This one was a large closet. For a moment I was confused. Edward didn't seem to spend a lot of time concerned about his appearance, so the number of items was odd. Then I spotted a pair of girls's sandals and it all made sense. At least some of this was meant for me.

There was nothing outlandish, all the items were sensible, it was just the sheer volume. Shirts and jeans and lighter clothes and heavy sweaters and shoes. I thought about the backpack I had brought and wondered why I had bothered packing anything. I didn't think I would need anything but under wear and my tooth brush all week. "And in there?" I asked pointing to some drawers.

"Ummm, underwear," said Edward under his breath. His voice was strange enough for me to drag my eyes away from the clothes. He looked a little embarassed.

"What?" I asked, immediately suspicious.

"Well, Alice has some odd ideas about the clothes needed when you're camping."

I went and opened one of the drawers. In a drawer that was obviously meant for me I found expensive looking lingerie all with French tags on them. What the hell? I fought the urge to giggle. Subtlety was not Alice's stongsuit. "She's crazy," I breathed, without thinking. I only meant to think it.

"I've actually been aware of that for sometime. You just learn to live with it." He laughed indulgently. "We're nearly done now."

I was expecting a bedroom at some point and I was looking forward to getting there but it was not the next thing I saw. Edward unzipped the third compartment and reached inside. I was surprised by how dark it was, then a light clicked on. Until Edward explained that Alice had managed to get hold of a relatively new innovation. A satellite tv that was actually charged itself when it was connected to the satellite. He had hung some dark fabric inside so we could watch during the day. Only if I wanted to of course. My mouth just dropped open. I couldn't think of a single thing to say. I was on a camping trip in the middle of the woods. but I also had satellite tv. The world was a very strange place.

Edward realised I was at a loss and he quickly ushered me into the last room. While I was still thinking about how much a contraption like that must cost I took in the room around me. It was lit and heated just like the others but in the middle there was a bed. I just stared at it. How the hell had he gotten that up here?

Well, I had a shower, a toilet, a bed, a tv, an oven and literally, a kitchen sink. "Edward...I..."

Edward had been watching me, the frown back on his face but when I spoke he moved forward. I didn't see the movement but the next instant his arms were around me, "What Bella? What's wrong? Do you not like it?"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous I love it. It's like the next generation of camping it's just...well you didn't have to do all this. Get all this stuff for me. Just being here with you would have been enough."

"Last time my love, I didn't do this. Alice did. I just went along with it all because I thought she was right and that all these things would make you more comfortable." His fingers were stroking my cheek and I found myself relaxing.

My concerns suddenly seemed unimportant but I struggled to hold on to my point. "I'm not saying it's not wonderful Edward, it is. I'm just saying that it's a lot and...well I don't have anything to give you in return."

Edward was kissing my jaw and I was losing all semblance of concentration, "Well, I don't know if it qualifies but I can definitely think of something you can do for me." His lips were cool against my skin and I noticed that the heater in this room was already on.

"Well, I think it would only be fair." I said breathlessly as his lips reached mine. He lifted me again and lay me down on the bed. I had just enough of my brain working to note that the huge queen-sized bed was actually inflatable before all thought left me for several hours.

XXX

The next morning I was awoken by something very strange, the sound of Edward cursing. I rolled over onto my back momentarily disorientated, still half dreaming. My dream seemed quite bright and warm. I could hear other things now, birds and they seemed very close to me. I could smell bacon which seemed odd...

Then with a jolt my eyes snapped open and I remembered that I was camping. I was camping in the woods with Edward...who was cursing for some reason. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, about to go in search of him when I realised I was naked. I almost always slept in pyjamas and waking up this way in a tent felt...weird. My eyes fell on a storage unit next to the bed. There was a white fluffy robe draped across it and a pair of matching slippers on the floor. I smiled as I put them on gratefully, I wondered at how Edward thought of everything. Literally everything. He was going to spoil me.

I undid the zip and stepped out into the main room. Edward was stood in front of the camping stove (yeah, right), and he turned to face me as I joined him. I had never seen that expression on his face before. It was new. "Good morning." I said lightly, "Is something wrong?"

He sighed and I noticed that he was wearing an apron. The smell of bacon began to make sense as I took in the mess around him. I hadn't noticed at first, seeing Edward tended to distract me from anything else but now I could see it all clearly. Edward was cooking. "Apparently I'm not the best cook in the world...I may be the worst."

Edward lifted a pan off one of the burners and showed me the contents. There were several odd shapes inside. "Ummm...what were..."

"They were supposed to be pancakes." I could see it once Edward said what they were. They were the right colour.

I picked up a clean plate and held it out, "Well let me try them then."

He looked at me doubtfully but the stubborn set of my mouth must have convinced him and he tipped the pancakes onto the plate, "Forks are up there."

I sat down at the table and tasted some of the pancake shaped a little like a boot. The taste was irrelevant as far as I was concerned. I was ready to fake enjoyment if necessary. Edward had cooked me breakfast. It turned out that I didn't need to fake anything. "You know," I said frowning thoughtfully, "These are the weirdest shaped pancakes ever." I looked up and smiled, "But they taste pretty good. Don't suppose Alice packed any syrup did she?"

Edward beamed and I couldn't stop myself from giggling at his reaction, "They're the first human food I can ever remember trying to make." He sounded so proud.

"Well, what do you know? Something else you can do wonderfully with almost no effort." Edward had disappeared into the bedroom being used for storage. When he emerged he had maple syrup and three kinds of jelly in his hands.

With a shrug he put them down on the table in front of me and handed me a mug of tea. I was suprised to see my favourite mug, "When did you get this?"

"Oh, yesterday before I left. You don't mind do you?" He actually looked concerned. He might be way smarter than me in some major ways, but in others he could be a real dummy.

"Of course I don't. It just amazes me how...thorough you are. And thank you for the tea. I remember what a pain it can be making it in a pan."

"Ummm...actually there's a kettle."

Of course there was. I didn't say anything, there was no point. I was here now and protesting would do no good. I might as well just enjoy it, whether it was excessive or not. "And was that bacon I smelled?"

XXX

"Bella, wake up. There's something I want to show you." It was a good thing I recognised the voice as Edward's or I might have been tempted to throw a punch in the direction of the sound. Okay, the punch wouldn't damage Edward but his body was so hard I might well break my hand.

"Ummm, not yet. It's early. Come back to bed." My body was yelling at me loudly, wanting to know what the hell I was doing? Edward and I had had a very busy but lazy day yesterday. We hadn't been able to go outside much because it had rained all day but entertainment had not been a problem. We had played a very energetic game of Monopoly which I had enjoyed because it was a game that was based on chance. No vampire advantages here please.

After I had eaten lunch Edward had suggested that we read. I was a little thrown at first as I had always thought of reading as a solitary activity. How wrong I was. We settled comfortably into one of the big blow-up sofas with a copy of a new swedish bestseller and took it in turns to read a chapter aloud. I found myself relaxing utterly for the first time in weeks and it was wonderful. I couldn't think of anything I would rather be doing...well at least not anyone else I would rather be with.

After breakfast I had suggested we go back to bed for the day and I could see how tempted Edward was by the suggestion. But then he had swallowed hard and said that humans did other things on camping trips too.

I was beginning to be aware of how important it was to Edward that I was still able to do normal things. He didn't want his presence to alter my life too much. It seemed like a feeble hope considering how much he had changed my life, and me already. But if it meant I could spend hours curled up against him, listening to his wonderful voice, I was all for it.

I had insisted later on making my own dinner, he had made breakfast after all, and had asked Edward if he was feeling hungry at all. He had looked at me oddly, it was a look I had seen before. It was the one he wore when he was trying to figure me out, though I didn't know what I had said that could possible confuse him. Then he had waved off the suggestion, saying he would be fine for a few days at least.

I had sat down to eat, but had become increasingly aware of Edward, who was staring at me. Every time I caught him at it he would smile as though nothing was wrong. He was certainly carrying on a normal conversation, but I could feel his eyes on me anyway. By the time I had given up on finishing my food I was blushing furiously. My skin was heating up under Edward's gaze and enough was enough.

I had pushed my chair back from the table and walked straight towards our bedroom compartment. He couldn't just sit there and undress me with his eyes unless he was prepared to do it for real. Fortunately he was.

And after a lot of sex and three mugs of hot chocolate worth of conversation I had finally gotten to sleep. The last time I had checked my watch it had been almost four in the morning. Which was why I was not pleased to be woken at what I suspected was an ungodly hour. "I know you're tired love but it had to be now. I don't know how long we'll have the sun."

"Sun?" The word pierced through my haze of sleep, it wasn't a word that was said very often around here. Plus it stirred something in my memory. Edward plus sun. There was something there that piqued my interest.

I felt cool fingers stroke the hair back from my forehead, "I wanted to show you how we...how I look. We can't be seen by humans in the sun, they would know that we are different."

I managed to force my eyes open. Edward was crouching down next the bed and when he caught my gaze he smiled ruefully, "I shouldn't have kept you up so late. Never mind. I can show you another time."

"No," I said, shaking my head a little as I tried to wake myself up properly, "No, I'm fine. I'm awake."

Edward reached out and brushed my hair away from my face, "I'm sorry, I should have let you sleep."

"Nope," I said swinging my legs out of bed in an effort to show how awake I actually was. "I've wondered about this for a while."

I realised that he was dressed only in pair of well washed jeans. My mouth went dry as I stared at him. I was about to suggest again that he came back to bed but I really did want to see this. So I pulled on the t-shirt that he had abandoned the night before. "You look so much better in my clothes than I do." I blushed but couldn't think of anything witty to say so I just smiled.

Edward just took my hand and led me out of the tent. He picked up a blanket on the way out much to my curiousity. But I was distracted very quickly. It was barely after sunrise and the light was streaming through the trees. It looked a little like spotlights on the grass. Edward squeezed my hand gently and then dropped it. He stepped away from me and he crossed one of the rays.

I wasn't sure what I had been expecting but it wasn't the shimmering diamond-effect I saw. Edward's skin sparkled in the light, he was quite literally dazzling. His eyes were closed tightly as I stared at him. I wondered if he was expecting me to freak out now. Knowing him, and I was starting to, that was exactly what he was expecting. I wished I had thought to put on some shoes as I walked towards him. The air wasn't cold but the damp grass was against my bare feet.

Edward's eyes flew open as I started to move. "Can you feel it?"

"Can I feel what?" He looked completely confused and I couldn't help but crack a smile.

"The sparkling thing. Does it tingle?"

"Ummm...no. It doesn't feel like anything." I saw some of the tenison ease out of his body. Oh yes, he had been expecting a 'big reaction' all right.

I had reached Edward now and I touched my fingers to his chest. His cool skin was wonderfully familiar. I realised a small part of me had expected him to feel different, but I was pleased to be wrong. He felt the same, his skin was just reflecting...or maybe refracting the sunlight. I was so caught up in my examination that I was surprised to feel Edward touch my hair, "Do you know how beautiful you are Isabella Swan?"

I could feel the blush but I fought to ignore it, "About a millionth as beautiful as you, Edward Cullen."

His arms were around my back now and he was pulling me towards him slowly, not that I was putting up a fight, "Beautiful but insane." I could smell his skin now, he was pressed against me, "I can live with that."

I could see now that his eyes were darker than they usually were. There was almost no gold in them and I momentarily considered whether the effect should be frightening, but I couldn't find it so. Instead that heat was building in the pit of my stomach. A heat I was becoming very familiar with. What was wrong with me? I had a feeling I was becoming addicted to Edward touching me but I couldn't really care. I felt him wrap the blanket he had brought out around me but I barely noticed that either. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. Then his lips were on mine and my head was spinning. It always did, at least at first...and then later.

My fingers were tangled in his hair and I heard myself sigh his name. Edward groaned but then pulled back, "I should get you inside, I need to warm you up."

I was tugging him gently back to me and although I couldn't have forced him to move an inch I knew he wouldn't fight me, "I'm plenty warm." His mouth was on mine again and I held him as tightly as I could. I wondered if I should be feeling cold but I truly wasn't. The patch of sun I was standing in was growing larger by the second and it even seemed to be warming Edward's skin a little. It felt that way to me as my hands stroked over his neck and shoulders.

The heat in my belly had become an ache between my legs and it was getting difficult to ignore. I was crushing my body to his and as I shifted in his arms I could feel him, pressed hard against my hip. He gasped at the movement so I did it again. He growled quietly, "Bella, we can't. We should..."

One of my hands slid up and tugged at his hair, "You should stop talking. Sunny mornings are rare in Forks and I think we should take advantage of it." I knew I was blushing as I said those words but I meant them sincerely. To hide my flushed cheeks, and because I wanted to, I pressed my lips against his again and then I wriggled against him.

Edward's hands left my waist and gripped my hips, "Bella, if you don't behave I'm going to take you right here."

"Good," I whispered against his lips. "I want you to."

He growled louder this time and suddenly I was being lifted off my feet. My legs went round his waist automatically. He held me against the bulge in his jeans and I wriggled against it in his arms. I hadn't bothered to put on any panties and the rough material felt so good against the ache.

Then I was on my feet and Edward wasn't in front of me anymore. I opened my eyes and realised I was standing by the outdoor table. I almost wondered what I was doing there but there were cool lips against my neck and I got distracted. Edward was behind me, his arm was around me again and his other hand was stroking the skin of my thigh, just beneath the hem of the shirt. "Bella, are you..."

I moved back and pushed against the hardness in his pants, "Don't you dare ask me if I'm sure. For the love of Go...unnh." Before I could finish speaking the fingers had slipped up my leg and started stroking me. His fingers parted my sensitive flesh and then they were just inside me. "Oh, yes."

"Bella...so warm," he growled my name into my neck, pressing kisses there and I heard the sound of a zipper unfastening. He was still being gentle with me, he always was, but there was something different this time too. His movements were quicker than usual and before I had time to form a full thought I could feel him hard, pressed against my opening.

"Edward..." I had time to gasp his name before he pushed inside me, "Oh God, Edward...yes."

He didn't speak, Edward just growled into my neck as he began to move. I cried out and braced myself with my hands against the table. It felt as though there were hands all over my skin. They were stroking me, pinching my nipples gently, caressing my skin, dipping down between my legs to touch my clit. He was rougher...no that was the wrong word. He was more forceful than he had been before. When his hands reached down my arms so he could twine our fingers I felt as though he was trying to touch every inch of me. It was more possessive than anything I had experienced with Edward so far. I loved it. His pace didn't slow as his kissed the curve of my neck, "I love you Bella."

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too but the words wouldn't form. The sensations he was causing to ripple through my body were too distracting. His hands were under the shirt again and one of them trailed up my neck and turned my head towards him. Edward kissed me and I moaned as he thrust inside of me. My knees were starting to feel weak as the pleasure built between my thighs I was holding myself up as best I could but I knew Edward was the one doing all the work.

He didn't seem to care though, when I moaned loudly Edward hands were at my breasts again. He stroked and caressed my hard nipples; they were aching for his cool touch. "Edward...yes...just there...I'm..."

"Yes...Bella...yes..." Edward's fingers dipped between my sensitive folds again and he stroked my throbbing clit. I didn't need anything more than his touch. I wailed in release as my body shook. The orgasm surprised me with it's intensity. My joints seemed to melt as the pleasure continued to ripple outward. As though he had been waiting for me, and maybe he had I felt Edward throb inside of me. His hands left my hips and I saw them grip the sides of the table, "My Bella...mine."

He was breathing heavily even though I knew he didn't need to. His lips were still kissing my neck and I sighed sleepily. My body was still coming down when I felt myself moving. For a second I wondered if my legs had given out and I was falling over. But instead I was being carried by Edward back into the tent and our bed. I tried to tell him that I was fine to walk but the words came out mumbled. My orgasm had used up what little energy I had and I was actually delighted to find myself back in bed with Edward. We had done camping things yesterday, today I was sure I could talk him into staying in bed.

XXX

EPOV

On the fourth morning of our trip I explained to Bella that I was getting to the point where I needed to hunt. I assured her I wouldn't be gone long. Two hours at the most. It would be long enough to locate something, however unnappetizing it turned out to be. It would be worth it to be back with her and soon.

Bella waved away my concerns assuring me that she would be fine here. She would start a book, maybe have something to eat. I should go and have my breakfast too. She had laughed cheerfully at the idea and I hadn't been able to resist putting off the trip for long enough to bury myself inside of her. She was still in bed after all and it felt almost rude to ignore that fact. I managed to drag myself out of the tent an hour later. She amazed me. Nothing ever seemed to phase her, or at least not for long. A couple of days ago she had even asked me straight out if I was hungry. There had been no judgement on her face, though I had looked for it. There had been simple concern for me. For a moment I literally hadn't known what to say.

The huge idiot grin that seemed to want to take up permanent residence on my face was here again. I wasn't sure if there was any way I could be happier than I was right now. Well, unless I could be finished hunting and back by her side. I remembered how she had looked, bent over the table the other day and groaned. Even with no one to see me I didn't want to be hunting with a painful hard on in my jeans.

I fought to turn my mind to other things which was a lot harder than I had expected, as a result I almost didn't smell the deer that were about three miles to the right. They would do.

XXX

I finished in record time. I wasn't showing off, or competing with Emmet and Jasper to see who could get the biggest kill. I was in a hurry, I guessed this is what humans called lunch on the go. I was running as fast as I could. I wondered if she would still be in bed. She might be, if not I could always persuade her back into it for a while.

The fact that I had almost not noticed the deer should have been a warning really. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. Even when I was hunting for food I wasn't paying attention to it, I was too happy. But it should have been a warning. If I had taken it as such I might have been more focused. I might have noticed the thoughts I could hear sooner. By the time I did, he was almost on top of me and running wouldn't have helped.

I slowed down to ensure I could stop before we collided and suddenly a shape appeared between the trees, some twenty feet away. I didn't need to look at him to know that he was entirely focused on me.

"Jacob," the word was not a question. It was a greeting and an exclamation all in one. In my surprise at seeing him I forgot to be subtle, I forgot that a normal vampire would not recognise the wolf. The enormous red-brown wolf that was staring at me baring his teeth slightly. He had skidded to a halt just as I had. My thoughts were racing, which means I was having a lot of them in a very short space of time. What should I do here? How should I play it? The wolf hadn't come past the camp site, we were both heading towards it, though from different directions. There was no evidence in his thoughts that he had seen or heard Bella, thank God. He must not be allowed to get anywhere near her.

Leaving aside all my petty jealousy issues, and there were several, Jacob would know. He would smell her. He would smell me all over her. Then I had a horrible thought, he might be able to smell her now, on me. But the day was still and I had just hunted, I might still be able to salvage this. I had kept my face as smooth as possible during the second it had taken me to have these thoughts. Now I tried to do the same for my voice. Experience told me these wolves had to handled with care. I momentarily wished Jasper and Carlisle were here. Especially Jasper. "We didn't know for sure whether or not your kind still existed."

The boy-wolf's thoughts were almost...cocky? He liked the idea that he had caught me off guard. He didn't know that my reaction was due to other things. I was still considering possibilities. Would he recognise her scent in his wolf form if he hadn't experienced it before? I knew for a fact he had not seen her since his first shift. I knew because other than when I had packed up the car I had not left her side.

His thoughts were confirming my theories about his break up with Bella. Conveniently, he was thinking of it now. The fear he had felt that night, I was the cause of it. My family and I were responsible for the utter chaos that was now his life. We were the reason he had...been forced to give up Bella. It all clicked together with sickening ease. The night at the hospital when he had told Bella and her father that he was feeling unwell...she had been that close... That would have been when he phased for the first time. To my relief I caught no hint of mingled thoughts in his head. Currently his was a pack of one.

He had been terrified that first night and there had been no one to help him. I felt on odd stab of sympathy for the boy as he remembered Harry Clearwater yelling at him. He needed to calm down...He needed to get a grip...He would be able to change back when he was calmer. I wondered if Mr Clearwater had only heard the stories, or if he had seen a relative phase. Both were possible. I marvelled at the man's courage as I saw him through the boy's eyes. He had risked his life to help Jacob.

But the elders of the tribe had told him soon after that it wasn't safe for him to be with Bella now. It would put her in danger. Jacob Black would have gladly ignored them all, but he couldn't ignore his father. His father cared about Bella, and if he said it was too dangerous...well, he knew that his father was telling him the truth. He had called Bella and ended their relationship. He thought he had broken her heart and it was all my fault.

The wolf was seeing red, the longer he stared at me the worse it was. I was a freak of nature, I shouldn't be possible...His thoughts seemed a little like the pot calling the kettle black to me but I knew this wasn't the time to bring it up. I settled for reminding him of the promise given to us by the previous pack. "We didn't know you were here," I repeated, "But we have kept our side of the bargain anyway. I'm sure you're aware."

The wolf's thoughts paused. He was able to get a firmer grip on his temper now that I had dragged him from the dangerous path he had been following. He knew that the pack that came before had made a treaty. I knew that he knew of course. I had heard it from Bella. Bella...

Bella who was less than a mile away in a tent reeking of her and me and sex. I was suddenly feeling more anxious than before and I had to fight for a second to keep my face clear of emotion. I was trying to figure a way out of this and back to Bella when it happened. I could have moved quickly enough to avoid it, but that would have startled the wolf anyway. The moment of indecision cost me the chance to make the choice. The leaves behind me were tossed gently by the breeze that passed, and the wolf froze.

It didn't matter whether or not he had smelled her in his wolf-form or not. He knew the scent of Bella. Her happy, smiling face was suddenly front and centre in his mind. For the first time I actually felt genuine sympathy for Jacob Black. He loved her very much. Then there was pain. He was looking at me and putting all the clues together. But he was putting them together wrong.

He could see the golden colour of my eyes. He was thinking that meant that I was well fed. He could smell her, she was every where. I was so focused on the inside of his head that the rage almost made me stagger. I held up both my hands, "Wait, Jacob. Please let me explain." The wolf gave a roar that shook the trees, "I haven't hurt anyone I swear. I've been hunting deer."

He didn't believe me. He could smell the deer as well, it was true, but he didn't care. There was no other reason he could conceive of why I would reek of the young woman he loved. He knew he was new to this and he thought that he might die here and he didn't care. He could not let me walk away from this place, no matter what lies I spewed. Not if I had hurt Bella.

Then I heard something that almost made me drop to my knees. A human wouldn't have heard it, I was sure, but I did. And the wolf did too. Bella was calling my name and she sounded afraid. For an instant we both paused, looking at each other. Then he was off and running and I was behind him. It would only take seconds to cover this distance and I didn't know what to do.

I could attack him. Then what? We could fight, but one of us would kill the other. No offence to the wolf but I would put money on myself. I had dealt with the wolves before, I had a hundred years more experience making my body do what I wanted it to. And I could hear his thoughts. So I would kill him, or hurt him badly and then...nothing. How could Bella forgive me if I hurt him? I knew that she loved me, but that didn't mean that she didn't love Jacob as well. He had been her friend her whole life and I didn't see how she would be able to get past my hurting him.

The wolf wasn't even thinking about attacking me, at least not right now. He wanted to see Bella, he needed to erase the horrible image of me hurting her. It was blinding him to everything else. It was an awful image. But if I had touched a hair on her head he would rend me limb from limb.

His desire to see her was so strong it was over-riding his better instincts. He wasn't thinking far enough ahead to care that I was behind him and very close. He wasn't even wondering why Bella would be calling for me.

Oh Christ, this was going to go so wrong. That meant that there was only one priority now. If I couldn't prevent this from happening then I had to get between Bella and the fallout. Whatever that turned out to be. I pushed my body forward and over-took the wolf in a bound. Jacob gave a bark of outrage behind me and tried to coax more speed from his body.

I had to concede that he was very fast, but I was faster. By the time we emerged into the meadow there was a little space between us and it was all that I needed. Bella was standing at the opposite end of the clearing near our tent. She was looking worriedly around and I knew she had heard the roars from the wolf. I felt a touch of exasperation as I realised that she had come out of the tent, probably because she was worried about me.

Her eyes turned to me in the next instant. The horror didn't have time to register on her face. I used the space between my body and the wolf to slow down...just enough. I scooped Bella up into my arms and then I was running again. There was another coughing bark behind me and I could hear the rage and fear behind it. I wished I could take the time to stop and expain, I really did. But there was no way that could happen unless I let go of Bella and moved away. It was the only thing that would calm the wolf and that was not happening until I was a pile of ashes.

"Edward..." Bella's voice was breathy and I knew that despite slowing down as much as I could I had knocked the wind out of her. She was clinging to my neck with her legs around my waist. "Is that...Is that a wolf?"

"It's a long story Bella. But it's one you already know. Hold on as tight as you can. If you're scared of heights, close your eyes my love." I wrapped an arm tighter around her waist as we reached the edge of the clearing and I leapt upwards. Once we were as high as possible, I stretched out a hand and grabbed hold of a branch. Bella made a little sound in my arms and she clung to me tighter. If we had been doing this under different circumstances I might have chuckled. I selected a sturdy looking branch and walked along it towards the trunk. "It's okay now. You can even stand if you want."

Bella made that little noise again, "I don't want. Really don't want. Edward...is that really...it's too big to be a wolf. Isn't it?""

She was still clinging to my neck but she was looking down. She was staring at the wolf that had skidded to a stop and was growling loudly. "Bella, I wanted to tell you about this. But I couldn't."

"Couldn't tell me what?" Bella expression wasn't accusatory. It was simply curious.

It made me feel worse. She trusted me and I had kept this from her. Although she hadn't raised the subject with me directly I knew she must have wondered why Jacob had ended their relationship. I knew the answer, probably, and I hadn't told her. "Bella, the Quiluete legends are right about more than the cold ones."

She had been staring in horrified fascination at the wolf still growling up at us. Now she looked at me with a frown. Bella took a shuddering breath in and I watched all the colour drain out of her face. "Edward, are you saying that the wolf isn't a wolf? Isn't just a wolf?"

I nodded, "That's what I'm telling you. Very inarticulately." I was starting to feel very nervous waiting for some type of clear reaction from her. Her face was strangely calm. I wondered if maybe she was in shock.

"There's...there's actually a person inside that wolf?" The wolf in question was almost frantic. He couldn't climb a tree in his wolf form, but in his human form he would be too vulnerable...and naked. But he was close to not caring. I was running out of time to do something.

"There's not just any person inside." I took a deep breath and held Bella a little tighter, "Bella, that wolf is Jacob Black. And right now he's very worried about you."

Bella's mouth actually dropped open. I could have sworn I actually heard her heart stop for a second before it began to race. "Jake..." She looked down and stared at the snarling wolf.

The wolf couldn't see much. His vision was excellent of course, but there were a lot branches between us and him. It was not helping his nerves. My time was almost up. "Bella, I brought you up here like this because I was afraid. When the Quiluete's first phase into wolves like this they can be unstable. I was worried you could be hurt."

"Jake wouldn't hurt me." Bella unwound her legs from around my waist slowly and carefully. I kept hold of her waist but I was sorry she had let go. I felt better discussing this when she was in my arms.

"Not on purpose, I know that." I said trying to be fair. "But sometimes they can lose control of themselves. It can be dangerous. Plus we would have ended up fighting."

"What? Why?" I didn't know if it was my imagination or if Bella actually shrank back from me a little. There was a tightening in my chest that I didn't want to identify, I didn't think this was going well.

I rushed to explain. "Bella, he was running for the clearing because he heard you call my name. He heard that right after he caught your scent. Your scent all over me. He drew the only conclusion that he could, the only one that made sense to him. He thought I had fed from you."

Bella looked hard at me. There was still no colour in her cheeks but I wasn't worried she was going to fall anymore. She looked colder, "We need to go back down there. I...I have to talk to him."

I felt my face set into a rigid expression. I nodded and pulled Bella gently towards me. She went willingly enough into my arms but her eyes were shut tight. I wished that she would look at me. I needed to see her eyes to even make a guess at what she was thinking.

I could have just dropped to the ground but that might have been too much for Bella, and Jacob. When we were barely twenty feet from the ground the wolf saw us. The growling increased in intensity. My fear of something happening to Bella overrode my fear of her being angry with me. "Bella, he's so...I don't think..."

Bella opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She whispered, "Here goes..." and then raised her voice. "Jake? Can he hear me?"

I nodded, "Perfectly." In response to her voice the growling had stopped. He was listening intently.

"This is really strange for me Jake, and I think it is for you too. I want to come down there and talk to you. But...well the growling is kinda freaking me out."

Jake realised that he was actually scaring her more than I was. It surprised him but some part of his brain recognised that Bella had been here of her own free will. I waited with baited breath to see if he would make the next logical step, but he didn't. It surprised me, but I could tell he was just thinking about other things. Bella didn't sound that freaked out. Okay, a little, but she still wanted to talk to him. He was thinking that there might be a way to fix things with Bella.

I had to suppress the growl that built in my throat. Bella was mine and hearing these thoughts did not make it easier for me to take her down to him. The wolf backed away from the tree slowly. He didn't go too far and he didn't like moving back at all. But Bella had asked him to back off and so he would. When he was fifteen feet away from the tree, a distance he could leap in a second, he sank down to the grass.

Jacob looked the picture of calm, but I knew different. He was restraining himself, but his grip was tenuous. I started moving down again very slowly, ready to leap back up into the branches in an instant. When he saw how I was holding Bella he wasn't pleased. I was tempted to touch my lips to her hair subtly. I wanted to do something to let him now that she was mine now. But I didn't. Instead I fought to keep my stance as formal as possible when I set Bella back on her feet. I was not a dog and Bella was not my territory.

Bella frowned at me but she couldn't keep her attention from the wolf. It had started to whine softly. Bella gasped and took a step towards the wolf. It didn't move but I knew Jacob was feeling elated. She hadn't run screaming in the other direction. She was coming towards him.

Which meant she was walking away from me. It was a horrible moment. I didn't want her to leave my side but my reasons were conflicted. I did believe that the wolf could be a threat to her and I didn't want to see her walking blindly into danger. But my selfish side just didn't want to see her walking away from me and back to him. It felt awful.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks ever so to the 'holy trinity', they are the lovely michelle824, the fabulous Cherry Blushe and the wonderful VioletOD.**

**And to misswella, cheermom13 and EmptyMessages who took the time to review my last chapter. Their fine example should be followed by all.**

**In answer to EmptyMessages question, although I am pro-pregnant Bella, that is not the way this story is heading. Maybe next time...**

**Enjoy!**

XXX

BPOV

I knew I had gotten off too easily and here was the proof. This was my punishment and I deserved it. And my day had started out so well. After a wonderful wake up call from Edward I had taken a shower and tidied the tent, not that it really needed it, but indulging my domestic side was fun. I had imagined that Edward and I lived together and I was tidying our house. Silly, but harmless. I had taken a shower and found I was feeling a little adventurous. I had nervously examined Alice's underwear drawer and chosen the least scary set I could. Black lace had seemed like a good choice.

After I had gotten dressed I had curled up on one of the inflatable chairs with a book. I was so cheerful it was almost sickening. Then as I was having the thought that my life couldn't get any better right now I had heard the sound of an animal roaring. It had startled me so much that when I tried to get out of the chair I had gone sprawling on the floor.

If I had thought about it for more than a second I would have realised that no animal could actually hurt Edward. He was much too strong for that. But I didn't think. The panic was automatic and I scrambled to my jean clad knees and out of the tent.

Maybe I should have stayed inside. Maybe this could all have been avoided somehow. Now I was stood in front of a huge wolf. A wolf that apparently contained my oldest friend in the world. My Jake. I kept moving forward until I felt like my knees might give way. Other than the sound of my footsteps there was absolute silence. I couldn't even hear any birds in the still clearing. I swallowed hard. No normal wolf had ever grown to this size. Stood up it would tower over me. "Jake, why didn't you tell me?" I was oddly proud of the fact that my voice only shook a little. I thought I was handling all of this very well. I hadn't thrown up or anything.

The wolf let out a low whine. It seemed frustrated. I didn't know what to do. I wished I had stayed next to Edward. As though he had heard me Edward spoke. "He wasn't allowed to tell you anything. The whole council forbid him to tell you anything. His father too." I should have thought of that. Jake had been reluctant to tell me anything when he didn't really believe it. Now the pressure put on him would have been a hundred times worse. The pressure of being a freaking wolf some of the time. Edward spoke again, "I can hear thoughts...Every vampire is different...Most people don't..."

I found myself vaguely irritated by this course of events. I was the one being thrown in the deep end here and now they were talking over me. "Do you two mind?" I asked glaring at them each in turn.

Edward's face went blank and it surprised me. My brain recognised 'stress response'. I looked at Jake, was there any danger here? I didn't really think so. Theoretically yes, but he seemed calm now. It was strange how easy it was to think of the wolf as Jake. He was so different but there was something in his eyes. They were entreating, pleading. A look I almost recognised. He thought that I was angry with him or maybe scared of him, it was the only conclusion I could draw. I took a few steps towards him. Maybe there was something wrong with me, maybe my fear responses weren't wired correctly, but I wasn't afraid of him.

I had trusted Jake my whole life and this didn't change that. Maybe it should but it didn't. It was possible that I was in some kind of shock and that at any moment I would collapse or start screaming or something. Again I wished that I was still next to Edward. I wished that I hadn't let Edward leave me this morning so that I wouldn't be stood here between him and Jake.

A situation I didn't know how to begin to explain to my-now-ex-boyfriend. "Jake..." I started to speak but only got as far as his name and then ran out of words.

The wolf let out a quiet whine, it seemed oddly loud in the silent clearing. Then he moved towards me slightly. He didn't get to his feet, maybe he thought he would startle me (he might have been right about that), he kind of shuffled forward a little. Now there were only two or three feet between us. He kept his head low and stretched forward towards me. I did the only thing that made sense. I stretched out my hand to pet him. I could only explain it to myself later in the simplest of ways. He looked like a big dog and that's what you do to dogs. You pet them.

I thought I heard movement behind me, but it was slight enough to not matter. Just the breeze tossing the leaves. My fingers touched the coarse reddish brown fur on the side of Jake's face. It felt thicker than normal dog hair, though I didn't know if that was a wolf thing or a man-who-turns-into-wolf thing.

I leant further forward so that I could stroke his neck, it was a calm thing to be doing and it was giving me time to think. I didn't know what my next move should be. Should I ask Jake to turn back into himself so we could talk? Was that easy for him to do? And if he did what was I going to say? I didn't want to cause him pain but I didn't think there was any way to avoid it. Though I now had the added worry of Edward's words fresh in my mind. If Jake's new...deal was unstable and he didn't like what he heard then things could go badly. I had a sudden image in my head of Edward and Jake facing each other, both growling. No, whatever else happened here, that could not.

Should I lie? Could I? I was so deep in thought that when Jake's fur started to vibrate I didn't immediately register what that must mean. I didn't even realise the rumbling sound was coming from him. I almost looked up at the sky, I thought it might mean a thunder storm. Then things started to happen very quickly.

I heard Edward say, "No!" His voice was low but there was no mistaking the urgency and panic I heard.

Suddenly he was in front of me, he was facing Jake and pushing me backwards. I was confused until I saw that the Jake's wolf ears were lying flat on his head, his tale was swishing from side to side and he was growling. Having Edward appear so suddenly had shocked him. He was on his feet and backwards in one sinuous movement. Edward was not moving backwards. One hand was extended towards me, trying to prevent me coming any closer I guess. Not that I planned to. The other was held up in a peace gesture, "It's not her fault. You know that...Exactly...how could she have?...That's right..."

"Edward, what's going on?"

I might as well have not spoken for all the attention he paid to me. His focus did not stray from Jake who was still growling. "You don't want to do that Jake...You don't...She could get hurt...You don't mean that..."

Jake's eyes flicked to me except now they were entirely unfamiliar and I felt a stirring of fear. I didn't want this 'wolf' looking at me like that. The growling wasn't stopping and suddenly it was joined by another, "Don't do that, you're scaring her..."

The wolf was looking at Edward again. I could feel my hands shaking. This was getting out of control and I didn't even know what had happened. I thought everything had been going fine and suddenly...this. Edward could be right about the risk they presented. I wondered if he thought I had been stupid to go so near to Jake. We should have stayed up in our tree. It was nice up there. In jeans and a shirt it had been a little cold, but on the up side there were no enormous growling werewolves.

Just as I was fighting to make my brain cope with what was happening I felt someone take my wrist and I let out a squeak. I wasn't sure I was up to anymore unpleasant surprises. So I almost gasped with relief when I saw Alice. My mouth dropped open, "It's good to see you too Bella, Edward."

I sensed rather than heard movement behind me and I whirled to see Jasper emerging from the trees...looking kind of scary. He went and stood about a foot behind Edward and something in my chest relaxed. I hadn't really thought about it, mostly because having seen Edward's strength it was hard to imagine my Jake posing a threat to him. Then something quite profound occurred to me.

If there was a fight between Jake and Edward I knew who I would be praying for, to any god that would listen. That thought brought home the reality of the situation, more clearly than anything had yet. I still loved Jake, but my allegiances now rested with Edward. He was here, facing off with a giant wolf, because of me. I didn't know what steps I could have taken to prevent this, being in the dark as I was, but now that I knew what was happening it was in my hands.

I took Alice's hand in mine and she turned to me with a smile, "Are you okay?" She asked.

I was trying to nod but it didn't work and I just kind of shuddered, but although I felt like my body was about to give out, my resolve was firm. "Jake?" I said timidly. The wolf, who had retreated a few more feet when faced with Jasper now looked at me. "I do want to talk to you about this, about everything. I don't know exactly what happened here today but I would like to. But we can't do this now."

I held out the hand that wasn't gripping Alice's and indicated Jasper and Edward, "I don't want you guys fighting. I don't want anyone to get hurt. If things really are as you told me, then you can't do this Jake. Didn't you make a deal? Didn't your tribe make a deal?" The growling that had been coming from the wolf constantly, faltered a little. "They haven't broken the treaty Jake. Are you going to break it?"

The growling stopped and the wolf suddenly looked like Jake again. The effect wasn't quite as comforting now. He was clearly unsure about something but he didn't move, "No." Edward hissed at him, but he didn't move any closer.

"What?" I asked confused. I wished that Edward would look at me. He had still not taken his eyes off Jake, "What, Edward?"

"He wants you go to with him."

I took a shuddering breath. Of course he did. He wanted to talk now. He didn't want to have to wait, why would he? It was Jake. I looked to Alice who for the first time in my memory seemed very uncertain, "I can't see the wolves Bella. When I look for anything involving them I see nothing."

Another small piece of the puzzle clicked into place. I remembered Alice being hazy as to what would happen between Jake and I. This was the reason, because he was a wolf. I felt an hysterical bubble of laughter rising in my chest.

"She shouldn't be going anywhere. She's barely staying on her feet." Jasper's voice was low and I remembered his gift. He could feel what I was feeling. Now that he mentioned it again I realised how badly my hands were shaking.

"She's not going with you," Edward hissed.

The wolf looked at him and growled low again. It was getting sick of the sound. The tension was driving me crazy and seeing Edward and Jake like this wasn't helping. And wow, did I feel responsible. "Stop it!" I yelled, "Just stop it. Edward, I will go and talk to Jake now if he wants. It's okay."

Edward's eyes finally locked with mine an instant later and he looked horrified, "Bella..."

There was pain on his face and desperate concern. I knew he was afraid for me but even with the growling I didn't think that Jake would hurt me. Not really. He loved me. Besides if something didn't change here then a fight was inevitable. Since it was three against one I knew that Jake would lose. I didn't want that to happen. The thought brought me dangerously close to passing out. "I won't let you fight him. I can't."

Now most normal groups of teenagers would all have started talking at this point; all of them wanting to put in their two cents. It was a measure of the oddity of the group I was in, that instead silence followed my statement. I squeezed Alice's hand gently and dropped it. I took a step forward and then suddenly Edward was by my side, "Bella, you can't do this. It's not safe."

"Jake wont hurt me," I hoped no one else heard the tremor in my voice. I was trying to convince myself too.

"He knows Bella, about us."

My mouth dropped open. "How..?"

"My scent is all over you," he said simply.

I had been a fool not to realise this before. Jake had reacted to my proximity and this was why. He had smelled Edward. All over me apparently. I wondered if I should be more worried about Jake's reaction now. A part of me was, but the bigger part was yelling that the priority was to break up this gathering. "Jake will not hurt me," I said firmly. I tried to put as much emphasis as I could into the sentence. I was trying to convince myself too. Edward's expression was tortured and I felt it pull on my heart. He didn't want me to go; he thought that I might be in danger. I wished that I could slip into his arms, kiss him, reassure him. But I couldn't, a physical display of affection would help nothing right now. Instead I turned and faced Jake. "Okay," I said taking a step towards him.

The wolf took a step back and turned to face the other side of the clearing. His invitation was obvious. I took a deep breath and was about to move when I felt Edward touch my arm gently, "Please don't go with him Bella."

He wasn't looking me in the eye but I could see his expression clearly enough. It was almost enough to make me stop. I didn't want to see Edward in so much distress. But I knew that staying with him now would not solve the problem. I had been amazed how easily I had gotten out of my relationship with Jake and now it seemed to me like it was time to pay the piper. "This is my mess. I'm going to clear it up; make things right."

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I didn't. I'm not completely stupid, "Please don't follow me Edward."

XXX

We parted without another word and wolf-Jake and I set off across the clearing. WIth each step I felt something pulling harder, the something was in my chest and it wasn't happy with the direction I was going. Twice I almost turned round but I knew if I saw Edward and he looked as he had a moment ago I would turn back. I could not afford that luxury. I needed to resolve this.

When we reached the shelter of the trees I couldn't help myself and I glanced behind me. If the Cullens were still there I couldn't see them. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest. How had this happened? A few hours ago I had lain in bed with Edward, the huge inflatable bed I was coming to think of as ours. He had kissed every inch of my body, he had told me he loved me and I had felt happier than I could ever remember feeling before. Now I was walking into the woods with Jake and Edward wasn't here. I didn't like it at all.

I expected Jake to stop but he didn't. After ten minutes we were still moving deeper into the woods and I stumbled. I put out my hands to break my fall and scaped them painfully on the floor, "Jake, can't we talk here?" I asked scrambling to my feet and dusting off the knees of my jeans.

The wolf turned and regarded me for a second then it turned and came to stand by my side. It dropped onto in haunches again and swung its head round to look over its shoulder. "I don't understand."

The wolf gave a gentle whine and swung its head again. Surely he couldn't mean..."You, you want me to ride on your back?" The wolf-Jake gave a distinct nod. "But...but you wont be able to carry me far..."

The wolf gave an odd coughing bark and swung his head again. As odd as I found it to do this I didn't see why I shouldn't. I cautiously put my hands on the wolf's back and swung a leg over. I thought I was perched securely until I felt Jake get to his feet. I had hoped it would feel like riding a horse, something I had only attempted once. It didn't. His body, though larger overall was thinner and I wasn't really sure where to grip. In the end I did the only thing that made sense. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on as tightly as I dared.

The trees started to move past us more quickly as Jake increased his speed and I closed my eyes. This was definitely not my favourite way to travel. I felt very unstable perched on top of a giant running wolf, who was moving at a speed I wouldn't have thought possible when burdened with a whole person.

I was pleased that the ride didn't last long. When I felt the movement stop I opened my eyes to find myself still in the woods. As far as I was concerned one part was indistinguishable from another. I slid from Jake's back and stumbled as I landed. The wolf walked away from me and I was about to follow him when I saw his form shimmer oddly. I paused wondering if it was some weird trick of the light, but it wasn't. The wolf was turning back into Jake, a very naked Jake. He kept his back to me and stepped behind a tree.

I turned around and stared at the trees. This felt like a bad time to be seeing another man naked. Even though I had to admit that there was nothing wrong with the sight. I heard a rustle behind me and then a familiar voice, "What the hell Bella? I mean, what the hell?"

I turned and saw Jake striding towards me. He looked different. It looked as though he had gotten taller in the last few weeks and even bigger across the shoulders. He was buttoning a pair of ancient cut off jeans, and looking very pissed off, "Jake, I..." I didn't get any further before he cut me off.

"How long Bella? Did you really replace me that quickly? Was it going on before? Is this some sort of really twisted rebound thing?" He was bright red in the face and he kept walking away from me and coming back again, as though he couldn't stay still.

"Jake..." I said again, trying to inject a measure of calm into my voice.

"I mean for fuck's sake, you do know he's dead right? This isn't some weird virus that makes you crave blood and live forever. He's actually dead?" Now he was talking to me like a was an obtuse toddler and it was starting to annoy me.

"Jake..."

"And you've slept with him haven't you? Did you do this to get revenge or something? It's sick Bella, it's disgusting and sick," he spat.

Okay, that was just about enough, "Jake shut your mouth for a minute." He had clearly been about to interrupt me again but instead he did as I asked. Not that it improved him much. He was still looking sulky and sullen. I had been about to explain everything to him but now I wasn't sure I wanted to. I knew he was hurt and upset and probably didn't mean the things he had said. Or at least not in the way they had come out. Unfortunately I was close enough to hysterical to take them all personally.

"Just to be clear, are you angry that you found me with Edward, or are you angry because you think it was going on before you broke up with me?" I added just a hint of sarcasm to my question.

Jake fidgeted looking uncomfortable and any desire I had to try and pick a fight evaporated. As bewildered as I had been by his breaking up with me I knew now that he had done it because he thought it was best for me. How could I taunt him? It was simple chance that he had been the one to do the breaking and I hadn't had his noble motives. "Bella..."

"No, Jake. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just...I don't know what to say. I don't know how to start or what you want to hear." I knew plenty of things that I knew he wouldn't want to hear and I was still trying to figure out how much I should tell him. I had been intending to keep my relationship with Edward quiet for a while. So much for that idea.

Jake was breathing heavily. I realised that he was trying to calm himself down. He didn't look at me or speak for a full minute. FInally he said quietly, "You know what he is? I mean...really?"

There was no point in denying that much. I wondered how Jake could doubt that I knew. After all, Edward had leapt into a tree carrying me easily this morning. How would he have explained that if I didn't know? I nodded, "Yes."

His eyes blazed but his voice stayed level, "And it doesn't bother you? You're not disgusted by it?" The venom was back in his tone by the end of the statement.

I met his eyes, "No more than I am disgusted by what you are." Although I knew I shouldn't rise to the bait I couldn't help but defend Edward.

"This wasn't my choice Bella. I was born this way." Jake was getting close to shouting at me again.

"It wasn't Edward's choice either. But I think we're getting off topic here." I was eager to try and steer us back to calmer waters. But Jake was not having any of it.

He was still pacing and now he had started to wave his hands around as he spoke. He was taking all this very dramatically. I was prepared for him to be as angry with me as he wanted, but Edward had done nothing wrong. "I don't know. This seems like a perfect topic."

"What? Whether wolves are better than vampires? Personally I don't know enough of either to be a good judge. How about you?"

"I know all I need to know." Jake raised his chin and the smug look on his face irritated me all over again. I hated it when he acted so superior and he knew it.

"You sound like a cult member. Like you've been brainwashed. It's okay to think for yourself sometimes you know." For someone who hadn't believed any of it two weeks ago he was certainly on board now.

"I am thinking for myself. I think you are the one who's not."

I held up both of my hands, "Jake, this is going to get us nowhere. You asked to talk to me now and I came with you. Is this it? Is this what you needed to say?"

Jake stared hard at the ground, "Were you two...How long have you been sleeping with him?"

I was so glad he phrased the question that way. I did believe in honesty. Truly I did. But there was honesty and there was being brutal. I didn't want to have to tell him about the kisses Edward and I had shared. Any more than I wanted to tell him that I had only stayed with him as long as I had because his father had gotten sick. "Jake, if you want details you're not going to get them from me. But...it was after you and I broke up." Yeah, by at least a few hours. I could feel the blush staining my cheeks and I just prayed Jake would assume it was a result of our conversation in general.

"Why would you..."

"Why would I what?"

"Why would you do that? You never...you always said no to me and now...I mean how long have you known him Bella? A few weeks?" Jake was starting to get wound up again and I began to want desperately to change the subject.

"That's not the point and it's not really any of your business."

"Did you do it to get back at me? Did you? Did you find out what he was and think it would be the perfect way to get back at me?"

"Do you hear yourself? You're asking me if I made love for the first time to get revenge? To hurt you because you broke up with me? It's really nice to know what you think of me Jake! And in any case you've forgotten that I didn't even know what you were until this morning. So how could your ridiculous feud have anything to do with my choice?"

Despite my anger I was trying to be rational. I should have known that there was no point. Jake was really angry and when he got like this there was no point in trying to reason with him. He just had to yell until it was out of his system. But even as the thought occured to me I felt a twinge of unease. Yelling wasn't the only way he had to vent his anger now. "It's the only thing I can think of that makes sense Bella. I can not imagine any other reason why you would let that thing touch you. Why else?"

I didn't know if I should say it. I knew it could end badly if I did. But the fact was it didn't seem to be going very well now anyway and there was only one answer I could give to his questions. "Because I love him, Jake." Jake gave a mocking laugh and I could see that he didn't believe me at first. Then he froze. He knew me well enough to know that I wasn't lying. But judging by the horrified look on his face he was hoping he was wrong. I bit my lip. "I'm sorry," I whispered, I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"How?" I couldn't tell what Jake was feeling, his face had gone completely blank, "How could that happen?" I couldn't think of anything sensible to say. How does falling in love ever happen? I've never heard anyone explain falling in love. I shrugged helplessly and Jake's eyes darkened. "That's it? That's the best you can do?" He gave an exaggerated shrug.

"Jake, what do you want me to say? I just...I don't know how. But it's true. It just happened."

"Things don't happen...they don't JUST happen! I have known you my whole life Bella and I've loved you for as long as I can remember. You said you loved me too. And now...what? Now you're over it and in love with a dead guy? In a couple of weeks? What the fuck!" Jake was red in the face and yelling at the top of his lungs. And he was starting to scare me.

"Jake, please calm down. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I took an involuntary step backwards.

"You're sorry? Is that supposed to make me feel better?" He was still pacing angrily and I fought the urge to move even further back.

I wasn't exactly crying but I could feel the tears coursing down my cheeks. I thought I was prepared to bare Jake's anger; I knew I deserved it. But it was hurting me so much. "I don't know what else to say Jake. I didn't choose this. I didn't want to hurt you, I tried not to feel this way, I did. But I couldn't help it. I'm sorry."

"You tried? For all of a day?" The yelling was getting stranger, it was almost like he was growling even though he wasn't a wolf. "And what about me? Am I just supposed to be happy for you? Should I wish you good luck?"

"Jake, I didn't want to you to find out this way..."

"You didn't want me to find out at all. How long were you lying to me Bella?"

Jake's hands were shaking. His jaw was set and he was staring at me as though I was a stranger. A stranger he hated instantly. "Jake, I think you need to calm down. You're scaring me."

"I'm scaring you? You knew what scares me? It scares me knowing that I loved you and you were lying to me. And I knew something was wrong. I knew, you bitch. And you just told me everything was fine. That's the worst thing..."

Jake suddenly stopped talking. His gaze was far away and the shaking was getting worse. It was spreading up his arms, "Jake, what's happening? Please, calm down."

I wasn't sure if Jake could still speak or not. I hastily started to back away. I had been trying not do that, but I couldn't help it now. The fear I had been fighting was getting the better of me. I was a second away from turning and running when I heard an odd whistling noise. Before I could find the source of the sound it had stopped in front of me. Jasper. If I had been expecting company it would not have been his. But in a matter of moments he was joined by another figure. Something in my chest relaxed when I realised that Edward was here. I felt calmer immediately, which I knew was a stupid reaction to have.

Where Jake had been, the wolf was stood again. He was growling loudly at Edward and Jasper but this time it was different. The wolf had been growling before but now it wasn't wary, it was furious. It was out of control. I knew what he was going to do even though he didn't look like Jake. Edward whispered, "Please don't Jacob. Please don't."

It was no good. The wolf leapt forward roaring. I couldn't breath, I called out to Jake and begged him to stop, but the words were strangled. Then I couldn't see anything. I had been lifted off my feet and my face was covered. But I could hear it. I heard a sickening thud, the kind you hear when someone bangs their head hard. Even though you don't feel it yourself you can't help but wince. I heard Edward call, "No!" Then a yelp. I was trying to understand why I couldn't see when there was another thud, louder than before and then silence. A silence much scarier than the sounds.

Then the world rushed back in. I heard Alice whispering in my ear, she was holding me up and my face was buried in her neck. She was telling me to take some deep breaths, that I would be okay. But it wasn't me I was afraid for. I could hear scuffling and a pitiful whimpering noise. I struggled against Alice's embrace and she let me go reluctantly. Although I was afraid of what I might see, I couldn't not look.

The wolf was lying on its side about fifteen feet away, clearly in a lot of pain. The enormous animal kept trying to move but everytime it tried it gave an agonized whimper and trembled. The sight shook me and I felt myself sinking to the floor, until a tiny but strong arm wrapped around my waist. But no matter what support Alice tried to lend me, I couldn't ignore what was in front of me. Jake was badly injured and it was all my fault.

In movies when things like this happen, the world slips into slow motion, there are flashing lights and dramatic music. There is nothing so grand in the reality. Just that awful thud and now this. It was done in a second and even more horrifying because of it.

Edward was on his knees next to the wolf, and Jasper had pulled out a small silver cell phone. I tried to get closer but Alice held me fast, "No Bella, you have to stay here for a minute. It's not safe."

"I have to...I have..." I didn't know what I had to do, but I knew I couldn't just stand here and listen to Jake's pain.

Alice's was trying to sooth me but it wasn't working, "There's nothing you can do right now Bella. I'm sorry, but there isn't."

"How bad is it?" I could hear my voice trembling. The tears were pouring down my face again, but this time I could feel the sobs heaving in my chest.

She shook her head, "I don't know. Jasper is calling Carlisle. He'll get here as soon as he can."

"What...what happened?" I was terrified of the answer but I had to know.

"Jake leapt forward to attack and Jasper hit him. Jake was thrown into a tree." She said these words quietly, trying to dull the shock I guessed. It was no good. While my brain was registering that Edward hadn't actually done this, I was seeing Jake's body hit a tree. I couldn't even see the wolf, just Jake. When it occurred to me that the second thud had been the sound made by the collision the world spun. My knees gave way and I slumped towards Alice.

XXX

When I started to become aware of my surroundings again I was puzzled. I was warm and comfortable, was I back in 'our' bed? Had it all been a terrible dream? Even as I hoped it was true, I knew it wasn't. The light was different, I was in a house. A house that smelled very familiar. Someone was stroking my face and it was very soothing. The fingers were warm and soft. Curiousity finally forced my eyes open and I saw Sue Clearwater. She was kneeling next to the sofa where I was apparently lying. I guessed it was she that had covered me in a blanket and the motherly gesture nearly brought me to tears again.

Then I realised that she must now know at least some of what was going on. How that could be was a mystery but I was still mortified and my cheeks flushed. I bit my lip nervously, "Is Jake here?"

Sue nodded and gave me a kind smile, "He's with the 'doctor'. His father's in there with him too." She indicated a spot behind me and I realised I was in her house. Somehow I had assumed I was at Jake's but of course they had been staying with her. Billy was still unwell.

A fresh surge of guilt hit me. This was the last thing the older man needed, "How's he doing?"

Sue tried to hide her reaction from me, "Nothing that won't heal."

As though he had sensed us talking about him I heard Jake give a cry of pain from one of the bedrooms. I sat up immediately and swung my legs off the sofa, "I have to..."

The world was stil spinning a little and I felt Sue's restraining hand on my shoulder, "You have to sit here for a while. Let the bloo...let the doctor do his work." I was amazed to realise how much venom there was in her tone. Sue knew everything then.

"You're letting Carlisle treat him?" If they hated the vampires so much I was amazed that they were allowing one anywhere near a wounded Jake.

"We don't really have much choice. He will heal faster than a normal person and it would raise eyebrows. Besides, for all the stories I've heard, that doctor helped Billy in the hospital and now he's helping Jake. He doesn't have to do anything, but he is anyway." I could hear the grudging admiration in her voice and I was impressed. I wondered what Carlisle had said to convince them. It must have been good. After all they would have shown up with Jake wounded and me unconscious. What a wonderful introduction that must have been. Sue's gaze met mine, "They said that Jake attacked them first?"

I nodded, "He was...he was upset. It was my fault. I'm sorry Sue."

I stared down at my hands; twisting my fingers in my lap. "For what, child?"

"For this, for everything. You must know what happpened, how this happened. It's all my fault. I should have told him sooner, I should have been more honest with him. Maybe if it hadn't been such a shock he would have..." My voice ran out of steam.

"Bella, hush now. No one is blameless in all of this. There's plenty of guilt to go around and you can have your share, but it is certainly not 'all your fault'." I didn't say anything. There was no point in arguing with Sue but I definitely didn't agree with her. "Listen to me, I don't know everything that happened, but I do know that you couldn't predict this. No one can see the future." I almost interrupted to tell her that I actually knew someone who could read the future. But I knew what she meant, "I know you Bella, I have known you your whole life, and I believe that you did the best you could. Knowing what you know now, maybe you would do things differently, but everyone can say that about something in their life."

I could see the point she was trying to make and maybe it would offer me comfort at some point. But right now I could do nothing but hate myself. I wished Edward was here. Wishing for him suddenly brought home the reality that he wasn't here, "Ummm...where are the others?"

"When you say 'the others', I assume you are asking about the one who refused to leave your side? The one Jake found you with in the woods. The one who had to be threatened and reminded of the treaty and begged by the doctor before he would even take a step away from you? That one?" I flinched away from the words even though they weren't said harshly. Sue's lack on condemnation made me feel worse if anything. "He wanted to take you but we wouldn't let him. Can't have them taking people off the reservation. He and the others are outside."

I nodded though I was sorry she had stopped him. I wanted him with me so badly it hurt. Then I mentally slapped myself. I couldn't be this selfish. Before I had thought only of what I wanted. I had ignored anything that might have warned me about Jake because it was easier and because I wanted Edward so badly. I couldn't do that now. Hiding my head in the sand had gotten me...well, here. I gave a shuddering sigh and felt Sue grip my hand, "I need to talk to him."

"Bella, please don't take this the wrong way, but which 'him'?" Sue looked apologetic at the question.

I wouldn't have thought that I could have flushed but somehow I managed it, "Both, I guess. But I don't think Jake's in any fit state for that kind of conversation right now." That was my main concern, but in the back of my mind I could see Jake's hands shaking as they had when we had been talking before. It had scared me more than I had realised given my state of shock at the time. I didn't know how to handle something like that. Although now I wondered if Jake's reaction had been to me or if he had heard the Cullens approaching. Both were possible.

Sue was nodding, "I agree, but you know if he comes to and you're not here, as soon as he's able he'll come looking for you."

I couldn't deny that she was right. I needed to talk to Jake, but I was struck with how little I had to say. What could I say? I had already told him everything. What would more talk accomplish? "I don't know how to handle this..." I said quietly. "I feel so lost Sue."

Despite the weight in my chest, my eyes were dry. I felt Sue take my hand, "Bella, just tell him the truth."

"I tried that. And here we are."

"No, you gave him some shocking news at a very bad time. I would guess that he was already wound pretty tight before you got the chance to explain anything?" I nodded, "Well, that's not the best way to deliver bad news. I know there wasn't much else you could do at the time, but I think you should try again."

Sue was right of course. I owed Jake that much. It hadn't been the best time for an open discussion and it was an awful way for Jake to discover the...depth of my relationship with Edward. There was a knock on the door that startled me. Sue hesitated but then she went to answer it. I was surprised by how light it was outside. Not sunny by any means, but still obviously daytime. So much had happened since I had awoken that morning and yet only a few hours had passed. Again I lamented the fact that I had let Edward leave me this morning.

As though I had conjured him up, when Sue opened the door, Edward was standing there, "I'm sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to check on Bella."

"She's fine," as kind as Sue had been to me, there was still an ice cold edge to her voice. I hadn't heard it in a while, not since I was a child and Jake and I had smashed eight plates trying to sneak a taste of something Sue was cooking. Funny, but I couldn't remember what it was I had been so anxious to taste. For a nostalgic moment I wondered if Jake remembered, then I shook myself.

I lurched to my feet. The weight that had been sitting on my chest seemed to be easing now and I knew if I went to Edward I would feel better still. I was already rationalising things in my head. I couldn't talk to Jake right now. He was still being treated and then he would probably be given drugs to help with the pain. I couldn't do any good here. So why shouldn't I go with Edward?

When he met my eyes I felt a twinge of unease. Something was wrong. I hadn't seen Edward look at me that way before. He looked cold and distant, but underneath I thought I could see something else. I was distracted when Sue spoke, "Do you want to go Bella? You don't have to, of course." I hesitated, I wasn't sure whether leaving now would take me further down the road to becoming a terrible person. Again, Sue took pity on me, "I can call you when he's back with us again."

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, "Would you? That would be great."

She gave me a kindly smile, "It's no problem. Anything I can do to help." I was already walking towards the door and she squeezed my shoudler on the way out, "Anything Bella. You can always call me."

I was touched beyond words but I managed a smile as I left the house. When I heard it click behind me I turned to face Edward, but he was staring off into the trees. I followed his gaze and saw Jasper and Alice. They were sat on the ground, Alice on Jasper's lap looking perfectly content. Alice turned her head and smiled at me and then nodded at Edward. "They'll wait for Carlisle to finish up and then they'll call," he said and I was relieved he was talking. The edge I had sensed to his mood seemed worse out here. I couldn't think of anything to say so I just nodded. Edward helped me into the jeep but took his hand off my arm quickly. He was climbing into the driver's seat an instant later, "I should probably take you home."

Home? I had naively assumed we would go back to the meadow but it seemed silly once I thought about it. We were too far removed there and I needed to be reachable. "Okay, I'm sorry our trip got cut short."

"Not your fault," said Edward and there was more warmth in his voice.

I wanted to apologise again but the words stuck in my throat. Even though I knew logically that there was nothing I could have done to prevent what had happened today, it just seemed like too much bad luck. Either I was nearly killing myself on a bike, or I was getting sick or other people were getting sick...or ex-boyfriends were revealing themselves as werewolves. Things just seemed to be happening around me at the moment, things that seemed determined to affect my time with Edward. Surely he would get sick of it eventually, sick of me.

Looking nervously at his tight jaw now I felt nauseated. Something was telling me that this was not good. This was Edward's tense look on a whole different level. I almost started to speak a hundred times on the drive home but every time I stopped. I was afraid of what he might say. By the time we reached my house I was fighting to keep my breathing steady. Edward was out of his seat and opening my door before I could even unfasten the harness masquerading as a seat belt. "Calm down Bella, it's over. You don't have to worry about it anymore."

His words were supposed to comfort me I guessed but he couldn't have said anything worse. I didn't want to hear the words 'it's over' coming from Edward. My knees were starting to feel weak and when I went to climb down my feet wouldn't work. The arms I was getting used to steadied me. But they let go far to soon. I stumbled to the door and managed to get it open after a few seconds fumbling. I automatically headed towards the kitchen, hoping Edward would follow. "Bella, there's something we need to talk about."

Despite the slight difference in his words my heart froze. I had watched enough movies to know that the phrase 'we need to talk' never led to anything good. I forced myself to take a breath, my head was going to start spinning if I didn't. Edward's eyes were fixed on my face but he didn't come any closer to me.

"This is going to be a shock Bella." I nodded, a frown crossed Edward's face but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "I'm sorry but, I don't think Forks is going to work out for us."

Although I understood the words themselves, I couldn't fathom their meaning. What did Forks have to do with anything? Didn't we have enough to deal with today without debating the pros and cons of my hometown. Why was this relevant now? "You don't think...what are you saying Edward?"

"It's just too complicated Bella. We had no idea when we decided to come back here that the Quiluete wolves still existed. As you saw today, even with the treaty, things are difficult. They will only get worse if we stay."

One word stood out from the others. 'If' they stayed. The implication being that they were going to leave. And the air that had filled the house was suddenly vanishing. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and I wasn't sure how my body was staying upright. The idea of being without Edward was crippling. It had been hard enough to avoid him before but now...after so much had happened between us it was simply impossible. My throat tightened, as though my body was agreeing with my mind. Without Edward...I wouldn't be okay. I wouldn't be okay ever again. I frantically tried to think of a way to stop this, "So, you're saying that you, and you're whole family, are leaving because Jake's a wolf?" I asked bartering for thinking time.

"Yes and no. There are other reasons too." Edward shrugged his shoulders and I found myself irritated by the lack of concern on his face. He looked as though he didn't care that what he was saying was hurting me. Every word out of his mouth was cutting me to ribbons and he just looked calm.

"What other reasons?" I choked out.

Edward blinked but then let out a sigh, "Bella, I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to be cruel, but I don't think...even if the Quiluete's weren't an issue...I don't think it could work between us. We're too different."

"I don't care how different we are. It doesn't matter." My voice was almost a whisper; at least it didn't shake.

"It does matter. It matters to me Bella." Edward looked at me, pity etched across his face, "I am sorry. Truly sorry, it was wrong of me to let you get so attached to me before I was sure about how I felt. But it's better that I tell the truth now."

"And what 'truth' is that?"

"That there are too many differences between us Bella. It's just too complicated. It won't be worth it in the end." As Edward spoke that last sentence his eyes travelled up and down my body and they were just a tiny bit mocking, only a fraction, but it was there. I knew what he was trying to say; that in his eyes, I wouldn't be worth the trouble. I was so grateful for that look, it was so different from anything he had ever done. It was a side to Edward I had never seen and I was glad. It told me he was lying.

XXX

EPOV

Bella had asked that I not follow her, but she had not said one word about Jasper. He hadn't even needed a word from me. He set off in pursuit of Bella almost immediately. I only needed to keep his thoughts in range and I would know if there was any sign of the wolf getting out of control.

It was merely a precautionary measure and I hadn't expected her to actually need us to intervene. She was so sure of Jake...but then Jasper's thoughts clattered into my head and Alice and I were running. And we only just got there in time...

My natural instinct had been to pull Bella into my arms but I took my place next to Jasper. Alice would keep her safe. My concern for Bella was so strong that I barely considered the possibility that I was concerned about that wrong thing.

Jacob Black had lost anything resembling control. The girl he adored was in love and not with him anymore. She had told him so. Now he was facing two vampires and he knew that he would lose this fight. The frightening fact was that he didn't care. He just wanted to do as much damage as he could, preferably to me.

I heard the intention to attack and I called out to him to stop but he didn't hear me. It wouldn't have mattered if he had; Jasper was too fast...Then it was too late. Jacob Black was lying broken on the ground and it was too late.

XXX

Bella's eyes were wide and glassy as she stared at me. I wished she would look away. I couldn't bear to see the pain there and I was already hanging on by my fingertips. I was getting ready to do something desperate; say something cruel enough to make her hate me forever. I had been inside enough people's heads to know that even the most ridiculous untruths can cause pain.

I loathed the thought of inflicting that kind of damage on Bella, but I didn't see much of a choice. I had to get out of here. The sooner I was finished with this, the sooner I could run from Forks and find somewhere dark to be alone. It was the only thing I would want once I was done here and I knew it. I might as well be having my heart cut from my chest, and it was worse because I was doing it to myself. The only thing keeping me on course was the knowledge that I was doing the right thing,

Seeing Bella fall to the ground through Alice's eyes had been one of the most horrifying experiences of my long life. Also on the list was looking at the broken wolf and imagining Bella in his place. I couldn't ignore the reality. Even though Carlisle had insisted that Bella was suffering from nothing worse than shock, I could see the truth. When it came to trying to mix vampires and humans and shapeshifters only the vampires were left standing. I would not find it easy to live with harm coming to someone Bella cared for so much. But if Bella was the one to die...There would be nothing afterwards; nothing in this world that I would care about.

From the day I had entered her life I had disrupted it. I had caused her grief and guilt and stress and pain and I didn't see how I could change that now. The wolf was not going to walk away. I had seen it in his thoughts. He wanted Bella and that was part of it, but I knew he also genuinely wanted to protect her. He was terrified for her and what could happen to her life because of me. He had lain in his bed and thought of her while Carlisle was working on him.

Jacob had drifted in and out of consciousness but when he was most alert there was only one thought in his mind. He had to find a way to save Bella from me. She didn't know what she was doing. He pictured her with us, if she stayed with me she would have to give up everything for nothing. She would grow old and die alone, she would never have a family, she would lose the other people who cared about her when she was forced to leave Forks with us.

They were all thoughts I had had, but I had done my best to ignore them for one reason. Because I had wanted her so badly. But I didn't think that was enough of a justification anymore.

Bella gave a shuddering gasp and I realised that she hadn't been breathing for almost a full minute. Her face had drained of colour and her left hand groped blindly for the back of the sofa. I wanted to go to her more than I had ever wanted anything. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her and tell her I was sorry and beg her forgiveness. I was afraid that if she cried I might lose control completely.

But Bella didn't cry. Instead she looked down at her feet and took several slow breaths. Her heart slowed slightly and I felt a momentary relief coupled with a fit of pique. I hadn't expected her to be calm when I told her I wanted to end things.

I was wishing she'd made a bit more of a scene when her head snapped up and she fixed me with a look that should have turned me to dust. For nowhere I remembered an obscure Oscar Wilde quote about there being two tragedies in life. Not getting what we want, and getting it. I had wanted a scene after all, I had just expected sadness, not the rage I now recognised. It baffled me.

"Edward Cullen, you are a filthy liar," Bella practically hissed the words at me and they took me aback.

"Excuse me?" I said stupidly. At least I was remembering my manners, Esme would be proud.

"No, I don't think I can excuse you. You're a good actor Edward, maybe even a little too good. You were playing your role so well you forgot that you are still you." She looked me up and down with a very unpleasant leer on her face. "That kind of behaviour is not you." I knew she had exagerated it but I couldn't help but aknowledge to myself that she was right. I had taken it too far. Somehow, in a ridiculously short space of time she had come to know me too well for that.

I did the only thing I could think of, I tried to cover it, "You're right and I apologise. I'm just trying to make this easier on you."

"Easier on me? And how does that work?"

"I don't want to hurt you, I take no pleasure in that thought at all." Damn right, if it didn't kill me I would be lucky, "I thought I would make it easier for you to hate me. But I shouldn't have tried to deceive you. Even slightly..."

"Not slightly, entirely. I know how you feel about me Edward. However irrational it might be, I know it."

I almost argued with her, I wanted to tell her that she was crazy. It was perfectly rational for me to be in love with her. Fortunately I remembered myself, and what I was here to do, in time, "Bella, I am telling you the truth..."

"You liar!" Bella was suddenly yelling. Her legs seemed to have steadied and she strode towards me. I almost backed up but she stopped, staring into my eyes furiously. There were tears pouring down her face but she dashed them away angrily. Her breathing was steady. "Who do you think you are? I am a grown-up, an adult, a human being and I am entitled to make grown-up, adult decisions about my own future, based on real information, given to me by someone who has claimed to love me. You absolute bastard!"

And as hard as she could Bella pounded my chest. I couldn't think of a single thing to say. I couldn't deny her her anger, especially not when she was right. My hands automatically went to stop her, but only because I didn't want her to hurt herself. When my fingers closed around her fists she pulled away and I immediately let her go. She stared at me angrily for another second and then she turned her back.

I could hear her trying to get her breathing under control. Her heart was racing again, she was in pain again, and it was my fault...again. The guilt lanced through me. I knew I needed to find the strength to go on, but I couldn't. I was about to take a step towards her when she spoke again, "I know what you're doing here Edward," Bella's voice was suddenly very quiet. All the fight seemed to have gone out of her, "You've spent some time thinking and you've decided it would be better for me if you left." I was trying to think of something to say in reponse but she didn't wait for a reply, "How nice and noble of you. Except that it's all bullshit. You are being selfish, you are making my choices for me..."

"Bella, I..."

"I'm talking right now if you don't mind." Bella's voice didn't get any louder but she turned and pinned me with those eyes again. She knew I could hear her perfectly and so I shut up, "You think because you've been alive for so much longer than me that you're seeing the big picture while I'm living in fantasy land.

"Believe me Edward I get it, I do. I have thought more about this than you realise. I know what this choice means. I'll never be a mother, I'll have to leave everyone behind because you will never age. I'll never grow old with you, I'll be wrinkled and senile and probably hating you for your youth. But I'm not running Edward, I'm here and I'm not running. You don't know better than I do, you're as new to this as I am so don't pretend." I stood there and gazed into her chocolate eyes, "Are you going to run now? Turn and run at the first hurdle? Destroy my life because you think you know better? Are you that much of a coward? I really hope you're not."

I opened my mouth, trying to think of something to say. My carefully constructed plans for my speech had gone out of the window in the wake of her anger. I hadn't accounted for that. Did I continue to lie? Did I have it in me to keep up this charade? Was she right? I had thought I was doing the right thing, was I just being selfish? Well, not intentionally...but maybe this decision was selfish from her perspective. Then again, maybe I just wanted to let her convince me.

Bella took a step back towards me and then she froze, "Edward, can you imagine what this would have done to me if I had believed you? Have you really thought about it? I would have spent the rest of my life wondering what I did to drive you away, wondering whether you ever gave a damn about me. Wondering whether you ever told me the truth about anything, or if you just made a habit of bedding the local virgins in every town you stay in."

Hearing those words staggered me all over again. I wasn't really sure whether what she was saying was true, but I knew that Bella believed it. I had been convincing myself that she would get over me. I had rather half-heartedly hoped that she would move on with her life and forget about this strange interlude. But now I was uncertain and Bella sounded anything but. I tried to force myself to stick to the plan, but I couldn't form a convincing sentence. I couldn't let her think it hadn't meant anything, that couldn't be right. "Bella...it would be for the best. You could forget about me and live your life in peace. I would go, I would disappear and you would never have to think of me again."

She took another step towards me and I saw her hands twitch as though they wanted to reach out for me, "But I would think about you. I would think about you every day. Perhaps you don't know me well enough to understand yet, but...Edward, it's too late. I can't let you go now."

Her voice almost broke towards the end and the sound almost broke my heart. I shouldn't have let her speak. I knew that now. I should have said something awful and then vanished. Now Bella was changing the game and I didn't know how to stop her. I had to try hard to want to, "Bella..."

"Do you really want me to? Is that what you truly want, hope for? Would it make you happy to know that I had found that life you want for me? With someone else?" My entire body tensed as unwanted and unbidden a powerful image crept into my mind. Bella married, maybe with children...maybe with Jacob Black. My hands curled into fists and I fought the urge to growl. Now was not the time. Bella however, didn't seem to want to let it go. She took another small step towards me, she was close again now, "Tell me, would it make you happy to see me with another man? To imagine us together, talking, laughing, making love?"

I couldn't stop it, a low hiss escaped me, though I tried to stop it quickly. It was hard, I was starting to see things through a red haze. Bella looked oddly triumphant, she slowly raised her hands and placed them gently on my chest, "Do you want me to let another man put his hands on me, kiss me, be naked with me, like you? Would that make you happy? Answer me. Tell me the truth."

Before I could stop myself my hands had reached out for her waist. I managed to stop them before they touched her; I had never seen my hands tremble before. "Bella, there is nothing I can do, nothing I can be for you. Being with me would be a waste of your human life." My voice sounded strangled. The words themselves were choking me. I couldn't put any conviction in them now.

Bella bit her lip but she didn't take her hands off of my chest, "But don't you see, you don't have the right to make that decision. If you didn't want me it would be different. But you do, I know you do, I can feel it. And I would be able to feel it no matter how much distance you put between us. How could I forget you?" I was sorry when Bella took her hands off my chest, but slightly relieved. It was hard to think clearly when she was touching me. My relief vanished when her hand moved up and she touched my cheek. She took another small step forwards and her body touched mine. I drew in a shudering gasp, knowing I should move away. Except that I didn't even try.

Bella was staring into my eyes and when she leant up onto her toes I could have sworn I felt my heart beat again. She pressed a kiss gently to the side of my mouth, "I love you Edward Cullen. Accept it." I let out a groan and pulled her against me. She was in my arms when I had been trying to accept the fact that she never would be again. Bella let out an agonized sigh. Her hands slid around my neck. "I'm yours, that's what you want isn't it?"

I couldn't answer. There was nothing to say, she had already said it all. I had been so sure that I was going to leave her. It would have killed me to do it, but now I wanted to forget all of it. I wanted to let Bella be right; to convince me that it was right to stay with her.

So I pulled her closer and pressed my lips to hers. She whimpered gently and tangled her fingers in my hair. The kiss started to grow deeper and more out of control as I held her warm body against me. She was mine and I wasn't letting her go. I would figure out a way to make it work. "I love you Bella. Forget everything I said please. I didn't mean any of it. I love you."

"Just don't do anything that stupid ever again," she murmured against my lips.

"I won't, I swear." And I wouldn't. I vowed it to myself now. I wouldn't leave her unless she asked me to. I wasn't really sure whether I could have done it or not anyway; whether I could have stuck to it. Bella was under my skin, she had crept into every cell of my body and she wasn't leaving. What would I possibly do without her? I dragged my mouth away from hers and buried my face in my hair, "I'm sorry. I thought I was..."

"Edward shhh. Don't let's talk about it anymore." Bella's fingers were stroking the back of my neck and I was surprised by how soothing I found it. She turned her head and kissed the column of my throat. Then the fingers stopped their stroking. She reached behind her to take one of my hands in hers. I was disappointed that she had stopped but I followed her to the couch.

I sat and opened my arms for her. I wanted to hold her and beg her for her forgiveness, "Bella, I'm so..."

She was still standing in front of me and she held up a hand, "We are not talking about it Edward." I watched as Bella reached for the fastening on her jeans. She was kicking off her shoes as she wriggled them down her legs. "We are going to forget all about it."

I tried to stop my body reacting but around Bella I seemed to have almost no control over such things. It seemed wrong somehow to be able to go from agony to delight so quickly but as I watched inch after inch of Bella's skin come into view I decided that maybe I shouldn't worry about it. I wanted to touch her now; to prove to myself and her that I was staying here. My conscience gave a small grunt, "Bella, we don't have to..."

Bella pulled her shirt over her head leaving her clad only in her bra and panties. I noticed that they were new...and black...and lacy. I was almost sure Bella didn't hear the groan that escaped me, "No, we don't have to." Bella said as she straddled me, "But I think we should anyway."

How did she do this to me? When I was sure I knew what I should, or shouldn't, be doing, Bella turned everything on its head. It was one of the things I loved most about her. She was so gloriously unpredictable. Her breasts pressed against me as she kissed me again. This time I didn't try to smother the groan I let out as her warmth soaked through my clothes. Bella whimpered and pushed her hips forward into mine. I could already feel myself straining against my jeans and the friction she created made me gasp.

I had to remind myself again and again of how fragile she was and how careful I needed to be. My arms wrapped around her and pulled her just a little more tightly against me. She gasped against my lips, clinging to my shoulders. I stroked my fingers down her back, skimming the waist band of her black panties. If she had just taken her clothes off when we arrived, we wouldn't have gotten as far as the argument. The scrap of lace was far too distracting. Bella shivered when my hands stroked over her hip. Her skin was so hot under my fingers it reminded me of when she was sick, she was feverish again now.

Bella's was squirming in my lap, pushing herself again and again against the bulge in my jeans. "Edward, touch me please...please."

I groaned at her words, I loved it when she told me what she wanted. Reaching down, I pushed her panties aside and ran my fingers lightly over her sensitive flesh. Bella gave a whimper and pressed her lips to my neck. "Like this my love?" I asked her quietly.

Bella nodded frantically but she didn't speak. Instead she trailed her fingers down my chest. When she reached the waist band of my jeans she popped open the buttons with one hand. I was holding my unneeded breath as her fingers slid inside. This time I was glad I hadn't worn underwear. Bella's warm hand encircled me gently, but firmly and I groaned loudly. As though she was responding to the sound Bella grew wetter under my fingers. It was hard to concentrate on anything but the feeling of her little hand stroking away the ache between my legs, but I made the effort.

I slid a finger inside of her gently and Bella cried out. Her grip on me tightened slightly and I grunted as I felt myself throb. Bella was rocking against my hand, clinging to my neck, her breathing heavy as my thumb circled her clit. After a few moments she released me and began pulling at my jeans. I was so caught up in what I was doing I didn't immediately register her actions. Then Bella was wriggling and I knew what she wanted, I wanted it too. My hands moved to her hips and she smiled kissing me softly. She dragged her panties to the side and then I was buried inside her.

I took my hands away from her fragile body, she was so warm and wet and tight. I didn't want to risk my control slipping. She felt so good. "Edward...oh god...yes..."

Bella was rocking slowly on me, the new position pushed me deeper than ever and she seemed to like it as much as I did. Her heat was everywhere. She seemed to be touching every part of my body, teasing me with the searing warmth. Every time she moved her lace covered breasts rubbed against my chest. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer. Her movements were getting more frantic and I could feel her nipples through the bra.

Making sure I was in control I reached behind her and undid the clasp on her bra. Pulling it down her arms I decided against ripping the panties off her. The black was stunning against her skin. Instead I reached for her breasts, gently pinching her nipples. When I bent my head to suck one peak Bella let out a cry and shivered. She gripped my shoulders more tightly and began to grind herself against me desperately. I could feel her body tightening around me and I groaned against her breast. The pressure was building but I knew I only had to hold on for a few more seconds.

I wrapped my arms around her gently and helped her to move. Bella looked straight into my eyes, her cheeks flushed and her eyes shining. She was magnificent. I fought to maintain some self control but it was getting more difficult. I reached up and pulled her face to mine. As soon as our lips met I felt her body begin to tremble. "I love you Bella," I whispered. "You're everything to me. You always will be."

Bella wailed in release and clung to me, her face buried in my neck. I gave thanks to heaven and stopped fighting the pleasure. Bella moved against me once more and I throbbed deep inside her. My body shook as the orgasm flooded my system. I made sure I dragged my hands away from her, but it was all I could manage to do at that moment. All other thought was gone.

XXX

It took a full ten seconds for my brain to remember where it was. Once it did it was horrified to realise that Bella had tears on her cheeks again. I brushed one away, "Bella what's wrong. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

Bella bit her lip, "Not physically."

I felt like the worst creature in the world. I had known it was wrong to do this now. It felt even more wrong to be having this argument while I was still inside of her. But I didn't see any alternative. She clearly wanted to discuss it. "I'm sorry. I took advantage, I should have..."

"No, that's not what I'm talking about. I wanted this. I'm talking about...well everything else." Bella fixed me with that gaze again, "I mean it Edward. Don't ever do this again. It was not funny, it was horrible. When I believed you, for that first few seconds, I wanted to die."

I pulled her body to mine again and felt her press her lips to my neck. And I decided the only way out of it was to tell the truth, "Bella, I swear, I didn't mean any of it. I panicked after what happened today. I imagined you being injured like Jake and it being all my fault. I convinced myself you would be better off without me." She still didn't look sure. I lifted her chin so I could meet her eyes, "Bella, if you were not in this world, I would leave too and try to find you," I pressed my lips to hers briefly, "I will not leave you. It was the stupidest idea I have ever had and I will never be able to thank you enough for talking me out of it. What can I do to convince you?"

I was willing to do anything she asked. I didn't want her to doubt me, though God knew I had given her enough reason. I ran my thumb gently across her cheek, "Convincing me might take a while," Bella said quietly and I felt my heart drop to my stomach. Then I saw her eyes twinkle, "Charlie won't be home for a few hours. I think we should go upstairs and you should get started."

The tight feeling in my chest disappeared and I grinned like an idiot, "Yes ma'am."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: All hail Cherry Blushe, Violet OD and michelle824, they know why.**

**Thanks are due to Cass Legann who let me know of some weird problems with the middle chapters (the cause of which is still a mystery). Thanks to EmptyMessages for making me smile like an idiot at her review and to taralynn09 who thinks it's time to cut the cord. She's right.**

BPOV

I was lying in my bed and I couldn't move my body, at least not very well. My limbs felt heavy, but not with sleep. They just felt heavy now. I was old now.

Edward, I could see him, he knealt by my bed holding my hand in both of his, "I love you, Bella."

I tried to smile but I wasn't even sure if I was doing that right. I wanted to talk to him, to tell him that I loved him too, but I couldn't. Edward was going to be alone very soon. I was going to leave him no matter how hard I fought to stay. I was getting too weak to hold on and he knew it. I could see it in his eyes. They were desperate, horrified...terrified. And there was nothing I could do about it.

"I'll find a way to you Bella. I won't stay here, not without you."

I wanted to scream at him, to tell him that he couldn't do that. The world couldn't go on without him, how could it? But I couldn't scream. I couldn't even speak. My weak human body was getting the best of me and ultimately, it was going to kill my lover.

"NO!"

XXX

"Bella!" The voice hissed at me through a fog of sleep, "Bella, you're going to wake Charlie, shh Bella."

I sat bolt upright in bed, the full weight of my dream still pressing down on my shoulders, "You're right Edward. You're right."

"What? What am I right about Bella?" Edward reached down and I heard a click. The room was suddenly bathed in light and I was forced to squint.

"Us, me and you. We can't be together this way, I'm a human and you're a vampire." I stared at him willing to him to understand. He obviously did. He was lying in my bed, naked next to me and yet I could still feel him pulling away. "Edward stop, you..."

"You're wrong, Bella. I do understand, I understand perfectly. I shouldn't have let you change..." He was fidgeting, as though he was about to leave my bed. I was not going to allow that.

I opted for the same tactic as last night, attack as the best form of defense, "Edward that is not what I am talking about. We have already established that you were an idiot last night so let's not go there again. You promised." I reminded him.

Edward stopped moving, and no one can stop moving like a vampire, "I promised." He said solemnly.

"I...I'm not afraid of having to die one day Edward, that's not what frightens me." I could hear the tremor in my voice and I despised it. Edward was already looking at me as though I was a delicate piece of glass.

"Then what frightens you?" He asked. As he spoke his fingers were stroking my arm. It was distracting but I didn't want him to stop. Instead I wriggled closer to him and pressed our bodies together.

"I'm afraid of leaving you; of being forced to leave you."

Edward's arms tightened around me briefly, "I...I'm not afraid."

"You're not?" I asked.

"No," he said with a smile, "Whatever happens, whenever it happens..."

"You'll find me?" Although the sentiment was romantic the idea was horrifying. Evidently Edward didn't see it that way. He buried his face in my hair and nodded, "Do you know how terrible that makes me feel?"

"Terrible?" Edward pulled back and stared into my eyes. His fingers touched my cheek, "Do you think you'll be bored of my company by then?" I knew he was joking but I didn't think it was funny.

"No, I think it's terrible to imagine that I will be the one to take you out of this world. You could live forever and instead you'll die because of me. How would you feel in my place?" I demanded.

Edward frowned, "There is no other way Bella. Either I stay by your side or I don't but I will not exist in a place where there is no hope of ever finding you. Why would I want to?"

I bit my lip and wondered if I had the courage to ask the next question. There was another option, but something told me that Edward was not going to like it. To play for time I adjusted the shirt I was wearing over my nakedness. it was another one of Edward's and it smelled delicious. After a few moments I forced my eyes up to his, "What if you didn't have to come and find me?"

Edward looked confused but not wary, he obviously didn't know where I was going with this, "Well...that would be good but..."

"I meant, what if I never had to leave your side? What if we could stay together forever; be young and strong together forever?" He had caught up with my line of thought now and every single inch of his body beneath mine tensed.

A small hiss escaped from him, "That is madness."

"Don't tell me it hasn't even occurred to you Edward, I wouldn't believe it even if you did." Edward was not a fool and he would have considered all possibilities, if he couldn't be like me then why couldn't I be like him?

"It might have crossed my mind Bella, but I would never allow it to be more than a thought." He was stroking the back of my hand as though he was trying to calm me. As far as I could tell though, Edward was the one being made uncomfortable by this conversation. I was perfectly calm.

"Why? Why wouldn't you allow it?" Being a vampire didn't seem so bad.

"This life Bella...none of us had another choice. Our human lives were over and this was the only thing left to us. Well...all of us changed by Carlisle anyway. Now you ask why I don't want to rob you of everything..." Edward was getting more and more agitated though he controlled it well. His voice did not get any louder but his body became more and more still.

"'Everything' being the things we already know I can't have. Children, a normal life..."

"You could have those things if you wanted them Bella..."

"Stop it." I said furiously. "You just don't understand do you?" I pulled myself into a half sitting position. "If you were human I would want it all. I would want you to ask me to marry you one day, I would want to carry your children, I would want to grow old with you surrounded by family and friends. But I would only want that life because it would be with you. If I can not have that life with you then I don't want it."

"Oh Bella," Edward pulled be against him again. "I love you, how can you ask me to kill you?"

I saw the dream again. Me, ancient and fading, Edward still by my side, "How can I be the reason your life ends? How can I live knowing every day I get older it's killing you too?" Edward said nothing. His mouth was fixed in a grim and determined line. He had no answer. "Will you at least think about it?"

"Bella..." Edward dragged his eyes away from my face and stared up at me ceiling, "I have considered it. In some ways it would be wonderful. But it's not worth the price."

"That's up to me though isn't it? You're trying to take my choices away again." I could feel myself getting angry. This seemed like the perfect solution and I couldn't understand why Edward didn't see it.

"This isn't just your choice," he said quietly.

I had to concede that he had a point there, "True. I understand that..." Then something unpleasant occurred to me, "Is it hard? Turning someone into a vampire?"

"Yes. Both for the vampire and the human."

"How..."

"No, no Bella. I don't want to talk about this now. Please," Edward trailed his fingers up my arm to my shoulder, stroking gently. "Not tonight."

His fingers were now skimming my collar bone and I shivered with pleasure. Edward was trying to distract me and I knew it...more annoyingly it was working. "Edward..."

"Please. Today has been awful in so many ways. Can we just not talk about it now?" As he spoke he was still teasing me. His touch moved to caress one of my breasts.

"I..." My breathing was coming in unevely.

Perhaps he sensed my weakness because his mouth was on mine again for a second, then he was whispering in my ear. "Can we make love instead? Please. I want to be inside of you again, please."

His words made me shiver and I groaned in frustration and longing, "I've changed my mind," I said gasping. "Perhaps you are evil."

XXX

"Bella? Bella, my love. Wake up," I could feel cool lips at my temple and I moaning irritably in my sleep. The last time I had checked the clock it had been after three and I could tell from the light coming through my curtains that it was still early. "Bella, Charlie's going to knock on your door in a moment and I have to go."

His words cut through my sleep haze and I reached for Edward, "Go? No..."

Edward fingers encircled my grasping, "Just for a little while. Charlie has heard about Jake and he's going to La Push. Do you want to go with him and check on Jacob?"

I forced my tired eyes to open. "How does he know about Jake?" Even as I asked I knew it was a stupid question. Billy would have called Charlie of course.

"He spoke to his father and you wrote him a note."

That did not make any sense to me at all. I had no memory of it, "I did?"

"Well, it was in your handwriting and it explained that you had returned early from our camping trip after Sue Clearwater called you with the news of Jake's accident."

My eyes were open now and Edward was speaking quickly, "How did he...How does Charlie think he was hurt?"

"He was hiking in the woods and he fell down ravine. Only a small one, but big enough to cause him some damage." I nodded, committing this to memory. "Alice confirmed our cover story with Billy Black last night...I have to go now." I was unwilling to let him leave. After last night I was afraid that he might not come back and however selfish and innappropriate it was, I wished Edward could come with me to La Push.

But it was too late now. Edward was up, out of my bed and back into his clothes in seconds. He bent back down to me just as I was forcing my tired body upright. He looked into my eyes for a second and I was dimly aware of the sound of the toilet flushing. I wasn't sure how much he read in my eyes but it was enough. His lips met mine for a second, "I won't go far and I will be back as soon as you are. I swear it." My hands reached for him but Edward was already at my window. He turned and flashed me his crooked grin and then he was gone.

My heart seemed to stutter in my chest but I didn't have much time to collect myself. There was a knock on my door and I lay down quickly. I didn't have to fabricate the sleepiness in my voice when I told Charlie he could come in.

XXX

When Charlie turned off the ignition he didn't get out of the cruiser right away. Instead he took a deep breath and turned to me, "Bella, I have to ask. How much does Jake know about your relationship with the Cullen boy?"

I hesitated. My cover story instructions hadn't given me any guidelines here. "I...I don't think he knows anything yet."

Charlie nodded, "Probably best to keep it that way at least until he's recovered."

"I know. I don't like lying to Jake but I think it's the best way this time."

Despite my agreeing with him Charlie blushed and began to look uncomfortable, "Will he...Do you think you should see him? I only ask because he ended your relationship less than a week ago."

Oh god, my story was beginning to resemble a sieve it had so many holes. I now knew why Jake had broken up with me and there was no way I could tell Charlie the truth about it. If Jake hadn't told me it had to be because it was a secret of the upmost importance. It seemed like my lies were going around in circles and catching each other up. "I think he will want to see me, but if he doesn't I'll leave."

Charlie nodded, seeming more or less satisfied, "I just don't want you getting upset, either of you given the circumstances."

I didn't want that any more than Charlie did, but wishes didn't happen to be horses today. "I know dad. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes. I can't not come and see him, it would be too cruel."

Charlie sighed and reached for the door handle. "You couldn't pay me enough..."

"Enough to what?" I asked as I got out of the car.

Charlie smiled wryly, "To be your age, go through all that hell again. The very idea is horrifying. Falling in love and out of it again. As I remember it was no fun Bells."

He remembered correctly, "I hope it'll get better soon."

"Until the next time eh?" Charlie wasn't trying to chide me. He was trying to sympathise and I felt an over-whelming rush of love for my father. I couldn't have asked for a better one.

Sue's house was as familiar as ever. I didn't know what I had expected but so much had happened yesterday I expected some kind of change. Leah opened the door for us and she smiled at me though she looked tired. I wondered how much she knew about Jake and his...condition. Jake hadn't believed the old legends until recently after all. It stood to reason that, other than the elders of the tribe, no one else would either.

Whether she knew the truth or not she obviously could not say anything in front of Charlie. Instead she stood to the side to allow us in, "He's been asking to see you Bella."

I felt my throat tighten. I wasn't sure what was going to happen now but I had a clear feeling that it was not going to be pleasant. Charlie was greeting Billy and Seth who were watching television. Billy's eyes met mine and I saw not a hint of recrimination there. I wondered if he was hiding his true feelings but I suspected not. Billy was just not the type of man to do that. I greeted them both, and Sue and Harry as they came in from the kitchen, then I directed my feet to the closed door of Seth's bedroom. There didn't seem a lot of point in making small talk. They all knew why I was here whether they knew the reasons or not.

I knocked and heard a slightly weaker than usual voice ask me to come in. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. There was no point in wishing that I could be somewhere else. I just had to deal with the reality that was now, however unpleasant that might turn out to be.

Jake was lying on his back. The sheets were pushed down to his waist and I could see a colourful maze of bruising all over his chest. Some of the ribs I could see almost looked bent out of shape and I couldn't stop myself from gasping in appalled horror. When I forced myself to look Jake in the face I could see that the damage wasn't confined to his torso. It looked at though one of his cheekbones had been badly bruised, maybe even broken. I was so caught up in examining him for injuries that when he let out a chuckle it startled me. "You should have seen me yesterday Bells. I heal faster now. I'll be as good as new in less than a week."

Looking at the extent of his injuries I couldn't believe it and when I tried to speak my throat seemed constricted. "I...I'm so sorry Jake."

His eyes weren't cold but they weren't warm either. His entire expression was dead, giving no clue about his emotions, "For what?"

"For everything." I whispered helplessly.

"Everything?" His face stayed calm but he arched one eyebrow.

"Yes, of course."

"Even being with that thing?"

His words hurt me and I tried not to flinch outwardly. "Jake..."

"You're not sorry about that are you?"

I fought the urge to run from the room. It was what I wanted to do more than anything, but I owed Jake more than that, "What can I say?" I begged.

Jake's expression melted and I could see pain in his eyes for the first time. "Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that you do regret it and that you're sorry. Then I'll tell you I forgive you." His words sped up and I could see that he would forgive me if only I would ask him to. "I'll tell you I'm sorry for not telling you the truth in the first place. Then you'll come here and kiss me and...and we'll start again." I literally couldn't speak. His pain imobilized me. I had never been the one to cause him pain before, I had always been the one to sooth it. "Please Bella..." he begged, and my heart broke a little.

"I can't Jake." I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure he would hear.

"Can't?" Jake's eyes hardened but he didn't raise his voice.

I spread my hands, "It would be a lie."

"How could you...How could you let it touch you?" I didn't know what to say. To speak the truth; to tell him how much I loved Edward would only cause him more pain. But the alternative, to let him believe I would leave him for anything less...neither option was appealing. Instead I went and knelt by the side of the bed. I didn't touch him, I didn't have the right but I needed to be near him. Jake broke the silence, "DId you mean what you said yesterday?"

"What?" I asked but I could already feel the blood rushing to my face. I knew what Jake was asking.

"You told me that you loved him. Is that true?" His eyes had drifted away from my face and he was staring at the ceiling intently. I knew him well enough to know that he was fighting tears. Still, he had asked the question and I owed him an answer.

"Yes Jake, it's true."

"More than you love me?" His eyes stayed firmly on the ceiling. I couldn't decide if I wanted him to look at me or not.

"It's different..." I began.

"Don't give me that crap Bella. Tell me the truth." I wished for Edward. I wished for him so fiercely it hurt. I wanted him here with me. I wasn't sure I could do this without him.

"Yes," I whispered and although my eyes were dry my voice was breaking. "But it is different."

Jake shook his head back and forth angrily, "How? How did this happen? So quickly? I don't understand."

"I don't understand it either." How could I explain to him something that was completely beyond my control? I wasn't ever sure when it started. Perhaps it had been inevitable from the moment I met Alice. In reality, it didn't matter. "But it happened Jake. It has happened. There's nothing I can do to change it."

"You wouldn't change it if you could." Jake spat the words out angrily and his eyes met mine again. His glare was more than furious, it was devastated.

"I would make it so you weren't hurting if I could," I said honestly.

"You can make it so. Just tell me that you want to be with me." Jake looked hopeful again and I knew we were going round in circles. It seemed that Jake was completely unwilling to accept what I was telling him; he was trying to change my mind logically. As if love was logical. I dragged my eyes away from the naked hope on his face.

"I can't do that." I said again with a heavy sigh.

"You keep saying that..."

"Because it's true Jake. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here today. I should have waited..." I struggled to my feet and almost tripped over the edge of my boot.

"For what? Do you think it would have been easier for me to hear this if you left it even longer to tell me the truth?"

I almost answered angrily but it was just a reflex. There was no comparison between my secret keeping and his. "I should go now."

"No Bella," Jake tried to reach out for me but then he hissed in pain. I moved as quickly to his side as I could and put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't go Bella. Please. You're not safe with them. They're dangerous Bella." To my horror Jake's eyes were filling with tears.

"Oh Jake, please don't. I don't know what to do and I'm sorry. I can't lie to you anymore. I have to tell you the truth and the truth is that it doesn't matter if you're right. I don't care if he's dangerous." I had been trying to hold the words back and now I was talking I couldn't stop them. "I love him Jake, I'm sorry but it's true. Part of me does wish I could make it go away, but I can't anyway. I love him."

"Stop saying that Bella!" I couldn't tell if he was angry or if my words were just causing him more pain. Either way it was more than I could stand.

I backed away from him again, "This is not helping anything Jake." I reached behind me for the door handle. "I have to go now."

"No, Bella please stay." Jake tried to reach for me again but this time I didn't go to him and try to lie him down again. I couldn't be the one to do that anymore. I couldn't belong to Jake anymore. I belonged to someone else now.

"I will always love you Jake, but I have to go. I won't be coming back again. I really am sorry." I pulled the door open and rushed through it.

I heard Jake calling my name but I kept going anyway. My eyes were focused on the front door of the house. I wanted to get out but Charlie blocked my way almost immediately. "Please dad. Not now just let me go." Charlie gripped my shoulders gently.

"Bella, what happened? Did you and Jake..?" Charlie looked very concerned about me but I didn't want my father right now.

"Please dad," I could still hear Jake calling my name. The door had swung shut behind me but I could still hear him. Billy and Sue were heading for the door and I didn't want to be here when it opened again. "I'll be fine but I need to go. Please."

Charlie released me and I all but ran for the exit. Jake's voice grew louder when Billy and Sue opened the door but I didn't look back. I was almost sure that there was nothing I could do for Jake right now; maybe not ever again. But I knew that my being there was not helpful. The rain was coming down in thick sheets and I didn't have a jacket but I didn't care.

I wasn't sure where I was going, but I kept moving as quickly as I could without falling.

XXX

EPOV

I hated that Bella was going where I couldn't follow; the one place I was forbidden to follow. I was afraid that she might be walking straight into danger although the logical side of my brain said that this was unlikely. Even if Jacob might have gotten angry enough to hurt her, even accidentally, he was physically weak. There should be little or no danger from him.

I was more afraid that she would be hurt emotionally by whatever she was heading towards. I knew that it was not going to be easy for her to face Jacob Black. There was such a long history of love and affection between them that causing him pain was bound to cause her some.

But even that was not all of it. In the depths of my heart I was afraid that perhaps, just perhaps Jacob would be able to change her mind; that Bella would see him in pain and remember how much he had meant to her. She was one of the best people I had ever met, kind and good and loving. What if the wolf was able to reach a part of her I didn't know yet and convince her to come back to him. I almost doubled over in pain at the thought.

I considered waiting patiently in my tree for Bella to return but I knew this was impractical. I woud never be able to stay there. I was afraid that if I stayed so close to her scent I might throw any semblance of caution to the wind and run after her. So instead I ran towards my family, though I wasn't sure what sort of greeting I might get once I got there...well from Rosalie anyway.

I didn't see what else I could have done in the situation but I was sure that I would have done something wrong as far as she was concerned. After all, it was my fault for getting involved with a human in the first place etc. etc. etc.

When I reached the house I was surprised to realise that it was empty, for now, but I could hear Alice and Emmett approaching fast. They were returning from the hunt. Rosalie hadn't wanted to come home and Jasper was erring on the side of caution at the moment. He didn't want to be underfed around the people of Forks. Alice was much happier than she had been yesterday when I had last seen her. She had forseen my plans of course but she had not even offered an internal comment on the subject.

Now she was almost delirious and I realised that she truly loved Bella. I had known as much before of course but I had been so wrapped up in my own feelings that I had paid less attention to hers than I might have done otherwise. When the future had seemed to show our leaving Forks and leaving Bella behind, it had hurt Alice as badly as the idea of losing her family. Bella had been more right than she knew. I had been taking everyone's choices away from them.

As I pictured the look on Bella's face when I had lied to her it hurt my chest. I went and sat down at the piano for the first time in a while. As my fingers touched the familiar keys I took a deep uneeded breath. Esme would wish she was here if she knew I was playing, my beloved mother loved it when I played. I began with her favourite piece and allowed the music to flow easily. Even when I heard Alice and Emmett enter I continued playing, my fingers drifting somewhere else.

Emmett's thoughts were less patient than Alice's. She came and sat down next to me on the piano stool. As whatever new composition I was playing drifted to a close, Alice began to to play. I couldn't help but chuckle when I recognised the piece as Hungry Like The Wolf. I didn't seem like it should be funny but being unable to cry perhaps I needed to laugh.

As her playing came to a stop I asked her, "Can you see Alice? Anything?"

I was surprised by how morbid my voice sounded. I heard both Alice and Emmett register it mentally. Alice touched my arm, "No, not while she's there. But I don't need to see anything Edward."

_I wish I could show you something to make you feel better; to convince you. But I don't need to see anything. I know._

"What do you know?"

_She loves you Edward. She loves you like you love her._

My brain was pretty sure that was true. The rest of me was in serious danger of becoming catatonic with fear. I was glad that Alice was here, and Emmett too. As though I had spoken aloud Emmett spoke for the first time. "I can't believe I missed all the fun yesterday. The first time there's a wolf about in years and I miss it."

I wanted desperately to growl at him but I bit it back. I didn't want to annoy the rest of my family too. "It wasn't much fun Emmett." Again I thought of Bella's face and I considered taking the foetal position in the corner of the room. She must be crazy to even consider choosing me. Why wouldn't she want the man who hadn't leered at her and then threatened to leave her?

_Wow, kid's a mess. It really must be love._

I was gripping Alice's hand in mine even though I didn't remember actually taking it. "I wish you would have stopped me last night."

_You wouldn't have listened to me Edward._

I couldn't deny the truth of that. "Did you know I would listen to Bella?" I asked, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.

_It wouldn't have mattered Edward._

Flashes of the futures Alice had seen danced in front of my eyes. I had left Bella in two of them. In one I was back within a week. In another I had been able to last ten days. In both I had come back. I gave a sigh and found myself irrationally comforted. Given my determination to leave her my reaction didn't make sense, but I was glad anyway. I hated the very idea that I might have been able to stay away.

Alice began to play again and this time I joined in. Emmett flicked through channels on the television seeming perfectly content but I could hear that he was really waiting. He and Alice were both there for support and I appreciated it more than I could say.

It seemed like we were playing for a long time but not even an hour had passed when Alice gasped next to me. Her fingers froze and the images that flashed through her brain were almost too numerous to follow.

Bella...she wasn't crying but sorrow was clear on her face...she was running through the woods but it could have been almost anywhere...the rain had soaked her hair...the wind was strong enough to whip the wet strands around her face...I didn't think she knew where she was going...

I was on my feet and trying to get to the door but Alice was holding me back, "Wait, there's more."

Alice was right. Bella was coming into a clearing and my heart leapt. If I could figure out where she was I could get to her that much more quickly. I saw Bella stumble into the clearing and it almost made me smile to see her struggle to keep her balance. I couldn't wait to stop her from falling.

But Bella didn't right herself. She hadn't walked out into a clearing after all. I gasped outloud and for the first time in my memory, my knees buckled. Alice's reaction was not far behind mine and she played out Bella's future again.

I was running before she was done. Bella wasn't in a clearing. She stepped out from the shelter of the trees onto a cliff top and then she stumbled...and fell. I pushed my body faster than I ever had before. I knew Alice was behind me, Emmett too but I couldn't think about them. I couldn't think about anything except from Bella disappearing over the edge of the cliff.

Another part of my brain was frantically wondering whether she might be about to do something like this on purpose. Had her talk with Jacob Black upset her so much that she would...? But I couldn't bear to finish the thought. Instead I tried to force my body to move more quickly. Alice and Emmett trailed me as I ran. I knew roughly where Bella had to be but I couldn't see myself reaching her in time. Her future still showed her falling from the cliff.

I gave a strangled gasp. I knew I was about to break the treaty but I couldn't have cared less. Everything in this world that I cared about was about to disappear and I had to stop it. I closed my mind to everything, even Alice and ran. I tried to pick up any trace of Bella's scent to help guide me but there was nothing. In the end the best I could do was to break out of the trees and run along the edge of the land. I would follow it until I found her.

We had been running for about ninety seconds when Alice's panicked thoughts screamed into my head.

_No! Oh god it's happening now...Edward, it's happening!_

The future was catching up with us as we ran and Bella's body was seconds away from falling into the ocean. For the first time I knew without a doubt that I would not reach her before it happened. The horror of the idea seized me and my eyes frantically scanned the trees and cliff edge for something familiar; anything to tell me where she was. "Alice," I yelled. "Where does she come up? Help me find her please."

I tried to ignore the effect the weather had had on the water below, but I knew a human would not survive it for long. Alice was looking forward.

Bella beneath the water...breaking the surface for a moment but the waves were coming...they crashed onto her body...she was kicking but she was desperate for air...

"Where Alice? Where?" Bella must be in the water by now. I had to do something.

_I don't know, I can't tell...Edward!_

I couldn't think of anything else I could do right now. It had to be too late already. Bella would be somewhere below me in the water. If that was where she was, that was where I was going too. Grateful I didn't need to breath, I flung my body off the cliff.

As I hit the water I was already trying to swim. We were fast in the water and our eyes could see further beneath the surface than a person could. I thought that there was a good chance that once I was in the water I might be able to catch a trace of her; sight below the water or scent above it. I would be able to find her if only I could get a clue.

Diving beneath the surface I began to swim forward looking for any sign of Bella. I realised that Emmett and Alice were not in the water with me but it didn't seem important just then. My eyes were scanning as far as they could and fear was forcing me to swim faster but I couldn't see Bella. She had been in the water for at least two minutes now.

Instead I heard something; another something so distinctive it could not possibly be anything else. Bella's heart was beating frantically, I could feel the pull of the tide and the weight of the water. A small part of my brain wondered how deep into the oceans I could go and if the pressure would eventually crush me. I doubted it, but Bella was another matter entirely.

I had already altered my course; homing in on that familiar sound. She was so far away and I needed to reach her, I needed to reach that sound while the beats were still strong and distinctive. They were already becoming less so. Bella's heart was starting to react to something and I suspected it would be a lack of oxygen. I knew I could not move any faster but it felt like an eternity before my eyes were able to pick out her shape in the blackness. As soon as my eyes found her, her heart stopped.

I had thought that before I was panicked but it was nothing. The terror that took over my body drove me faster through the water. Her small figure was being moved around by the tide but none of the movements were voluntary. Her heart was silent and the terror racked me again as I came to her, I had counted every one of the ninety two seconds. I caught her around the waist and dragged her body to the surface.

Once Bella's head was above the water I began to swim again. I couldn't do anything until we were on land. I needed to get the water of her lungs so she could breath. I was swimming for the closest land I could see, La Push beach.

My movements were frantic and jerky and I was so blinded by my fear that I didn't hear Emmett and Alice coming until they were almost next to me.

_We were looking too, but then I saw the beach._

"Help me," I said desperately, "We have to get her breathing. I only have six minutes, three now."

Bella's heart had not beat in almost three minutes and I knew what that meant. I was running out of time to get her back. Emmett and Alice speeded up the process of getting her back to shore, but it wasn't enough. She had to breath. Alice scrambled to Bella's side as soon as she was lain down and got ready to start chest compressions. I knelt at her other side and breathed into her mouth. I had to force myself to wait and count of the seconds agonizingly slowly. I wanted to do something more; I wanted to help Bella now, not in five seconds.

But I did wait, I made myself. I breathed gently into Bella's mouth every time Alice stopped the compressions and waited for some sign of life. At the ninth breath I heard myself make a pained sound. Bella was not waking up. She was not breathing and her heart was silent.

It was silent for exactly five minutes and seven seconds. As I bent my head to breath into her mouth I heard it's familiar thud begin. Alice and I both froze in shock and it was Emmett who had the presence of mind to lift her shoulders gently so her body could cough up the water she had inhaled.

Her lay her down again and I took one of her hands in mine, "Bella, can you hear me?" Her head lolled to one side, but her heart kept beating and she was breathing again. "Bella?" I said softly. "If you can hear me, try to squeeze my hand." I waited but Bella did not squeeze my hand, her eyes didn't open, she gave no outward sign of life.

I could hear her heart beating and I could see her breathing and I could not understand why she didn't wake up.

_Edward..._

Alice's thoughts were the most gentle I had ever heard them, it was as though she was begging me to hear her but she didn't want to tell me. I knew that I didn't want to know, but I couldn't not look.

Bella lying in a bed in a white room...she was hooked up to a ventilator...Charlie Swan was sat by the side of the bed with his head in his hands...Carlisle was there now and so was I...I was knelt by her stroking her hair...

_Edward, I'm so sorry..._

"No," the world came out sounding strangled. I couldn't believe it, it couldn't be happening. Bella was breathing again and her heart was beating. Why shouldn't she be okay? Except that she wasn't going to be okay. I knew it.

XXX

**I know this is a short one but this is the place to break it I'm sure. I'll be updating within in twenty four hours I hope. Final chapter coming up. Then may a few little epilogues from different POVS. Let me know who you think we should have an epilogue from and I'll see what I can do.**


	18. Chapter 18

**My three lovely ladies Cherry Blushe, VioletOD and michele824 are still with me and I'm so pleased. Thanks to them and every one else who has reviewed this story. I hope you'll try my new one when and if you have a minute. I still need some ideas as to whose POV I should do an eiplogue from. **

**Anyone? Hellooooo? **

XXX

EPOV

I had envisioned Bella's summer vacation somewhat differently. I had imagined taking her somewhere special on holiday, somewhere she would love, anywhere she wanted really. I would have talked her into taking a week off from her job, perhaps just before school started up again. I had wanted to make sure she had some fun in her life after all the stress in recent weeks. Instead Bella was lying unconscious in a hospital bed, as she had been for more than three weeks and there was no sign that she was ever going to wake up.

I knew the diagnosis as well as Carlisle, cerebral hypoxia and the worst type of it. Brain death. Carlisle had been almost too afraid to speak the words to me, but I had heard it. My medical degrees told me it was so anyway. Bella was not going to wake up. Her brain wasn't telling her body to breath anymore and she needed a machine now. I hadn't had six minutes after all. Six minutes was the maximum time and it depended on a lot of things. It depended on how lucky you were, and Bella was not a lucky person.

She looked even more fragile than usual, my Bella. The white sheet covering her body threw every contour into sharp relief. She had lost weight since her accident. It was as inevitable as it was horrifying and my eyes saw the small transitions so much more clearly than they wanted to. Other things would happen soon; things that made my chest ache. Bed sores, muscle degeneration, Hollywood did not do justice to the reality. Bella's body was going to slowly rot in this bed.

Charlie Swan had kept a constant vigil for the first ten days and I had kept him company. Neither of us spoke very much for the first four days. Bella's father was silently cursing himself to hell for letting her leave the Clearwater's house alone. We were each locked in our own grief, both shouldering our own feelings of guilt, both hoping for a miracle. Carlisle had tried to persuade Charlie to go home but the chief would have none of it. He was waiting for Bella to wake up, he almost had himself convinced that she would. I tried to stay out of his head as much as possible, I couldn't bear his pain on top of my own. My own was crushing me.

On the fifth day he had looked directly at me and cleared his throat...

_"I want to thank you Edward." My mouth actually dropped open as I tried to consider what my response should be. To be thanked by Bella's father made my insides shrivel. I couldn't find the words; I didn't know what they were. For a few moments the only sound in the room was the beeping of Bella's heart monitor and the soft hiss of the respirator that was helping her breath. But he hadn't finished. "I know that I should. You saved her. You went in after her and you saved her." He took a shuddering breath, "I should thank you."_

_"No, you don't owe me thanks Charlie. Truly you don't," my eyes drifted back to Bella. Her skin was almost translucent, without the usual flush on her cheeks she looked almost like one of my kind._

_"I can't thank you Edward," Charlie was looking at Bella too. "I just...if you're wondering why I haven't...I know I should thank you, I just can't..."_

_I was surprised how much the words hurt coming from Bella's father. I knew I didn't deserve his thanks but it hurt anyway. I didn't look for the sentiment behind them. It was the words I was listening to. His thoughts, muffled as always, were more snarled than ever. "I understand," I said at last. "This is all my fault." And it was, Christ it was. I should have left, Rosalie had been so right. I had destroyed Bella's life, but it was so much worse than that. I hadn't just destroyed her life, I had ended it._

_"I don't think that's true," said Charlie quietly. "Bella made her own choice."_

_"I...it shouldn't have been this way." I wanted to tell him the truth so much at that moment. I wanted to tell him the truth so that he would understand; so that he would hate me. I needed someone to hate me as much as I hated myself. My family were only forgiving, even Rosalie, and I couldn't always bear their sympathy. _

_Charlie was shaking his head, "No, it shouldn't have been this way." He reached forward and stroked Bella's hand. "But that doesn't mean it's your fault." He was staring at his comatose daughter and I let my mental guard down for a moment. His pain saturated my thoughts and I had to pull away. "That's not why I can't thank you." I didn't speak, I knew he would go on. "I can't thank you because..." to my horror his voice hitched and I realised he might be able to cry. "Because I don't know if it's better that you saved her."_

_My hands unconciously gripped the chair and I felt the metal give beneath my hand. I released my grip and tried to process what Charlie had said, "I don't understand."_

_Charlie squeezed his eyes shut and his head dropped to his hands. "What if she doesn't wake up? What if she's completely...brain dead?" His voice trembled, "Even worse, what if she isn't? What if she's lying here in pain and trapped and she can't wake up."_

_Charlie's heart rate was increasing and I felt a protective urge rise up inside of me. Bella had loved her father and I would not let him give himself a heart attack. "Charlie, she will wake up. I believe that she will."_

But Bella didn't wake up. Charlie was eventually persuaded to go home for brief periods to sleep and eat but when he returned to the hospital he was usually in a worse state than when he left. Checking his thoughts cautiously I realised that he could no longer bear to be in his own house. He could see and smell his daughter everywhere he turned, he never stayed away for too long.

Eric and Angela visited Bella every day after school. Angela always had her lip between her teeth as she fought tears and Eric tried to be strong for her even though he was sometimes on the verge of tears himself.

Billy and Jacob Black were frequent visitors too. I suspected that Jake would have been even more frequent if it hadn't been for Charlie's intervention. I wasn't sure exactly what had happened but their visits were only twice weekly. The wolf and I had come to a silent stalemate. He felt guilty about Bella's accident too. He often thought of their conversation and the idea that it might have been their last. Hearing that Bella had chosen me unequivocally brought me no comfort. If Jacob had been able to sway her, she'd probably still be okay.

The worst visitor of all was Alice. When she was away I could pretend that Bella might awaken at any moment. When she was there I could see Bella's future, if one could call it that. There was no sign that she would wake up.

Twenty one days after her accident I was in a worse hell than I imagined possible. I hadn't left the hospital at all and I knew I was thirsty but I couldn't seem to feel it. Even Bella's scent held almost no appeal now. I might simply have become used to it but I knew it was something more. Without Bella, there was nothing I wanted. For the first time in many years, I prayed.

XXX

For twenty eight days I didn't let myself even think of it. But after four weeks the thought broke through. I could fix Bella, I knew something that I was sure would work. Worse than my own thoughts were those of my family. I had fought so hard to ignore them but it was getting harder. Even Carlisle had wondered if I would act, but Alice saw no sign if it.

That thought gave me strength. I would be strong enough not to give in. I would stay by Bella's side and I would not take anything else from her that I couldn't give back.

XXX

At four o'clock on day thirty one Jacob Black arrived to visit Bella without Billy. I had been schooling my mind to stay away from other people's thoughts but his expression startled me. He still wore his usual mask of revulsion but beneath it there was...hope?

I dropped my guard and let his thoughts in. Later I considered whether there was anything he could have been thinking that would have shocked me more. My eyes widened and Jacob froze, "What?"

"You...you think I should change her?" In that instant I forgot all about the inadvisability of revealing our extra talents.

The wolf took an involuntary step backwards, "What? How did you..? No, I..." His voice trailed off and his expression hardened. Then he remembered that I could hear him.

"How can you...How could YOU think I should do something like that to Bella."

Jacob looked very uncomfortable and I allowed myself to examine his thoughts thoroughly. He thought he might be going crazy. Seeing Bella in this bed every time he came here was almost as torturous for him as it was for me. He barely slept, as he dreamt about it almost every night. Billy was worried, he knew it and he wasn't doing his job...

With a jolt I realised that another Quiluete had joined Jacob. He felt responsible for the newcomer but he was less than useless at the moment, even though the other wolf was older. He was the alpha now and he wasn't doing well. He couldn't think of anything other than Bella. He was desperate and he was coming to the conclusion that nothing conventional could help her. In fact, he was more than desperate. That was why he had been considering asking me to change her.

I was hearing all this and more but Jacob just spread his hands in front of him as though he was surrendering, "I don't know what else there is." He collapsed into the plastic chair by the bed. We had not spoken to each other when he had visited before, Billy and Charlie had always been there to provide a buffer. Now I could tell he resented the necessity to speak to me at all. He truly believed I was the one and only option. "Could you do it?" He asked me, "Or would you just kill her trying?"

I met his eyes as I considered whether or not to lie to him. In the end I decided there was no harm in telling him the truth, "I don't know. But it doesn't matter, I won't do it."

"Are you telling me you don't want to?" He didn't believe me, I could hear it.

"I won't try to convince you Jacob Black, but I will tell you anyway. I don't want to change Bella." I looked at her pale skin and remembered the way it colour when she blushed. The thought sent another shaft of pain lancing through me. "I wont do it."

"Why?" He asked.

I considered the theological conversations I had had with Carlisle over the years. We had debated so many things, the existence of God and the devil, the essence of right and wrong and what, if any, our place was in the design of the world. Carlisle tried to be optimistic, I was less so. Trying to explain it all to Jacob Black would take time and I had no patience for it. I decided to keep it simple. "The way you hate me, I sometimes hate myself that way. I despise my own existence when I look back on some of the things I've done. Why would I do that to her?"

Jacob Black tried to imagine Bella as one of us. He wondered if he would hate her; he doubted it.

XXX

On day forty two Charlie left the hospital at seven thirty. He had wanted to stay longer but he was almost falling asleep in the uncomfortable chair and Carlisle had insisted that he left to get some sleep. I did my now usual routine of walking to the car park and driving away in my car. I turned the corner and pulled into the staff car park. Carlisle had stopped bringing his own car some weeks again so I could use his space overnight.

The rest of the staff had become accustomed to seeing me in the hallways and I did not met any opposition when I returned to Bella's room. I was by her side less than five minutes after I had left it, settling myself in the chair for the night. I preferred this time of the day, when I had the longest stretches of uninterrupted time with her. I had begun to tell her the story of my life since I had met Carlisle, but I didn't know if she could hear me. Her mental silence was crueller than ever. I had to wonder, just like everyone else, whether or not Bella was still in there.

So I talked to her, I was telling her about how Esme had joined us when I heard Alice approaching. She was not alone, but surprisingly her companion was Rosalie. I could have gone and asked them what was wrong but that was have meant leaving this chair and I didn't want to. So instead I waited for them to come to me.

Rosalie wasn't happy about being here but she was ready to back Alice up, though she wasn't thinking too clearly about why Alice might need her support. Alice was just thinking about Bella. She wasn't looking for her future anymore, she just...grieved for her now.

Alice pushed open the door to Bella's room and her eyes met mine, "I've come to relieve you."

Her thoughts were still on Bella and I couldn't comprehend what she was saying, "Huh?" Was my brilliant reply.

"Edward," she said and her eyes softened. "You haven't been hunting in over a month. You know you're taking risks..."

"I won't hurt anyone Alice."

"It's not worth taking the chance..."

"Show me a future where I hurt somebody," I challenged.

Alice sighed, "We're all so worried about you Edward. Please just go. You don't have to stay away long and I swear I won't leave her side until you're back. You can trust me with her."

"I don't doubt you Alice." It was true, I didn't. Alice wouldn't let anything happen to Bella. A claim I had not right to make.

"Then why won't you go?" Alice asked miserably.

"I..." I considered lying but it seemed like too much effort. "I can't remember being thirsty Alice. I don't care..."

"Edward, you are frightening me, and Esme and even Carlisle." Alice's black eyes peered into mine and she saw the truth I couldn't bear to admit. I knew I should care about their concern and try to abate it. I knew it rationally, but I couldn't summon the necessary emotion. I didn't care. As Alice realised this her expression hardened, "I see. Bella ends up like this and your family becomes unimportant. I wonder what she would say about that."

Knowing Alice she chose her words carefully, forseeing that they were the only ones that would reach me. EIther way they did the job. I lurched to my feet and made for the exit.

XXX

I was only a few paces into the trees when I realised that Rosalie was following me. I didn't know if she was there to keep an eye on me or not. Her thoughts were occupied with the mechanics of following, not the motivation behind it. She didn't want to crowd me. She just wanted me to know she was there.

After a short time we came across a herd of deer and I fell on them. I took three, one after the other, although I could have stopped after one. I just wasn't thirsty and I only bothered at all so that Rosalie could report back that I had been a good boy and eaten my food.

Rosalie satisfied herself with one and then paused by a stream. Her thoughts told me clearly that she was waiting for me. I really didn't want to talk to her. I didn't know if I could bear it if she became triumphant now. I didn't think it was likely but I dreaded going to her side. I took as much time as I could with the third deer and then reluctantly went to her.

I scanned her thoughts and found that she was going to try and be sympathetic. Emmett had asked her what she would do without him and it had shaken her. For the first time she was genuinely concerned about me. It wasn't always her nature to be so and I was suprised. But I waited for her to begin the conversation. "How are you coping Edward?"

I tried to consider which route would end this conversation quickly, "I am not considering Italy, Rosalie."

"I didn't think you were," she said and her thoughts backed up her words. "You wouldn't consider it while there's any chance she might wake up." She was right of course but I didn't answer. After a few moments she sighed a little impatiently, "But that's not what Alice sees happening."

"She can't see forever." I tried to keep my voice strong.

"She's seeing further and further Edward," said Rosalie quietly. "But only with Bella. This isn't a decision to be made, it's a fact." She was telling me the truth. I had deliberately stayed out of Alice's head as much as I could. I hadn't wanted to know how bad the prognosis might be. I didn't want to know it now.

"Things can change." I said stubbornly.

"I don't think you believe that Edward."

I suddenly felt panicked, like an animal backed into a corner. I wasn't physically afraid of course, but Rosalie had a fundamental lack of tact that could be staggering. My brain felt too fragile to deal with anything else right now. I wanted to get back to the hospital so I could sit with Bella. To that end I got to my feet. "It doesn't matter. I wont rob her of everything..."

"There is no 'everything' for her now Edward," Rosalie was trying desperately to keep her temper under control but she was finding it very difficult. I was finding it hard to accept this point of view from her.

"I mean everything after this. After this life." I elaborated when she just looked confused. I turned on my heel and began to walk away.

"Edward, what if you and Carlisle are wrong? Totally and completely wrong?" Rosalie called after me.

I stopped, "What?"

She caught up to me and once again there was an unusual level of sympathy in her thoughts. "You're afraid of condemning her to hell and I can try to understand that. But what if there is just...nothing?" She asked. She wasn't trying to start an argument with me. She genuinely wondered what my answer would be. But I could see the direction her thoughts were taking anyway.

"I don't want to hear this..." I went to turn away again but Rosalie grasped my arm, but not too tightly. She was asking me to stay rather than demanding.

"I don't care. You've got to listen anyway." When I didn't pull away she let me go. "You are prepared to throw away Bella's life based on the, well let's face it, guess, that there is an afterlife. I'm not going to argue about that part of it. But if you're wrong then you are giving her up for nothing."

For a moment I considered the possibility that Bella would just wink out of existence if she died, but I didn't truly believe it. How could there be nothing else for one such as her? "I won't allow her to become one of us." I said as resolutely as I could and for the first time since Bella's accident I felt a little twinge. My mind unwillingly conjured up an image of Bella and I, side by side, equals at last. I wanted to find the image appalling but the more nights I spent staring at her still form, the less repelled I felt..

"Why not?" She asked bluntly.

"Look at what we are!" I said.

"Even Carlisle?" She wasn't planning her argument and I wasn't prepared when she threw Carlisle's example in my face.

"He's one in a million and you know it."

"Funny, I thought that's how you felt about Bella." Rosalie was glaring at me and I read her for a moment. She actually believed I should change Bella, there was no question in her mind. "It's a choice Edward. We have choices just the same as any human." Her thoughts reminded me that she had never drunk a human's blood either. She had taken lives it was true, but she had been able to control her thirst. "Alice told us that Bella wanted this." I was so taken up in listening to her thoughts that her words caught me off guard.

"She didn't know what she was talking about." I said, not bothering to conceal my irritation. Alice must have forseen that Bella would ask me about it, a warning would have been nice, I thought somewhat peevishly.

"Says you." Rosalie retorted.

"She couldn't possibly know." I snapped back.

"Then answer me something honestly, are you sorry Carlisle saved you? Do you wish your life had ended in 1918?" I wanted to declare that I did wish exactly that but I couldn't do it. "I didn't think so," said Rosalie smugly.

"It's only because I'm selfish." I said. And I was. If I had died when I was supposed to, Bella would be well and whole. Yet I was still too selfish to wish away our short, short time together.

"Everyone's selfish Edward. We all want something. Any action can be made to seem selfish. Even Bella can be seen as selfish." She threw her arms up.

"Don't say that to me." There was a hint of warning in my tone but Rosalie took no notice. In fact her expression hardened even further.

"Look at it from the wolf's point of view. She abandoned a man who loved her, for a roll in the hay with a vampire."

"Stop." I hissed.

Rosalie held her hands up in a gesture of surrender. "She did it because she loves you. But surely you can see the action was selfish."

"Rosalie..." I was backing away from her now. I was afraid of my own temper.

"But that doesn't mean it was wrong." She followed me as I retreated. "Love is only not selfish in fairy tales. Love is greedy, it craves, it demands. Why are you so much worse than anyone else in this world because you couldn't fight it?" The passion in her words and thoughts stopped me. She was mentally begging me to listen, to understand. It was too much to ignore when I was already shocked that she was the one talking to me like this.

"It can't be the right thing to do Rose." I said quietly.

"I shouldn't have condemned Emmett to this life when I was already so miserable. But I did it. Because I was selfish, because I saw something in him and I knew I could love him. I knew he would make my life better and so I took him." She raised her chin defiantly, "I still don't think it was wrong."

I tried to imagine our family without Emmett and I couldn't do it. The only thing harder was imagining my life without Bella in it. There would be no life for me. I knew it and so did my family. "Why are you doing this? Are you just afraid that if she dies I'll follow?"

I could see the truth of my words in her thoughts but I was surprised to find that this was not the whole reason. Rosalie felt differently now. Bella wasn't giving up her normal human life thoughtlessly and carelessly and the distinction was important to Rose. Bella had no other choice now, just like us. "Why would you let go of someone you love? Edward she could be with you forever, you can give her that. You can give yourself that."

"What if Carlisle is right?" I said quietly. "What if I condemn her by doing this?"

"If there is a god Edward, then everyone is accountable for their own actions, everyone has their own list of sins. Turning Bella...well it wouldn't be her sin would it? If you condemn anyone, you condemn yourself." Rosalie shrugged, "Is she worth the risk?"

XXX

I re-entered Bella's room alone. Alice had heard me approach and I saw that she was anxiously scanning the future...and making no effort to hide her thoughts. Her visions had shown that out of all my family, Rosalie had the most chance of getting through to me. Now she was seeing the truth. That Rose had merely dented my armour. I would still not change Bella. Alice's eyes focused on my face and a dry sobbing sound came from her throat. "I miss her Edward."

I moved to the other side of the bed and took one of Bella's hands in mine. Her skin was warm still, but her wrist looked more delicate than when she had arrived her. She was losing weight already. "I miss her too."

XXX

On the day that Bella should have started her final year of high school, Charlie Swan arrived in the morning as usual to visit her. Unlike all the other times her had visited, he was dressed in his sherriff's uniform and filled with a grim sense of purpose. I tried to divine his exact thoughts but they were as murky as always.

He nodded to me and went to take Bella's hand, "Hey Bells." The man's eyes filled with tears, as they did every time he came here to see her. I wondered if he thought it odd that he had never seen me cry for Bella. "Shouldn't you be at school Edward?"

"No sir." I automatically lied, "I had enough credits at my old school to graduate. I just didn't feel ready for college so I enrolled in the high school." I gave a humourless smile, "Now I'd rather be here."

Charlie Swan took a deep breath and I could tell that he was in a massive amount of pain. He had come to a decision and it was hurting him, "There's something I need to talk to you about son."

His eyes pinned me and for a second I could see a similarity between him and Bella. I braced myself, "Yes, sir." I said politely.

Charlie ran his hands through his hair, "I don't want you to think that I don't respect your father, because I do. But I've consulted several other doctors about Bella as well." Charlie's thoughts rippled with pain again and I felt as though the ground had disappeared from beneath my feet. I didn't know what to say so I said nothing, all I could do was hope I was interpreting him wrongly. "They all agree that..." He took another breath and shuddered, "There's no chance that Bella will ever wake up."

My shocked silence was suddenly gone, replaced with an inability to stop talking instead. "Doctors don't know everything Charlie. They could be wrong. She could still get better, she could still wake up again..." I knew I was talking too fast but he didn't seem to notice. I wondered if he could tell how little faith I had in my words.

"Edward I know this is hard to hear. It's nearly impossible for me to say." And it was, for the second time in recent months I worried for Charlie Swan's heart. Or I would have worried if I hadn't been slipping into hell at that moment. "Bella's not going to wake up." He touched her hand again, "Her condition is irreversible. Every doctor says the same thing and we can't keep pretending it's not true."

I was desperately scanning his thoughts, trying to find a way to change his mind and something surfaced for a moment. He was partly doing this for me. He didn't believe that Bella would want me sitting by her bed day after day and I realised he did know that I had been here more than I should. "Charlie please," I begged. "Don't give up yet. She..."

He held up both hands and his pain seemed to increase at my words. "Edward, she's not coming back."

The room was too small and I didn't know how I was holding myself together. Inside I had already torn this room apart. I had kicked out the wall and run taking Bella with me. I would take her to a place where no one wanted her to stop breathing. I looked at Charlie and I instantly regretted the last thought. He would give anything to see Bella wake up. He just didn't believe that she ever would. "It's wrong to keep her this way Edward. It's just...wrong. Bella would not want this, you have to believe me." I couldn't just run with Bella now. That chance had gone. She was trapped here with these machines and that was what Charlie hated.

He was decided and I had never felt so powerless since I had been changed. I knew that I could find some way to get Bella away from here safely. I would beg for Carlisle's help if necessary and we would all leave Forks. But the conviction in Charlie's thoughts was unsettling. He was her father, he knew her better than anyone and he said that she would not want to be like this. Well, I couldn't imagine anyone that would, but it was something that I had never actually considered.

I felt irretrievably selfish in aknowledging it, but the truth was that I had just been waiting and hoping for her to wake up. I had hoped that she wasn't in pain of course and I didn't believe she was. But the fact was that it would never have occurred to me that Bella would hate this. She would hate being here, she would hate what it did to her father...and to me. Yet I would never have let her go, if there was peace to be had I would have deprived her of it for as long as I could.

And I still would now, because I was selfish.

I got to my feet, "Edward, I know this is hard to hear..."

I had almost forgotten that I was in the middle of a conversation with Charlie, "I have to go now."

"Please, try to understand..."

"I...I do. I just...I'll be back later." I said and I hurried from the room. Yes, definitely selfish, but hopefully not wrong.

XXX

When I was only half-way to the house I knew Alice would be waiting in the next clearing. Her thoughts were so excited that they were almost non-sensical and when I saw her face it was split into a wide grin. "Alice, I'm just considering..." I began, but she cut me off.

"That's crap Edward. I can see it, finally." Her eyes were shining and it was hard to ignore how happy she was.

It was doubly hard to ignore because the truth was the thought of Bella awake and by my side again was intoxicating. I wanted her back with me and I could have it. "Show me Alice."

XXX

BPOV

I wondered if I was in hell. It was so dark here, heaven wouldn't be dark surely. I wasn't in pain, I was just...nothing. There was no light, there was no sound, there was no feeling, there was just...nothing. If I wasn't in hell, I had to be somewhere like it. I didn't know much about religion or philosophy but I knew I couldn't be anywhere good. Edward wasn't here. If I was in heaven he would be with me. But then why wasn't I in pain, was I in limbo or purgatory? I couldn't figure it out.

Where I was didn't bother nearly as much as whether or not I was going to be stuck here forever. If this was hell then it was a forever kind of deal. Not that I knew how long I had been here anyway. It could have been moments or years. There was not even any semblance of time here. I had no frame of reference.

I wondered why I didn't panic but for some reason I couldn't. I couldn't panic, I couldn't move, I couldn't even scream. If this was hell, perhaps it was just as it should be. The complete loss of everything.

XXX

I had been here forever, memories of my life were getting almost blurry. They had no definition anymore, no texture, no context. I knew that things had happened during my time on earth but they seemed like a dream. Had I really been loved by a vampire? Yes, I knew that much was true. It had been the most important thing that had ever happened to me. But it was the past now. My present was here and my future too. I wished Edward had been able to keep his promise and find me. He had promised to find me. How could he leave me here?

XXX

I began to wish that this was limbo, because if it was then there was a chance, however small, that I might be able to leave this place eventually. Even if it meant that I would go to hell it would be better than this. Wherever it was that I went, maybe Edward would be waiting for me there. It would be worth going to hell if he was.

XXX

An old adage advises people to be careful what they wish for. I had wished for anything but the emptiness and I had almost prayed for the certainty of hell, if there was such a place. Then out of the darkness something came at me. It was something I remembered though I had never experienced it this way before. It was a feeling. It was pain...and suddenly it was everywhere.

Fire ripped through each one of my veins. Every muscle in my body cried out in agony. It was pain that could not be measured, pain without end and pain that was made a million times worse, because Edward wasn't here. If I had finally moved on and reached my destination and it was hell...Well, I couldn't imagine why Edward would be in hell whether I was or not.

As the pain centred on my chest I discovered that as well as being able to feel, I could now move. More importantly I could scream and it seemed like the most blessed release ever offered to me. I opened my mouth and I instantly recognized the sound that came out as my voice.

As awareness of my body came back to me and the pain in my chest grew impossibly worse I tried to move and I felt arms encircle me. "Bella, Bella I'm here. Can you hear me?"

Edward. I could have cried out in relief, I was in hell but I didn't care, then the pain scrambled my thoughts. There was just enough of my brain left to be grateful for Edward's presence. My fingers clutched convulsively at the arms around me and I heard him make a sound I had never heard before. It sounded almost pained.

While I was wondering if there was something wrong with Edward, I became aware that the fingers clutching Edward didn't hurt anymore. Almost as soon as the thought came to me I realised that my arms were fine too and so were my feet and my legs. The pain was centering itself in my chest and it seemed to grow beyond it's almost impossible extent.

My whole body clenched and my heart thumped hard in my chest. "Bella, it will be over soon my love. Just hold on."

"Hold on," the words hissed out from between my teeth and Edward made the pained sound again.

"Yes that's right. Hold on." I felt lips touch my forehead and abruptly the pain in my chest vanished. It felt as though I had never been in pain at all and I gasped at the sudden relief. "Bella?" Edward whispered my name quietly and I smiled.

Then I opened my eyes and saw things very differently.

XXX


	19. Epilogue:Charlie

**This epilogue is specially for EmptyMessages who requested one from Charlie's POV. I'm also doing one from Bella's POV as per Cherry Blushe's suggestion. Any more for any more?**

Epliogue 1

CHARLIEPOV

One more glass, just one more and maybe I could sleep. I poured the amber liquid into the glass and stared at it for a second. Then I drank it all. I was so tired, but I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes. Everytime I did I saw her face. The face of my beautiful baby girl. My Bella.

How could she be gone? My mind would not accept it. It shouldn't be this way. I had heard it said before. Hell, a few times in my career, I had said it myself in an attempt to comfort a bereaved family. No parent should have to bury their child. Like saying those words made any difference. Especially if you never got the chance to bury her. If your baby just vanished...

The most astonishing thing about it? It didn't actually kill me. I wished it had. It should kill you instantly. It was worse than a heart attack, or an explosion or a car accident. Oh please god why couldn't it kill me. I couldn't bear it any longer. I didn't want to wake up; have to live every day after this.

I poured myself another glass and threw that down too. I tried to ignore the side of my brain that was getting louder. The side that told me I didn't have to. I didn't have to wake up tomorrow. I didn't have to wake up ever again if I didn't want to. I could make it all go away. All I had to do was fire the gun I had never used on another human being. I shook my head. I couldn't do that. It was cowardly. My daughter would be appalled.

Did that even matter? If I did fire a round into the back of my throat, she would never know. She was dead. I knew it beyond any shadow of a doubt. There was no way she could have survived out of the hospital. She was dead. The grief clawed up from my chest. She was the reason. She had always been the reason for...everything. My everything.

My baby. And she was taken from me. I didn't know how it had been done or where she had gone but she was just gone. As was that Cullen boy and all the rest of them. I knew there must be a link but I was damned if I could figure out what exactly had happened. Or the point. Sometimes when I was drifting to sleep I allowed myself to imagine that he had somehow managed to take her away safely to a place where they might be able to cure her. I was only allowed to think of it at night; it could seem real then.

The tears were coursing down my face, I would be able to stop myself tonight. I would drink until I passed out and then tomorrow I would start again. I wasn't going to work at the moment. I didn't think I ever would again. If I went back to work I was accepting that life would go on. But Bella's life wouldn't. And if hers didn't then I wasn't interested in the rest.

But one night...and soon. I would grieve for my child and then I would go and join her. That's what I would do. It was what I had planned to do anyway, after I had turned off the machines.

Maybe I should sleep in my bed tonight? No. I would have to go upstairs. I hadn't done that yet. I didn't want to. I used the bathroom I had built under the stairs, a bathroom I had built after Bella had nagged me. I would give anything to hear her voice now.

But I couldn't bear any reminders. I couldn't walk past her room. That would be enough to kill me now. I picked up the bottle and poured again.

"Dad, please put the bottle down."

Oh. My. God. I did put the bottle down. It slipped from my grasp and hit the carpet, the liquid glugging out. I didn't see it. My head spun round to the direction of the door. I had heard her voice.

Now I could see her. There was an outline by the door. I would know her anywhere, "B-B-Bella?" I almost cried out. Then I screwed my eyes closed. This couldn't be real. If it wasn't I couldn't, couldn't, couldn't bear it. I must have fallen asleep, I refused to dream about this.

"Dad, please. Don't be afraid. You're awake. This is real."

"No, no, no, no...it can't be. You're gone...gone. You vanished..." I had interviewed every member of staff at the hospital. Then I had interviewed them again. No one had seen who had taken my Bella. Though of course, I thought I knew... "This can't be real. I need to wake up."

"Dad, I came because I knew you needed me to. This is all I can give you. I wish there was more, but it's not possible. After all, to the world, I'm dead."

The word sent a lance of pain through me, but the worst thing was the hope. The hope that this might be real and my refusal to believe was warring inside me. This couldn't be real; please let it be real, "Bella..." The shape by the window moved forwards and stepped into the light.

I was so shocked words failed me all over again. It was Bella, but it wasn't. She was even more beautiful than before, and I hadn't thought that was possible. Her skin was as pale as marble. Her limbs seemed more compact than before. But her eyes...even in the low light of the lamp I could see them. Her eyes were red, "Bella, what...?"

Suddenly my daughter was in front of me. Her face was a twisted grimace of pain but those eyes; they were on me and they were calm, "Dad, I know you wont understand but I have to tell you...Edward saved me. I know you never really approved, but he saved me. I'm here and I'm real and I'm not at the bottom of a gorge somewhere. I still exist in this world. With you." The tears were coming faster, I was terrified of this being false; of waking up. But I almost believed my daughter was here. "Dad, Charlie, I'm here because I couldn't leave without seeing you. It's dangerous for me to be here."

Dangerous? Surely it was miraculous, "Bells, are you...are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No, dad," the smile on her face was genuine though she still looked somehow pained, "I'm good. But you have to understand. To the world I am dead and I have to stay that way. I'm different now and I can't be here."

"But Bells, why..."

"Dad, you have to trust me." I reached out to take her hand but she pulled it back, "No, please just listen. I'm leaving Forks, I won't come back here. I can't. I just had to see you to tell you. I'm here, I will be fine and so will you."

"Bella, I can't be fine without you."

Her hand twitched and I wondered if she was about to reach out for me as I had for her. I wished I hadn't drank so much tonight, "You will be dad. I can't tell you how I know but I do. You need to let Sue and Billy help you. Let them be there for you. Let them comfort you, it should be easier now that you know I'm not gone."

She moved away, back towards the door, "Bella, wait. Please. Don't go. Stay here with me, tell me what's happened."

She smiled at me sadly, "You don't know how much I wish that was possible." Bella bit her lip and it made my heart swell. She did that a lot. Then her eyes blazed, "You were the best father, Charlie. You gave me an amazing childhood and a wonderful life. I will love you forever. That's a solemn promise."

"Bella, wait. Where are you going? What's..."

"Dad, you have to trust me. I promise, everything will be okay. This will not be the last time you hear from me. I will write, every year on my birthday. I promise." Her eyes looked sad again, "But it will be the last time you see me. Love you dad." She turned on her heel and I was about to call out to her, to beg her to stay again. Instead I was momentarily surprised by the humour on her face, "One day, ask Jake about the cold ones. He might tell you."

"Bells..." But she was gone. I stared at the door. Had it opened and shut? I hadn't seen it. I whirled around, looking for the shape of my daughter. She was gone.

XXX

I woke on the sofa. The same place I had awoken for the last three weeks. I jolted upright and the pain settled on my chest like a ton of bricks. It had been a dream. I had known it at the time and I knew it even more clearly now. I sat up with an audible groan. My head felt as though it was about to split open, but the other pain was worse.

Why had I let myself hope? I had known it was crazy even at the time. My daughter was dead. I hauled myself off the sofa and staggered into the kitchen. I needed to drink some water. Then I could start on one of the other bottles of whiskey I had in the fridge. I could numb the pain with enough of it.

I drank a full pint from water. That should do it. I didn't want to get too sober. I would have to start all over again. I staggered over to the fridge and pulled open the door. I was momentarily confused. All the whiskey was gone. Instead there was a plate of food covered with wrap with a sheet of folded paper on top. I did not recognise the plate, it was not from my own cupboard.

What the hell? I opened the paper and my heart stopped when I recognised the hand-writing; more familiar to me than my own.

_Oh ye of little faith Charlie. You've always been such a sceptic._

_Enough poison, try some food instead. Alice made it so don't hurt her feelings. She'll know if you ate it._

_I was really here last night._

_Live._

_For me._

_Love you forever._

I clutched the fridge door. She had really been here. Bella, strangely altered but still my daughter.

I staggered against the counter and slid down onto the floor. My legs didn't feel as though they would support me. I put my head between my knees and spent a full half-hour taking deep breaths. Then I hauled myself to my feet and took the food from the fridge.

I unwrapped it and my stomach clenched in appreciation. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten or even been hungry. But I was now. On auto-pilot I opened the microvwave and put the foor in to heat. I re-read the note as it warmed.

She had asked me to live. I would. For her.


	20. Epilogue: Bella

**A/N There's going to be maybe two more after this and it might take a while. Probably from Alice's and Edward's POV as they has been requested.**

**This one is for Cherry Blushe with love.**

BPOV

When I opened my eyes the room seemed wrong, but it was only a moment before I realised that it seemed wrong because I could see everything clearly. Yet there were no lights on in the room.

While it was considering things my brain was racing to recognise other things. The pain I had felt, the pain so vicious it felt like a living sentient force, had vanished as abruptly as it had come. I was not hurting now. Well not much, I had a sore throat. I felt as though I might have been yelling myself hoarse for hours. I was very thirsty. But I was in a familiar room with a glass wall, although I could see that shutters had blocked the view I felt I should remember. I was lying on a bed...and I was not alone.

As though in answer to my unspoken thoughts I heard a voice say, very softly, "Bella?" It sounded like bells tinkling.

My body arched off the bed almost automatically but I was already calming down when my feet touched the floor. I knew that voice. My eyes picked out two shapes in the darkness and I couldn't understand why I hadn't noticed their presence immediately. How could I not? One small woman with black hair, wearing jeans and a red shirt. The colour was...interesting.

The other taller and all in black. I found I wanted to consider this further but another sound caught my attention. There were others too. Movement just outside the door and all my attention snapped towards this new and unknown threat. "Bella, it's just the others. Carlisle and Jasper are worried about you." A different voice.

For the first time I locked eyes with the taller figure. He was so beautiful...I knew him. The worse 'stress response' came to mind when I took in his rigid stance, but it didn't matter. Something tight in my chest loosened...this was where I wanted to be. Where I was. A blanket thought hit me forcefully as I stared at him. MINE. Edward. He was here. He was with me. I shot across the room as fast as I could, which turned out to be faster than I expected, and threw myself into his arms. They closed around me and I let out a whimper. I realised that feeling in my chest wasn't fear. It was terror although I hadn't known immediately where it had come from.

As soon as Edward's arms closed around me everything came flooding back. I only needed something familiar to remind me of...well everything. Though there were some disturbing gaps, I didn't care at that moment. My strongest memory was of a dark place. It hadn't been a place of pain, or of fire or hell. No it had been worse. A place of nothing. No life, no family, no friends, no love and most crucially...no Edward. Terror, absolute.

I had almost believed that there would be no more anything for me ever again. I had existed in that black dark place and tried to force my mind to accept the idea that Edward wouldn't, or perhaps couldn't find me here. I had never deserved him and now he was gone.

But he had come and found me. Better than that he had rescued me. I was out of there and we were here together in what I now knew was his room, at his house. I hardly dared to believe it was real.

I heard Edward give a low groan and I pulled back to kiss him. I clutched him to me tightly and somewhere close but ever so far away I heard Alice giggle. The sound pricked my consciousness but it was so familiar that it didn't seem threatening. It seemed much more important to keep my lips pressed against Edward's. "Ow...mnph...Bella, love...ow..."

Edward was wriggling in my grasp. It took me a full half second to realise that he was trying to free himself. It was an entirely alien concept. I dropped my arms and frowned as I tried to understand what his words could mean, but his eyes were distracting me. They seemed different, clearer. As did everything about him.

"Bella, can the others come in now?" Alice took a slow step towards me and my head snapped in her direction. I realised that she hadn't moved a millimeter until that point.

"Alice..." I breathed.

"Something wrong Bella?" She asked smiling.

"You are even more beautiful than I remember." I said completely honestly.

I heard a chuckle in the hall which distracted me but Edward was at my side before the sounds could make me nervous. His fingers stroked my cheek gently, "It's just Emmett. They all want to see you."

"Why?" I asked completely confused. I had already met them. Somewhere my brain was doing calculations and considering scenarios as it tried to understand what was happening but things kept distracting me. I couldn't give it my full attention. Even now I was staring at the different coloured strands in Edward's hair. Some of them were almost fair enough to be considered blond.

"They want to be here when I explain to you what's happened."

"What has happened Edward?" I could hear the slightly fearful edge to my voice. Everything felt so strange, and I could hear...I could hear fabric rustling in the hall. I could hear cars, but the Cullen house was so far from any road. It didn't make sense.

I was beginning to feel agitated and I didn't like it. Before I could focus on the feelings Edward's fingers were in my hair and his lips were at my temple. "I'll explain everything my love I promise. Don't be afraid. Please don't. I won't let anything hurt you."

His plea was so heartfelt that I misgave. I pressed myself into his arms and let myself believe that there was nothing to fear. "Okay."

Alice came to stand next to me and the door opened. Emmett was the first to appear in the doorway and he was grinning from ear to ear. "Look who's up." He said cheerfully and I felt an answering smile stretch my face. How could I not when he seemed so happy to see me?

Jasper was on his heels and he nodded smiling too. They all seemed very happy to see me in fact. Carlisle and Esme and even the formerly hostile Rosalie. Jasper slowly made his way over to us and I felt my body relaxing. Even in Edward's arms I had still been on edge but it was fading more now. I felt safe and almost comfortable. There was no threat here.

I was enjoying the feeling when something clicked into place in my head. I remembered a conversation I had had with Edward. "Are you...doing that?" I asked Jasper.

"Only a little," he said and Jasper looked much more relaxed than I had ever seen him. Though under his smile, I had the feeling he was waiting for me to say something else.

I didn't know what else I could say so I just stared around the room at the other Cullens. Other than Alice who was bouncing on her toes, they all seemed to find me an item of great curiousity. "What...what's happening?" I asked a little uncertainly. It seemed like as good a question as any. Edward's arms tightened around me slightly and I looked up into his face. "Edward?"

"How much do you remember Bella?" He asked and his fingers resumed their stroking through my hair. It was incredibly pleasant and soothing, but it also made me think about Edward's hands. Hands that had touched me in ways...Very distracting.

I fought to concentrate. "About what?

"About...how you got here?" His voice was gentle and I wondered what he could possibly have to tell me that would involve his whole family being present.

"Oh...I don't know..."

"What's the last thing that's clear?" Carlisle asked speaking for the first time from his position by the door. Esme was at his side and she was grinning like the proverbial cheshire cat.

I thought back. I remembered camping with Edward. We had been in a clearing in the woods and I had been having more fun than I had ever had in my life. We had a tent and a weird shower thing that Alice had bought. My eyes flicked to her and I grinned widely. Had I thanked her for that? She was still bouncing but more thoughts had already carried me forwards. I remembered Edward leaving to go hunt and...Jake. I gasped and Edward's arms held me tighter.

Rosalie and Emmett were suddenly closer than they had been I almost panicked. Jasper put a hand on Emmett's arm, "Shock, not anger."

Emmett nodded. Despite his more agressive pose his expression wasn't frightening at all. He still looked cheerful, but maybe a little confused. "Why is she not clawing at the wallpaper?"

"Emmett!" Esme hissed.

"What? I'm sorry, but is this not a little weird to anyone else?"

"I told you," said Alice looking a little smug. "I told you it would be okay."

"What? What's happening?" My voice sounded strange in my ears suddenly and it frightened me all over again. But Edward was still holding me and he kissed my temple again.

"We need to do this now," said Alice and she sounded definite. She looked me straight in the eye and I found myself calming further. Alice would tell me the truth. "You remember Jacob Black finding you in the woods?" I nodded. "You remember him being hurt?" I nodded again. That was why I had gasped. I heard that awful sound he had made when he hit the trees again. "Do you remember seeing him the next day?"

I thought for a long instant, "Yes. I went to tell him the truth." The emotions came flooding back with the memories, "I went to be honest and...Do. It. Right."

"You left Sue's house alone afterwards didn't you?" I pulled myself away from the memory of Jake's face as I broke his heart. I nodded once again. Alice took a step forward and Jasper mimicked her. She made a tutting sound over her shoulder but otherwise paid him no attention. She put her hand and my shoulder. "And then you fell Bella."

Then I remembered and I shuddered. "Yes...I wasn't paying attention...Charlie tried to come with me but I didn't want him to..." I looked at Alice. "I thought if I was alone and away from Jake..." The sentence died in my throat. I wasn't sure why I had stopped myself but I knew there was a reason.

Alice face fell, "You thought I would see you...You thought..."

Yes I had thought. I just hadn't taken into account my own stupidity and clumsiness. "Did you? See me?"

"I did Bella, but only in time to see you fall...and be to late to prevent it happening for real." She bit her lip and looked so upset that I instantly tried to comfort her.

"I'm so sorry Alice," I said.

"Sorry?"

"Yes, I must have scared you and I was stupid to go wandering by myself. I just needed to be away from there and I..." My eyes flicked to Edward; I had hoped if Alice saw me that Edward would come. And he had. I knew that now. I didn't remember it, but I felt it.

"Edward and I were here with Alice and we tried to get to you..." For the first time Emmett looked less than happy and his words struck a chord, 'Too late'...'Tried to get to you'... These phrases meant something; they added up to something important.

I looked from Alice to Emmett but it was Edward who spoke, "You fell Bella. We found you and got you to shore but..." His breath escaped him in a shudder, "It wasn't in time."

This made no sense...it made perfect sense...no sense...perfect sense...no sense...perfect sense... "Not in time?" Was all I could say.

"Bella," Edward whispered my name and kissed my temple, "You lay in a hospital for...forever." He said and his voice broke. I tried to look up at him but his eyes were screwed shut, "You were never going to wake up. You were going to stay there until you died..." He took several deep breaths and finally looked at me, "So...so I...ow..."

Edward wriggled and I realised I had locked my arms around his waist. As he had spoken his own agitation had made me want to comfort him and...no sense...perfect sense...perfect sense...perfect sense...

I let go of Edward and stepped back. I felt a rush of calm, not my own, wash over me but it couldn't blunt the shock I was feeling. Edward was holding both his hands in front of him, "Bella, please...I...I thought you...no I wanted..."

I put a finger to my lips. "Shhh." I said.

"Just give her a second," Jasper said quietly and I appreciated it. I needed at least a second, preferably a few.

I looked down at my hands, my white hands. I had always had pale skin but this was different. My skin was as white as...as Edward's. I ran my tongue over my teeth, my oddly sharp teeth, and for the first time since I had sprung from the bed I was aware of a burning in my throat. It was worse than I remembered it being and I thought again how thirsty I was. I imagined going to a tap and filling a glass with cool, clear water, and drinking the whole thing.

I wrinkled my nose. I didn't want water. Then I deliberately thought of something else, something warm and red and thick. I gave a pained groan as the burning increased a hundred fold. As I tried to fight it I sank to my knees. Before a second had passed Edward was kneeling in front of me. He didn't seem to know what to do with his hands which fluttered uselessly.

I tried to remember but nothing was there. I remembered being pulled under by the water. I remembered the feeling as the wet flooded my lungs. My body had convulsed twice maybe three times as it tried to expel the invading water, but there was nothing else. There was only the crushing black water everywhere. Then there was no water...there was just the darkness. The terrifying nothing.

Then the pain and now...here. Here and with Edward by my side. Not just Edward, the whole Cullen family was here and they all seemed to want to help, even Rosalie. And I was...a vampire? It sounded silly even in my head. Not that there were such creatures, but that I could be one. Me, Isabella Swan from Forks, Washington. I was a vampire and I was surrounded by a family of them.

Abruptly something else came to the forefront of my mind. A dream I had had the last morning I had woken up...human. I had dreamt of growing old and dying. Edward had still been there by my side and I had known with absolute certainty that he would not live long after I died. The idea had been horrifying and...that would never have to happen now.

I would never have to grow old and leave him behind. I could stay by his side until the end of the world...or forever. Whichever one. It was like waking up from a nightmare to discover the world have granted wishes in my absense. We could stay together and be young and strong. I almost laughed, but then I remembered...Charlie, Renee, Jake, Billy, Sue, Seth, Leah, Angela, Eric... The list was a long one. If I was one of them...what did that mean for the life I had led before? I had a feeling I knew. "I'm...I'm like you now?" I asked and Edward nodded. He looked tormented and I found that I couldn't bear that. "You...you saved me?" I asked and I was proud of myself for my choice of words.

"I turned you Bella." He still looked as though he was in pain and I reached out to stroke his cheek.

"That's what I said."

Alice let out a high-pitched giggle, "Isn't she great? I knew it, I knew how it would be."

While I was pleased for Alice, looking at her had been a bad idea. The colour of her shirt was...mesmirizing. A fact she seemed to guess, "I hate to rush this, but I think Bella should hunt."

The word itself startled me. How was I supposed to hunt? I had no idea what it even entailed. Edward had been somewhat murky on the subject. "Are we all going or...?" Rosalie asked.

Edward got to his feet and held out a hand. I took it without question, "We'll be fine. Won't we Alice?" His face was disturbingly blank.

She nodded happily, "No human casualties."

Edward led me to the door and from the room without another word. No one moved to stop us though I felt Jasper's eyes on me. As we walked down the hall and stairs I kept wanting to pull Edward to a stop so we could talk, but then I would change my mind. We were going to be alone soon and I wanted that too.

Edward pushed open the door and the amalgamation of scents filling the air almost made me stagger. "It's okay Bella."

"Is it?" I asked a little fearfully. I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I had wanted this, I had even asked Edward to consider doing the very thing he had done. But now I felt confused. Edward was clearly not happy and if he wasn't happy how could things be okay?

"Yes, I'm going to show you how, it's easy I promise." I nodded and let him lead me out into the night. I wanted to go with him anyway and the burning in the back of my throat was getting harder and harder to ignore. I needed to make it go away. I heard a pained moan and then realised the sound had been coming from me. Edward glanced at me and smiled tightly. "Come."

He gave a gentle tug on my hand and I hurried to follow him. He sped up and I found that keeping pace was easy, even over the uneven ground. I seemed to see everything in a kind of slow motion. Despite the fact that my feet were moving much faster than they had ever moved before, my brain had no difficulty working with my body. After a few seconds Edward released my hand and we were running together.

XXX

Edward didn't speak for some time, but it didn't seem to matter. Just being here with him, running through the trees and being able to keep up...well I had thought camping was fun. But this was different. I felt different. I felt like there might be a chance now. In the back of my mind I had always been a little afraid. I...had been...human, Edward was not and no matter how I tried to work it out I had known that things would only get harder as time went by.

But this...well there were bound to be things I hadn't thought of yet, but I had the time to figure it out now. Edward and I had nothing but time, vast acres of time in which we could grow crops. If we wanted, but more importantly, if Edward wanted. His silence was starting to make me uncomfortable and a horrible thought struck me. What if Edward didn't want me by his side forever? Perhaps I was too different now from how I was and ...

"Bella?" Edward had slowed and I followed his example. As soon as the wind stopped whipping past me I could smell them. The scent wasn't particularly appetizing but it was something and I knew that once I had it, it would taste good.

I needed no more encouragement. My body shifted into a low crouch and I sped into the trees with Edward close behind me.

XXX

I hadn't hunted particularly cleanly or wisely. By the time I was on the herd of deer I was so crazy with the scent of their blood that I had fallen on the first one I saw. The others had tried to scatter while I drained the first one. Fortunately Edward was there. He broke the necks of two others and left them on the ground. Then he claimed one for himself which he drained slowly.

I wasn't sure if there were rules of ettiquette for this situation. Perhaps we were supposed to share but I was very greedy for their blood. By the time I had finished with the second one, Edward was sat waiting for me. I considered how awful I must look, I had gotten blood all down the front of...the designer jeans and cashmere sweater I was wearing. The boots on my feet were unscathed however I knew I would never have been able to walk let alone run in heels like this had I still been human. It took me less than a tenth of a second to decide Alice must have dressed me, and even less time to lose interest thereafter.

Edward indicated the third deer and I smiled, though I was sure I looked a fright, then I gave the animal my full attention. When I was done I flopped backwards onto the ground. All the blood I had drunk seemed to be sloshing around inside of me. I felt as full as I had ever felt, yet I wondered if there might be more deer around somewhere close.

Then I was a little shocked at myself. How much could I possibly want? I sighed and heard Edward get to his feet and sit down again next to me. "How do you feel?" He asked me quietly.

I let out a small chuckle, "Thirsty."

"Bella, I'm sorry." I thought he might have been wanting to say those words for a while.

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry for everything. I wish that I hadn't..." He ran his hands through his hair again. "It was wrong of me and I know it. I knew it then but I..."

"Are you sorry you saved me?" I asked quietly. I had to ask the question no matter what the answer might turn out to be.

"No, no Bella of course I'm not. Having you here with me, awake and alive and...Well, I've never been this happy. But I...I understand if you are angry. It's okay for you to be angry with me." He ran his hands through his hair, "It's okay if you hate me. You should."

I had heard enough. I couldn't bear this distance between us anymore. Perhaps it was my new temperament but it was intolerable. I couldn't bear the distance, so I closed it. I pressed my lips against his and I decided everything else could wait, thank you very much. This was what I needed to be doing now. Edward hesitated for a moment and I thought I might combust if he pulled away from me.

He didn't. Edward surrended to the kiss with a groan and tangled his fingers in my hair. Without breaking the contact I climbed into his lap and sighed when his other arm went around me. My hands clutched at his shoulders, "I don't hate you Edward. How could I? I love you."

Edward held me, kissing my hair, my face, "You don't know how it feels to have you with me again. I thought you were...gone." He kissed me again and I tangled my fingers in his hair.

Edward let out a hiss as I squirmed in his lap. Whatever was wrong here, I took comfort in the fact that Edward still wanted me. He was hard and pressed tight between us. To me that just seemed like a waste. "Ow...easy Bella."

"Okay, what's all that about?" I asked and I pulled back from the kiss a little.

"Newborns are very strong. You are very strong."

"Stronger than you?" It didn't seem possible. In fact it seemed a little ridiculous.

"Yes, quite a lot." I took a second to process that information then I loosened my grip on him..

"Ummm...sorry," I mumbled as my lips found his again. I made a concentrated effort to remember that I needed to take care but it was difficult. The words I was longing to speak were out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I don't hate you Edward. You can't hear my thoughts so you're just going to have to trust me." Then something else occured to me, "You still can't right?"

Edward smiled a little and shook his head, "Not a thing."

"You wouldn't just be trying to make me feel better would you?"

"I understand the question, but no." The smiled looked just a little more genuine.

"Good then take your clothes off."

"Bella, perhaps this isn't the best idea..."

"Perhaps it is."

"We should talk about what happened. Don't you want to know about the last few weeks of your life? Don't you want to know why I...did what I did?"

"I do. I want to hear all of it, but right now," I smiled as I turned his words back on him. "Can we make love instead? Please. I want you inside of me again. Please."

Edward couldn't stop the smile this time, "Bella..."

"Are you going to make me beg?" I demanded hotly.

Edward hesitated for a second then he pulled me back down to him. As soon as our lips met I knew my request was going to be granted. His hands felt different against my skin now, we were the same temperature and, the biggest factor, it would be very hard for him to hurt me. "How are you...how are able to do this?"

"Do what?" My hands didn't pause in their unbuttoning of his shirt. I was sure I could tear it off him if I wanted, but I didn't want to have to go back to the Cullen house in torn clothes.

"Focus, on anything besides blood."

As soon as he mentioned it I felt the burn in the back of my throat. It was back, it had never really left, but I didn't want to think about it now, "Is that unusual?" I asked as I pushed the shirt down his arms.

"Un-heard of," he said and his voice was husky was unneeded breath. I was kissed the curve of his neck now.

"I guess I'll always be the freak, no matter what I am."

Edward's fingers slid into my hair on both sides of my head and held me gently but firmly, "You are not a freak. You are my beautiful, wonderful Bella."

He pressed a kissed to my temple and I wished I could cry. For some reason, my eyes were not even wet, "Am I?" I asked quietly.

"Are you?" Edward coaxed.

"Am I still yours? Do you still want me?"

"Bella..." his voice was incredulous and the hands that had slid to my shoulders were suddenly gone.

"I just mean...you fell in love with human Bella. Are things...do you feel differently now?"

"Yes, I do feel different." The hands were back and they clutched my waist, "I love you more than ever."

"I'll try to believe that." I said slowly.

"You must Bella, you have to believe..."

"If you try to believe that I am not angry with you and that in no way do I hate you." Edward sighed and I could see that he might be about to start arguing with me again. I didn't want to hear it. Instead a slid a hand between us and caressed the bulge inside his black jeans. "If at the end of...this; at the end of everything I have to learn we can be together then it will have been worth it."

Anything else he might have had to say I silenced with a kiss. I was aching for him. I wanted to feel his hands on me, I wanted his mouth on my skin, if he didn't touch me soon I was going to scream. But he did. His hands pushed the sweater over my head and then reached for my jeans.

He had me out of them in less than a second while I was still struggling to get him out of his pants without ripping them down the centre.

He moved to help me and soon we were both deliciously naked on the ground. His fingers dipped between my legs to stroke me and I cried out. Everything was so vivid to me now and the pleasure as he stroked my clit was overwhelming. Edward's mouth was on my breast and I writhed under his touch. He whispered my name and moved on top of me. "Are you..."

"Please Edward, I need...oh please please," I babbled.

With a groan Edward positioned himself at my entrance and slid into me. My hands instantly went to grasp his shoulders but I remembered myself in time. Instead my fingers bit into the compact earth beneath us as he began to thrust slowly.

I let him set the pace and it was torturous. Every time he moved he ground against me and I gasped and raised my hips to help him. But Edward would not be rushed. He took his time, raining kisses on my face, my neck and finally my mouth. His tongue stroked my bottom lip and I instantly returned the kiss. Somehow it seemed to spur him on and the pace quickened.

He began to thrust faster and I began to cry out more loudly. "Ohhhhhh Bella..." He groaned into my ear.

"Yes," I whispered. My hands kept wanting to touch his skin but I kept reminding myself to be careful. I wondered if Edward had had to focus like this every time we had been together intimately. I didn't envy him. It was agonising. "Faster," I begged. "Harder."

Edward seemed to hesitiate for a moment but not for long. He pressed his lips to mine again and we were together like never before. His hands scrabbled to touch every inch of me they could, his mouth didn't break away from mine unless he was calling my name and he was moving inside if me and it was so, so good.

On every thrust he hit my clit and I was incoherent with the pleasure of it. He didn't stop, didn't let up, he drove my body more and more frantically towards the release it needed. My hips rose to meet his every time and I realised I was clutching his shoulders, but Edward didn't seem to mind. "Edward...unh...oh god yes...yes I'm going to..." the words deserted me as the pleasure reached an almost intolerable level and I could feel myself falling.

"That's it Bella. Come for me my love." I wailed in release and dragged my hands away for fear I would damage him. My orgasm washed over me and I kept whimpering with pleasure every time he thrust and it got better.

XXX

"I had intended for us to talk about things for a while." I lay sprawled on top of Edward in the aftermath of our lovemaking. It had taken some time to satisfy my need for him to the point where I could lie quietly for a moment. I could tell that Edward wanted to have this conversation and it was the only thing that kept me from kissing him again. And again and again.

"I think this was a much better idea." I said happily.

His fingers stroked my shoulder and I trembled, "I want you to know, to understand, I did this because I didn't see another way. You had been unconscious for weeks and..."

His voice cracked and I could hear the pain he was trying so desperately to hide from me. "Edward, you don't need to..." I began.

"I do need to. I have to."

"Okay." I said quietly.

"Your father, he was planning on turning off the machines keeping you alive."

"He was?" I felt a spasm of pain in my chest. I tried to imagine Charlie being forced to make that kind of decision. It would have destroyed him.

"Yes, he believed you would not wake up and...he was right. He didn't want to leave you in the hospital, he was afraid that somewhere you might be suffering."

"I was." I said with a shudder as I pressed myself close to him.

At my words Edward's whole body seemed to tense, "You were?"

"Well, not exactly," I said trying to choose my words carefully. "But I was...still here. I couldn't move or speak, I wasn't anything but I still...was." I sighed, "It's hard to explain."

"You were there all that time? Trapped in your body?" Edward's voice was flat but I could hear the tension underneath.

I nodded against his chest, "Time wasn't real wherever I was, I wasn't aware of anything but I still existed."

Edward hissed, "Your father, Rosalie, everyone was right."

"About what?"

"Bella I only turned you because it was my last option. I would have sat by your bed every day until you died. I would have left you there to suffer."

The agitation was at the surface now and I stroked his chest as I tried to calm him, "You didn't."

"Only because my hand was forced."

He sounded disgusted with himself and I had had enough. I was not fool enough to believe there would be no difficulties now, it I knew it was better than the alternative. "But don't you see? You're torturing yourself because you don't think you did right by me, but you did. How can you be sorry you turned me and sorry you were going to not turn me. Did that make sense?"

"Yes, oddly enough."

I pushed myself up onto my elbows. "Edward, have you ever heard the expression about crying over spilled milk?"

"Of course."

"Then stop. Stop this. I can see it in your face. Stop being sad that I'm here with you, that I'm alive...sort of. Stop punishing yourself for saving me."

"I just...I know what you're going to have to live through. Your father, your friends. Bella, you're going to have to let them all go. I've taken all your choices away." The pain in his eyes was hurting me too.

"Edward, I had no choice and neither did you. My choices were to either live forever, young and strong by your side. Or to spend the rest of my life in that horrible...limbo. To be trapped and alone wondering why you didn't come for me."

"Bella..."

"Stop now." I pressed my lips to his for a moment. "This is the epitome of a pointless conversation. I'm here now with you and there's nothing you can do about it."

"But that's why I feel...I don't want to do anything about it."

"Good, neither do I." I kissed him again and just as I was thinking that I had distracted Edward he pulled away.

"Is that what you're going to do? Stay by my side?" I couldn't believe that there was any doubt about the matter.

"For as long as you'll have me," I said definitely.

"Your talking about forever you know." I was sure there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Works for me."

"We'll have to leave Forks." He said as though expecting an outburst.

"I know."

"It's not safe for new vampires to be around people. The call of human blood...it's hard to fight when you're used to it." I tried to imagine wanting to hurt people and found I couldn't. But I would take Edward's word for it.

"And I supposed to be dead after all...right?" I assumed as much.

"I must confess I didn't have many options." Edward had stopped meeting my eyes.

"Okay...But I am supposed to be dead?"

"You just...disappeared from the hospital." He said reluctantly.

I took a moment to let that sink in. "So...what does Charlie think happened?"

"He...he doesn't know." I felt my heart constrict in my chest. Though I tried to tell myself that this was just one of the many complications I would have to deal with.

"How?" I asked.

"Alice helped me, they all did. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get you away. You were only alive because the machines were helping you to breath and when you turn someone..." His voice trailed away.

"I don't think this is the time to omit details." I said gently.

He seemed to accept the truth of my words, "Well, the change takes a few days and normally the human is screaming in agony while it takes place. But Alice said it would be different for you."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure. Carlisle thinks you didn't experience it the same way because your brain was effectively isolated from your body."

I considered that for a moment. I had very little knowledge of medicine so I would have to take the doctor's word for it. Though this made sense of the sudden and agonising pain I had experieced before I had awakened. "So how did you get me away?"

"Alice saw it all. I... I began the change and then, with Carlisle's help we brought you here." I raised my eyebrows and he continued, "We hid you in a laundry hamper and smuggled you out."

I couldn't stop the giggle that escaped me. It seemed odd to imagine a group of vampires doing something so human, "Did you ever see an English show called Fawlty Towers?" I asked.

A second later Edward was grinning too, "With the body? Yes, I did."

"I suppose you couldn't risk anyone seeing you leaving with me." How would they have explained carrying the unconscious body of the sheriffer's daughter out the hospital? Not easily.

"Exactly."

"Was it fun?" I asked giggling again.

"For me no. I was worried about you constantly and it seemed so...undignified. But Alice..."

"She knew I would be okay I guess," I said and I was still smiling. "I bet she thought it was funny."

"Emmett too."

"And none of them mind my...being here with you all? Rosalie always seemed to disappove?" I said cautiously. I didn't know what I would do if the rest of the Cullen's didn't really want me.

"Actually Rosalie tried to talk me into changing you earlier," he said with a humourless laugh.

"She did?"

"She said...basically what you just said. That it was my, your, only option."

"I think we'll get along fine in the end," I said with a grin.

"Speaking of the others, they will be getting anxious." Edward got to his feet and held out his hand to me. For a moment I just enjoyed the view then I got up too.

"Why?"

"They're just concerned about you. Alice told them you would be different but Jasper imparticular...well as I said newborns can be hard to control." He stroked my cheek. "Always the exception."

"So you expected me to be all crazy when I woke up?"

"That would have been the norm." Edward picked up my jeans and handed them to me.

I sighed, "Always the freak, I told you so." I said as I shimmed into my pants.

Edward smiled and wrapped his arms around me, dropping his shirt back on the ground. "My freak then."

"Of course," I said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Edward pressed his lips to mine and I sighed into the kiss. His skin didn't feel cool against mine anymore. We were the same temperature now. "Would they worry to much if we were another hour or so?"

"Yes, but I don't care." Edward was pushing the jeans I had just pulled on back down my hips.

XXX

I crept slowly along my tree branch carefully. I couldn't afford to make a sound. My adversary was somewhere close by and he wanted to get me just as much as I wanted to get him. I was stronger at the moment, but I knew I couldn't afford to take any chances. My smallest slip would be capitalised on.

This wasn't about winning now, it was a matter of pride. If he could take me down, he would do so and he would laugh. I grit my teeth and listened. There were sounds everywhere, but they belonged here. I was looking for one that didn't belong.

My nerves were jangling and it took every bit of restraint I had not to launch myself int the trees and begin the search again. But I knew he was close...and apparently less patient that I was. I heard him. He was closer than I had thought. He was approaching my tree so slowly I didn't think he had seen me. If he had he would have made his move.

So I waited two more crucial seconds, then I saw him finally. My hand tightened around the gun in my hand and I swung off the branch aiming straight for his chest. With two dull thwack sounds I hit my target and heard a bellow rage as I landed. I couldn't stop myself from grinning widely and punching the air. "Yes, yes! Two out of three to the ladies."

Edward and Rosalie were the first to appear from the other direction as Emmett threw his paintball gun on the ground in disgust, "I want a re-match." He growled.

Edward had already swept me up in his arms, "Don't be sore Em, she took you down fair and square." His kisses my temple, "And very elegantly I might add."

Jasper sauntered into the clearing with Alice on his heels, "You know, it was much easier when we weren't evenly matched. Alice and Edward nearly always took each other out and then it was just Rosalie versus Emmett and me."

"Get used to it," said Alice with a giggle.

"You just wait until your strength wanes missy, I'll have you then."

"Ah, but I don't think it's the strength Emmett," I said seriously. After a few sympathetic nods of my said I sighed, "I think I'm just better than you."

Edward roared with laughter then swept an arm over my shoulder, "We're going to hunt," he said.

"Again?" I asked. Though truthfully the idea of more blood was quite welcome. As soon as I thought of it the burning returned to my throat. Plus in the southern Andes, there were lots of mountain lions and they were so much better than elk or deer.

"Yes," said Edward and he looked at me meaningfully. When we hunted together it tended to culminate in phenomenal love-making sessions.

I nodded, "Okay." Alice gave me a grin and waved us both off. Jasper had started to look more relaxed when we left them now as well, apparently he had gotten over his fear that I might flip at any moment. Rosalie was still comforting Emmett over his (total) defeat.

Edward took my hand and we begun to run, but we didn't get far. Within a minute there were footsteps behind us. My automatic intinct was fear but Edward reached for my hand, "It's Alice," he said. The next second he gave a groan and both of his hands went to his head.

"Edward!" I gasped horried. Alice emerged through the trees. "Alice, something's wrong, you have to help..."

"He's fine Bella, it's just...he saw what I saw."

"What did you see?" I asked frantically.

"We have to go back to Forks. It's your father, it's Charlie."

XXX

**A/N This one turned out to be longer than I expected so I hope everyone likes it.**


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